Glee: I Never Stopped Believin’! Did you?

Well, last night marked the end of season TWO, oops, I mean, season ONE of Glee! See what I did there, my gleeloveds? I went full circle back to my very first recap cause I started off this second half of the first season thinking it was the second. (Or is that technically a full half circle?) It sure felt like a second season though, didn’t? Although the back nine felt a little less magical, and a little too crowded with musical artist themed episodes, I’m still not surprised that Fox has already picked up another TWO seasons. Apparently, Ryan Murphy has mapped out a story for a total of three seasons so it will be interesting to see what happens if a fourth season does… And speaking of up and coming seasons, I can’t WAIT to learn who the next three new characters will be… Hmm, what other high school stereo-types have NOT been filled? I vote for dykey amazon swimmer girl who’s shy but can kind of sing when she’s not totally nervous. FIIINE. I admit, that was me in high school, and thank god I did join the drama club otherwise I’d not be writing these recaps obsessed with this show in the first place…

I was looking at all the Birsch-blabbering I’ve been doing these past few episodes and it seems as though I stumble upon saying the same thing over and over again. But James Piniewozik of Time, puts it in a much simpler, elegant, way than I ever could when he says, “when Glee works – which is often – it is transcendent, tear-jerking and thrilling like nothing else on TV.” Even through all the auto-tuning, Lady Gaga episodes, and sometimes hard to swallow story lines, I couldn’t agree more.

Alright, my hand is starting to hurt from jerking off Ryan Murphy so I’m gonna get to recappin’ the season FINALE of Glee!

My hand may still hurt, but my heart is all a flutter as the ep starts off with a classic Sue Sylvester Will Shuester hair insult. Goody Two Shues (Why didn’t I think of that nickname at the beginning, dammit!?) is outraged that Sue has been selected to judge Regionals, and as always, it’s out of Figgins’ useless hands. Go ahead. Do some more yelling Figgins, cause that’s ALL you do. Yell. In a funny accent. BTW, Indian accents are my favorite funny accent. Vietnamese, being a close second.

A despondent glang is at Shue’s place to plan out the set list for Regionals but they all feel it’s pointless cause Sue is going to vote them down anyway. Then they all go around crying about how they’re gonna miss each other. GREAT. It’s only four minutes into the episode and I’m already crying along. I don’t*sniff* want it to *sniff* end either, guys…

Shue goes to Emma for some guidance and she reminds him that it was never about winning in the first place. She also tells him that she’s dating her dentist but, not to worry, he hasn’t done any “deep drilling.” Want another one? No? Too bad. Not to worry, he has yet to perform a “cavity search.” Oh god, I’m even embarrassing myself. I’ll stop. I could keep going, but I’ll stop.

“Yes, I’m wearing a bow with a shirt that has pictures of bows. Why do you ask?”

In the choir room, Shue, inspired from his car radio, and Finn/Rachel, inspired from making out with each other, decide to not to stop believin’ after all. They’re gonna set those “Wheel’s In the Sky” ablaze cause they’ve decided to sing the heck out of a JOURNEY medley at Regionals.

Oh, crap! What’s this? Regional show already??? Oh great. They’re gonna lose. Seriously, I don’t know what happens yet but I bet they’re gonna lose. Otherwise, they’d put a victorious climax at the end!!!! Not to mention, the glang is gonna have to perform for the highest profile panel of choir judges in history, Josh Grobin, Olivia Newton John, a newscaster guy and Sue Sylvester. The first team up is Oral Intensity and they’re doing a mash-up of ONJ and Josh Grobin. The glang is disheartened when Shue- HOLD ON, did I just say- “Oral Intensity?” Wow… Up next, Choaches a Chantin’ followed by Rhythm and Rim Jobs.

Anyway, or should I say, “Anyway You Want It,” cause I’m about to talk about the Journey mash-up, Finn tells Rachel he loves her just before they sing “Faithfully” to each other. Which I adORed. Then everyone else joins in for a “Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’/”Anyway You Want It” combo. Naturally, they ended with “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Speaking of ends, I’m just realizing that Journey apparently does not like to use the letter “g” at end of a word in their song titles…

Too. Much… Arm raising. In… Pain.

