Recap: Deal or No Deal: Cowboy Up!

By Jackie

My feelings on Deal or No Deal are the same feelings I have about looking at the infamous Britney Spear’s crotch shots that are all over the web right now: You feel sick inside from looking at something so awful, yet you keep on watching over and over because at the end of the day, it’s damn entertaining!

I tune in every week because I can’t help but CARE. I care about seeing what color the model’s dresses are gonna be, and whether or not that devil Howie Mandel is gonna match his under shirt to them. I care if someday a contestant is gonna do something really zany and pick the cases in complete numerical order. I also keep watching because I care if someday Howie will actually say something funny. For this reason, I have continued to watch all season so far. Any day now Howie, any day. I’m gonna keep watching until I see someone win a cent, a model falls down the stairs, or Howie gets punched in the face. Monday’s episode started with a blatantly exaggerated Western theme, as the profession of the contestant, Will Cochran, is an auctioneer. As soon as Will’s profession was revealed, I wondered how many overtly stereotypical western references Howie’s banter would encompass.

Everything was all about the wild wild West throughout Will’s stint on stage, right down to his answer to Howie’s standard question, “What are you going to do with the money you win tonight?”
Will says he needs a new horse and a new barn! Yehaw!

He Yehawed with each opening of a suitcase, sported Wranglers and a belt buckle shining brighter than Howie’s scalp, and even roped Howie around the ankles with his lucky rope. I would have PAID to see his ass fully hog-tied, but perhaps that can wait until a masochist goes on the show.

Will started out pretty bad but remained high in spirits. Yes, he hit 750,000 but still rejected his first offer of 17,000 only to go on and knock out the 500,000 and the 1,000,000 before the second offer. If anyone is interested, due to the wonders of TIVO you can actually pinpoint the moment where his heart sinks into his beer gut. It’s at 11 minutes and 43 seconds in.

Will’s wife tells Howie that she brought him his lucky rope so that he can “rope in the big one.” If I were Will, I would have told her that it would have come in handy BEFORE he knocked out the top 3 amounts, but maybe that was edited out.

Will knocks out a lot of cases. His fifth offer comes to a whopping 72,000. Now that is a LOT of money. One thing I can’t stand is how warped people get when they get on the Deal or No Deal stage. They clap when they knock out the 50,000. Do they not think that is a lot? I would take 5 dollars for free any day, let alone 50 g’s. Don’t be a greedy fool!

Will apparently didn’t think 72,000 was worthy to buy his new horse and barn, because he went on triumphantly only to knock out the 100,000. At that point he decided to take the offer of 61,000.

My favorite part of the whole game is when Howie shows the contestant what COULD have happened. In Will’s case, he was an idiot. His case held 400,000. The sadist in me had a good laugh. It truly does suck to be Will Cochran tonight.

Meanwhile, NBC reveals that the lucky case winner WAS NOT me tonight. I have texted my case in so many times now I could have bought my own horse and barn. Enjoy your 61,000 Will, cause about 1,000 of that is from my texts.

The show’s type casting continued on in with the second contestant of the night, Karen, who is a self-proclaimed “Ultimate football mom.” She brings her blow horn with her to the stage and says she brings it to all of her son’s games. I’m sure that isn’t distracting to him at all. His mom’s enthusiasm and obnoxious bleacher behavior probably makes him very popular among his team mates.

Keeping this football mom theme subtle, Karen picks case #8, her son’s jersey number. Let’s play ball!

I’m sure Karen is a nice lady, but so far I am thinking that she is THAT MOM. The one that screams at her kids from the bleachers and heckles the other middle school kids if they miss a goal. She is probably the mom that picks fights with the ref and sends her sons up to bed with no dinner if they lose. Winning is everything!

In her raspy ass voice (there must have been a game last night) she tells Howie “no deal” after her first offer of 21,000. Tough break for team mom as she knocks out the million dollar case in the first round. She also begins to heckle the models to give her small amounts, but not all of them do. By her third offer she only has 2 big amounts left in play. If this was her son’s game, he would be doing laps in the backyard to think about why he lost. Karma is a bitch, Karen. Karma is a bitch.

After the banker installs his own sports arena horn (so clever!) we are all on pins and needles as we wonder what will happen to Karen next time on Deal or No Deal!