Glee: White Boys Don’t Rap

This week Will confirms his Bad Reputation as a rapper!

Also, this week on Eelg! (Read each sentence in the following paragraph progressively louder in your head): Sue Sylvester, is, *swallow your throw-up, BirschTalk* nice? Rachel pulls a fast one on Jesse? And Finn? AND Puck??!! WTP? Emma yells at Shue in front of their peers? Brittany unglues herself from Santana and hangs out with Mercedes, Tina, Artie, and Kurt? Oooohwee! What’s up with all that? Everythang is all backwards! So backwards it should be called Eelg.

Oh, and before we start talking about Glee’s 17th episode, “Bad Reputation,” please familiarize yourself with a few words extracted from BirschTalk and Gayster’s Glictionary for a better understanding of our rapidly growing gleek nomenclature.

Glictionary- A dictionary based on the musical comedy television show, Glee, in which everything starts with a “Gl.”

Glist- A ranking of “glee club members based on a hotness quotient of sexual promiscuity.”

Glang- Glee club members (I made this up and it’s REALLY clever)

Gleek- If you don’t know what that then you’re not reading this.

Although this week’s ep had a Law and Order feel happening, the Glee train leaves the station with the three usual suspect set up scenes:

1. Something happens to motivate Sue Sylvester to take down the glee club.

Kurt finds a weird dance video of Sue Sylvester getting’ “Physical” and the glang posts it on YouTube.

2. Sue and Will yell about that something, or something having to do with that something, in Principal Figgins office, and Will has to save New Directions.

Outraged with embarrassment, Sue thinks its one of the glang has posted the video and demands the entire glee club be disbanded for a recently distributed “glist.” Figgins tells Will he needs to find out who that whoever posted the glist and suspend that person or the glee club will- you know.

3. Will assigns the glang their weekly song choice that always contains the name of that week’s episode.

Will has the glang choose a song that’s had a BAD REPUTATION in the past.

All aboard! Chuga chuga chuga chuga cheese cheeeeeeeze!

But how does the Glee train get back to the BAD REPUstation?

First let’s talk about set up scene number three though cause there are some important things happening, and one terribly wonderful thing… Mr. Shue was all “Who done it.” And everyone was all, “Puck probably did it.” Rachel was super mad cause she was last but what I really want to talk about is Shue’s example of rehabilitating a song that has a Bad Reputation. Vanilla Ice’s “Ice, Ice, Baby.” Haven’t we learned the hard way already that Will should never rap??? Here’s a screenshot. I think it says it all. Even the screenshot is embarrassed…

Please let’s NOT kick it VIP. Ever again. Ever. Again.

Speaking of embarrassed, in the teacher’s lounge, Sue is in agony as all of her peers laugh at her in slow motion. Including a new teacher that I am REALLY frickeen excited about. The Pill popping, drunk, Brenda Castle, played by SNL alum Molly Shannon. I am so frickeen stoked about this you don’t even know. “Don’t get me started. Don’t even get me started…” Having Molly Shannon and Jane Lynch in a scene together is like an ice cream sundae with vanilla AND coffee ice cream. Mama gonna eat that UP!

Rachel employs Artie and the AV club to make her version of a sex tape.

Kurt calls a meeting with Mercedes, Artie and Tina to figure out what sort of scandalous thing they can get onto the glist. Brittany is there too, all high on her antibiotic cold medicine and she wants in. They decide to SING A SONG IN THE LIBRARY STACKS? OH MY GRACIOUS! THE HORROR! NOOOOOOO! Don’t do THAT!!!

Sue is so distraught by the slow motion laughing that she needs a visit with her sister Jean, at her nursing home and Jean wisely reminds her that there is always someone who has it worse.

Inspired to help, Sue tells Emma about what a whore Will has been lately and then gives her a pep talk to stand up for herself and call his ass out, in a public setting, no less!

At Rachel’s place, Rachel tries to talk to Puck into starring in her video, David Geddy’s “Run Joey Run.” All Finn wants to do is make out. Then they JEWlate with each other over how their reputations can be a burden and almost make out.

The Phaaaaaaaantom of the Opera is here. Inside my mohawk.

Sue escorts Emma to the teacher’s lounge and makes, I believe, the fourth slow motion laughing joke. Emma interrupts Will consoling an elderly colleague to call him out in front of everyone. I didn’t think it was possible but Emma’s eyes get even wider when will doesn’t deny her accusations.

Deer staring into Will’s slutty headlights

In the library, Artie, Mercedes, Tina and Brittany sing “You Can’t Touch This.” This was really entertaining, kids. Really. Entertaining. I don’t know what I liked more. Artie making “do me” faces at the librarian or the parachute pants. I wish I still had mine… Seriously, I used to have some. Oh, and Brittany can daaaaaance. (Say dance in a higher pitch.) Actually, now that I’m watching this scene again so can Artie. Seriously. He’s totally locking and popping in a WHEEL CHAIR. Nice goin’ wheels. The rest of the glang is there too. In Tina’s pants!

