Glee Recap

It looks like Ryan Murphy has done it again! Ruining yet another perfectly good premise of a show with his own brand of awful.

The newest and most obnoxious stereotype to grace the screen: Rory Flanagan, the new Irish boy that Brittany thinks is a leprechaun. Of course. This time, I can’t necessarily knock her space case rationale because he LEGITMIATELY looks like a leprechaun, wearing a green shirt, green pants, green suspenders and a ridiculous green hat that no teen from this century would ever even dream of wearing. Have you even BEEN to Ireland Ryan Murphy???

Because that wasn’t a healthy enough dose of stereotype one of the most mullet-y jocks I’ve seen since Budnick from Salute Your Shorts! Oh Camp Anawana. Now those were the days of classic TV!

The jocks tell Rory to go back to Mexico, because no one in this show knows any other ethnicity than American.

Quinn is on a mission to get her baby back, although I’m still confused as to why. Seems like viewers weren’t buying her new Paul McCartney/ Janis Joplin mash-up look.

Quinn’s new plan: Give Shelby concealer to hide the bags under her eyes and make her extremely insecure about who she is as a woman. Classic bitchy high school cheerleader move.

The only thing worth watching anymore in this modern-day rip off of the most ridiculously stereotypical 80’s movie that went straight to DVD is Sue Sylvester. Sue continues her campaign and says one of the best thing I’ve heard on Glee in a long time, “If this nation wants to please our future Chinese overlords, we need to get our priorities straight. ” Agreed!

Principal Figgins had pulled funding on the musical and Mr. Shu is upset. But this time, Figgins is equally upset and he relives his experience where a stereotypically angry black mom threw a brick at his car. What Ryan Murphy, no other race can be angry?

Next plot point, because we need at least 70 going in any given episode in order to thoroughly confuse the audience: Mercedes tries to get Santana to cross over to the other glee club. Mercedes feeds on her lady weakness: Ladies.

Finn overhears and is very concerned about his precious Glee club since there is absolutely no hope that he will be getting any academic scholarships.

Everybody is upset that Mercedes has left glee club, except Santana who know that she is in a better place, with ladies.

As per usual, everyone is at each other’s throats during the Glee club meeting. Rachel freaks out about the cancellation of HER musical because she was going to change her name to Maria, everybody is realizing just how selfish they are and how this will prevent anyone from getting solos this year and Finn is being a real bitch. (This really doesn’t seem like a fun afterschool activity anymore.)

Finn is finally done being a little pretty boy and is taking matters into his own hands, taking Diva cues from his manipulative girlfriend Rachel. His plan is to go through the leprechaun, because he is the most eager to please character in the show as he has not yet been hardened by the harsh expectations of the cruel world of entertainment deep in the heart of Ohio.

Finn pretends to be friends with poor, unsuspecting Rory by listening to his plan to snorg Brittany.  I did not know this kid was a muppet.

Rory says that if he grants Brittany, the “Rainman with Boobs”, 3 wishes she will let him have her pot of gold. Since he’s a virgin it’s great motivation to play leprechaun and separate marshmallows from cereal. And what’s more fuckable than a “Rainman with Boobs” that’s, thanks to the high-school-stereotype-expert-writers, basically a semen receptacle at this point.

Knowing that Rory has motivation and an already-existing interest in following Brittany around, Finn asks him to spy on Brittany and report back to him if she decides to leave glee club. In exchange, Finn will be his friend! Awesome messages we’re sending to kids Glee.

Quinn and Puck are babysitting/framing Shelby. The baby can sense evil, and immediately wins her spot as Glee’s most-intelligent character, and has a total freak out when Shelby leaves. Puck holds her and she immediately stops because she know that Puck is too dumb to hurt her, after all he is still in High School at the ripe old age of 29.

Quinn’s sabotage includes putting baby botox in the bathroom, adding satan worshipping books to the bookcase and stashing hot sauce in the kitchen; basically emulating the parenting skills of any Toddlers & Tiaras mom.

Kurt and Burt, the hilarious father/son name combo that never fails to amuse me, discuss the highly upsetting matter of the cancellation of the high school musical.  If Kurt doesn’t get to be in the High School Musical, he will never be able to live out his dream of becoming the next gay Zac Efron, or just Zac Efron.

Burt does what he has to do to save his gay son’s life and find donors to fund the musical. But he goes one step further making the decision to take Sue down by running against her in the upcoming election. Storyline #58.

Let’s check in on the Leprechaun’s progress toward Brittany’s “Pot of Gold”, which is code for vagina.  Succeeding in separating the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms box, Rory is on to the next wish: Make Lord Tubbington poop candy bars.  Where are Brittany’s parents? Why won’t they explain to her how the world works?

Rory is frustrated at the challenge of making candy poop and is inspired to sing about his feelings in the song, “It’s not easy being green”. Let’s hit that nail on the head a little harder.

