Glee Project: Everyone’s a Winner! But Not

Almost to the end! Hold out just a little bit more. Since the penultimate episode was kind of a snooze, I combined the recap with the finale. Sorry for the delay, but now you get a double dose of GleePro recappy goodness (although the first one is a bit shorter).

This week’s theme is “generosity.” Honestly, these are getting more and more ridiculous. What does generosity have to do with being an actor on a TV show? Sure, once you’re big it’s great to pretend that you’re generous and give lots of your crazy wealth to charities for sick kids or abandoned puppies or whatever, but for these kids I think it’s best they focus on their own problems (like Lindsay being a psycho bitch).

Wait, Dreads even squints in his little L picture thingy.

The song is “Lean on Me.” The GleeProers don’t know what the judges want from them in terms of generosity either.

And the generous guest is…Kevin McHale, who plays wheelchair-ridden Artie on Glee. Too bad Gingersnap is gone, cuz he does a mean whiteboy rap that she would appreciate.

I thought we had seen the last of the hipster glasses with Hipsteron.

Kevin says that at Glee, they are a family that leans on each other to support each other. I still don’t really see the connection to generosity…

Grade the performances:

Dreads- nice and raspy, a little off at times. Smooth, though. A-

CT- deep, good. I like. B+

Lindsay- don’t like. Maybe because I can’t see her helping anyone but herself. B-

Kurtcedes- amazing. By far the best vocal performance. Those high notes… A

Kevin didn’t think Dreads connected in the ensemble. Kurtcedes needs to work on his physical performance. Lindsay gave  a lot back? CT connected well and smiled a lot.

Who did Kevin find the best? Lindsay. Ugh. He gives her the magic comb from the show.

Which she immediately infects with her nasty head lice

The big group number is “Sing” by My Chemical Romance. They’re going to be playing musical instruments as well. Dreads is the only one who plays, so Kevin tells them to all lie. Great advice! They are also going to share their performances with a special guest.

Choreography. The instruments they have: Dreads-keyboard. CT- drums. Kurtcedes- bass (he doesn’t even know what it looks like). Lindsay- gets lead guitar. She says “It’s a beast of an instrument but she’s a beast of a performer.” Well, she’s a beast.

Kurtcedes stop signing, they haven’t started yet

CT has no idea what drums are like. He just smiles and bops along without doing anything. Lightly put, it’s a shitstorm. Lindsay’s laughing and hollering and having a grand old time. Zach puts them in their place when he says it was more painful than funny. Wouldn’t this challenge fit better for believability????

Vocals. We find out who the “special” music partners are…they are kids. I hate kids. Oh wait, they’re supposed to be miniature versions of the Gleetenders. But why are there two girls then? Oh duh. I forgot about Kurtcedes.

Dreads tells his kid (that sounds wrong) that in music there is no way to be wrong. Actually that’s not true. CT ends up getting helped by his kid more than he helps him. Lindsay has met her soul mate in child form (Jacob from Twilight, anyone? Don’t hate me.), and Kurtcedes’ kid is shy.

Lindsay sucks in vocals. I think Nikki wants to stuff a sock in her mouth. I say leave it there, I would be an improvement. Dreads can’t hit the high notes.

The kids are better than the contestants…

Kevin teaches Lindsay guitar. He says “If you put your two fingers here…” Sounds a little bit beyond normal mentoring to me. Now I know why he picked her!

Kurtcedes isn’t as comfortable working with his kids, but I don’t hold it against him. Lindsay is obnoxious and CT looks like he’s in pain. Dreads is arrogant.

Video Notes

-         The whole thing is cute I guess

-         Why would it matter if they look realistic? With the choppy cutting it doesn’t matter

-         The kids are really awesome

-         Lindsay…unfortunately, she’s pretty good

At the end of the video, it says music eduction = less substance abuse. Do they know what musicians do? Drugs and booze are basically required.

Are they still going to have 3 last chance performances, even though there’s only 4 of them? Meaning that technically everyone except one was bad? Seems weird to me.

