Glee: “Rumours” Spelled Incorrectly On Purpose

Hey yous… I’m gonna recap as I watch this week’s ep so forgive me if I don’t have an overall sense of “Rumours” right at the top… I can tell you though that if this will have anything to do with the Fleetwood Mac album I will fill my ears with molten hot lead afterwards because I’ll never want to hear anything again. I love them. You’ve been forewarned…

I already love this week’s opening… They start us off in Brittany’s internet talk show “Fondue For Two.”

Awesome graphics are a little TOO professional.

Britt has Mercedes and Tina on the show. They gossip about McKinley’s janitor. Tina dispels the small Asian penis rumor, but then they move into the REAL reason Britt wants to do the show- She tells the girls she heard Santana is “playing for the other team.” Mercedes and Tina are shocked. Then Lord Tubbington walks into the shot and Britt lets him eat out of the the fondue pot cause he’s on Atkins… The only time I like cats is when they’re fat, and Lord Tubbington, mind you, is indeed, fat.

Please let this show become a spin-off. I beg of thee.

Rachel walks up to New Guy Sam at his locker and gives him a three pack of chap stick. Three pack? Come on, Rach, you should have gone to Costco for that mo’ fo’s chapped lip needs… Anyway, she uses the gift as a excuse, saying she actually thinks his lips are cute, and since they’re both single she asks him to the prom. He says no and that she’s not his type. I’m sure there will be a good reason for it later in the episode. It’ll probably be something along the lines of that they’ll have to kiss before the moon gets full. Otherwise, he’ll return to the sea forever…

Terry Shuester, aka, “Honey Badger,” meets Sue Slyvester disguised as David Bowie at a coffee shop. They’re there to conspire, per usual, against Ol’ Goody Two Shues and the glee club… Sue says she’s revived McKinley’s school newspaper to start some RUMOURS about Will and the glang. Appropriately titled “The Muckraker,” Sue, in a flashback she tells her young journalists the motto will be “If I heard it. It’s probably true or something.” The Honey Badger has an idea. But they don’t tell us what it is yet. She simply eludes that it should have something to do with Will outside of the glee, for once… Sue seems to be losing it a little. She even changes into a “less suspicious” Ann Coulter disguise. She knows she’s made the right decision though cause she gets an “Ohio loves you, Ann Coulter,” from on older lady walking out of the shop… Ooh! Nice jab!

Will grading papers when the adorable Kristin Chenoweth, walks in as the well intentioned but washed up April Rhodes. Her all white production of “The Whiz,” failed miserably on Broadway and now she’ll needs to borrow the auditorium (Which she bought for the glee club a while back.) to rehearse her biographical musical “Cross Rhodes.”

Becky is handing out the Muckraker to everyone in the halls. Rachel approaches Finn and says they should work on a duet for Nationals. Finn says he doesn’t think that would be a good idea. Rachel wants to know why he’s so concerned about Quinn’s feelings when it’s been made clear, via the Muck Raker, that she’s cheating on him with NGS. Finn charges at NGS in the music room. Santana follows suit and demands to know why Britt said she played for the other team. Britt says she meant Santana played for the Cheerios and also for Nude Erections. All the while things are escalating with Finn and NGS. Finn pushes NGS and Shue enters to break things up. Finn walks out of glee refusing to rehearse for the day… Diva. Or, divo, rather.

At Shue’s place, he and April talk about all the drama in glee over a dinner of Chardonnay. April says it sounds like the glang could use a “Mac,” approach, which she explains is based on the band Fleetwood Mac, who, we’re very incestuous with each other and as a result turned out amazing music. Then I about shit myself because Will pulls out an LP of Rumours and says that he’s wanted to do a whole lesson devoted to a single album for a long time… You GUYSSSSS! This is one of my favorite albums, EVER… Ol’ Birschy is going to bore you with why… Years ago, I was hanging with my mom and the song “You Make Loving Fun” came on over the radio in the car… After we sung along for a bit, I said, “It sounds strange but, anytime I hear any song from the Rumours album an instant calm rushes over me.” She laughed, like she knew something I didn’t, and said, “I’ll bet that’s because it was the album I listened to during my entire pregnancy with you…” This is gonna be bananas, you guys. Fleetwood Mac came up with some of the most amazing harmonies you’ll ever hear… I can’t wait to hear how they handle them…

Starting off strong! April sings “Dream” in the music room for Nude Erections. Oh, snap! Shue joins in on the harmony and they’re NOT ruining it. They actually sound great together! This is one of those songs that I actually might download from iTunes… Especially since I don’t have to watch Matthew Morrison’s handsome but overly dramatic face ham it up… During the song, April seems to make the glang think about the rumors going around with the appropriate selected lyric… Seems a little attraction is happening with Shue and April as well…

