Glee: New Dork

Forgetaboutit! It’s the season finale of Glee set to the backdrop of the Big Apple… Coincidentally, ol’ Birschy has had a conversation or two lately about how living in New York can harden a person. I was there a few years ago for only a week and at one point I found myself throwing an elbow at a crazy lady who had just pushed my ex for no good reason. Otherwise, I’m a pacifist. A pacifist who loves rap, but still, normally I don’t even like to hurt spiders… I guess that’s why I found it so hard to believe that this trip to New York seemed to have just the opposite effect on the entire glang. Even Quinn could only be a bitch for about two seconds before she was immediately appeased with the offer of a haircut. A haircut! I dunno, you guys. I have to say I felt a little betrayed. Betrayed in that we were promised a Staten Island sized heap of drama, and they delivered a small thin crust pizza topped with understanding and acceptance… The whole ep seemed like one big friggen’ hand job set to a mixed tape of songs we ain’t never heard before! (She said in New York accent…. ) There were moments I loved, of course, and actually, I thought the original songs were much better in this ep as compared to the Regional ep. Never mind that I’ll be dancing to all of them all this weekend at my favorite gay club… Overall though, I was underwhelmed. The previews made it seem like Quinn cut off Finn’s wiener on stage and then used it as a microphone in front of everyone. So I was disappointed when this did not happen. Let’s talk about what DID happen though, shall we?

We’ll start with the opening because, well, I have to, it was the opening… The camera pans around Times Square and lands on an overjoyed Rachel Berry, taking in the scene. She approaches the glang, eating lunch on the steps, in anticipation. She tells them she wants to celebrate the city and bought them all tickets to Cats. Quinn tells her to check the dates because Cats hasn’t played in New York for years. Rachel, whose character would have probably known this, says, “He did seem crazy. He charged my credit card by swiping it through his butt crack.”

Shue is checking the glang into their two hotel rooms and the concierge suggest he divvy them up according to sexual orientation. Rachel and Finn walk by and we follow them as Rachel tells Finn how surprised she is at Quinn taking their break up so well. Finn asks about Jesse and Rachel says he’s been texting her but she doesn’t want any distractions until after they “win that trophy.” Shue asks Finn where Puck is and they both find him, with Zizes, trying to order a Manhattan at the bar. The bartender asks Puck if he even knows what a Manhattan is and I THINK it’s because he’s supposed to look like a teenager… Shue calls glang wide meeting up stairs in their room.

Up in their room, Kurt is perusing the room service menu and he’s excited about tuna tar tar, surprisingly… Everyone has writing pads and stuff cause they still have to write two songs for the show. Shue puts them to work and then makes up an excuse to leave them unattended to venture off to the theatre where he’ll be performing for April Rhode’s show…

Meanwhile, Britt and Artie sing “My Cup,” with Puck on his acoustic guitar. It’s about a cup, and it’s adorable. The line “I’m saying what’s up to my cup” put a big stupid smile on my face. Or maybe it was the close ups of Britt’s suspender bootie…

The glang isn’t too jazzed about “My Cup,” and Quinn says they need to get outta the room for inspiration… They dance and laugh their way around the city while performing Madonna’s “I Love New York.” Finn starts them off and almost ruined it but then everyone else picks up a lyric or two and by the end I kinda was liking it. Of course, I loved hearing Santana and Mercedes in there. They carried this version that seemed a little faster than the original. It DID remind me of how horrible the lyrics are. I love me some Madge but rhyming “York” with “dork” is a lyric I could have written in the 5th grade…

“We like balloons and also cartoons!” “Weeeeee!”

In the boy’s hotel room, Finn tells the dudes he thinks he and Rachel should sing a duet. Mike agrees cause he says it will get them the win. Puck calls out the “Jewish elephant” in the room and tells Finn he should take Rachel out on a big city date like the kind in romantic movies that you grow a vagina from watching… Rachel is trying to write a song, caught in the cross fire of a deadly pillow fight when she gets a text from Finn asking her to meet him at the bridge and to wear something nice. And slutty… (Nooo, not slutty.)

