This week on Glee: Less zingers and more heart stingers!
This week on Glee: Less jeers and more tears. Plus, as always, lots o’ queers!
Glee Willikers, my gleeloveds, this ep threw me for a loop! A good loop, though. A gloop, if you will. (I’ll add that to BirschTalk and Gayster Glictionary, where everything starts with a “Gl.”) Episode 18 DOESN’T start off with Sue Sylvester setting up Will Shuester to rescue New Directions. In fact, it seemed as though the writers themselves decided to go in another direction all together! (“Another Direction!” Name of the new Glee spin off series? I hope not.)
Will’s weekly homework assignment did NOT contain the name of the episode. Annnnnd, I think we only got about TWO minutes worth of in your face time with Sue Sylvester… You see, in my fantasies, the writers are reading these recaps cause anytime I try to nail them down they use their little laptops to unhinge the patterns I point out. Not only me, YOU too! Weren’t we just talking about having too much Sue Sylvester? (Although I still contend you can NEVER have enough Sue Sylvester.) Creepy. Refreshingly creepy…
“Human Garbage” opens with what sounds like my vibrator but really it’s Puck’s mohawk being shaved off. Let’s face it, it’s not a mohawk though, it’s really more of a speed bump. And because his speed bump is gone everyone is suddenly able to look him in the eye in the halls.
He tells Santana his mom made him do it cause she was afraid that the freckle on his head was skin cancer. Then they made a tennis joke. Good for them… Santanaceratops is totally turned off by Puckasaurus’ sans speed bump, not to mention his whining…
A pen click or two, reminiscent of West Side Story finger snaps, leads us into Puck being thrown into the dumpster by a gang a nerds. His voiceover tells us the name of the episode and how he’s decided that dating Mercedes will bring the Puckasauras out of extinction. Enough with the dinosaur stuff, BirschTalk!
Rachel is literally getting sick from carrying the weight in glee so she has the portly AV President, Lauren Zysees, bug the choir room in exchange for candy bars.
No need for a caption.
BTW, I loved the paranoid “Who’s this guy, who’s this guy” when a fellow student walks by. Anyway, Zysees makes it happen and Rachel gives Shue a list of those in glee who aren’t singing half the time.
Puck tries to unite the Jews and blacks by hitting on Mercedes but she turns him down with a clever comparison of their personified musical genres. I’m joking about the clever part.
In glee, Shue scolds some of the glang for slacking off so his homework assignment is to sing a song that best represents who they are in order to “find their voices” once again. Kurt is super excited about it until runs into his dad who is picking up Finn to go to a football game. Ugh. Here comes the watery eyed stare again… BTW, what a coincidence that this episode is airing at the same time Ryan Murphy, Glee’s creator, is calling for a ban on Newsweek due to an apparently homophobic article… Seriously, I had NO idea Jonathan Groff was gay and this guy who wrote the article, Ramin Setoodeh, says he acts like a “theater queen!??”
Good thing Randy Jackson wasn’t there in glee to hear Rachel’s pitchy version of Miley Cyrus’, “The Climb.” Even the asian guy stops smiling and Shue makes Rachel realize she’s lost her voice! DOOBA DOOBA DOOBA DOOOBA DOOO! (Sing using head voice)
At the lockers, we’re rationed our one of two Sylvester sightings. She only stays long enough to get one zinger into “Glines of the Week!” She does however get Kurt to thinking that he might not be gay. Next thing we know at the Hummels, Kurt is wearing flannel and asking his dad what John Mellencamp’s “Pretty Pink Houses” is about.
Rachel freaks out when a doctor tells her she might not get her voice back and she may have to have surgery. The doc prescribes some antibiotics, and Finn who’s there for moral support, thinks Rachel should also take a daily dose of VitaFinns. Rachel tells Finn she’s still hooked on Jesse though. Then we’re punched right in the nose with Finn’s “Jessie’s Girl” by Rick Springfield. I can always tell when Finn is about to sing cause he does that one eye partially closed thing.