Lindsay’s guitar playing threw off her lip synching. CT also had a problem with that. Dreads struggled with high notes. Kurtcedes wasn’t a good mentor. Instead of Ryan, Ian Brennan, the other creator and writer, is going to judge them. Ooooh twist. Since Ian has never seen them, they’re all doing last chances.

Lindsay- Defying Gravity (Broadway)

Kurtcedes- His Eye is on the Sparrow (Gospel)

CT- I Gotta Be Me (Swing)

Dreads- My Funny Valentine (Standard)

Kurtcedes’ song was sung at his father’s funeral.

Nikki oddly goes “no way” when he says that. “They sang that song when your dad died? OMG no way!”

The producers must have known that. Dreads has never heard his song before. Shame on him! It’ll be interesting for him to not do rock for once.

Lindsay practices “Defying Gravity”. Don’t try to be Idina. Just don’t try.

In the vignette, Dreads helps his kid get used to the camera. Dreads is good with his kid, who seems perfect for him.

Ian looks like that guy from Hamlet 2. Ryan wants Kurtcedes to be like the little brother of…Kurt and Mercedes! The viewers are prophetic.

UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE

His song is great. The gospel is very beautiful. Gonna talk about having a Christian character again, Ryan? Hamlet 2 is nice. But says Kurtcedes is fascinating in a weird way.

CT is next. Did he just look up the name of his song on his hand? He must like Hamlet 2 because of Irish solidarity.

His voice sounds good and he’s fun, but there’s nothing really special about it. Ryan says Brittany (from Glee) would never understand his accent. Haha I can see that. I can barely understand him sometimes.

Lindsay’s turn. Ugh she misses the high note. So boring. I know I’m comparing her to the magical Idina and there’s no way she could ever come close, but still. Also, her shirt is not flattering.

Who doesn’t love shirts that give you artificial baby bumps?

She gives the same bull about always wanting to be perfect blah blah blah. Ryan says he has always wanted to cut her but never could because he needs a girl like her. No you don’t, send her ass packing! Also, I like Hamlet 2. He’s funny.

Dreads manages to make his song sound like rock. His big high note is painfully wrong.

Aaand here it comes again, the Christian character shit. Seriously, can Dickhead Ryan not go one episode without mentioning it? Hipsteron “was that,” but he’s gone so now Dreads “is that.”I’m so tired of it all. I get this feeling that Dreads will be whoever they want him to be. Want a Christian character? That’s me! Want a vulnerable guy? Oh, I’ll do it!

Who do I think will be on the bottom? I think that Gingersnap will come crashing through the wall, inadvertently killing Lindsay, and Ryan will realize she’s super cool and give her the part! Oh wait, I’m dreaming again. For realz, I think CT will go home.

Wait, what the fuck? I said I wasn’t dreaming anymore.

This is such a cop out. What was the point of this episode?

The lip synching along to their own performance of Keep Holding On or whatever is pretty terrible. Why are they singing it now anyway? No one went home.

Now it’s time for the finale! They better give it all they got, or else they’ll regret it when they’re overweight middle-aged waiters/waitresses who tells all their customers how they almost made it on that Glee show, scaring them away as they cry into the mashed potatoes.

And the final song is

Just when you thought they couldn’t make up any more ridiculous words

Lindsay says it’s perfrect because “they haven’t stopped believing this entire Journey.” That had to have been scripted, right? Did she come up with that Journey pun herself?

I’d have to say the guest this week would be Lea Michele. If I had made it to the finals of this show, I would def be disappointed if she never showed up. Maybe it’ll be Cory montreith, though. And it’s…

Oh, just this dickwad. Talk about a let down.

They start the song. HW grading (the last one!).

Celtic Thunder- sounds very nice. Very leading man-ish.

But wait! Before he can even sing two lines, Dick Murphy stops them. He wants to know why there isn’t any choreography, because it’s “flat.” First of all, they’ve been singing for approximately 15 seconds. Second, has he forgotten that the majority of the choreography for this song had the Glee kids walking around and raising their hands? Not the most interesting I’ve ever seen.

Dicky says they need help, and goes to get someone. Ohhh, I get it, this was all a set up!

Now it’ll be Lea?