Ol’ Goody Two Shues walks around the empty theatre in which he’s supposed to perform Cross Rhodes, then he does that spin thing he likes to do that always sorta makes me think, “show off.”

He twirls into some intro piano music and then sings “We Still Got Tonight,” a Glee original… It’s about a guy who’s running out of time chasing his dream so he’s gotta go do it but there’s someone that he’d be leaving behind. The chorus tells [Emma] at least “we’ve still got tonight.” It sounded like one of those songs written for the winner of American Idol but I think it could have been worse. Not baaaaad, I guess. Not bad. He gets an applause from a house manager type and then tells Shue “I’ve been working here 25 years and I’ve seen a lot of talent coming through, and lemme tell you somethin’ kid- you got it.” Then he arrested him for trespassing. (Nooooo, he didn’t.)

Finn waits on the bridge for Rachel. Birds a flutter, romantic strings playing in the background, and even giant amoeba like bubbles as Rachel arrives to an awe struck Finn holding onto flowers like a gorilla does a banana…

Rachel almost doesn’t make it through the wall of bubbles but once she does she wants to know why Finn has flowers. Finn says it’s a work date and that they should write a duet. Finn takes Rachel to lunch at Sardi’s, “birth place of the Tony award.” She wonders if she will ever have her cartoon likeness up on the wall while Finn drools over the real thing… Rachel interrupts Finn’s, “you look so pretty today,” with an “OMG,” cause she sees the actual real life Patty LuPone getting up to leave from her lunch. She’s reluctant to say anything but she does, at least for Kurt. LuPone is flattered that she’s Rachel’s idol and gives Rachel a “he’s cute,” aside after a handshake. They can’t believe it but what I can’t believe is that Patty LuPone was on the show and SHE DOESN’T SING ANYTHING!!!!!!!!! WHY? Would she only agree to a cameo? I hope so. I really frickeen hope so…

Rachel is gabbing about how much she loves New York as she walks through the moonlit streets on Finn’s arm. She says now all they need is a “group of street singers to serenade us and we’d be perfect.” Cue the rest of the dudes of Nude Erections. They follow Finn and Rachel and sing “Bella Notte.” Finn stops her because “this is the part in those romantic comedies where they kiss.” Rachel can’t though. She just can’t… Finn did not do the one thing he should have though- share a plate of spaghetti and nudge the last meatball over to Rachel with his nose. Duh! That’s how you get a kiss on a bella notte, Finn!

Kurt wakes Rachel up so they can sneak away and have breakfast at Tiffany’s. They stand in front of the store, gnashing on bagels while Rachel confesses to Kurt that she’s going to return to NY for college. Kurt says he and Blaine have already talked about moving once they graduate as well. (Glee College Years, anybody???) Rachel says she doesn’t want to leave Finn behind and Kurt says she should bring him along. For some reason Rachel rejects the idea and then Kurt talks about the age old dilemma, “love or career.” He thinks breaking into the actual venue where Wicked is playing will help her come to a decision…

Kurt and Rachel look around in awe on the set stage for Wicked. He asks her to picture herself in front a packed house belting out one of the final songs of one of the greatest musicals of all time. Which almost made me spit up my Petit Syrah because of how admittedly I disagree with Kurt’s assessment. (Don’t hate me. I know a LOT of people love it.)

The set of Wicked… Ol’ Birschy’s favorite part of that musical… (Seriously that set is amazing.)

Kurt and Rachel sing Wicked’s, “For Good.” Although I don’t like ANY of the music from Wicked, I sure didn’t mind this. Lea and Chris must have made Kristin and Idina proud… I love when Rachel and Kurt sing duets. Frickeen awesome to see them together again… Their winsome teary eyed hug at the end was precious… After their embrace Rachel says she realizes that the stage is her true love and that is what she has to follow. Then her dress grows into a giant dress and she flies away…

Britt and Santana finally get Quinn outta the bathroom so that they can join the rest of the glang to work on their songs… Quinn says she’s gonna find Shue and tell him that Rachel and Kurt have snuck off, which will, as Santana points out, will blow their chance at Nationals, and all because Quinn has it out for Rachel. After some back and forth, Quinn breaks down and says, “Aren’t we supposed to be the popular girls? So why can’t we have our dreams come true? She [Rachel] has love. Tina has her boyfriend. Even Zizes hooks up.” I believe that was supposed to make us feel sorry for Quinn, so Santana says she knows something that will make her feel better. Quinn says she’s not into that kind of thing but Santana says she meant getting a haircut…

