On Glee this week, Tina goes from freak to freakier, and things get all serious about homophobia.
Uh oh. Snare drums plus Figgins’ office means trouble… So who’s in trouble this week? It’s not the glee club, it’s Tina! Yaaay! Is this the episode where we get to learn about Tina Cohen-Chang finally? I hope so, cause the recap before this I kept confusing her real name with her character name. Speaking of names, I wanna know what the “Cohen-Chang” is about, don’t you? Hopefully, we’ll find out, but in the meantime, Figgins gives her the hard to believe ultimatum that if she doesn’t ditch her goth look, she’ll be suspended? Huh? Yes, she looks like she’s giving tours of the Haunted Mansion, but come ON guys! I believe in ghosts but THIS is hard to believe.
Is the room getting LONGER or does Tina just look like an old timey widow in mourning? (Say in deep scary Haunted Mansion voice.)
Here’s another thing that didn’t seem of this world- The Hummels’ place having MORE bathrooms than bedrooms. (Has anyone ever heard of a place having two and A HALF bathrooms and only TWO rooms?) The Hudsons are moving in with the Hummels, and Finn and Kurt have to share a room! Although, probably like most of the gay boys that watch the show, (glays?), I love the idea. I just wish there were a way to make it a little more believable. And Kurt, easy on the color palate jokes, big guy…
Shue’s homework assignment? Lady Gaga, cause they are concerned that their rivals, Vocal Adrenaline, will be playing with their “disco sticks,” and exploiting the theatricality that Gaga requires. This assignment will also somehow help Tina find her new look. Start collecting as my inanimate objects as you can, Tina, honey…
Mercedes, Quinn and Rachel sneak into a Vocal Adrenaline rehearsal to do some reconnaissance work but uncover something more than they expected… Rachel’s mom. Rachel figure’s it out when Shelby Corcoran, the coach of VA, sings Bab’s “Funny Girl,” and is lured by her voice like one of those cartoon hands that waft from an apple pie on a window sill. Don’t get too excited though, cause Shelby starts to freak out that maybe she’s done the wrong thing and tells Rachel she’ll “I’ll call you,” emphasis on the quotes…
Finn tells Shuester he’s tired of always doing what the girls wanna do and that he refuses to do Gaga. Shue thinks that’s a valid concern, so Finn joins Shue in his office to watch a little YouPorn…
Things get serious when a couple a jocks push Kurt and Tina around for expressing themselves a la Lady Gaga. Aside from the witty banter, this lil’ scene was actually kind of scary. And even more so cause it’s exactly what would have happened in real life. It was satisfying to see Kurt stand up for himself and Tina. Although, I’m not sure THAT would have happened in real life.
“I’m gonna stab you in the eye with my shoulder, bitch!”
In glee, the girls and Kurt struggle to sit in their GaGa gear. (Brittany’s was my fav.)
“We were at the beach. Everybody had matching towels.” (In deep yet effeminate Spreschgesang.)
Then they try to dance as best they can in those same costumes for a Lady Gaga ”Bad Romance” numba roma a ah ahhh. And, wowee wow! Did they sound nasty! Nasty in a Gaga way.
The same meat heads that gave Kurt a hard time give Finn some gruff for drawing on his face in the boys bathroom. Poor Finn, he’s so straight he can’t even get close to his lips to put on some lipstick.
Rachel shows up to a KISS “Shout It Out Loud” number by the boys with improved Gaga Gear made by her mom. This was some firey fun and Puck sounded great. (Although his arms looked better. )
Guess which one is Artie.
The meat heads throw Kurt around a little and he asks Finn to do something about it. Finn’s all insecure about the whole thing and when Kurt tries to give him a moist towelette, Finn slaps Kurt! Kurt gets so mad he kicks over a CHAIR! That’s like murdering someone in gay!
Shue talks to Shelby cause he wants to know what her intentions are with Rachel. Shelby confesses she wants her baby back, baby back, baby back, not a teenager.
Kurt tries to call a truce with Finn by redecorating their room but Finn gets mad and calls everything “faggy.” His dad hears and kicks Finn outta the house after the most wonderful, adorable, vindicating soap boxing ever. I wanted to take off Burt’s hat and kiss him right on his sweaty bald head… I have to admit, I use the word fag in jest but that’s cause I can… A phrase like “that’s so gay,” doesn’t offend me until someone aware of my sexuality apologizes for saying it, and even then, that will only elicit a roll of the eyes… After this though, I just may very well have a change of heart. If one word has a weighted value, and context is the way that we determine that value, then I say we’re borrowing on bad credit… So maybe until things change, I should call people out, even if they think they mean well. (And myself for that matter.)
In glee, Puck feels bad for telling Quinn he wants to name their kid Jackie Daniels, so he has the boys join him for a Kiss’ “Beth What Can I Do” apology. Then he asks if they can name her Kettle Two. Not reallllllly! He wants to name her Beth and says he’d like to at least be there when she’s born before they give her up…. Awww. Puck, you’re so sweet, and you sounded even sweeter!
Shelby and Rachel say good bye and decide to admire each other from a far with a Lady Gaga “Poker Face” duet. Which I liked more than the original, y’all! I’m not sure that a song about sex and gambling quite says what they wanna say to each other, but you could see the pain and joy in their faces. And that my gleeloveds, is ACTING.
In glee, the giant black bow on Santana’s head is starting to smell a little cause they’ve been wearing the Gaga gear for the whole week! Shue asks why when the old goth Tina comes into class and tells everyone she scared the living shit out of Figgins in an undead fashion. Who knew Asian vampires were the most vicious of all vampires! But where’s Kurt and Finn?
Kurt is about to get his little butt kicked when Finn shows up in a dress to defend him. Then the rest of glang shows up too and they scare the mean fat meat heads away, for now… A slow clap from Shue brings us back to the lesson to learn…
Speaking of learned, we still don’t know what the “Cohen-Chang” is about in Tina’s last name, but we did explore the homophobe thing that still happens FAR too much in our high schools… Bravo, Glee writers. Ol’ BirschTalk has a big bag of flaming hot gay kudos coming your way.
The Pleather, I mean, End.
Thanks so much for sticking with me, my gleeloveds.
Talk at you next week!
Yours and everyone else’s,
Glines O’ the Week (Only one “Glines O’ The Week” this week! In case you’re wondering I ONLY include zingers that make me LOL…)
- “My parents won’t even let me watch Twilight… My mom thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.” -Tina