About 20 arm raises up into the air later, the glang rushes off stage pumped on their performance.Quinn’s mom is back stage and tells Quinn she kicked her father out of the house for cheating on her with a tattooed freak and wants Quinn to move back home. Quinn’s speechless but we COULD hear the sound of her water breaking. BTW, I thought that was gonna happen on stage, but I guess they’re gonna lose some other way…

Vocal Adrenaline performs “Bohemian Rhapsody,” overlapped by Quinn doing a version of “Bohemian Rhapsody” in the delivery room. Her mom and Puck is there but she asks Mercedes to be in there too… I think when I deliver a baby the lyrics will be much closer to some type of NWA rap song, but I can be a bit of a sailor sometimes…

Visual representation of Quinn’s vagina, by Vocal Adrenaline.

The whole glang is at the hospital to support Quinn except for Rachel. She’s watching Jesse on stage. After their performance, she congratulates her mom but then tries to get to coach at McKinley. No dice though. Meeting Rachel and then estranging herself from Rachel made her realize she wants a family of her own? I’m still not sure I’m on board with this justification…

The judges deliberate over the performances and ONJ turns out to be a tasmanian she devil! She’s totally mean about New Directions, so mean, in fact, that Sue Sylvester is on their side by the end! Still, Vocal Adrenaline ends up winning the whole thing and New Directions doesn’t even place. I KNEW it.

Puck and Quinn are looking at their baby in one of those weird baby viewing rooms and Puck tells Quinn he loves her! Shelby Corcoran shows up asking about the baby. Which she’s totally gonna adopt, right?

Shue sees Emma Pillsbury yelling at Figgins for disbanding glee. She’s outraged that Will is just letting it happen. Which of course is reminiscent of how Will is also just giving up on them, but not for long cause Shue tells Emma he loves her and plants a big fat one on her right in the middle of the halls.

“I’ll floss your teeth, Emma…”

The glang sings thank you to Shue by singing “To Sir With Love.” Which I have never heard before. It’s from the same titled movie that has the inspiring teacher/hardened inner city kids story line. Had I had to make that choice it would have been “Lean on Me” from the film Lean on Me but that’s the inspiring teacher/inner-city movie that ol’ BirschTalk grew up with… The choice they made though, was terribly endearing. The song is a little weird, but the lyrics were perfect. Just perfect. And by the end, I had tears in my eyes. Even Sue Sylvester did.

So it’s no surprise then that Sue talked Figgins into giving New Directions another year. A CUT TO even reveals she voted for them… Again, not a surprise cause we knew that would have to happen if New Directions was going to lose… Still, I was satisfied with this. Predictably satisfied.

I was all nice and full but then Birschy even got some dessert! A pineapple-y type dessert from the Pacific islands. Not to mention, that Shelby ended up adopting Puck and Quinn’s sweet little girl. Anyway, I figured Shue was going to do something Hawaiian style cause of the ukulele. He serenaded the glang with the Israel Kamakawiwo’ole version of “Over the Rainbow.” Which I was feeling a LOT of aloha for… Like Iz’s version, Shue’s was simple, gentle and genuine. An opposite perfect way to end a spectacle of a season…

Thanks so MUCH for sticking with me, my gleeloveds. Especially to those who have stayed with me for the whole back nine while I learned (and am still learning) how to write these things. I glove you for it.

Talk at you next SEASON. I hope. If you’ll have me.

And even if you won’t, I still be yours and everyone else’s,

BirschTalk

Glines O’ the Week

• “Your hair looks like a Briar patch, I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop out of your hair and sing songs about living on the bayou.” -Sue Sylvester

  “You don’t get a medal at the finish line for being good. You just get dead.” -Puck

  “I had a very satisfying dream that the two of us went to a zoo and I shoved your face into one of those pink inflamed monkey butts.” -Sue Sylvester