Glee: Putting Auto-Tune Back into Xmas!

Recaps

By BirschTalk | Sunday, December 12, 2010 | 12:01 am | 22 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Glee, Recaps

Christmas time is, mittens down, my favorite time of year. So you can bet your yule log that ol’ Birschy’s got the sleigh all tuned up and ready to ride across the moon and head straight for a crash landing onto the rooftop of McKinley High.

So here’s what happened on this week’s Glee-

In the teacher’s lounge, Emma wants to make sure that her and Goody Two Shues are cool so she invites him to a Christmas party that her and her new Have Murrrcy hubby are throwing. Shue tells her he thinks it’s best that they have some time apart for a while. The Beiste walks in and has everyone draw a name out of a protein jar for Secret Santa. Shue gets to buy a gift for Sue. Judging by the look on Emma’s face, I’d say she drew Shue’s name. Or, there was a stick drawing with exposed genitalia, take your pick.

At the lockers, Brittany is helping Artie decorate his locker. (Still in the cold opening, btw.) Artie finds out that Brittany still believes in Santa… I hope this turns out to be like a typical Christmas flick where there actually IS a Santa and Artie is shamed for not believing in him… Wish-list-full thinking, I guess, but we’lllll see.

Awwwww! The glang is decorating a tree in the band room and singing “The Most Wonderful Time of Year.” Even Rachel and Puck are heebing, I mean, helping. This seems horribly contrived and I LOVE it. Good call on comparing the glee club to misfit toys… If only it was in stop animation then I’d already have my annual fix of the 1964 version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer… Shue walks in and interrupts the Christmas cheer to let the glang know they’ll be Christmas caroling through the school for a good cause. He thinks they could use a little pick me up since they’re still being slusheed, even despite their winning sectionals.

BUT, they only get a few bars in of “We Need a Little Christmas” before the kids start the heckling. Even the teacher throws her shoe at them. Since the George W incident, this seems to be happening everywhere. I believe the shoe has now replaced the tomato.

The glang decorates a better tree that Shue got for them, as they commiserate about their almost fatal caroling experience. Brittany tells them not to worry cause she asked Santa for the club to stop getting picked on. Lauren Zizes is about to burst her bubble but Artie brings everyone in and tells them he has a plan so that Brittany will keep on believin’. While Artie is giving them the download, Rachel asks Finn to meet her in the auditorium the following day. Hmmm. I wonder what Christmas song it would take to win ME back? “Last Christmas,” but Rachel shouldn’t sing that… Still I think I heard somewhere that they cover this song so I hope that happens at some point.

At the mall, the whole glang takes Brittany for a visit with Santa Claus. Everyone gets on Santa’s lap and makes jokes relevant to their character.

201012092114
Insert we’re both black people joke

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Insert french fry joke

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Insert boner joke

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Insert pregger joke

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Insert big lips joke

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Insert Channing Tatum joke?

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Insert Asian joke

Finally, it’s Brittany’s turn and she tells Santa all she wants for Christmas is for Artie to walk. Yikes… Annnnd commercial time.

Finn meets Rachel in the auditorium and she wants to sing him a Christmas apology song. He doesn’t wanna hear it and he bails but she sings “Merry Christmas, Darling” anyway. It’s an old Karen Carpenter song. It was nice. (Say “nice” in high pitch voice that tries to cover a lie.) Although, it did make me go to youtube and listen to the original, which now, I kinda like. And I didn’t before. Maybe that’s cause I can relate… Feel sorry for me! Rachel is feeling sorry for herself too as she walks through the halls watching Quinn kiss NGS under the mistle toe and Finn hang a star on the tree with Santana during her song. Man, Rachel is a PRO at sulking.

In his office, Shue writes out gift ideas for Sue. He can only come up with-

201012092143
And what’s wrong with a dog robot?

Kurt is studying by a crackling fire at Dalton, when Blaine walks in and asks him to rehearse the duet “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT? I’m so happy they chose these two for this song. Of course, the number was peppered with lingering glances and uncomfortable too close moments. So far, this is my favorite song of the ep. BTW, we’ve had four songs already and it’s only 16 minutes into the episode! They must be crammin’ em like candy canes for the Christmas album… Shue shows up at the end for advice from Kurt as to what to get Sue for a Christmas present. Kurt admits he’s in love with Blaine AND knows just what to get for Sue.

