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Friday, June 4, 2010
11:00 am
11 Comments
Tagged: funk, Glee, jane lynch, recap, white kids getting down
A few of the glang are cruising the halls excited about regionals with Jesse on their side when a broken hearted Rachel drags them into the auditorium to
watch Vocal Adrenaline’s “Another One Bites The Dust.” The performance is lead by the flip flopping Jesse St. Traitor. (Jesse, choose a side already,
jeeeeez!) What’s up with the VA crew in all blue? Carmel High must be Crips and McKinley must be Bloods…
Drive by singing, holmes!
Vocal Adrenaline is totally trying to get into their heads and they even toilet paper the glee room.
“This toilet paper does NOT match.” – Kurt
The glang is cleaning up and Sue comes in to measure out a space for her “comically large” dildo trophy that she’s going to win
at Nationals. She’s talking all kinds of smack so Shuester throws one of her trophies into the wall. No biggie for Sue though. She’s got an entire rash of
them, like her genital herpes. (That’s not a joke. I repeat, that is not my joke. That was actually used in the show.)
Fresh from signing his divorce papers, Shue wants the glang to get Vocal Adrenaline back ten fold. Puck and Finn team up to slash the tires on all 26 of
their Range Rovers. Next thing you know, Figgins is threatening to expel Puck and Finn but Shelby Corcoran just wants them to pay for the damage. Need a job
boys? Come sit on mama BirschTalk’s lap and we’ll figure something out, she said in a creepy, soft tone.
Shue keeps spiraling deeper into his funk and he becomes so desperate he even tries to buy “the pot” from Sandy, the former glee teacher. He won’t sell it to
him though but he does tell Shue about Vocal Adrenaline’s weakness, FUNK. From that point on instead of the “Dooba dooba dooba dooba dooooo,” transitions, we
get a “Dooooooh, bop,” a la En Vogue, “You’re Never Gonna Get It” for the rest of the show. Which I kinda liked.
n glee, Shue uses the word funk instead of fuck a bunch times and tells the glang their homework assignment is FUNK because Vocal Adrenaline lacks soul and
passion. Mercedes tells everyone she’s on the job and Quinn is laughed at when she wants a chance to be funky too. I’m with you Mercedes. This is gonna be
RICH.
Shue comes up with a plan to get Sue Sylvester to fall in love with him, just like Jesse did with Rachel, so he can break Sue’s heart right before Nationals.
What a meanie! What a sexy hot mean bad bad boy! He has Sue meet him in a dark red tinged choir room and he kicks of his Sue Sylvester seduction plan with
“Chaka Khan’s “Tell Me Something Good.” Ol’ Birschy is a huge Chaka fan so I’m probably being a little hard on Mr. Morrison when I say the performance had
about one third of the soul that that particular song requires. STILL, it was pretty mesmerizing…Or should I say ASSmerizing. Shue brought out the big guns
and did not one, not two, but THREE different butt moves. There’s-
The Pout- stick the buttocks out just a little. Make a sexy face.
The Pucker- tighten and release the buttocks. Repeat numerous times.
The Ooops, I Dropped Something- A classic. We all know this one.
By the end of the song Sue’s head was doing laps in her track suit…
Terri Ex-Shuester has hired Puck and Finn at Sheets and Things. Sandy Ryerson, Sheets and Things best customer gives the boys
a hard time cause they only have one type of pink. He’s also yelling about not having Kenny G while he shops so Puck and Finn sing Beck’s “Loser.” The
gruff sprechgesang thing sounded great on Puck! Seemed a little strained on Finn but I adored the little short overall. It ends with Terri having a boner for
16 year old Finn. Who, incidentally, is the same age as Shue when they met…
Sue confesses to her journal that she’s falling for Will Shuester when he walks into her office with some flowers and her
favorite flavor carbo gels. Then he asks her out on a date to Breadsticks on Wednesday. Which, as Will reminds Sue, is hump day… BTW, if anyone ever tells
me that they want to “hump” I will tell them to return to the Saharas and sit on a pyramid. Who uses the word “hump?” It’s frickeen hilarious but not at all
sexy…
At Sheets and Things, Terri Ex-Shuester decides to make Finn her second chance and help him with his homework assignment. She
even promotes him to assistant assistant manager and they look up funk on iTunes while Terri gives Finn I’m attracted to you but you’re 16 looks.
