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Guess what happened on Tuesday night?!? Season TWO of mother frickeen Glee!
Although it seems like forever ago that True Directions placed a disappointing third in Regionals, it’s really only been a few months. Yet within that short period of time, Glee is entering it’s second season with a slew of awards. Probably the most prestigious being the 2010 Golden Globe for Best Television Series- Musical or Comedy, oh, and it’s 19 Emmy nominations, winning FOUR of them, including Jane Lynch’s Outstanding Supporting Actress… Not to mention it’s commercial success, because, although it’s frickeen evil genius, and hugely successful with it’s soundtracks, concert tours, and merchandise, like a Wii game called Karaoke Revolution Glee, that part kind of grosses me out. Even as someone with a marketing degree, I still want to love the show for why I fell in love with it in the first place… They can have all the acclaim and success they want as long as their underdogs still remain underdogs… Oh, and hopefully, they’ll cut way down on the artist themed episodes. I did not miss that. (Although in hind site I still love the Madonna ep.) But you what else I missed?
You. I missed you, my gleeloveds… I can’t WAIT for you to point out my incorrect Gleek trivia bits. Or add a word or two to the “Glictionary.” Or even get into heated debate about how Kurt Hummel is too stereotypically gay. And I mean that… So let’s dive in, shall we?
The first ep of the season starts off with McKinley’s jew fro journalist type, Jacob Ben Israel, throwing a camera in the face of glee club members with accusations and rumors as to the major occurrences over the summer. A clever little device used to catch us up on the haps, but also give the writers of Glee an opportunity to address the things that the show often receives flack for, like Will Shuester’s rapping, and auto-tuning. Kudos, you self aware little writers, you.
A perusal of the various McKinley club lists reveal that nobody is interested in signing up for Glee, and of course, good ol’ Sue Sylvester is there to rub it in Will Shuester’s face. It’s not long before they’re summoned to Principal Figgins office though, where he tells both Sue and Will he’s going to cut their budgets by ten percent. Shuester is “outraged.” (It’s in quotes because of the bad acting… Sorry Matthew Morrison, most of the time I think you’re a pretty good actor but then sometimes I am reminded that you were plucked from the stages of Broadway.) Sue takes it as a personal vendetta against the new football coach, Shannon Beiste.
That’s a whole lotta hot man lady in one frame.
In glee, Shue talks the glang into putting on show at lunch so that others will be inspired to join. They’ll need it to win National’s in New York. And since they’re going to New York they serenade McKinley with Jay Z’s and Alicia Key’s “New York.” Oh, good. I’ve only heard that song 8,948,572,984,593 million billion times. I really needed to hear a glee version… Sarcasm aside, despite using a played out song, I still kinda liked it, but I love watching Brittany and Santana dance hip hop style, and of course, I LOVE when Mercedes does her thing. Or maybe I just really liked their outfits.
If this happened during my lunch time in high school I would have shit myself.
Goody Two Shues makes a deal with the devil and sides with Sue Sylvester to take down Coach Beiste. It’s the only way he thinks he can get some of his budget back. This is gonna be good…
Finn is putting sing up sheets in the locker room when he hears some hottie new blonde transfer guy sing some G&R in the shower. That poor bar of soap wasn’t the same after.
“I will love him and squeeze him.”
Rachel is doing the same in the girls bathroom when she runs into a cute little Philippino girl she noticed singing along at lunch. She encourages her to sign up by shouting very slowly until Rachel actually hears her sing. They did really awesome quick little “Telephone” Beyonce/Lady GaGa duet until Sue tells them to shut up. Oh and guess what I love. Sunshine’s voice. Big time. It’s poppy but there’s a little bit of a rasp to it. I LOVE the raspy thing.
What with the different look every scene, Sunshine? This one’s my fav.
BTW, if you haven’t seen the video for “Telephone”, where have you been, and please do so ASAP. It’s really frickeen good. But I’m a sucker for anything set in a female prison.
Speaking of which, Coach Beiste tells the team they’ll all have to try out again to be on the football team, while Will and Sue hide and giggle through the front door of the locker room at a pizza delivery guy claiming Beiste has ordered a bunch of pizzas. The Beiste seems wise to their game though… Oh, and I like that Beiste refers to herself in the third person, but why would she call herself the “Panther,” rather than the “Beast?” Panther seems forced in a character that already seems forced… Not the actor mind you, the character.
Artie talks Finn into vouching for him to join the football team so he can try to get Tina back from Mike Chang. Side note- Tina and Mike fell for each other at an Asian summer camp, teaching kids about the arts. I loved Mike Chang’s camp counsler outfit. Here it ’tis, glays and gladies-
He’s stepping on a small Asian child. You just can’t see it.
Finn does some persuading of his own and gets the new kid, Sam Evans, to perform Travie McCoy’s “Billionaire” for him and the dudes of glee. He nails it and the guys get him to agree to audition. He should also audition for the Twizzlers mouth guy… (I have to admit that joke doesn’t feel very satisfying cause the writers of Glee had already beaten me to the punch.)