In the halls, the Beiste, Shue and Pillsbury all realize that Sue is their secret Santa. In Sue’s office she admires her fur lined track suite from Shue (good call Kurt!) as she explains that she switched out the protein tubs and rigged the game. She also says that she hates Christmas, but loves presents. Shue accuses her of stealing Christmas and they draw another great parallel. Sue as the Grinch!

After she confiscates Lauren Zizes Santa hat, Sue returns to her office to find Shue taking her gifts back to give to needy kids, while the Bieste enjoys making a protein shake with what was supposed to be Sue’s new blender. Sue objects in her intimidating fashion and informs them that she’s already opened every gift and licked them all. But it doesn’t matter cause Shue’s got the law on his side. Then he makes fun of her for being a kid that never had a Christmas, and calls her a Grinch. She’s the good version of Grinch, though. The Dr. Suess one. Not the horrible creepy Jim Carrey Grinch.

The guys of glee talk the Beiste into dressing up like Santa Claus, breaking into Brittany’s house, and telling her that Santa won’t be able to grant her Christmas wish for Artie to walk. She agrees, even after they tell her she has the perfect body type to play Santa.

Sue takes the Grinch thing seriously and decides to steal Christmas from the glang. She paints herself green and even makes Becky wear a Max head piece.

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No comment. Becky was so frickeen adorable I just had to take a picture to make it last longer.

To a Sylvesterfied version of the Grinch theme song, Sue slithers through the halls of McKinely and into the band room, where she dismantles all of the glangs Christmas efforts ornament by ornament. Who was singing the cover, btw? Jane Lynch? The mimicking of the original cartoon imagery was positively WHOsome…. Brittany, a la Cindy Lou Who, finds Sylvester Grinch hauling away Christmas from Nude Erections in an oversized bag. Brittany Lou Hou, of course, thinks she’s really Santa, and believes her when she says she has to fix a light on the tree. Soooo, she believes in Santa but not in the GRINCH? COME ON! You can’t have Christmas without him, either! Just like you can’t without a Red Ryder BB Gun…

The glang arrives the next morning to find the band room deChristmassioned. They all think McKinley is out to get them, but Brittany explains it was Santa Claus, which throws Will off of Sue’s eggnoggy scent. Rachel pulls Finn aside and suggests that they assume their leadership roles and go get another Christmas tree.

Rachels uses every excuse possible to get closer to Finn while they peruse the Christmas tree lot. Wham’s “Last Christmas” comes on over the loud speakers and I’m super excited about that until RACHEL sings the song! Oh, Finn joins in too, but WHY is Rachel singing? It should be the other way around contextually, AND because we already heard her sing! Bad call. Baaaaaad call. Besides, if ANYone was gonna sing this song, it shoulda been Goody Two Shues, right? He’s totally got the GM type voice… Rachel tries to kiss Finn after she murders one of my favorite Christmas songs ever, and Finn officially breaks up with her… What happened to the good old days, you guys? When Rachel was obsessed with Finn and Finn was the sweetest, most popular guy in school? Miss those days. At least Finn is acting more like a man this ep…

The glang goes all Gift of the Magi, and the boys pool together their sentimental watches. The girls are even going to cut off their hair. Shue walks in with another suggestion. His after school special speech inspires them to sing for someone who is really in need of some Christmas cheer. Who wants to bet that’s gonna be Sue and that her heart, now two sizes too small, will grow…

Brittany is putting her barbies to sleep when she hears a rustle in the living room. There she finds Biesty Claus-

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and the most horrendous looking Christmas tree I’ve ever seen!

Holy silent night, if I found that in my living room Christmas morning I would assume my parents were eaten by the blob… Anyway, Biesty Claus tells her that he wont be able to grant her wish about Artie. Course she’s upset about it and at school the next day she tells Artie she doesn’t like Santa anymore cause he isn’t the miracle worker she thought he was. Shue tries to gather them in the halls for their good deed thing and Artie tells Shue he’s gonna take Brittany home cause she’s so bummed. Technically though, Brittany would be taking Artie to her house.

