Only bad friends let you go on coke benders and call it a job assignment.
Just be grateful I’m clothed, bitch
Hannah, barista of the month, sits in the offices of JazzHate, a website presumably for hipsters who are rebelling against the rebelling with non-ironic ironic blogs about all these things that they once hated and now love. It’s terribly confusing to be a hipster.
Jame, not Jamie, is offering to pay Hannah $200 for each story submitted and seeing as Hannah is probably not making a living wage to serve coffee to douchebags, this sounds like a dream come true. Hannah is elated, thinking she is being hired, but Jame points out this is a freelance gig, which we all know is a fancy way to point out that Hannah will not be receiving health care or any other benefits. Jame even points out Hannah’s lack of fanciness. Little does she know that the mere fact that Hannah is wearing clothes right now suggests that she is taking this very seriously.
Jame suggests Hannah do something outrageous for her first story, like a three-way with people she meets on Craigslist or doing a whole bunch of cocaine and seeing what happens. In regards to the latter, I have seen enough “Behind the Music” to tell you that rock magic happens.
Jame agrees, as she motions for Hannah to check out the wall. A framed picture holds the words “THIS IS YOUR COMFORT ZONE”, while a circle a few inches north of the frame is being pointed to with the words “This is where the magic happens”. Do you get it? Jame wants to make sure Hannah gets it. Of course, Hannah gets it, because it’s a trite mantra hanging in the wall of the offices of some douchey blog.
The only thing missing is a mirror with the words ‘Insufferable Hipster’ written on it
Still, Hannah will not be participating in a Craigslist three-way as she has enough problems on where to focus her energy when she is with one lover. Hannah Horvath, not a multi-tasker, ladies and gentleman. She will need to remove that word from her resume. She doesn’t immediately shy away from the idea of doing a large amount of cocaine, though. Hannah has never done cocaine before because she has weird nasal passages.
Hannah meets up with Jessa, Shoshanna and Marnie on the street, selling their used clothes off of racks, because it’s Brooklyn and that’s what you do in Brooklyn. Master of closing sales, Jessa, is informing a girl that one of Tom Petty’s heartbreakers once complimented the shirt she is purchasing because they just don’t make sleeves like that anymore. Eh, I’d be more impressed if it was one of the Blowfish, but I guess a Heartbreaker will do.
This picture is straight from the Brooklyn Chamber of Commerce website