Fall Preview: Glee: Best. Show. Ever!

Mones Fun Fact: I love to sing…in the shower, while cleaning my apartment, in my cubicle at work when everyone leaves, on Monday nights at a certain San Francisco karaoke bar. I sing my little heart out.

Mones Sad Fact: I’m not good. I have my moments, but they are few and far between. It’s the tragedy that is my life.

Sorry, Gasmii! I know this is super late, but I had my wisdom teeth taken out the week this premiered. There was pain. There was an infection. There may have been a small addiction to painkillers. The important thing is that I’m out of rehab back and beyond excited to recap Glee.

That being said, I think you can all understand why I absolutely LOVED this show…and why I cried tears of joy for 20 minutes after it was over. I’m convinced this show is the reason why America will win the war on terrorism.

OK, OK, I’ll shut up and get to the recapping already. Nothing this good lasts more than a season. See My So-Called Life, Freaks and Geeks, et al.

Ladies and Gentlemen…Glee.

Ready! OK! We open on cheerleading practice and this show has me at hello. Jane Lynch! Love her. The routine ends and one of the girls loses her balance and falls.

Credits. Opening riffs of “Shining Star” by Earth, Wind & Fire? Oh show, could I love you more?

We follow a teacher salary-priced car through the parking lot. The driver walks over to a group of jocks circling their nerd prey and asks Kurt (nerd) if he’s making new friends.

He reminds another jock, Finn, that he still needs his report on “Que aakdla dhaldksh addh”. After consulting closed captioning, I can deduce two things: 1- the driver is a Spanish teacher and 2- both the writer of the pilot and the actor playing the Spanish teacher don’t know Spanish. Possibly the only fault of the episode. Why couldn’t he have been an English teacher? I don’t know nothing bout that.

Anyways, Finn is almost half way done with almost all of it. El Maestro leaves and the jocks re-direct their attention to Kurt. They pick him up to throw him in the dumpster. Kurt pleads for mercy on his new Mark Jacobs. Finn stops them and lets Kurt hand him his jacket before letting them throw him in.

El Maestro stops by the school trophy case to look at the 1993 Show Choir Championships 1st place trophy. We pan up to a picture of Lillian Adler…

El Maestro looks on pensively.

Spanish class. ¡¡¡Ay Dios mio!!! The bad pronunciation is hurting my delicate Latin ears! Finn mumbles to himself in a daze.

Music Room. Someone who I’m assuming is the current Glee Club advisor is rehearsing “Where Is Love?” from Oliver! with a cute/tone deaf student. Thinking no one is looking, he runs his hand down the student’s chest.

Teacher’s Lounge. El Maestro asks where the coffee is. Budget cuts. Harsh. Jane Lynch! walks in with some lattes. In walks a prissy redhead with crazy eyes. Ken Tanaka, PE teacher, hungrily eyes her. Emma, said redhead, gives him a curt “hey” and gives Will (Maestro) a loving “hi” complete with huge smile and voice tone change. She asks about the lattes. Jane Lynch! felt bag about Principal Figgins cutting the coffee budget in order to pay for a nutritionist (Emma) for the Cheerios. Her performers didn’t make it on Fox Sports Net because they ate at Bacon Junction. Emma wonders when cheerleaders became performers. Meee-ow!

After complimentary Emma on the savory taste of her resentment, Jane Lynch! leaves for a phone interview with a major television outlet. She’ll probably use her iPhone.

Ken adjust his belt and heads over to Emma, who’s disinfecting the table. He missed her at the singles mixer last weekend. A pipe exploded in her building (I bet that’s not the only pipe Ken wants exploding in her building, right guys?) so she couldn’t go. She hates those things anyway. Will assures her that there’s someone out there for everyone. Oh Will, don’t tell her those things! It only makes her want you more! She tells the guys about Sandy Ryerson getting fired. Will wonders who’ll take over Glee Club?

Cut to Will asking Figgins if he can take over Glee Club. He thinks he can make it great again. The kids have no joy, they feel invisible. That’s why they all have MySpace pages. What the hell is he doing checking out their pages? Figgins does the math and figures it will cost $60 a month to keep the program, hint hint. Does he expect Will to pay for it? Figgins ain’t paying for it! He’s got Cheerios to financially support. When Glee can start getting Fox Sports Net type attention then they can have all the money they want. Until then, $60 a month, no new costumes and no stools.