I yam what I yam
Finn finishes his cooing over Rachel and it’s Puck’s turn to do some crazy coo coo cooing himself. He sings “Sammy Davis Jr’s “Lady Is A Tramp.” MANNN this was hard to watch, or hear, rather. Puck was drowning in his own insufficient vocals but thank the Rat Pack because Mercedes vocals saved the song from being a total failure. Puck is growing on me but his voice, even processed, doesn’t have the smooth, silky strength that the amazing Sammy had…
At the lockers, Quinn gives Mercedes the go ahead to date Puck but warns her that she’s being used, and to watch out for the jealous Santanaceratops!
Raaaaaar! Neck role. Raaaaar! Neck role.
In Glee, Kurt’s recently adopted good ol’ boy accent gets even thicker as he sings a gravely “Pink Houses.” Even despite HIS subtle neck rolling, Brittany thinks he’s suddenly straight and wants to maintain her perfect made-out with every boy in the school record.
Rachel sports a homeless look and is still upset over losing her voice. Finn tells her he wants her to meet an old friend of his. Then he points to his wiener. Nooo, he doesn’t, sillies!
Kurt’s dad is cornfused cause he catches Kurt and Brittany making out, and Brittany, bless her heart and tiny brain is just confused.
Puck is on his way to get Mercedes a frozen coffee beverage when he finds out from the Jew fro nerd that he’s once again Mr. popular. Puck even gets a look from Santana, which Mercedes notices. This sends the ladies into a Brandy, featuring Monica, “The Boy Is Mine” song fight. I loved this! But I love this song in the first place. What’s more, I love when the song fits their vocal stylings and I thought this suited Santana and Mercedes perfectly. I was dizzy with excitement. And also just dizzy cause they did way too much of that spinning thing.
“Jerry! Jerrrry! Jerry!”
Mercedes is upset that Puck is throwing away a perfectly good bunch of nerds and Puck explains that it’s a necessary evil. She’s not having it though and ends up dumping Puck AND quitting Cheerios. This is where we have another Sue sighting.
Finn has Rachel meet Sean Frathold, who is paralyzed from the neck down, to make her realize that she is more than just her voice. She also has a very nice long torso. Seriously, she really does have long torso…
Kurt once again gets dissed by his dad to hang out with Finn. This sends Kurt into a raging AMAZING version of “Roses Turn,” from the musical Gypsy. (I had the pleasure of seeing Bernadette Peters sing this very song years ago and it was wonderful!) Chris Colfer gave an incredibly moving performance. And what was even MORE moving was the scene with his dad after… I cried like a baby. Like a big gay baby. I haven’t gotten this emotional over a Glee scene since Kurt’s coming out to his dad scene, so this is the SECOND time those two got me, right in the ticker.
That scene ruined me and by the time Rachel visits Sean to give him voice lessons and gets him to sing U2′s “One Love,” I was an absolute blubbering idiot. They even did a little bit of the the thing that I love where they actually sing on camera as opposed to a pre-recording. Eventually though, the whole glang joins in and they transition into a staged glee performance. BUT, the song ends with Rachel shedding a single tear in harmony with Sean.
Boy oh boy, did that last sentence sound incredibly cheesy. It wasn’t though. The moment was really so sweet and sad and genuine, I couldn’t help but think of a very recent experience, and at the risk of sharing too much, I’m going to tell you anyway… I just lost my grandma. (She lived a very full 92 years!) She was bedridden her last few days and was virtually non-responsive and mostly unable to talk. Somehow though, when my sister and I sang to her, she mustered up the strength to join in… We sang “Hello Dolly,” just like we used to do as kids standing round her old piano.
Music is a powerful thing. I’m so happy that Glee takes advantage of that.
Thanks for sticking with me, my gleeloveds.
Talk at you soon!
Yours and everyone else’s,
Glines O’ the Week
• I feel like that guy who lost all his hair and then lost all his strength. -Puck, “Sampson?” -Santana “Aggasi” – Puck
• “I am like Tinkerbell, Finn, I need applause to live” -Rachel
• “Kissing my armpits is a really big turn on for me.” Brittany
• “I’m a sex shark, if I stop moving, I die.” -Puck
• “So you like show tunes. Doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful.” -Sue