In the teachers lounge, the glang sings “Welcome Christmas” from How the Grinch Stole Christmas and urges the teachers to donate while they do. You know that song. It’s the song you can make up and nobody would ever know the difference. Of course, just like the Grinch up on Mt. Crumpit, Sue is bragging about having taken Christmas from Nude Erections right as she hears their sweet, auto tuned harmonies. Her and Becky follow the sound to the teacher lounge and realize Christmas isn’t a thing you can steal… Deep you guys. Deep as Santa’s never ending sac full of toys.

The glang is stoked on the money they raised raising everyone Christmas spirits and as they walk into the band room they find Artie with out his chair and some sort of contraption on his legs. A flashback reveals that when they got to Brittany’s the “re-walk” was under the Christmas tree. Or beside it, at least. It’s a real thing that turns people who can’t walk into RoboCop… Everyone proclaims a Christmas miracle and when the camera panned back to the Bieste watching Tiny Tim Artie with tears in her eyes, I shed a few m’self…

Shue returns home to find Sue in his living room with the same tree that was in the band room. She apologizes for stealing Christmas and gives Shue some clippers to shave his head. AWWWWW! With the blow of Sue’s shiny whistle the glang files in with more ornaments and now Shue won’t be alone on Christmas eve…

The End. But don’t worry kids, Frosty will be back next year.

Well, no appearances from the “real” Santa but we sure did get lots of faux Santas. And I happen to think they were just as jolly…

Thanks for sticking with me, my reindears.

Talk at you next week.

yours and everyone else’s,

BirschTalk

Glines O’ the Week
“One of us smells like McDonalds” Mercedes to black Santa
“You have rights” Brittany to an elf
“You’ve gotten really tan.” Brittany to black Santa
“You’re a real Agatha Christy, but even more sexless.” Sue to Pillsbury

BirschTalk lives in Los Angeles, writing and performing comedy... What, are you writing a book?

22 Comments

  1. 1
    itchy
    Posted December 12, 2010 at 1:46 am

    I’ve added this episode to my list of reasons for why I hate christmas.

  2. 2
    Jess Chapman
    Posted December 12, 2010 at 6:07 am

    “Rachel tries to kiss Finn . . . and Finn officially breaks up with her.”

    YES. There really is a Santa Claus, and he’s given Finn his balls back. Rachel’s misery really puts me into the Christmas spirit. And I’m Jewish, too.

  3. 3
    JasonR
    Posted December 12, 2010 at 7:11 am

    I’m a member of the tribe as well, but still enjoy by osmosis all the xmas overkill, but this episode seemed half baked. Didn’t love the songs they picked either. How about “Christmas, Baby Please Come Home” by U2? Or maybe it was U2′s version of a pre-existing song? There were as always some great lines, but this made Mama Mia seem well plotted. Merry Christmannukah Birsch and thanks for the gift of your recaps all season!

  4. 4
    Pikey
    Posted December 12, 2010 at 7:53 am

    I enjoyed the episode – Bieste was what did it for me! Also, the person who sang the song was k.d. lang…

    Have a wonderful Xmas, everyone!

  5. 5
    Brattygrl
    Posted December 12, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    Speaking of Red Ryder BB guns, my husband snuck & bought one each for our sons! I’m hoping the only accidents that come from this are one them shooting their dad in the @$$ for the dumb idea!

    Great recap, Birschy!

  6. 6
    BirschTalk
    Posted December 12, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    A merry holidays to you, Jason. Thank YOU for stoppin’ by, sweets… Kudos on the Mamma Mia line! :D

  7. 7
    BirschTalk
    Posted December 12, 2010 at 4:06 pm

    Ha! Thanks so much, Bratty… Your hubby’s karma might be better served if the neighbor dogs ran through the house and stole the turkey!

  8. 8
    fire@will
    Posted December 12, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    I enjoyed both episode and recap! Really liked the Cold Outside duet; have always liked the song. The Santa’s tan remark, too.

    Merry, Happy and New everyone!

  9. 9
    kdfinjpn
    Posted December 13, 2010 at 12:40 am

    Dot-Marie Jones is quickly becoming my fave on this show! I love her character and hope she gets more airtime. The stuff with Sue as the Grinch was a little over the top for me, but I guess it was worth it to see Becky as Sam – how cute!