In glee, Kurt comes back from the future with a giant cockroach on his jacket.
src="http://www.tvgasm.com/wp-content/uploads/cockroach2-300x180.jpg" alt="cockroach" width="300" height="180" />
Kurt, look out for thecockBROOCH!
Quinn’s FUNK homework is an auto-tuney version of James Brown’s “Man’s World” with a group of pregnant teens… I, uhh, I’m not
sure what to say here, even. Do I talk about the pregnant belly choreography, or do I talk about how they did breathing exercises to the beat? It was all
pretty awesome in a horribly awkward way.
alt="quinn" width="300" height="180" />“Careful, don’t slip! My water just broke.”
Sue’s all dressed up, aka, wearing pearls with her track suit, and gets stood up by Will at Breadsticks. The next day all the
Cheerios walk around upset with messed up hair cause Sue is too depressed to go to Nationals. Brittany even tells the Jew Fro nerd she loves him.
In glee, Puck and Finn team up with Mercedes to do a Marky Mark and Funky Bunch “Good Vibrations.” HoLEE crap you guys, I
LOVED this. I was totally feelin’ it, baby and I know you did too… Favorite tune of the night by far. This may even be one of those songs that mama might
just actually download. I’m really diggin’ the Puck/Finn combo too and of course, Mercedes still reigns in my eyes as THE BEST vocalist on the show.
Old school Marky Mark hump the floor dance move!The only complaint I would have is that they did NOT take their tops off like Mark Wahlberg does in his video. And since they
robbed us of that I will now provide you with the original glory… Enjoy, glays and glals.
Mercedes and Quinn have a weird heart to heart about being fat?? This parallel felt a little strange for me but Mercedes tells
Quinn she can stay with her in their extra room to escape the wrath of Mamma Muck.
Shuester pays a visit to Sue to talk her out of her funk and apologize for leading her on. By the end she feels better and is yelling orders in her bullhorn.
BTW, I loved Sue’s maid. I hope we get to see more of her. Mr CHuester on the other hand, has a terrible spanish accent. He tried though.
Rachel is tricked into meeting Jesse in the parking lot and gets egged by Vocal Adrenaline. The guys wanna kick some ass but Shue convinces them to save it
for the stage… What were they using for eggs, by the way? It wasn’t really eggs, I can tell you that much.
Sue and the Cheerios win Nationals thanks to a lengthy Celine Dion en Francais by Kurt so she gets to install her trophy in the
choir room and up Shue’s tight buttocks…
The glang does some shoving of their own though, and turns out a soulful “We Want the Funk,” in front of Vocal Adrenaline. The whole thing was actually
pretty stanky funky except for the weird auto-tuned super deep Kurt voice…
Thanks so much for sticking with me, my gleeloveds.
Talk at you next week!
Yours and everyone else’s,
BirschTalk
Glines O’ the Week (All from Sue Sylvester!)
- “That’s what they said about a young man in Chicago in 1871 who thought he’d play a harmless prank on the
diary cow of one Mrs. O’Leary. He successfully ignited it’s flatulence and a city burned, William! That young terrorist young terrorist went on to become the
first gay president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln.” Sue Sylvester
- Dare I admit it? I have feelings for one Will Shuester. Sexy, non-murdering feelings.” Sue
Sylvester
- “… You’re the Michael Jordan of cheerleading.” – Reporter. “Thanks, Brett, I am.” Sue Sylvester
TV Social
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11 Comments
Autotune may be the worst thing to ever happen to music…
I’m pretty sure the heart-to-heart was about Mercedes being judged for being black, not fat.
