For the Love of Ray J: It’s a Sing-Off…Again…Just Like Last Season

It is with sadness and regret that I announce…that I had to watch For the Love of Ray J. Last season wasn’t exactly brimming with talent and entertainment but I felt a little invested in what was going on. This time, not so much. I can only hope that Ray J decides to send home eight girls today and pick one winner so I can experience the true miracle of Hannukah.

The episode starts off with Ray J and Extra having a conversation. Well, it was pretty close to a conversation. All I heard was, “what it do?” “what up?” I’m sayin though…” “keep it coming.”

Somehow Ray J concluded that Extra was trying to say that she gets really shy around him. Ray thought it was cute that someone with such a big personality could get so shy around him. Personally, I can’t believe her dusty ass is still on the show. Ray hasn’t even attempted to kiss her and I can’t even blame him. There’s something about her…

Anydust, Exotica, Jaguar and Caliente lounge around the pool and discuss strategy.

Lil B has apparently opted for early retirement from this snoozefest and Ray has been reduced to announcing the challenges himself.

The girls finally made their way down after production promised them they’d get to audition for a show with a full size celebrity, and got their challenge for the day. The production staff found a new way to recycle last year’s dates, themes and plots by calling them “part 2.” Like last year, the girls will have to dress up in costumes, write a song, choreograph a dance and perform it in front of a crowd. The only difference is that it’s a 70′s style song and Ray J’s hot tamale of a father will not be judging it. The judge this year is…

The first group is Exotica, Caliente and Jaguar. Jaguar is the only one who speaks fluent English (set up) so they play up their language barrier and decide to do the song in different languages. Once that’s squared away, the focus on their dancing which leaves something to be desired.

Group 2 is Mz Berry, Extra and Flossy. Flossy is the resident idiot and she spends most of the time giggling and being uncoordinated. Group 3 is Platinum, Heart Breaker and Luscious. Luscious’ singing sounds exactly like an antelope being exorcised.

It’s time for the big show and Ray J shucks and jives his way right into America’s heart.

And hold up! La La is back for another episode. This recession really has hit everyone. Lil’ b is nowhere to be found.

Jaguar’s group comes out and their name is Las Reinas De Oro. It’s been ten years since I’ve studied Spanish but I’m pretty sure that translates to “Two Immigrans and a Baby.” The group is great until Exotica has her solo and poops on the stage.

She ruined what could have been an almost perfect performance, considering the caliber of talent in this group, but at least it was slightly interesting. Brandy really liked it. The Wolf Pack, Luscious’ group is next. Their choreography wasn’t together but their voices weren’t terrible. They sounded like Cyndi Lauper meets Danity Kane. Okay, I take back the “not terrible” part. Brandy said that she loved the song.

The last group, Extra, Mz Berry and Flossy, is called the Sun Rays. The dancing is wack, the song isn’t really good and Brandy doesn’t seem to be into it. It’s time for judging and Ray says that he liked Las Reinas de Oro except for Exotica. The Wolf Pack’s only criticism was their dance moves. The Sun Rays were criticized on their dancing as well. The winners are…Las Reinas de Oro. Ha! I typed that sentence before he actually announced it. Does this make me a psychic? I also won a million dollars. Ok…maybe not.

Jaguar wins the solo date because she stood out the most and the other two will get a group date. Extra is backstage fake-crying that she didn’t win and the girls are angry that Exotica is bragging about the team’s win. Ray J has Jaguar stick around for her solo date and he’s repeating the same date from last season! He sits at the piano and sings a song to her. It seems like just last year around this time, he was singing to Cocktail. And both girls started crying. And Ray J looked uninterested. This year, they’ve added dinner though. We get to watch Ray and Jaguar eat and make smacking noises while expressing how they both have felt in the past about other people. Of all the things I enjoy doing on a date, nothing’s more romantic than that. Jaguar then drops the bomb on Ray J and says that things are moving quickly for her and she isn’t used to this. Ray assures her that he won’t ever pressure her. He leans in to kiss her and she still will not kiss him. Ray J says that there are other girs ready to “open up” so he has some tough decisions to make.

When they get back to the house, the other girls are all over Ray. The Wolf Pack takes him into the bathroom and runs him a bath. All of a sudden Jaguar, who had all nigt to make an impression, tries to make her way into the bathroom but they throw her bony ass to the side and lock the door. They spend a lot of time doing dirty things that the camera wouldn’t show us and the season has gotten just a little more uninteresting.

The next day, Ray takes Caliente and Exotica on a date. Caliente says that she and Ray could have a perfect life together. She wants the kind of love that makes her unable to sleep or eat. Then they kiss. ZZZZZZ. Next, he has alone time with Exotica and she says that he may not fit into her life because her mother doesn’t speak English. I didn’t realize they were a tandem. Exotica babbles some more stuff and then Caliente crashes the date.

While Ray was on his date, Extra prepared some kind of creamy chicken, macaroni and cheese and apple pie for Ray. Ray still hasn’t tried to kiss her and she hasn’t added any drama to the show as of late. As they’re eating, the rest of the girls come in and crash her dinner. More snores. This got really boring, really fast.

Let’s just get to eliminations, shall we? Ray gives Caliente the first glass and Exotica expects to get hers next but no, no – Heart Breaker gets it for stepping it up. Mz Berry, Luscious, Platinum, Flossy and Extra get their glasses next. Ray J makes Extra promise that she’ll step it up and stop being shy. Ray, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Extra’s lack of smothering is keeping you scabies free! So, it’s down to Exotica and Jaguar. Jaguar has gotten four dates but she still has a wall up; Exotica as had two dates and they haven’t connected enough yet. Jaguar wants something real but doesn’t want to do anything she wouldn’t normally do. Ray J says he respects that, he really does.

Jaguar says that he knows how she feels and he is missing out on something more real than what he’ll get from these other women. Mz Berry didn’t like that one bit.

Jaguar, real name Courtney, says that she is more conservative than what he’s looking for. I actually feel a little bad because it’s terrible how these girls feel like they have to compromise who they are to be on these shows. Then again, what do you expect on a VH1 dating show? Next week, Mz Berry gets super emotional because they producers forgot to pick up her metamucil and the girls have to participate in some kind of hot dog eating contest. Will the moral eradication never end? Oh, who am I kidding? The next episode comes on tonight. I’m a little late due to having two jobs and one super hot octogenarian boyfriend. I’m a little excited to see Mz Berry lose her mind. Are you? It’ll at least make the show watchable again. Oh and Lil’B is back next week?? I got my miracle! Until next time…