    I know it isn’t tres chic to say this and I am revealing what a big goofball I am, but I want to see more of Dr. Have Murrrcy. Yeah, what of it? I’m old and deserve a few pleasures in life. Speaking of, a few more scenes with Asian Mike and NGS sans shirts would be nice as well. I have tried to resist NGS because he is so blond and cute and big-lipped, but there is only so much I can do and when they kept showing him half nakie I just gave in and caved. (Hmmm, now I just sound like a perv again!)

    Thanks for the recaps, Birsch. You are fantastic, as always, and I look forward to more.

    Happy Holidays!

  10. 10
    Cindee
    Posted December 13, 2010 at 8:28 am

    Roast Beist!

  11. 11
    nashuaf
    Posted December 13, 2010 at 8:54 am

    What’s with all the Glee-bashing? It’s a TV show! It’s supposed to be fun! They never claimed it to be a writing masterpiece. It’s just some good singing and fun storylines. I completely enjoyed this episode! The songs were fun and I loved the Grinch storyline!

    If you’re looking to critique the show, you’re missing the point. Just enjoy what you get.

  12. 12
    kdfinjpn
    Posted December 13, 2010 at 9:33 am

    I always enjoy the show, even if I don’t always love all aspects of the plot. I wasn’t really trying to critique the show, just express my opinion. I thought it was OK to do that here.

  13. 13
    Sassygrl72
    Posted December 13, 2010 at 9:49 am

    Oh Glee, you pulled an epic FAIL with this episode. Aside from feeling fake and out of place in what has been an overall wonderful season…as a show that prides itself on diversity and acceptance, to show your Christmas episode DURING Hanukkah, with two openly, proudly Jewish characters, and make merely a passing mention of one being Jewish while she uses Christmas to woo her Jesus loving boyfriend w/o one menorah or “dreidel, dreidel dreidel” is absolutely unacceptable.

  14. 14
    Jess Chapman
    Posted December 13, 2010 at 10:17 am

    Sorry, nashuaf, but I can’t enjoy a smoldering pile of crap no matter how much glitter they pour on it.

  15. 15
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted December 13, 2010 at 10:52 am

    “If you’re looking to critique the show, you’re missing the point. Just enjoy what you get.”

    Isn’t this the theme of “Brave New World?” Or was that “Idiocracy?”

    Overall, it felt rushed and like whatever writing they did was just to slap together all these Christmas songs they’d already recorded. But I liked most of the songs, although I agree that Shue should have sung Last Christmas because a) it’s closer to the original b) Rachel already sang a song about losing Finn c) Matthew Morrison would have killed it and d) it fit into his storyline with Emma. They even could have gone tree shopping instead of Finn & Rachel, since Emma’s always been involved with Glee.

  16. 16
    itchy
    Posted December 13, 2010 at 11:47 am

    This episode exemplifies what happens when television programming becomes one long advertisement. They were selling copies of the Glee Christmas album, and that’s it. None of the rest of the show really mattered. They tacked on a (stupid) storyline, added in a few tearjerker moments, in order to dress up the (entirely lame, overly autotuned) songs.

    And yeah, it’s really offensive watching the supposedly Jewish characters be forced into the Christmas spirit. Although from things I’ve read, it’s a pretty common thing in California.

  17. 17
    Julie Brighton
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 2:28 am

    I loved this episode…I thought Brittany and Artie were adorable as well as Kurt and Blaine’s duet (oh so gay apparel!) I was a bit confused about Rachel & Finn…I thought he broke up with her already, but then he tells her in the tree lot that he’s breaking up with her “for real”. Huh? . Loved Sue The Grinch and Becky as Max. Two tear-inducing moments: when Bieste looks on while Artie tries out his Re-Walker (Love her character…hope there’s more of her) and Sue’s expression on her face and “It is” line after Becky tells her that Christmas came and it was beautiful. That Jane Lynch is one helluva actress. Love your recaps!

  18. 18
    kdfinjpn
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 3:02 am

    Julie – Oh yeah, Becky as Max, not Sam. My old brain gets me in trouble sometimes. I also have to say that while I am no baby fan, your avatar is absolutely adorable!!!

  19. 19
    Yanksfan24
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 7:20 am

    I’m a Gleek but agree that this episode was phoned in. The Grinch stuff, while funny, seemed forced as did most of the episode. Love Brittany and Artie though. “Remember, even the smallest envelopes are heavy for elves.” LOL. Thanks Birsch! Happy Holidays to all!