Will, in bed with wifey (sorry Emma), voiceovers that hiding $60 from his wife will be hard. Motivating the kids will be harder. How about a new name for the group? And New Directions is born…

Cue montage.

First to sign up, Mercedes Jones aka Baby Mo’Nique. She auditions with “Respect”.

Fashionista Kurt sings “Mr. Cellophane” from Chicago. He stands still with his hand on his hip until he hits a long, high falsetto note, when he fixes his hair.

Next up, Tina C., rocker/stutterer, performs an angry version of “I Kissed A Girl”.

Last, but not least…

Rachel sings “On My Own” from Le Mis. Via voiceover and flashbacks we learn how Rachel always puts a gold star at the end of her signature to symbolize the star she will become. How she wants to clear up the rumor about turning in closet-case Sandy Ryerson for giving the solo that she deserved to Hank. How she cried to Figgins about seeing Sandy molest Hank in the music room. How she has two dads. How they screen potential surrogates for beauty and IQ. And how they mixed their sperm together so that they wouldn’t know who the dad was…

Her two dads spoiled her in the arts. Vocal lessons, dance lessons, anything to give her a competitive edge. She’s too busy keeping up with her MySpace schedule to date. She tries to post a video everyday to keep her talent alive and growing. For you see, anonymity is worse than poverty. Fame is the most important thing and no one is just going to hand it to you.

We cut to a group of Cheerios watching her video.

Back to the audition in time for the glory note. Will thinks it was very nice. She asks when rehearsals start.

Cut to rehearsal. The groups sings “Sit Down, You’re Rockin’ the Boat”. The lead is in a wheelchair. Heh. The singing isn’t bad, but the dancing is. The number ends and Rachel says they suck. Does Will know how ridiculous it is the give the lead in “Sit Down, You’re Rockin’ the Boat” to a boy in a wheelchair? Clearly Will is using irony to enhance the performance. Well, Rachel doesn’t think there’s anything ironic about show choir and stomps off.

Out on the football field Jane Lynch! chastises the cheerios for being sloppy babies. Will finds Rachel sulking on the bleachers. He notices she changed out of her costume. She’s tired of being laughed at. He thinks that being the best in the group comes with a price. She may only be a sophomore but the clock is ticking and she doesn’t want to leave high school with nothing to show for. Everyone hates her, but being great at something will change that. She needs a male lead that can keep up with her vocally. She’s not going to waste her time with Glee or make a fool of herself. Ken pulls up in his golf cart and tells Will that Figgins wants to see him.

AA wants to use the auditorium for their meetings and will pay $10 a head so Glee can no longer use it. Will tries to bargain with Figgins. If Glee doesn’t show at regionals, then AA can have the auditorium. Figgins reluctantly agrees, with the stipulation that Will run detention for free.

Will’s bitchy blond wife berates a poor dyslexic man for not knowing how to fold a fitted sheet at a Bed, Bath & Beyond type place. She sends him off as Will walks up with a sandwich for her. Continuing her bitch tour, she chastises him for forgetting to not put mayo on the sandwich. If her diabetes comes back she can’t get pregnant. Hmm, was that his subconscious telling us he doesn’t want a baby or that he wants to kill her.

He tells her about having to work late for the next couple of months. She’s on her feet 4 hours a day, 3 times a week and now she has to make dinner for herself? Dyslexic guy comes back. Some lady wants to return sheets and he suspects its a bed wetter. Doesn’t Will see what she has to deal with? Life really isn’t fair.

Will overhears Sandy Ryerson yelling at a sales associate about thread count in the next aisle over. He tries to sneak out but is caught. Sandy heard that he took over Glee Club. He’s not mad, though, getting fired was the best thing that happened to him. It wasn’t without its pitfalls though. His long distance girlfriend in Cleveland almost broke up with him when she found out and it took him weeks to get over his nervous breakdown. Thank goodness for medical marijuana. He just tells his doctor that he can’t sleep and he gets all he wants! The whole thing has been quite lucrative. He’s making 5 times more now than he did as a teacher. Who’s he selling to?

Sandy hands him a free sample.

Will knocks on Jane Lynch!’s office door and asks for a second.

Emma walks outside and steps in some gum. Will runs up and asks for a sec.