And the disappointments just keep rolling on in

I think Lindsay imagined it was Lea after all

Emily/Santana 2.0 uses a word I’ve never heard before, “Glee-atche.” Like biyatche. That guy who was eliminated in the first episode and I don’t remember his name walks in like the giant ape he is. There are hugs all around. CT is especially happy to see Hipsteron and Gingersnap (<3).

Don’t give Gingersnap any ideas about threesomes

Baby Ellis is real REAL, saying that she’s jealous of the final four. Thanks for not being fake!

OK, now back to the song!

CT- same, sounds good. Some points off for his semi-creepy look at the end. A-

Lindsay- over belts it and sounds way too Broadway for the song. Then misses a note later on. Yuk. B-

Hey, look at Mickey! She’s being a little interesting for once!

Dreads- same as usual. Whatever. Also, they clearly edited a lot out because his lyrics are from another part of the song. B+

Kurtcedes- really knows how to make an impact. Bursts in there and sounds a lot more interesting thatn the others. A

Woo that was fun. Casting Guy tells them there’s no HW winner today because now it’s all about who’s going to win the whole shebang.

The final big song is Pink’s “Raise Your Glass” sung from the top of a skyscraper. And then they’re all going to do last chance performances, where they actually get to choose their own songs.

Kurtcedes is worried about being on the roof because he’s afraid one of the old Gleetenders will push him off the roof. Well, if it would be anyone it would be Santana 2.0, so watch her. Especially when Zach says “who woulda thought we’d have these four?” and Santana 2.0 is the first to step up and say “Not me!” They’re both such bitches, I love it.

Vocals with Nikki.

This is her husband? Well he must have a really great…personality.

Lindsay does a meh job. CT actually does really well, sounds super cool. And as they all say, he’s so nice! Dreads kinda sucks. LOL Kurtcedes knocks him down a peg when he says it was just Dreads’ problem that he couldn’t do the “come on ins”. And then he does the “come on ins” better than anyone else. I love it.

Supporting underage drinking, that’s the Glee way

Video shooting starts, and everyone’s lovin’ it. Lindsay says she feels like a member of the Beatles. Well, every musical group needs its Yoko Ono for everyone to hate.

Video time!

-         That guy whose name I don’t remember sounds like an idiot when he goes “yo!” You really couldn’t think of anything else?

-         I still love Gingersnap

Still hate her, though.

-         I have no idea what Matty says when walking up the stairs. Also, his haircut is awful.

-         Really Mickey? “Yee-haw?” I know you’re from the South, but still

-         Baby ellis, look how you’ve grown up

LOL Lindsay looks extremely constipated.

I have to say, that was a really good video. At the end, CT says he “did his best in the music shit.” Oh wait, that was shoot. Damn his adorable accent!

OK, time for the last last chance performances! What songs did everyone choose to sing?

Lindsay- “Gimme Gimme” (from musical Thoroughly Modern Millie)

CT- “Beyond the Sea” by Bobby Darin – So perfect!

LOL Nikki tells CT he’s the worst singer, dancer, and actor of the bunch, but it’s OK because it’s about who Ryan wants to create a role for. Talk about backhanded compliments.

Dreads- “Jolene” by Dolly Parton

Kurtcedes- “I Am Changing” from Dream Girls (Of course he’s doing drag)

Casting Guy says some “familiar friends from Glee” and the former Gleetestants AND Ian Brennan (Hamlet 2) will be watching them.

Kurtcedes looks like someone just told him all the scarf factories in the world caught on fire.

In the vignette this week, Hipsteron talks about how he has no friends except the ones from GleePro.

Nice try Santana 2.0, but it won’t work. You can’t turn him.

Does anyone else think Hipsteron sounds drunk when he talks? He’s talking really slowly and slurring a little and talking about how much he loooooves everyone and magic and stuff. What would Jesus think about that?

Time for the show! In the audience from Glee is Darren Criss, Jenna Ushkowitz, Dot Jones, Harry Shum Jr, and the girl who plays Lauren and the guy who plays the bully (I’m too lazy to look up their names).

First is Lindsay. She looks really stiff and uncomfroatable while singing. But I hate to admit it, her singing is really great. Sigh. For some reason Zach is freaking out.