Shue is apologizing to a hotel employee for the pillow fight when Goolsby looks Will up and down with a, “Good luck on Broadway.” This throws Shue off a bit so they have a drink at the hotel bar. Goolsby talks about how much he hates it when his kids succeed and Shue says it’s been the one joy in his life… He tears up about it and Goolsby tells him he bets people think “I just broke up with you.” Then says, “See you on the ice, Shuester.” Uhhhh? Is it me or did they JUST decide to make this character gay? Not joking here. Is this the first time? I’m cornfused.

Shue walks into the hotel room with a stack of pizzas for glang, hard at work on their new songs. Quinn, looking good in her new hair did tells Shue they know about his leaving McKinley for Broadway. The glang isn’t mad at all and in fact they’re quite understanding… Shue says he’s not going because he had his “moment on that stage and it was glorious but you and I have some unfinished business to attend to.” This doesn’t make sense to me. At all. But fine. They can’t have Glee without Matthew Morrison…

The glang arrives at Nationals. Shue says normally he’s pretty cautious about getting “hopes up but honestly guys we got a pretty good shot at winning this thing.” As soon as he said that, I realized they wouldn’t… The show starts off with a raunchy all girls choir that sings Lil’ John and Ushers “Yeah.” Which was bizarre and horribly unattractive and weird… I THINK it was supposed to be a joke…? During, Shue sees Goolsby get up during the performance. He follows him into the lobby and Goolsby is buying souvenir shirts for his kids, per his tradition, to send to all the teams they beat at Nationals. Shue buys an t-shirt to send to Goolsby to send it to him, “after we win in Nationals.” Now I REALLY think they won’t win…

Rachel hears someone throwing up in the girls bathroom. She thinks it’s Santana but turns out it’s Sunshine Corazon. Rachel accuses her of being a typical Vocal Adrenaline bulimic, but Sunshine says it’s because she can’t take the pressure and that she’s going to the Philippine Embassy so she can be deported to escape Goolsby and VA. Rachel feels bad and tells her the only reason she sent her to a crack house was because she was good. Then she tells Sunshine that she has to share her gift with everyone and that if she gets nervous to just find her in the audience cause she’ll be rooting for her… Awww, all better. From now on, in honor of Sunshine, I will pronounce “barf” as “berf.” Cause that’s what she did…

The curtain rises and the spotlight shines on Sunshine who looks around nervously until Rachel gives her a thumbs up and suddenly she’s not nervous… An incredulous Finn asks Rachel what she’s doing and Rachel says, “I’m making something right.” But to me, it just looked like a thumbs up… Sunshine sings another Glee original, “As Long As You’re There.” It felt very Whitney Houston in the 90s but I didn’t mind it at all. Charice is the by far the most talented singing chipmunk I have ever heard…

Rachel and Finn are back stage ready to go on. Rachel tells Finn he wrote an amazing song. Finn doesn’t care about the song, he just wants to know why she’s not accepting his advances. She says she loves him but she’s not gonna let anyone keep her from it. You know what would solve that? If Finn went with her!!! Doesn’t Finn say in the very first ep of Glee ever that he wants to get out of Lima???? Am I making that up in my head? The announcer interrupts my frustration with a “Please welcome, New Directions!” Rachel and Finn exchange a gaze heavier than the String Theory, and they sing “Pretending,” a Glee original. During, Jesse St. James sits next to an empty seat next to Shue and says “I couldn’t stay away.” Shue replies “From the show, or HER?” Ooh, snap, Shue. Up top! (Shue tries to five me but I pull my hand away before he does.) You guuuuuys! Maybe I’m just a fool for Rachel and Finn’s love affair, but I actually liked this song. So far, my favorite original. Not sure I’d download it from iTunes but I would not turn it off if it was on the radio. In fact, I’d even turn it up and roll up my windows so as to not embarrass myself when singing along. It felt a little bit Leona Lewis in the melody and the rhythm, along with the frustration, drama, and sexual tension-ish stuff happening too that usually happens in her stuff… The rest of glang joins them on stage for the last round of the chorus, and the audience seems to really be into it until Rachel and Finn can’t control themselves, STOP PRETENDING, and start making out…