If I remember correctly, Quinn and Mercedes were bonding over both being minorities (Quinn cause she started to show her pregnancy and Mercedes due to her race). But Quinn acknowledged that Mercedes had it worse…
It was a delightful episode and I really liked it! Too bad it was shown out of order (the Lady Gaga one should have followed it) – the disappearance of Jesse from McKinley would have made more sense.
You want to know why Loser & Good Vibrations were the best songs on the episode? They were both originally “sung” by “singers” who could barely sing. I love Beck, but he’s more of a package deal, and Marky Mark was just a package, so they didn’t have to butcher any iconic songs.
They just butchered three pretty iconic R&B/Funk songs by having the three least soulful/funky cast members sing them. Matthew Morrison for all his Broadway chops and fantastic ass was downright embarrassing trying to “get down” to “Tell Me Something Good.” Jane Lynch is an even better actor than I thought because she managed not to look embarrassed/nauseated by that display. I hope it was a stunt ass.
Diana Agron may be the only singer worse than Cory Monteith, so of course, ask her to sing a James Brown song. Because that can’t possibly go wrong.
Finally, Chris Colfer is a lovely singer, but dude has no bass in his voice. They couldn’t get anywhere near the opening of “Give Up the Funk?” That just hurt my heart to hear. It was like that fake “folk” group that Jane Lynch was in in “A Mighty Wind” trying to sing funk.
Just no.
Great recap. Although, I don’t think Sue said anything about trophies being like HER herpies. I think she just said/meant herpies in general.
This was like watching the King Family Singers (look them up) get down n’ funky.
I hate the Sue Sylvester character and wished they get rid of her. Totally destroys the interest of the show.
On the other hand I enjoyed how the actor — who’s more like 28 or 29 — kind of smiled when he said he was 16.
This show’s really hit and miss. I get the feeling it all depends on what drugs the writers were taking when they wrote each episode.
Agreed, cattyfan!
lola, you’re right. But that makes it even more weird, doesn’t it? I’m not sure I’d consider being a pregnant teen on par with being a minority.
I thought this was the weakest Glee episode of the season and the repetition of the word ‘funk’ really irritating.
I wish they would steer Matthew Morrison away from anything that requires, even a little bit of, soul to perform. He’s just so ‘white’. His booty shake was not only nauseating, it was on the beat!
I know Matthew wants to be a really big Shue but he is, as you say, just a Shuester.
Okay, I’m only to the Marky Mark pic, but had to comment! He is soooo freakin hot!! Just seen Date Night and years later, Marky Mark shirtless, does NOT disappoint!! Hmmmmm….oh yeah, back to the recap….
Hoo boy, I don’t blame the network for pulling this episode from sweeps. What a stinker!
Jesse’s betrayal was both predictable yet seemed oddly out of place, even if the episodes were indeed out of order.
Mercedes and Quinn’s heart to heart reminded me of C. Thomas Howell’s misguided movie “Soul Train” (in which a white guy temporarily dyes himself black, then learns that he won’t ever really know what it’s like to be black, since he can always get out of it.) It’ll be interesting to see if they reinstate Quinn’s popularity next season after she births the kid.
The Sue/Matthew interaction was so awkward I left for food and potty breaks whenever they were onscreen. Jane Lynch is great, but her character is so relentlessly evil, I half expect her to show up twirling her mustache with boo/hisses dubbed in over the audio track. Also, her “attraction” to Will was completely unbelievable: contrast this with her scene with NPH a few weeks ago.
That’s a major weakness of the show, actually: rarely do the characters act in believable ways. There’s always a creepy semi-inappropriate scene, too: this time with Terri and Finn – I was sure when she said he was her “second chance” that she was hitting on him, given other out-of-character, aren’t these kids underage! weirdness that’s happened on this show.
The Rachel egging scene was probably the most unbelievable. Sure, she’s used to surprise Slushies to the face – but to stand there while being egged for five minutes and then to let her ex slowly squash an egg on her head? Geeks around the world know better: to survive when attacked by a mob: run like hell! She was on home turf, too.
Also: I’ve never kicked a man in the nuts before, but if an ex I was pissed at tried to smash an egg on my head, he’d be singing soprano for Regionals.