  20. 20
    jayem
    Posted December 14, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    I LOLed at Shue’s list for Sue. I actually LOLed quite a few times during this episode. And then I started tearing up. I consider it good tv when you laugh and cry in the same episode.

    I cannot BE-lieve no one sang “All I want FOr Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey. I knew they were gonna do Wham, but it didn’t even really fit the moment – especially when it turned into a semi-duet (why wouldn’t they have Finn and Puck sing it to Quinn??). Both of Rachel’s songs were horrible. I really wish they’d focus on someone else once in a while. I think she has a lovely voice, but stop shoving her down our throats. This is supposed to be an emsemble cast. Let someone else sing, for cripes sake.

    (vallegirl – You had a better idea than I did! Shue and Emma would have been PERFECT!!)

    They did miss the boat with not acknowledging Hannakuh with TWO supposedly Jewish characters. And I’m sorry, but even though the Brittany storyline was cute, I really don’t think she would believe in Santa and see him, black, green, a woman, and clearly two of the teachers at her school that she sees every day and not notice it was them. I was expecting better Santas…

    I’m SO very glad Finn DIDN’T forgive Rachel. What she did WAS mean and petty and she shouldn’t be forgiven. Plus, I don;t like how manipulative she’s being over it. She keeps saying “It’s time to forgive me” when SHE was the one who got mad about something that happened when they weren’t even together and couldn’t let it go. UGH! I think I’m starting to get on the I Hate Rachel bandwagon.

    Kurt and Blaine’s duet was heavenly. Focus on them!

    How did Beiste become one of my favorite characters?? I love her.

    My fav line was when Shue was talking about giving thanks and Puck goes, “I thought that was Thanksgiving.” L.O.L.

    Did you guys hear Gwenyth Paltrow was coming back? I don’t know why, but she is!

  21. 21
    juddfan
    Posted December 15, 2010 at 11:12 am

    Oh happy day! So fun to partake in the debate! Hee . . . I’m from a mixed Jewish and (at least raised) Catholic family–quite a motley bunch, so I don’t automatically jump to xmas being a religious thing . . . odd, I know . . . but there’s the one side with Jesus and all, and then there’s the Santa stuff, which I think should just be like trick or treating . . . Lawd, I hope I’m not offending anyone . . . it just seems so silly all this fussing over xmas trees and menorah. Itchy, as to the CA aspect . . . . it’s really quite serious the equal time that MUST be provided. In my graphics company, they struggle every year to do a card that’s “non-denominational” Coz everything looks like a Santa Schtick, gifts, snowflakes–all of it. And the worst of all possible things even happens–desecrating holiday displays, talk about the grinch! (I’m referring to vandals . . . with way too much time on their hands)

    Anyhoo, this was light and airy for me. I liked that it wasn’t typical xmas songs, loved the misfit toys and Whoville references. I didn’t know I knew that song till they started singing it, and FULL props for it too, very full, very powerful and if they Auto Tuned that puppy, good on em!

    I sent a few streakers down my cheeks at the end part too, I do appreciate their ability to play with my emotions so easily (not that I’m not a sucker!)

    I did notice something, for myself, when Rachel sings, I pretty much tune out. I don’t think I paid much mind to Last Christmas, and I actually like that one. Believe it or not, I probably go back to my lap top and keep reading gasm while she sings . . . . I’m not a hater tho, just a not too interested.

    I’m also finding the treatment of gay characters to be reflective “proper” behavior in old sitcoms. I don’t know why, but Kurt and Blaine’s duet reminded me of an old variety show, like Carol Burnett. I liked it but somehow it felt very safe. Or maybe old fashioned is the word I’m looking for.

    Thought the Grinch stuff was very cute, as far fetched as can be, but cute none the less.

  22. 22
    Julie Brighton
    Posted January 4, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    Thanks, kdfinjpn! It’s my son! He was wearing his Christmas attire. I wasn’t into babies until I was….40-something. A late bloomer…LOL.

    Love the recaps & comments here. Can’t wait for Glee to come back with new episodes–hope to see more Bieste, Dr. Have Murrrrcy and Gwynyth Paltrow guest starring again. Happy Holidays!

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