Awww. That’s better. So fresh and so clean clean… I was so tired and groggy this morning I had to take a shower before I would allow myself to watch Glee and you give you darlings the play by play. Oddly enough, there was also lot of talk about showering in the “that’s what you missed on Glee” this week. Well, showering and boys watching other boys showering so ol’ Birschy has a hunch that this may be the ep where Kurt and new guy Sam make zee love connection.
The ep starts off eerily quiet with a strange announcement from Shue telling the glang that Puck is in juvi for stealing an ATM. And since we don’t know when Puck will be back, the new guy Sam jogs into the band room with a smooth Dr. Seuess reference. He’s going to be Puck’s replacement. Hmph. How convenient. Everyone seems stoked on Sam and even more stoked on Shue’s weekly assignment- duets. The winner of their duet competition will get to go to Breadsticks on Ol’ Good Two-Shues. And everyone is apparently bananas over breadsticks. What is it about teens and breadsticks? There was a pizza place that sold “Stuff Stix” at my high school growing up. Kids would spend most of their lunch hour in the line only to scarf down one or two before lunch ended.
Kurt tracks down Sam in the halls and accuses him of dying his hair blonde. Sam denies it and throws on a “dude” on the end cause they’re talking about hair. Kurt apologizes for being so accusatory and to make up for it offers to be Sam’s duet partner, or should I say “do it” partner. Hey-oh!
HOLY mother of Sappho! Brittany and Santana are making out in Brittany’s room! This is just too good to be true, my gleeloveds.
Good thing Sue lifted the “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” Cheerio Policy
The pair of them have made little gaybo comments before but we haven’t seen them mac on each other and chat casually about scissoring. It IS too good to be true though, Santana is only lezzin’ out cause Puck’s in juvi. This seems to hurt Brittany’s feelings, especially when she says she won’t do a duet with her about making lady babies. If they made Brittany’s character gay I would have a party.
At the lockers, Santana talks Mercedes into a duet. I am SO looking forward to hearing this. I wonder what sort of hip hop duet these two soulful voices are gonna chew up and spit out. They’ve already tackled Brandy and Monica’s “The Boy Is Mine,” so it will interesting to see what they’re gonna do next. LOVE their voices together.
In the cafeteria, Finn begs Kurt not to do a duet with Sam for the sake of the glee club. Finn’s afraid it will turn Sam into the laughing stock of McKinley and then he’ll end up quitting Nude Erections.
In a rehearsal, Finn and Rachel sing Elton John’s “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart,” which was totally cute in a kitschy sort of way. Although, I think the gay club Rue Paul/Elton John version trumps the Glee version in terms of “kitschy cute.” It makes me giggle when Finn hands the drum sticks to someone else for a seamless transition from percussion to dance. They’ve done that before and I always like that they bother to show it as if THAT is some sort of proof that this is possible… Anywho, by the end of the song Rachel is inspired by Finn’s selflessness and they decide they’re going to throw the duet competition so Sam can win. That way he will (Breath in, Birschy) want to stay in glee and then he will be able to help them win Nationals. (Breath out.)
Mike and Tina are arguing in the library about their duet. Mike doesn’t wanna sing and Tina insists that he does more than just dance. They’re also arguing about Mike always needing everything to be Asian. Poor Tina can’t even order a salad that doesn’t come with some sort of random animal part. My best friend is half Chinese. I never let her live down the fact that she enjoys duck chins.
In a nice little parallel, Brittany tells Artie that she wants him to be her boyfriend so she can wheel him around in a stroller. Artie, of course, is down. No more Brittany boobies for Santana.
Finn tries to talk Sam out of singing a duet with Kurt in the locker room. According to Finn, that would mean a death sentence at McKinley. Maybe not the best phrase to use at the current time… Sam tells Finn he’s gonna stick to his word. And before I forget, gals and glays, here’s your topless man shot-
Sam gets slushied immediately in the halls and Quinn helps him get cleaned in up in what I can only assume is a unisex bathroom. They try to throw us off the trail by having Sam tell Quinn she’s got pretty eyes in Na’vi. Or maybe they’re not. Maybe Sam is going to turn out to be Quinn’s new distraction but whether he turns out to be gay or straight, I love that they’ve made him a comic book geek/fan boy. A stereo type, of course, but a modern high school stereotype, at least.
Burt Hummel is home from the hospital and Kurt is taking care of him in a Mrs. Kurt Grundy sort of way. Kurt tells his dad about how Finn is trying to talk him out of doing a duet with Sam. Burt seems to think that might be a good idea until Kurt finds somebody as open as brave as him. Which I sort of understand but at the same time, we’re just talking about a duet. The issue is not Kurt being predatory towards a straight dude, the issue is Kurt singing a duet with a supposed straight dude! Right? Am I missing something?