Artie rolls up to Britt at her locker and wants to know what’s going on with her and Santana. Britt says “nothing,” but then also says that she couldn’t cheat on him with Santana anyway cause she’s a girl, it isn’t cheating it’s just “friends talking with their tongues super close.” Artie thinks Brittany is being manipulated by Santana and it’s hard enough for him already since she’s the hottest girl in school and he’s such a big nerd. Britt gets upset and wants to know why everyone thinks Santana is a bad person. Artie breaks the already fragile limb they’re relationship is on by saying “God, Brittany, why are you so stupid?” Britt walks away crying but not before she dramatically declares that Artie was the only person at the school that never called her that… Annnnd this is where a joke should be but, you know, what, I’m not gonna force it. I’ll just let the dramatic moment rest right where it is… From there, Artie goes into “Never Going Back Again.” He rolls through the halls with a big frowny face singing. Puck follows with an acoustic guitar, plucking away, a la Lindsey Buckingham. (If you didn’t already know, Lindsey Buckingham plays guitar beautifully, and without a guitar pick, no less!) For some reason though, they decided to flood the song with tons more guitars. Maybe it was to honor Lindsey Buckingham? They finish the number in the auditorium. It seems every dude that’s ever been on the show stands behind Artie on stage with a guitar… All the strumming though sort of drowned out the picking, which is the best part of the song! They shoulda kept this one simple… And why does Artie always seems to be mope rolling whenever he sings?

Getting kinda tired of that of the mope n’ roll, Artie…

Finn and Rachel sit in his truck outside of NGS’ motel. They’re they’re on a reconnaissance mission. Rachel says she feels like “Hart to Hart.” Silly Rachel, you need lots of money and a gruff speaking assistant named Max FIRST… As they’re taking pictures and peering through binoculars, they talk about karma, how Quinn is Finn’s first love, and Finn and Rachel’s possible duet at Nationals. Suddenly, they see Kurt come out the NGS’ motel room. Finn can’t believe Kurt would do that to Blaine. And what’s “that” Finn? Hmmm? In the butt? Hey-Oh! It’s gay butt joke o’clock! Weeeee! Oh jeez, and now look. The Jew Fro guy, Jacob Israel, is taking pictures of the whole thing. Isn’t that rich.

A chunk of the glang ponders over what’s going on with NGS at the coffee shop. Rachel offers that it’s only natural for people that spend so much time together to want to be together. Then they list all the different relationship combos the show has seen. After a long list, Quinn gets up, seemingly upset and says she wants to stay out it but she definitely knows that NGS is NOT gay…

Santana sits Brittany down to sing her a song about her “private feelings.” Britt points out that the piano player guy is there in the music room with them, but Santana refers to him as “furniture.” Then she sung a lovely, seemingly ardent version of “Songbird.” And she did so beautifully. I was worried her voice would have a little too much timber and soul to it for this, but she restrained just enough… What’s more, “Songbird” has always made me weepy, but in this particular circumstance, I was especially so… One of my favorite songs, placed into a context that I would have never in a million years imagined it to be in, and then to be able to relate so very deeply to that context, moved me more than I even care to disclose… Geez, you guys, this ep is getting way too emo! I’m loving it though. Forgive me if you think I’m giving this week’s effort a bigger hand job than it deserves… I’ll be the first to admit I’m probably a little too close to this one…

At the lockers, Rachel tries to call Kurt out for having an affair with NGS by using the jacket NGS was wearing earlier as proof. Kurt makes up an excuse about Fleetwood Mac and manages to escape admitting anything.

Rachel and Finn are parked in front of NGS’ motel room again. Finn says the hardest part about being with Quinn, aside from the mood swings, is that she’s protective of her feelings, to which he adds Rachel never did… All this to the suspenseful kick drum beat at the beginning of “Break the Chain.” Rachel seems a bit pleased with this and then Quinn walks out of NGS’ room. “Break the Chain” swells and Finn makes this face:

Duuude.

Two Shues agrees to an interview with Brittany for the Muck Racker. She fires some venomous questions his way like, “When did you first start waxing your back? and “Is it true you want to leave New Directions for Broadway.” Shue figures out that Sue Sylvester is behind them so he pays her a visit in class.

In journalism class, after they go over their first lesson, “make stuff up,” Sue makes Jew Fro guy squeeze a tube of toothpaste into his hand. Then she tells him to put it back in. He can’t, which is the point Sue is trying to make. “Once a rumor is out, you can’t put it back in.” Then the jock bully black guy smacks the Jew Fro guy’s hand into his face. Britt seems put off by the whole thing and the bell rings. Shue approaches Sue about the rumor filled newspaper she’s running and the rumor in particular about him leaving McKinley. Sue brings up the fact that by Shue helping Rachel with her Broadway show he is proving that maybe he actually does want to leave McKinley. She feeds him the ol’ “those who can’t, teach,” line and this seems to make Shue second guess himself… Not true though. If that was the case, Matthew Morrison would be teaching acting… Ouch!