He needs kids for Glee and the best performers in the school are Cheerios. She’s not having it. High School is a caste system and Will’s blurring the line. “Jocks, popular kids, up in the penthouse. The invisibles and the kids playing live action druids and trolls out in the forest, bottom floor.” What about the Glee kids? “Sub-basement.”

Emma doesn’t think Jane is wrong but nothing is set in stone. Kids will choose to do what’s cool, even if it’s not who they are. If he can get some popular kids to sign up, the rest will come.

Will jogs around the track as Ken drives along side him in his golf cart. Ken doesn’t think any of his kids will join Glee Club. They shaved off a teammates eyebrows because he watched Grey’s Anatomy. I think a punch in the kidneys would have been much more effective. Anyways, all Will wants is an introduction. Ken will do it in exchange for Will putting in a good word for him with Emma.

Back to Emma. He gets the gum off her shoe and she thanks him. She has trouble with the messy things. She really thinks its nice how much he cares about Glee and the kids.

Jane, on the other hand, thinks if he really cared he’ll leave well enough alone.

Locker Room. Ken threatens our lovable jocks with laps if they don’t shut their mouths and listen. Will begins his spiel about Glee and its need for guys. It gets the response you’d expect.

He’ll put a sign-up sheet on the door for anyone who’s interested. Ken dismisses the guys. Will asks if Ken’s been sleeping OK, his bloodshot eyes and all. Ken claims its just allergies. Will leaves and Ken busts out the eyedrops.

Will reviews the sign-up sheet. I’m sure Gaylord Weiner, Butt Lunch and Penis will be good additions to New Directions. Will voiceovers that he thought it was the end of Glee, until…

Will realizes why he started all this in the first place. “It was seeing the gift in a kid they didn’t know they had.” Next up, the blackest moment in his life.

Will has called Finn to his office. He shows him the marijuana Sandy gave him and asks how long Finn’s had a problem. He swears it’s not his. He’ll pee in a cup! Will doesn’t think it’ll make a difference. Possession is 8/10 of the the law and he’s sure that much pot is a felony. Will sees a lot of himself in Finn and he doesn’t want to see him throw everything away. He expects more from him.

Finn voiceovers that what Will said really got to him. He expects more of himself everyday of his life. He looks confident but he struggles with the same things other kids do, like peer pressure and bacne.

Cue Finn flashback…

Daddy Finn died during the first Iraq War, “when we were fighting Osama bin Laden the first time”. His mom and him were close but being a single parents was hard on her. The only good time she had was when they splurged and hired Emerald Dreams.

Darren was good to her and Finn hang out with him when he painted the lawn green while belting out Journey. That was the first time he really heard music. His mom took it hard when Darren left her for the some chick at Pick & Save. That’s when he decided to do anything it took to make her proud of him and feel that her sacrifice was worth it.

Back to Will’s office. He offers Finn two options. Six weeks detention with Will that will go on his permanent record. Or, you guessed it…

I got chills, they’re multiplying. And I’m looooo-sing control…

Rachel, on the other end of the stage from Finn, perks up and takes it up to 11. She throws her sheet music back and dances her way to Finn…who acts accordingly…

Mercedes stops the insanity. She’s not down with background vocals. Will assures her that it’s just one song. Kurt thinks its the first time they’ve been good. Mercedes gives in but warns Finn to bring it.

Will and wifey do a puzzle. he’s surprised she let him in her craft room. She suggests making Wednesdays puzzle night. That way he can have a creative outlet. Speaking of creativity, would she like to chaperone a field trip to watch rival Carmel High perform on Saturday. She can’t because she’s picking up an extra shift at work. They’re living paycheck to paycheck, you know. Well is the pay from that extra shift going to her Pottery Barn credit card? He denies knowing what he’s talking about. He opens the “Christmas Closet” where she’s hidden bags of Pottery Barn purchases that Will reminds her they can’t afford. But they could! She’s a shoo-in for a promotion at work they’re hiring at H.W. Menken. He’s a teacher, not an accountant. Wifey, who’s name is Terry, tells him that Dr. Phil says people can change. She doesn’t think it’s bad to want a “real life”. Living paycheck to paycheck sounds pretty real to me. She understands his interest in the kids but she’s not a cheerleader anymore and he’s not the golden boy anymore either. It’s time to move on.