The entire audience is apparently made up of prudes because everyone seems to think this is somehow offensive and sit in silence after the kiss. Shue stands to clap after telling Jesse that was not planned, and there is a smattering of applause that follows… It’s not awkward for too long though cause then they go into their second original number, “Light Up the World.” This song felt like one of those Katy Perry/Pink Gay dance club anthems, but again, I liked it more than any of the originals from the Regional ep. But, I’m sure it’s just a matter of personal preference… The audience loved it too though, and they gave Nude Erections a standing ovation.

“Yay! We’re feelin’ really good about ourselves for now!”

The glang is all abuzz from the show in the lobby. Britt is sizing shirts for Lord Tubbington and Rachel and Finn are talking about how awesome their kiss was. Jesse spoils the mood though when he approaches and tells them it will cost them the championship. Finn says Jesse is just jealous of their “superman kiss” when someone announces the result for top 10 have been posted. They walk in slow motion towards the list and when Shue volunteers to peruse and report, he returns with bad news… They didn’t even make the top ten! But we knew that would happen. BTW, my two favorite names on the list? “Soundsplosion” and “Singaz Wit Attitude.”

Back to normal life in Lima, Kurt is giving Blaine the scoop at their coffee shop. He tells him Santana went crazy on Rachel and Finn for blowing their shot and everyone was quite on the plane. Blaine points out Kurt doesn’t seem too upset and Kurt doesn’t think he needs to be, after all, he flew on a plane, had breakfast at Tiffany’s and sang on a Broadway stage. Then the ol’ Birschy eyes got a little moist for the first time all episode when Blaine tells Kurt he loves him. Kurt says he loves him too and I love that they love each other. Love love love. And love… Mercedes and NGS show up and seem a little flustered making up some excuse as to why they’re there together. They get in line for coffee and Mercedes and asks Sam in a whisper if he thinks anybody knows. He doesn’t and then they hold hands… Awwww! Cute. Not very likely but very cute. Although I will say somehow they kind of fit together.

At the lockers, Britt tells Santana to put away the Rachel voodoo doll cause the year wasn’t about winning anyway. And then she goes into a really cute speech about how the glee club is like a family that loves you no matter what and that she’s just happy she gets to spend another year with people she loves so much. Santana understands and asks about them. Britt tells her she loves her more than she’s ever loved anyone and anything is possible. Then they hug and call each other best friends. But I’m pulling my hair out because if the girl I was in love with told me she loved me more than she’s ever loved anyone and anything was possible we’d be driving to the nearest U-Haul…

Rachel finds Finn hiding in the library. Finn is mad at himself that he blew it for everyone, especially Rachel. Rachel tells him you can’t blame a true artist for expressing themselves at whatever they feel at the moment. Plus they’ll have another shot next year… Rachel tells Finn the kiss was worth it but that she’s moving as soon as she graduates. Finn wants to know what her plans are until then and they make out some more. The little happy ending scenes are melting my heart you guys. I’m starting to forget how disappointed I am with the lack of drama…

At their end of year meeting, the glee club celebrates with a tiny 12th place trophy and they couldn’t be happier…

Well, my darlings. That’s it for season two… Sort of a roller coaster of a season, eh? I have to admit though, for all the times the gravity pull of this show makes me want to barf, or berf, I should say, I still can’t bring myself to stop the ride. The butterflies may be few and far between, but they’re still butterflies, none the less… And I just can’t get that anywhere else in TVland or even NetFlix Mountain (Unless it’s Season 1 of Glee)…

Thanks for sticking with me ALL SEASON, my gleeloveds. Love you guys for it…

Talk at you in a few months!

yours and everyone else’s,

BirschTalk

Gline O’ the Week
“And I’m gonna be anxiously awaiting just like everyone else to find out if their babies are Asian too.” Britt on Mike and Tina if and when they have baby…