Glee Project: Cruel and Unusual Slushiment

This week’s word is “tenacity,” which basically means perseverance, or stubbornness. I’m kind of in the dark about how they’re going to use this word, but let’s roll with it. The song they have to perform is La Roux’s “Bulletproof,” which is a great drunken dancing song. Trust me.

Uggh Christian Hipsteron is still harping on last week’s kiss! Get over it, Jesus will forgive you! Gingersnap thinks this is going to be a good week for her, which usually means that she’s going to end up in the bottom, if we go by reality show standards. And just like me, the GleePro-ers are confused about the word. Lindsay provides the helpful definition of “it means to be tenacious.” Linds says that being an adopted child she had to be extra tenacious to survive. Unless her family continuously tried to kill her, I don’t really get that…

@Dilia suggested for Alex’s nickname to be Kurtcedes, and I like it, so that’s it! Kurtcedes coins a new word- “tenasty” and says he knows how to get what he wants.

This week’s guest is Max Adler, who plays the closet gay football player bully that makes everyone’s lives miserable. Yay!

He looks like he could pop the Casting guy’s head like that football

He says he’s there for this week because he’s gotten turned down tons of times but he just kept going out there and fighting. Wouldn’t that apply to any actor, ever? Why him in particular? Casting guy says he cast Max as only  a two-line costar and now he’s a big character. Once again, this could apply to Brittany, Santana, Lauren Zises, so many people. He was probably the cheapest one with the least work.

This makes no sense: how can you tell how much tenacity someone has from watching them sing one song? GleePro, get your act together! Also:

Whoa! You know what they say, the bigger the hoops…

Well, let’s grade their performances, anyway.

Dreads- meh. He sounded a bit off the whole time, and his voice was even raspier than normal B-

Lindsay- powerful and sassy. Sounded a little like La Roux herself, although she made a real bitchface at the end which made me not like her again A-

Kurtcedes- Woo! Good old Alex, tearing it up like a boss. A

Bootylicious- not bad. I felt like she was trying to hard, although it was interesting how she changed up the last note B+

Hipsteron- oh god. He missed all the notes and his voice sounded terrible. Did Lindsay suck out your talent through her lips last week like a Dementor (hmmm Lindsay as a Dementor…)? F

Gingersnap- good, same old Hannah. Nothing really special. B

But wait, hold the phone, Max makes them stop! What’s going on? He wants them to do another “tenacious” performance and do something they’ve never done before, shocking and suprising him. I’m nervous already. Once again, I don’t really see the connection to tenacity.

Re-grade?

Dreads- gets up, bangs the drums, and gets in Max’s face. Makes an impact B+

Lindsay- she just walks up to him, gives a flirty look, and walks back. Boring. B

Kurtcedes- pushes Lindsay aside and does a version of the Z-snap. I’m grading him high solely for the look of disgust on Lindsay’s face (plus, he pushed her!). A

Girl, I KNOW you did not just push me!

Bootylicious- Stands up and tries to look sad. Seen it before from her. But at her next line she kicks a chair and pretends she has a machine gun, which is nice. B+

Say hello to my little friend, suckas!

Hipsteron- does a little crazy dance move, which is good, but his voice still sounds awful so I can’t grade him more than a C+

Gingersnap- really doesn’t do anything. Does she have any idea of what “shock” means? Actually, I don’t want to see her being shocking. I think I’d be scarred. And on her next line she just flashes CT and Kurtcedes. B-

Celtic Thunder- voice is good, but his gestures are clichéd. B-

Max is happy with them all. He says CT sometimes watches other people singing and “checks out” for a minute.

More like he checks other people out (dat ass)

He loved Dreads, who says he really wants to win because he’s super tenacious and wants the Glee role real bad. Just like everyone else…And the winner is Marissa! Hm, interesting choice. Lindsay and Dreads are pissed.

She kind of looks like a seal with down syndrome

The big number is a mash-up (oooh we haven’t had one of those yet) of “Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie and “Ice Ice Baby.” Great, two songs that already sound the same. Kinda missing the point of a mash-up in my opinion. There’s going to be some really physically demanding choreography, plus they’re all going to get slushied!

Everyone gets excited, most of all Gingersnap, who screams, “YES! I’ve been waiting for that.” Do they all understand that they’re going to be hit repeatedly with freezing, sticky, sugary ice? It doesn’t sound fun in the least to me. To each their own…

Three cheers for hypothermia!

I guess I kind of understand that as showing tenacity, because as Max says, you can’t break character or they have to re-do everything- the sets, costumes, makeup, etc. I feel like there’s a better word though.

Kurtcedes seems to be the only sane one, cuz he isn’t looking forward to being slushied in the face.

And mess up this beautiful face? Please.

Brooke does the choreography today because Zach is on the set of Glee. One of my good friends recently ranted to me about her obsession with Zach, so sad face for her.

Here’s something to make up for it. If you’re reading, this is for you.