Next is CT. He dedicates his song to Gingersnap and Hipsteron, which Lauren Zises loves.

She loves it that a fellow big girl is gettin’ some love

His performance is so good! I know I wasn’t the biggest CT fan earlier on in the show, but now I really like him. A smile just spread over my face watching him. He’s very suave, but also endearing.

Now it’s Dreads. His voice sounds amazing on this song. For once it isn’t just raspy and cool. I like this side of him. Although I don’t like the way he changes the way he says “Jolene” from Jo-LAYN to Jo-LENE back and forth. Pick one!

Finally, it’s Kurtcedes.

Where does he get these clothes? And the fake boobs? I guess the show must supply them, but that means that they had them on hand…

Jenna Ushkowitz loves him. He sounds great, of course, but the thing is that he’s done songs like this before. It’s not really different from what we’ve already heard, and that might hurt him.

I can’t tell if Ellis is amazed or disgusted

The audience all chimes in now with their opinions. Eveyone sounded great, Dreads is really cool, Kurtcedes is very Glee, Lindsay could foil Rachel Berry (don’t know if I see that one, but whatever), etc. Then they kick them out so they can make their decision.

Casting Guy says there’s no one like Dreads on television. That’s such BS. Look on almost any teen show (the CW and ABC Family for example) and you’ll find the cool, rebellious artistic dude. Just cuz it’s not on Fox doesn’t mean it’s not on TV. Lindsay’s a great actress. We know. That’s how she gets by every week being fake as hell. Kurtcedes in drag is fascinating. CT could be a foreign exchange student. Hamlet 2 says he knows exactly who he wants, and they make their decision. Bring in the cows for the slaughter!

Dickhead thinks Lindsay is just “pure light.” Wow, she is a great actress! CT got better every week. Dreads is intense and “indie rock.” I’m not even going to touch that one. Kurtcedes embodies the spirit of Glee. But alas, Dickhead tells him that he isn’t the winner. Sad face. He just dropped that bombshell like it was nothing. Asshole.

Who also isn’t the winner? LINDSAY. Haha in your face you fake drama queen! Phew, glad that one’s done. Now I don’t really care what happens, although I’d like CT to win over Dreads.

Dickhead says that CT is lovable, optimistic, and the crowd favorite, while Dreads is a star with the “it” factor.

And the winner is….oh, it’s Dreads. What have I been saying for what, five weeks now? It was obviously going to be him, and it is. Ho hum, good for him I guess. Dickhead got his Christian after all.

But hold the phone! Dickhead tells CT…that he also won! Wow. They really couldn’t decide. So what does this mean, they will each get seven episodes, or they’ll be on the same seven episodes? Well whatever. He freaks out adorably and runs around the stage. Yay Celtic Thunder!

Adorbs.

Haha, Kurtcedes is being such a bitch standing off in the corner and “politely” clapping with a bitter expression on his face. LOVE IT.

But hold the phone that we just held again (stop ringing, phone!). Dickhead loved Kurtcedes and Lindsay so much, that they are each going to get 2 episode arcs on Glee. Aw, that’s sweet. And kind of wishy washy. Be a man, Dickhead! I thought this would be the last time I’d have to see Lindsay’s stupid face, now I have to see her on Glee.

Hmm, was something going on between them behind the scenes?

Or between them?!

Well, that’s it. Everything is love and hugs and sunshine, because everyone won. Except the 8 or so Gleeprotestants that lost. Those were seriously the most happy and feel-goody episodes of a reality TV show I’ve ever seen. Well, this is Oxygen, so I’m not surprised.

Make sure to watch Glee this fall to see how badly they fuck it up (I’m mainly talking about Lindsay). Also, this show has been renewed for a second season, so we get to relive the fun all over again.

Thanks so much for sticking with me this whole time, it’s been fun, and in spite of myself I actually enjoyed this show (some of the people on it, not so much).

Also, here’s one writer’s take on potential characters for the winners and semi-winners if you’re interested: http://www.tv.com/news/predicting-whats-next-for-the-glee-project-winners-26537/.

Thanks again, everyone! See you next time!

<3 L-Money