Becky is passing out another day’s Muckraker. Quinn and Finn storm toward each other armed with news… Quinn wants to know why he and Rachel were “seen talking and laughing intimately.” He says they were on a stakeout. Finn wants to know what Quinn was doing coming out of a motel room with NGS. Quinn won’t divulge any information other than she is not cheating on Finn. In a huff, they conclude that they’ll just have to learn to trust each other. They’ve also stumbled onto the song they’re singing in class. Obviously upset with each other, they perform “I Don’t Wanna Know” in front of the glang. Quinn did more of a sexy mad thing really… I know the singing it wasn’t really much of Diana Argon’s voice in the first place, but since she sang the higher harmony it wasn’t as noticeable and not half bad, actually. The number ends with a smattering of applause. Rachel says she prefers the harmonies that NGS and Sam put forth. Quinn accuses Rachel of just wanting to sing with Finn and she admits she does because they’re harmonies are superior. Quinn tells Finn that if he wants to be with her then he can’t sing a duet with Rachel… Yay! Bitch Quinn. Bitch Quinn. I love Bitch Quinn!

Will and April are having some sort of high production value dress rehearsal in the auditorium. They sing sort of a cute funny song and at the end April urges Will to go with her to take the show to Broadway. Will says he can’t cause he has to take the kids to Nationals. April reminds him that that’s their dream, not his… Emma who’s been watching the whole time sees Will hang his head in defeat when April tells him this…

In another installment of “Fondue For Two,” we learn that Santana flaked on Brittany with a text that said “I can’t.” But I’m fine with that cause then she conducts an interview with Lord Tubbington.

Emma gloats as she pops a grape that hasn’t been thoroughly disinfected into her mouth. Will is proud of her. Emma says she’s taken control of her life and she wants Shue to do the same thing. She tells him she snuck into the auditorium and overheard April’s offer. Will squeezes out a few tears and tells her he loves her and glang so much but that he wants to go really bad. That’s a GREAT idea! They should make Ol’ Goody Two Shues go on a sabbatical for a while. Think of all the fun we’d have with different substitutes!!!

In glee, Rachel sings “Go Your Own Way” to Finn, as it was the breakup song for Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks… During, Cory Monteith pretends to play the drums and Diana Argon pretends to be mad… That aside, I liked it. I didn’t want to, but I did… It was a little polished and Disney but any song that Glee touches normally is… It’s a mad, bitter song and well, that’s what Rachel was when she sang it… Afterwards, Quinn’s feathers are all ruffled for Rachel singing a love song to her boyfriend. Then Rachel accuses NGS and Quinn of having an affair and everyone starts to gang up on NGS. NGS gets up and storms outta the room but not before admitting that he’s been living in the one room motel with his family cause his dad lost his job… Has anyone else noticed that’s it’s only this episode that NGS is suddenly looking more haggard and wearing old clothes? His dad just lost his job… He didn’t have to sell his clothing, did he? Dramatic effect, I s’pose.

Sue, April and Terry Shuester are having margaritas in Sue’s office. April toasts to Terry for still caring about her husband enough to encourage her to try and get Will to join her on Broadway. To which she adds, however, that isn’t going to happen, because he’ll never leave the kids. Sue says that should be remedied in the next days Muckraker where it will claim he’ll be leaving McKinley to star in April’s show. April thinks it’s a little shady…

Rachel and Finn knock on NGS’ motel door. Reluctantly he lets them in. They meet Sam’s little toe head brother and sister. Finn gives him some of his old clothes since Kurt’s clothes aren’t really Sam. NGS tells them they spent all their money on the move so when his dad lost his job, they lost everything. He’s going to have to quit glee and get a job. They tell him he can’t quit and then Finn grabs Sam’s old guitar from outside that he had to sell. The whole glee club bought it back for him… Sam cries. JEEZ. EVERY body is crying…

The Jew Fro guy asks Santana to confirm the rumor that somebody saw her and Karofsky doing it in the backseat of a car. She says “no comment.” But then Ben tells her he looked up the IP address of the person who submitted the rumor and it was her’s… Ben deduces then that they’re in love and soul mates, to which Santana says “I’d say that was accurate,” in front of Brittany… Okay, NOW this doesn’t make sense. I thought the WHOLE reason Santana wanted to become prom queen is so she could get Brittany to be her girlfriend…

In the music room the glang is upset at the Muckraker rumor that Shue is going to leave McKinley. He tells them his dream is to first take them to Nationals. NGS walks in with his little brother and sister. He says he’ll need their help for the song he wants to sing. The glang wraps up the episode with “Don’t Stop.” The worst of all of this ep’s covers… The lyrics “Don’t stop thinking about tomorrow” are sung over and over as Shue has a sad, confused look on his face…

Then Bill Clinton steps out and gives them a thumbs up… Well, that’s this week on glee. A lot of funny up top but things got kinda serious and heavy towards the middle and just sorta stayed that way… We’re it not for the exploitation of one of my favorite bands ever I might not have loved this so much…

Alright, my darlings. Thanks for sticking with me.

Talk at you next week.

yours and everyone else’s

BirschTalk
Gline O’ the Week
You know what I call getting drunk in the afternoon? An afternoon. – April