Why is always wearing green? I think we understand that he’s Irish from the mention that he was Irish about 300 or so times throughout the episode AND from his very Irish accent. Also, he’s always getting pushed into walls. Maybe I haven’t been in high schools halls in a while, but I don’t remember people being this stereotypical.

How old is the Irish kid anyway? 12? He should definitely still be a virgin.

Storyline #64: Brittany and Santana on a date. Santana wants something more serious than just Brittany’s confused definition of dating, but she gets nowhere because Brittany is so deep in her own make-believe world she can’t grasp anything past unicorns and marshmallows. So she resigns herself to just holding her hand under a napkin. Oh high school romance.

Puck loves global warming and cleaning pools. Do we really need this story line? It is THE MOST overplayed storyline in the world! What is America’s obsession with cougars? This has to be the work of the Plastic Surgeons of America; they are campaigning to show us what we need is more hot 40 year old women and in order for 40 year olds to be hot they need plastic surgery. The more pool boy storylines there are, the more vacation homes they gut to buy.

Quinn is going baby crazy saying that her baby is perfect and she’ll never get the chance to make another perfect baby. You’ll never have the chance to make a baby again? Just put on your cheerleading outfit again.

Blaine is so into group happiness that he has dedicated a group number to the group: Katy Perry’s Last Friday Night. Again, great example for the kiddies Glee. Do you even listen to these lyrics??

Santana is on a warpath and directs her anger toward Rory; “Watching Leprechaun with a young Jennifer Aniston learned me two things.”  Santana, you really have to listen during English class. With students like Santana and Brittany I’m starting to question the educational value of that school.

Rory refuses to lose hope in the Holy Grail of Brittany’s snatch so he sneaks in to her room and puts chocolate bars in her kitty litter. She walks in on him, he tells her that Lord Tubbington is able to poop candy bars and then they eat them together. How adorable. This episode is going to inspire future cat ladies everywhere to keep believing in a world where animals can poop treats and promote kitty litter snacking.

While enjoying their magical cat-poop feast, Rory reveals to Brittany that Santana’s one wish is to get Brittany to leave the new directions. Since he is magical, Brittany obliges and Glee club is down another member.

Puck goes over to Shelby’s without Quinn and tells her he’s super happy that she believes in him. You see, she recommended him for a pool-cleaning job and thus has provided him with another cougar to bang. He then says these words, “Do you mind if I use your commode?” This is a thing he would never say. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know any other word for bathroom than ‘shitter’.

Turns out Puck doesn’t really need to use the ‘commode’, he just needs to undo all Quinn’s booby traps. If he ever wants to get into Shelby’s pants, he can’t be responsible for landing her baby in the custody of child services. There’s nothing that kills a lady boner like losing custody of her child.

The baby is crying a bunch so Puck tries to calm her down with a song; “I’ve been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life”.  Point of contention: He has not been waiting for this!  He has, however, been waiting for some cougar momma lovin’ for a full 5 minutes.

Finn begs Brittany to not quit the new directions and achieves no success. He further ensures a lack of success when he crushes her whole belief system and calls her an idiot. That’s no way to convince someone to come back to glee club Finn, at least tell her she’s a beautiful idiot.

Burt goes on TV to mudsling at sue, but who really cares about that. Let’s watch some “Other Glee Club” rehearsals!

There’s really nothing better than watching the other glee club meet. It’s all ladies so the lady power is through the roof, especially when they name themselves The Troubletones. Holy original brainstorming session! Watch out McKinley High!

Finn and Mr. Shu sit in on their rehearsal, which is really just a full on performance with costumes and choreography, and they are blown away by the actual competition that they have. Rachel is going to shit herself when she learns that other girls who can sing really do exist.

Finn apologizes to Brittany and says he doesn’t want to ruin their friendship. Wait, when were they friends?

Rory approaches Brittany about his pot of gold but Brittany is now wise to his game. Then Santana tells him to disappear. Why is everyone hating on the Irish kid? He’s the nicest person in the whole school, no matter how talentless. This is what’s wrong with America, folks.

Burt and his family goes out to celebrate his decision to run for office. During this happy celebratory night, Kurt reminds Burt of his recent heart attack which intros Sue perfectly as she brings him a heart attack on a plate. Way to subtley hint at what’s coming next. Glee episodes are really turning into connect-the-dot episodes that are already filled in.

The mullet bullies are at it again; telling the Irish kid to say U2 is overrated. I’m pretty sure Rory AND the bullies are too young to know who U2 is.

Finn rescues Rory and then brings him into the glee club fold. Rory then sings a song to the club and dedicates it to his family. I don’t care if those aren’t his actual vocals, there is nothing wrong with this kid. He is the happiest most well-balanced and eager person on the show. Please don’t kill his spirit Glee, I implore you.

The show could’ve ended on a totally happy and adorable note, yet it didn’t. Intro the statutory rape cliffhanger!