Last night I was at the Improv Olympic West. One of my regular haunts here in LaLa land, not just because of the comedy but because of the bar. It’s oversized windows line Hollywood Blvd., which makes it one of the best seats in the house for people watching. I’d be hard pressed to find a wider array of interesting characters to snicker at anywhere else in the world… After a show I was sipping from my Kettle and soda when one of my buddies (a handsome gay lad) slapped me on the arm and pointed all wide eyed and excited onto the street. “Puck!” he exclaimed, drooling. And it was. He was all by his lonesome wearing something that looked like he walked right off the set. He was strolling into a bar in much less of a hurry then one would expect… Annnnd that’s my story. Not too compelling, but I thought it was a nice coinkydink considering this week looks like it’s going to center around Mr. Mark Salling himself…
This week’s sort of SECOND episode of Glee opens with Puck staring and Lauren Zizes with heart shaped pupils while she eats chocolates from a heart shaped box he gave her. His inner monologue reveals he’s falling the curvy, brazen lass, probably because she wants nothing to do with him. It reminds me of Patrick Dempsey’s Loverboy, where the hot Italian guy in the film falls in love with the first woman that rejects him, but I bet Puck won’t be chasing down Zizes on Vespa, which would be awesome… ANYWAY, the cold opening ends and that’s our Valentiney set up for-
Finn is strutting through the halls, blowin’ kisses to the ladies left and right. Even Becky gives him her “Be Mine” chalk heart. He adds it to a big overflowing bucket he’s keeping in his locker and HIS inner monologue reveals the only heart he really wants is Quinn’s. During which, she’s talking to NGS AND giving Finn “do me” eyes. This takes real skank skill to do at the same time, you know…
“Umhmm. I’m listening”
“Umhmm. Yeah. No, I’m listening. Uhuh.”
This makes ol’ Birschy happy cause THAT’s how I like’s my Quinn. Slutty and mean…
Blaine and Kurt are getting coffee, per usual, when Kurt scoffs at some Valentine’s Day merchandise. Blaine says V-day is his favorite holiday. He reveals to Kurt that he has a crush on a guy, and wants to know if it would be weird to sing to him. Kurt, of course, thinks Blaine is referring to him. Which I’m hoping for too, Kurt, but I doubt they’ll let us have that! A dude girl and lady boy can dream though, can’t they?
In glee, Shue’s weekly assignment is to pair up the glang and sing loves songs. Finn announces that he’s going to open a kissing booth and donate the proceeds to Nude Erections. Santana calls him out on just wanting to make out with a bunch of chicks, and then everyone calls out Santana for always calling out everyone else… Wait. I think that’s right. Yeah. That’s right. Boy oh boy, the zingers were zinging! It was awesome. Made me realize Santana really does have the best zingers on the show. Zingers, mind you. Not lines. Sue and Brittany compete in that category…
Brittany is trying to console a self pitying Santana in the hallway. Zizes walks past them and approaches Puck at his locker. She thanks him in the proper Lauren Zizes fashion and he asks her to go to Breadstix on Valentine’s Day. Zizes rejects his offer and tells him he’s going to have to try harder. Which makes him harder. HEY OH.
Kurt is coloring in his “Kurt + Blaine” heart in a notebook when Blaine sweeps him up for an emergency Warbler meeting. Blaine makes a plea with the board to perform in public in the name of love, and for some silly reason there’s a lot of hubbub about it. Kurt speaks on Blaine’s behalf and talks the boys into a performance, but when he asks why Blaine wants to perform at the Gap, Blaine explains cause the guy he has a crush on is the manager. THE GAP? COME ON! WHY the stereo type??? We all know GAP really stands for Gay And Proud… Sheesh…
The heartbroken Kurt is downloading Rachel and Mercedes on the Blaine mix-up at a sleep over. The girls get Kurt to realize that Kurt may have made the whole thing up in his head. Rachel claims she’s going to give Finn $100 smackers and he’ll come to his senses after 100 kisses but the level headed Mercedes explains that the three of them are divas for a reason. They need to be using their heartbreak and loneliness to fuel their aspirations… The best part of this scene? Mercedes wears a onesy!