The choreography is tough (lots of butt-scooting on the floor), and of course Gingersnap has trouble.  At vocals with Nikki, Dreads and Marissa have some trouble. Gingersnap has been assigned the rap part in the song based on her madd skillz from the MC Hammer episode. They want to see if she can do it in one take, under pressure. I know, that was bad. Well anyway, she immediately messes up, so that bet’s out the window.

Before the video, Ginger is nervous, and Kurtcedes says “fat kids weren’t meant to do floor work.” I hope he wasn’t just referring to her.

During her one-on-one with Max, Bootylicious got slushied. When he asked her if she wanted goggles, she says “No, I want to be tenacious about it.” That is not the way you use that word. Sigh.

I can’t help but feel like he’s enjoying this

During the shoot, they repeatedly throw slushies at Booty. Like, A LOT. That really freakin’ sucks, and she keeps singing, but apparently is “less electric” than usual. Maybe because electricity and wetness don’t mix?

Dreads does amazing and doesn’t even act like he’s having ice repeatedly dumped on him. He swings his dreads around a lot. He says it was the most fun shoot yet. Weirdo.

CT and Lindsay go together. CT’s sensitive skin doesn’t like getting shocked with cold, but he still does pretty well. Lindsay is unremarkable.

Gingersnap says her vocal session sucked, but on camera she’s good.

What is in those slushies anyway? That one looks radioactive. I think I see her becoming a mutant already.

Kurtcedes doesn’t do very well. You can tell he’s visibly affected by the slushying. Hipsteron’s segment is really weird. It’s like there’s a sprinkler in his locker. It doesn’t even look like slushy, just water. He whines that it’s the coldest thing he’s ever felt, and I realize that he’s from Texas, where they think it’s cold if it goes below 75 degrees. Needless to say, he doesn’t handle it well.

I for one would love it if I got free slushies whenever I opened my locker

Then they all do the butt-sliding choreography in the hallway. This is how they end.

Death by slushy.

Video notes:

-         Lindsay’s belting is quite impressive

This is how, they became The Brady Bunch!

-         A slushy fountain? That sounds AWESOME

-         Ginger’s rap is great

-         The mash-up actually sounds really cool. I’d torrent that.

My guesses for the bottom: Hipsteron, Kurtcedes, and maybe Bootylicious? They say it’s the first time that their decision wasn’t unanimous. Called back: CT, Lindsay, Dreads. No surprises there.

Kurtcedes is in the bottom because he dances well but is disconnected and doesn’t try as hard as everyone else. Bootylicious is in the bottom because she was less “dynamic and electric” and had a bad vocals session, even though I thought she sounded pretty good. Between Hipsteron and Ginger, Hipster couldn’t deal with the slushies and Ginger had a hard time with the vocals and dancing. But because she was more tenacious, she gets a call back.

They’re giving the GleeProtestants a little “break” by assigning them songs they originally auditioned with. Kurtcedes gets “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” (how appropriate). That song is so him, and I’m looking forward to it. Bootylicious gets “Hate on Me” by Jill Scott. Hipsteron’s is “Love Can Wait,” which he wrote himself! That should be interesting.

Kurtcedes is doing his performance in drag to “make a statement.” I think it’s just his excuse for wearing a dress and heels. I knew once he got a taste of drag he’d be hooked.

The vignette shows Ginger doing splits and other “exercise” stuff. Moving on.

When Kurtcedes comes out in drag, Ryan asks why. Kurtcedes reminds him of last week, when Ryan wanted him to come out as Amy Winehouse, and made fun of her (“put a mop on your head.”) Bet they’re regretting that now, watching at home. RIP Amy.

More fan service for my friend

Kurtcedes’ song starts out a little airy, but then the power kicks in and the rest is history. Really, really, great, just as I was expecting. They all like him.

Bootylicious nails her song, which is extremely hard to sing. She also puts Ryan’s voice in the lyrics, which is funny. Although I guess it kind of felt like it was missing something. Ryan says she has a great voice and will always be performing, but she has to work on being more controlled and less “all over the place.” He asks her if she knows what he’s talking about and she says she does, but you can totally tell she has no fucking clue.

Hipsteron plays his original song, and it’s actually really good. Much better than “My Headband” anyway (non-Glee watchers won’t get that one). He has a vibe of almost Bob Dylan mixed with Elvis, with something else I can’t place. His voice really shines the best on low-key acoustic songs.

Ryan starts his “who can I write for” schtick. As far as who is the least unique, stand-out character, I’d vote for Bootylicious. So I think Hipsteron SHOULD go, but it is more likely to be her.

And the one leaving is Bootylicious. I think it’s dumb because I thought she did fine in the big group number and she’s been doing well so far, but it is what she is.

Note: I think her exit song performance was the best out of everyone so far.

Remember to check out Nads’ interview with Marissa! And also, here’s a quick commentary from TV.com about the elimination and the seeming bias against women on GleePro. Interesting reading. http://www.tv.com/the-glee-project-more-like-the-he-project/story/26339.html

Next week we tackle sexuality…should be deliciously awkward. Thanks for reading, comment away!

<3 L-Money