In glee, Santana and Mercedes sing Ike & Tina Turner’s River Deep Mountain High. Woooeee! This little ditty had more sass than sassafras. (What is sassafras anyway, a tree?) I especially loved the drum break down but even with all the attitude and vocal power this version still only had one third the passion delivered by Mrs. Turner’s original. Holy lord that woman can sing from her soul.
Kurter Pan has a quick awkward convo with Sam while he showers and
Kurt frees Sam of his duet obligation. Then Kurt faints and Sam has to clap until the fairy comes back to life. (It’s another Peter Pan ref, homophobes.)
Rachel is freaking out about winning the duet competition and Finn suggests they sing a horrible, offensive song, most likely from Grease 2.
In glee, Kurt announces he’s going to sing a solo duet and performs “Le Jazz Hot” from Victor Victoria. I will admit complete bias because I love that film so very much but this was a perfect song to sing for Kurt. Brilliant, I think actually. Quite. I wasn’t the only one who liked this though, I swear I caught Sam licking his big ol’ lips.
Okay, so Sam must have just been thirsty licking those lips earlier cause he totally just tried to kiss Quinn. She wanted to but she rejects his advance. She also decides to refrain from doing a duet with Sam to avoid distraction from getting her life back on track. Loosen up, Quinn! Oh, wait…
Of course, Mike and Tina’s duet is naturally the song “Sing” from A Chorus Line. A little bit grating but still endearing enough. And I’m actually liking Mike now that they’ve started giving him lines. The kid can act. Maybe a bit over the top but that’s par for the Gleef course. Brittany taking her gum out of her mouth to join in the chorus was nice little touch.
Awesome. Rachel and Finn celebrate with a fist pound cause they talked Sam and Quinn into doing a duet together after all. Seriously for some reason, If I see a couple high five I think it’s the most darling thing in the world. A fist pound is pretty cute too.
Speaking of pounding, Artie is at Brittany’s and they supposedly end up doing it with each other. This AFTER Artie admits still having feelings for Tina. Somehow, Brittany carrying Artie to bed makes her even hotter than she already is, which I thought was impossible.
I know that’s really not me, just pretend, dammit!
In priest/nun’s clothing, Finn and Rachel do their offensive version of Billy Preston’s “I’m Born Again.” I’ve never heard that song until now and I think it’s just keen. I listened to a few different versions and Preston’s is my favorite, although both he and Tom Jones hit a particularly low low note when singing “woman” that Finn isn’t quite man enough to hit.
Sam and Quinn sing Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat’s “Lucky.” It was, as Santana said, “charming.” No frills, minimal auto tune, just them. Although I hope that’s the last Mraz song we have to hear. Just kidding. No I’m not. I used to like him. No I didn’t.
Woah, serious moment with Brittany. Artie is totally upset with her for taking his virginity and she feels horrible. Shue announce Quinn and Sam as the winners in glee. Santana almost murders someone but eventually she accepts the results. Telling you, breadsticks are teen crack.
Rachel has been noticing Kurt looking a bit down so she gives him a really sweet pep talk. It was the kind of encouragement that’s been going around in the various viral celebrity youtube vids as a result of the recent gay teen suicides. So I suppose that I can forgive the writers for misleading us into thinking we’d also have a less stereotypically gay character on the show, as long as they’re helping the openly gay character through his loneliness. And maybe that’s a more realistic approach anyway. Sadly…
Quinn’s non-date with Sam at Breadsticks turns into a real date after he reveals that his deep, literally dark, secret was putting lemon juice in his hair. And now my heart is a breaking cause Brittany is in the next-a booth a pushing a meat-a-ball to the other side of her plate!
The ep ends with a satin-y Rachel and Kurt duo singing “Get Happy/Happy Day are Here Again.” My favorite duet of the Duet episode. It sounded to me like a sad pretty lady, eating a smooth creamy ice cream cone… Think about it… Or don’t. The End.
It’s a sitting down can-can!
I gotta admit I’m not sure how I feel about this one, my gleeloveds. It started out strong and then took a predictable non-predictable turn, but then ended well. I suppose if this ep was an argument, it would win.
Thanks for sticking with me. Talk at you next week.
yours and everyone else’s,
Glines O’ the Week
“…And sometimes when you’re not looking I put weird things in your food.” Santana
“… for a while I thought you were a robot.” Brittany to Artie