A Sock Monkey onesy, no less!
Oh WOW! Wowee wow… Puck is actually serenading Zizes with Queen’s “Fat Bottom Girls” in the choir room. Minus the Puckerman neck rolling, I actually really enjoyed this, and I usually can do without a Puck number… The face shot reactions from glang was great. Naturally though, this did not win Zizes over. In fact, it made her feel like “crap.” Then she left. To go take one.
Becky cashes in a dollar for a kiss from Finn just in time before he closes down the kissing booth. Quinn pulls Finn aside and tells him she’s not going to kiss him again. Sending out the mixed messages, Quinn, you ARE a pro at teasing. NGS sees them almost kiss and he demands an explanation from Quinn in the library. He’s wants to know why she HASN’T kissed him yet. It backfires on NGS and Quinn says that she WILL kiss Finn.
At the kissing booth, Rachel feigns being over Finn and immediately reveals her feelings after a peck on the cheek. Finn closes the booth again and gives Rachel a necklace with a dainty star. Finn gives Rachel a wistful, “just because I can’t be with you, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in you.” And for the first time in a while, I sympathized for Rachel… You guys, this ep is feeling like good ol’ Glee again…
Okay, now I’m really in love cause Artie and Mike are singing Michael Jackson’s “PYT” to Brittany and Tina. I think I may have said this before, but Artie’s voice is by far my favorite boy’s voice on the show. Mike Chang dancing MJ style was, of course, right on point. And was it just me or did Artie even seem attractive for the first time? Did they do something with his hair? Is it cause they’re tucking his collar into his sweater? You tell me.
Looking good, Hot Wheels!
They start in the halls and end up in the choir room only to be capped by Brittany’s “That’s my man and his legs don’t work.” Awesome. Simple. Even a little soulful sweet. And awesome… I watched it twice. But it IS one of my favorite MJ songs…
At his locker, Santana tells Puck she expects reimbursement from the gift she got herself from him, and makes a fat joke about Zizes just in time for Zizes arrival. Then the most wonderful fight Santana fight sequence in Glee history happens. Santana FLEW through the air and is slammed against the lockers several times. Then in a final blow, Zizes twirl slides Santana down the hallway floor as if it was some sort of rehearsed dangerous ice skating move. The Beiste breaks it up. The awestruck Puck makes a sincere plea for a date with Zizes. She tells Puck that she still requires a “formal presentation.” I like this Zizes character. The actress is actually quite good, I say. Quite good.
What’s up with these horrible hours in the kissing booth? Finn’s back in business and none too soon when Quinn slams a dollar on the table. They kiss, supervised by NGS and they both seem totally into it. I could tell. Well, that and the fireworks going off afterwards tipped me off. Quinn “forgets” her purse as she walks away with NGS and tells Finn to meet her in the auditorium. Wow. VERY discreet, Quinn. No one will ever see you guys get together on a STAGE…
At the GAP, Blaine’s getting cold feet but Kurt talks him into it and the Warblers launch into a guerilla style Glee attack. They sing Robin Thicke’s “When I Get You Alone.” Not quite sure how the lyrics were relevant other than the obvious, but the song sounded decent enough all Warblerized… Although the people buying relaxed fitted jeans seemed into it, Blain’s crush gets fired as a result. The fancy haired dude tells Blaine he can’t even go out with them cause he’d get arrested for being with someone under age. Whoopsees! We’ll probably see Mr. Hot Big Hair as a Freshman at McKinley soon anyway. Ha! Get it? Cause all the actors are older? Yeeeah, you do!
Santana’s tripping in her inner monologue at everyone in the glang being in love. She even deduces that Quinn and Finn are getting together cause “she knows what cheating looks like.” In a quest for revenge and a candy striper outfit, (that ol’ Birschy very much appreciated,) Santana goes to a hospital and makes out with a boy who has mono. Then she goes to the kissing booth and sticks her germy tongue down Finn’s throat. Heck, I’d make out with her even if I knew she had mono. Okay I wouldn’t. But I would with Brittany.
