On a very special For the Love of Ray J, the girls have to style and direct Ray J in a Sean John photo shoot. The first eleven minutes of the episode are very Adorable-centric so either she’s going to be the winner or she’s going home. She’s one of the more attractive girls so I hope that this doesn’t mean that she’s going home; I can’t take much more of this.
“Wake me up when my Ovaltine is ready.”
Ray J says that he needs the girls to impress him in a creative way because some of them haven’t made an impression on him yet. The only way to find the love of his life is to have a photo shoot with the theme “We Own the Night.” Platinum, Flossy and Jaguar are Team 1. They work pretty well together and decide to put Ray J on a bed with money coming out of his pockets. Extra, Luscious and Heartbreaker (Team 2) are working together well except they want to incorporate a paper moon cut out, a moonman and microphones into the scene.
“I saw this in a Rick Springfield video once. I swear it’ll work.”
Exotica, Popper, Paradeez (Team 3) are working together well but they’re being led by Popper who has an accent and is kinda fugly. She’s like the fifth girl on this show who can’t speak English. She’s got a Dutch-type thing going on. If anyone can identify it, please let me know so I can make fun of her accurately. By the way, even the producers are getting in on poking fun at the accents.
She should really use-a a bra.
Adorable, Mz Berry and Caliente (Team 4) aren’t working so well together because Caliente really wants to use a wooden box in their picture and the other two do not. Adorable does not want to get involved in the debate and this may spell trouble for her.
“Just because you and your family came over here in a box, doesn’t mean it has to go in the picture.”
Team 1 sets Ray up on the bed playing with money. Flossy gets annoyed that Jaguar is taking over the directing duties but Jaguar doesn’t care because she’s focused on winning. Team 2 grabs their moon, astronaut and speaker. I don’t know about you but I’m in the mood for a quick game of “One of these things does not belong.” They make Ray J stand on his tip toes, do the moonwalk and generally look like an idiot. Team 3 employ every stereotype known to man and make him dress like a gang member, throw up his set and rob the photographer.
Tadow! It’s 1986!
Team 4 does more of the same. Money gets thrown in the air, Ray J grabs Adorable’s butt but then he starts talking to Caliente and Adorable feels like she shouldn’t have to fight for his attention. After they’re done, Ray J and Dejuan (from Sean John) pick the best photos. Dejuan’s critique as follows:
Strange props but good picture
Doesn’t convey the theme, picture sucks
Conveys the theme, photo looks good but it’s too cheesy for Sean John
Team 1 wins and Jaguar earns the solo date because she took control of the photo shoot and had style and flair. She was there. That’s how she became the nanny. Ok, after Ray said style and fair, I just couldn’t resist finishing the song. Ray takes Jaguar to a romantic bedroom and they have champagne while he fills her mind with some random words that are supposed to make it easier for Ray to bone her.
Vibes…satin sheets…special girl…13 inches…
Ray J then goes in for a kiss and it’s terrible. He gets her cheek instead of her lips and he figures it was just bad timing. They talk a little more and then he presents her with some sexy lingerie, tells her that he’s going to take pictures and no one will peek. Yup, no one is looking except me and 2 million other people. She looks really good, Ray J goes in for a second kiss and it’s another disaster! Jaguar says in her interview that she doesn’t want to do everything just yet because she wants a real connection with him. Ray J says the date was cool but not like Fourth of July (fireworks). It was more like Easter.
Back at the house, Adorable calls her mom and says that she’s tired of losing. The best advice that her mother comes up with is “Don’t be like Eeyore.” In case you don’t know, Eeyore is the depressed donkey from Winnie the Pooh. Don’tcha just love motherly advice? Anybray, Ray J takes the other two winners on their date the next day and Flossy giggles, purrs and tongues her way through the date. She’s definitely safe for another week. Platinum tells Ray that she can be there for him in every way, not just physically.
Way to make your point. Slut.
They go to a burger joint and they discuss the other girls. Flossy reveals that Heart Breaker is a stripper. Ray J was shocked but more disappointed that he didn’t get a chance to see her booty clap and they say that Popper needs to stop whining about not spending time with Ray.
When the date is over, Ray J gets back to the house and Popper immediately begins to whine about not spending time with Ray. She does the first thing that she can think of to keep his attention.
Is that a suitcase coming out of her ass?
Ray J isn’t impressed and he leaves the room. We catch up with a few girls by the pool and Platinum tells Heart Breaker that Flossy revealed her stripper past. Heart Breaker defends herself by saying that she is not a full time stripper and only gets on the pole when there is nothing else going on at the bar. Personally, I can’t believe that these words are being said without a laugh track being prompted. Or at least one of those Therapist Joe pop ups from Blind Date.
And why am I just seeing the pre-crack Amy Winehouse resemblance?
Meantime, Adorable pulls Ray J to the side and tells him that she isn’t aggressive. Ray J says that he’s attracted to her but she doesn’t believe him. Ray J says that he shows everyone love and he needs to see how far the girls are going to take it. After a staring contest, they decide that the conversation is over and Adorable dismisses him.
“Now i can finish my MonoSodium Glutamate covered noodles in peace.”
It’s time for eliminations and Ray announces that he’s doing something different today. He calls Flossy up and asks her why she should stay. She spouts off some random words and Ray gives her the glass. He gives Platinum, Caliente, Mz Berry, Heart Breaker, Luscious, Paradeez and Exotica their glasses too. He calls Popper up next and he says that there just isn’t a connection so she has to go. Her real name is Olia so that narrows down the accent patrol…to every country in the world. Its down to Jaguar and Adorable. Both of these girls are attractive so either one he sends home will severely lower the looks quotient of the show. Ray J tells Jaguar that she seemed to have a wall up but he understands that she may want to take her time. Jaguar says that she will break her wall down. I suspect that Ray J will take care of all that.
“Better take an Excedrin. I’ve got a wall breaker this big!”
Jaguar stays and he sends Adorable home for not stepping it up sooner; she accepts that. I say, who cares? Next week the girls get all 7th grade and turn against Flossy; someone even throws a drink on her! They’re so immature. Making fun of this horse-toothed girl is so beneath these women but at least I have a reason to get up on Monday. Do we care about who’s gonna win this yet? I really don’t but I can’t stop watching. Until later this week…