Will gives the glang the the third degree burn so he can find out who published the glist but nobody’s singin’. Singin’ in a confession type way, at least. You know what I mean.

Looks like it’s Sue O’ clock cause Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, Artie and Brittany’s hammer time didn’t work out like they wanted. They’re gonna fess up to posting Sue’s dance video on YouTube.

Out of the blue and from down under, Olivia Newton John calls Sue Sylvester cause she found her daughter laughing at the video and wants to know why Sue would do such a thing. Sue tells her basically she likes to flick the ol’ bean while watching herself jazzersize. Anyway, the whole thing apparently inspires the best Sandy in Grease ever to REMAKE “Physical” classic. How dare they!

Walking through the halls, Will gets a hard time from everyone for being such a slut. Brenda Castle, with an unevenly buttoned shirt tries to take advantage of Will’s Bad Reputation. Even good ol’ Ken Tanaka floats by and throws in his two cents. He only has two cause he spent the other 98 cents at Taco Bell. The SS Sylvester speeds by TWICE.

Kurt’s “lady face” is riddled with fear as he confesses to Sue that he and the glang posted the YouTube video. Sue thanks him. Plan Becoming a Bad Ass foiled again!

Kurt, Mercedes, Brittany, Artie and Tina are totally confused as to why Sue didn’t step on their heads so they do some investigating on the internet. They discover the new version of “Physical.” Which was actually pretty catchy. I would TOTALLY dance to it if I were to go clubbing, which is never. That being said, I am extremely partial to the original. I was obsessed with the video as a young lass and dare I say it could very well be my root. Olivia Newton John was the hottest! And to this day a headband will still melt my heart… Although, I did love how in the newer version the two ladies walked out together, mirroring the original video’s suggestive ending of the guys leaving together, holding hands.

Sue and ONJ about to do some naked scissor kicks, DOT DOT DOT.

In glee, Rachel tells the glang she doesn’t expect them to understand her video. It felt as if the writers of Glee were speaking to middle America or some dummies that just tuned in after watching American Idol through Rachel. Which was awesome.

I have to admit, I wasn’t very familiar with David Geddes’ “Run Joey Run,” but I gobbled Rachel’s video up like this piece of cold pepperoni and jalepeno pizza I’m eating right now. I did listen to the original though and the Glee version is WAY better. The vocals are far superior. There were so many delicious subtle things in the video too. Rachel’s faces were crackin’ me up, both in the video and watching it. She’s clearly making a video in the middle of school being in session. Also, this is the first time I really liked Puck. In fact, I bet all the gals and gays had a hard on for the hard bodied hard-nose with a heart o’ gold….

I’m so hot it hurts

I loved everything in this vid except for the blatant product placement.

Glee brought to you by Chevy. Chevy brought to you by you. Cause you bailed them out.

The video ends and Puck can’t believe he got played. Finn’s all upset too. Jesse feels betrayed he was triple casted.

At Jean’s nursing home, Sue does some really sweet sisterly bonding. She also tells Jean she’s no longer the laughing stock at McKinley cause of her fame to claim video with Olivia Newton John.

Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute.

Will tries to make up with Emma but she ain’t havin’ it, even despite Will’s “about to cry look.” On his way out of the office he has an epiphany watching Quinn get bumped around by everyone in the halls. He pulls her aside and gets her to confess. He gives her the standard Mr. Shue pep talk and Figgins walks in wanting him to hand over the glister. Shue talks Figgins out of getting someone to fess up and Quinn escapes suspension.

At the lockers, Jesse breaks up with Rachel for the video. Like a man, Jesse tells Rachel not to talk to her at ballet class. Which transitions into “A Total Eclipse of the Heart” sing and dance at ballet class. BTW, I totally spotted on of my fav’s from was it last years (?) So You Think You Can Dance. The hot older ballerina! Even though Rachel sings her heart and gets looks from Finn and Jesse, everyone walks out on her before THE END.

Thanks so very very much for reading this whole gosh darn thing, my dears.

Talk at ya next week.

Yours and everyone else’s,

BirschTalk

Best Glines this Ep:

“Will I may buy a diaper for your chin cause it looks like a baby’s ass.” Sue Sylvester

“I’ve been here since first period. I had a cold. And I took all my antibiotics at the same time and now I can’t remember how to leave.” Brittany

“Don’t start with me Castle I will kick you square in the Taco.” Sue Sylvester

“What do you want, lady face?” Sue Sylvester