It seems as if Puck is going to get turned down yet again by Zizes when he makes a clutch play in the library, and asks her out on bended knee, with a Ring Pop. She finally says “yes.” Was anyone else put off with Zizes saying, “I look like America looks” comment? Listen, I don’t mind the voluptuous type, what so ever. Ask anyone who knows me, I kid you not, Queen Latifa is in my top five hottest ladies list, but why do the writers want to embrace what really is now considered an American EPIDEMIC? I guess I understand. A lot of America does look like Zizes, and they’re just tellin’ like it is… But I’m not sure that necessarily makes it okay…
Quinn and Finn are meeting “in secret” on STAGE in the auditorium. Finn goes in for another explosive kiss and Quinn tries to talk him and herself into claiming she loves NGS. Then they make out. Fingers crossed for Stevie Wonder’s “Part-time Lover” soon. Oooh! Or “Creep” by TLC… Those are Birschy’s favorite cheater songs…
Puck makes out with a waitress outside of Breadstix cause Zizes stood him up… Sooo, that happened.
In glee, a sickly Finn presents the money he’s made to donate to Nude Erections. He gets a half hearted applause from the glang. Tina sings “My Funny Valentine” to Mike. Which I was very excited about at first cause she was actually singing live but then she started to fake cry. The crying was appropriate because of the song and the fact that she loves Mike so much, but it was very forced. Maybe the director had her lighten it up on purpose but it was totally disingenuous to me. Kinda funny though, and I bet that’s what they were going for… After Tina collapses on the floor from the weight of her love for Mike, Finn and Quinn tell Shue they need to go the nurse cause they’re not feeling well. Santana blatantly points out the coincidence.
In the nurses office, Finn tells Quinn he’s not done with her yet and Quinn says they have to stop until they figure out how each of them feel for NGS and Rachel. Meanwhile, I can’t figure why the pillows and patient tables were NOT lined with paper like they always are in the nurse’s office…
Puck sees Zizes in the hall and wants to know why she stood him up. She says if he wants to be with her they’ll have to take it slow.
Finn wakes up to a cold wash cloth on the head. A blurry Rachel comes into focus. She asks if he really did kiss Quinn and what that was like. Sick out of his mind, he told her the truth. He said it felt like fireworks but wasn’t able to tell Rachel what he felt when he kissed her… This affirms Rachel’s lonely path to becoming a star for her and so she sings Katy Perry’s “Fireworks.” Geez, can we have just ONE ep without a Katy Perry song please? PLEASE!!!??? Don’t get me wrong. I ADORED the Warbler’s “Teenage Dream,” but that’s cause the song was re-imagined, in a way This wasn’t any different than what we hear on the radio 794,040,394 times a day, except maybe a little more Disney sounding. I hate this song. But Rachel sang the crap out of it, of course. Poor thing. I though she was gonna poop her pants at one point.
Light a match at least! Or, wait, don’t! Too many fireworks!
How’s THAT for classy gleecappin’? Huh? You like my classy poop jokes?
Rachel walks out the bathroom and into the Breadstix for a Warblers V-day performance. BIG SURPRISE, Blaine steps out smoothly from behind a sea of private school uniforms and takes the lead. The guys sing Sir Paul McCartney’s “Silly Love Songs.” Cheesy but cute enough. Totally with JasonR and the rest of yas though! I miss Kurt, dammit! Oh and guess what! NGS gave Santana a look. Hmmmmm…..
HEY! I loved this episode. It tapered off just a tad towards the end, but I thought this was one of the better of this season. Very reminiscent of the first half of the first season, in fact.
Alright, my gloves, thanks for sticking with me. Happy Heart Day.
Talk at you next week.
Yours and everyone else’s,
Gline O’ the Week (I’m thinking of only choosing one. What do you guys think of that? Then we can submit our own and argue about it and stuff. )
“Maybe try rocking back and forth, people do that in movies.” Brittany consoling a crying Santana