The next day, Mercedes is making fun of Kurt’s sweater when Rachel comes rushing into the the glee room worried about Sunshine. Kurt and Mercedes tell Rachel she’s crazy and they’ll need someone like Sunshine to beat Vocal Adrenaline, but all I can do is stare at that sweater. I know they did it on purpose. I think this one is by far the most outlandish Kurt get up yet.
In the teacher’s lounge, Will and Sue give the Beiste the cold shoulder when she wants to sit with them. It upsets her and after when Finn approaches Coach Beiste about Artie playing football she flips out and throws Finn off the team. Boy oh boy, I tell ya, the character may seem a bit cartoony but the actress does an amazing job of making her real. Very genuine. That woman could sing in a death metal band.
At Cheerio try outs, Quinn makes a compelling argument to Sue for putting her back on the team. Even Finn tries out so he can be popular again. Becky, Sue’s really frickeen adorable Cheerio assistant with down syndrome, tells Finn he’s embarrassing himself. Shue hears about Finn’s attempt from Sue and tries to get Bieste and Figgins to put Finn back on the football team. No dice though.
Sue demotes Santana to the bottom of the pyramid and she’s going to have Quinn replace her as Cheerio captain. Sue has a no plastic policy and Santana got a boob job over the summer. Five or six Sue Sylvester boob job jokes later, Santana is slamming a cheerios outfit sporting Quinn into the lockers. This fight was actually pretty legit, and ol’ pervo Birschy here doesn’t mind seeing Quinn all riled up.
Time’s up in glee club, and it looks like everyone is a no show for auditions. Kurt is channeling the powers of Castle Greyskull and tells Finn he’s not the popular guy he used to be.
“I have the poooowwer… It’s gettin’, it’s gettin’, it’s gettin’, kinda hectic.”
In Figgins’ office, Sue has Brittney accuse the Bieste of touching her boobs. Shue realizes it’s a ploy and gets Brittney to admit the truth. Brittney admits she actually wants to touch Coach Biest’s boobs. Awesome… So. Awesome.
Tina and Mike hear through the Asian grapevine what Rachel did to Sunshine and Shue tells Rachel she needs to apologize and make things right. Rachel has Sunshine audition in the auditorium with “Listen” from Showgirls. With a little too much arm flailing, and an amazing vocal, Sunshine easily makes it into the glee club.
In the teacher’s lounge, Goody Two Shues smokes the peace pipe with the Beiste when Sue comes along to satisfy their munchies with poop cookies. Shue calls her out on it and he goes right back onto the top of Sue Sylvester’s poop list. Ha! Poop. Poop is funny.
Finn asks the new guy why he didn’t show up to audition in the locker room and he admits that he’s afraid if he joins glee he’ll have trouble fitting in. What’s more is that he’s now the QB… Poor Finn. I’m sure it won’t be long before he’s somehow back on top, though. I give it about three or four episodes.
Shue is giving Sunshine the deets for glee when the NEW coach for Vocal Adrenaline tells him she’s been recruited to his school. (Sue tipped him off.) His name is Dustin Goolsby, and it was weird seeing the nice guy from 30 Rock play a snarky vocal coach. I looked him up though and he was once dubbed Broadway’s sexiest man. He’s also gay. Which I wasn’t able to tell from 30 Rock. I only bring that up because once again, Glee has us/me talking about a gay man who claims that his being gay has gotten in the way of getting cast as a straight man… But I digress.
In the halls, Finn tells Rachel he talked the glang out of a “code red,” but that she needs to apologize for their losing Sunshine to Vocal Adrenaline. There is a really cute Finchel moment when they both admit that they’d never leave the other. After, Rachel walks to the auditorium for a moment to herself and sings A Chorus Line’s “What I Did For Love.” Not sure why though. Can anyone tell me? Seriously? What love is she supposed to be referring to? Her love for herself? For Finn? Or is she singing on everyone’s behalf? Anyway, it was at least nice to have an actual show tune in this episode as opposed to a song that’s currently played on the radio hundreds of times a day.
That being said, I have to say, not a bad start to the second season. Not bad at all. Oh, and if you’re wondering what happened to the three new cast members they promised us at the end of last season, that fell through in June. I did some DEEP research and found out on Wikipedia that Ryan Murphy called off the reality show, documenting the audition process, for fear of distraction from Glee itself. Apparently, they’ve still chosen several winners from the entrants and plan on putting them in a couple of episodes… Now you know, and you can sleep at night.
Thanks so much for sticking with me, my gleeloveds.
Talk at you next week.
yours and everyone else’s,
BirschTalk’s Glines O’ the Week
“People thought I went on vacation but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers.” -Brittney
“Uup, it’s time to feed my gimp.”-Sue
“Swaying in background can be fun” -Rachel, speaking slowly for someone she thinks doesn’t understand English.
“First of all, a female football coach, like a male nurse, sin against nature.” -Sue