Teacher’s Lounge. Ken shreds some paper as he leers at Emma who, in turn, is staring at Will who’s putting up a sign up sheet for chaperones. Seeing her chance, Emma wipes off a pen and signs up.

On the football field, Ken yells at Finn. He’s either a football player or a singer. The jock from the earlier dumpster scene who IMDB calls “Puck” asks Finn what’s up. Finn has to miss Saturday practice and lies that it’s because he has to help his mom. She just had surgery to remove her prostate, it’s engorged. Puck, an idiot, thinks it’s a tough break.

Saturday. Rachel and Finn stand in the snack line at Carmel HS. Rachel tells Finn he’s very talented. She should know; she’s very talented too.

Unfortunately for Rachel, Finn has a girlfriend. Quinn Fabray: Cheerleader, President of the Celibacy Club. They’ve been together four months and despite the fact that she prays instead of going downtown, Finn thinks she’s cool.

Will and Emma chat it up in line behind them. Will contemplates the age of the kielbasas on display. Emma offers him halfsies on a PB&J instead. He hasn’t had one in a long time, wifey being allergic to nuts and all. Emma thinks it’s sweet that he doesn’t eat something she can’t.

Now we get the backstory on why Will would marry such a raging bitch. They’ve been married five years. They met in high school. She was his first girlfriend. For him, it was love at first sight. She used to be filled with so much glee joy, but now…anger? Hate? Bile? We’ll never know. It’s showtime.

Will doesn’t think she wants to hear about his marital problems. She stumbles a little trying to say she does. He continues that Terri pushes him and that he’s appreciated it. She just wanted him to be better, but better at what? Making money? Being upwardly mobile? They both just have to get on the same page again, and I’m sure it will take a whole season to realize they are reading two different books. She asks if he liked the sandwich. It was the best he’s ever had. Awww.

In the audience, Will tells the kids that he doesn’t think Carmel has the talent that New Directions has. He asks them to be a good audience and show them some of that good ole McKinley High respect. Mercedes knows what he’s talking about.

A Don Pardo type announcer asks the audience to give a Hawkeye State welcome to State Regional Champs “Vocal Adrenaline”! Curtains rise and BAM! Full scale, Broadway caliber production. New costumes! Fancy choreography! Tumbling!

We got a dolly roll shot of our shell-shocked home team. “We’re d-d-d-doomed.” Yes, Tina C, you are.

Back at school, Finn get cornered by the football team armed with paintball guns. Puck looked it up and women don’t have prostates. Finn broke the rules and for that he must die be punished. Finn tries to reason with them. They have the power! They don’t have to do this!

Will come home to Terri and a “Congratulations” sign. The kids haven’t won anything yet, what’s it for? She’s pregnant. They’re going to be a family. Hugs all around.

Wheelchair kid, Artie sadly asks if when Will will be leaving them. He’s given the school his two weeks notice but will find them a great replacement before he leaves. Mercedes wonders if he’s leaving because of the Carmel kids because they can work harder. Rachel doesn’t think its fair. They can’t do it without him. Finn oblivious to everyone’s disappointment wonders if his departure means he doesn’t have to be in Glee anymore. Will reassures the kids that it has nothing to do with him. Being an adult is about making difficult choices. Sometimes you have to give up the things you love. They’ll understand when they grow up. No they won’t. I still haven’t…tear.

Will signs some paperwork. Emma asks if he needs help grading papers. It’s actually an application for H.W. Menken. He tells Emma he’ll miss her. Awww. Instead of declaring her love for him, which I would have done, she asks him to stop by the career center before he leaves. He’s in need of some guidance. He tells her he’s having a kid, what he needs are better benefits. She asks him to go, for her.

I wonder if this show will be on long enough for these two to finally get together…

In the hallway, Finn closes his locker and finds Rachel. She didn’t him at Glee. Is that still happening? Yes, she’s taken over as interim director until they find someone more permanent. Quinn comes up and says hi to Finn and “RuPaul”. Heh. Why is he talking to Rachel? Finn freezes, but Rachel comes up with science project partners. Quinn reminds Finn about the Christ Crusaders meeting at her house and leaves. Rachel thinks he’s really got something and that he’s throwing it away by worrying about what people think. He’s better than all of them.

Who else started feeling the water works warming up here?

Football Field. Pucks not apologizing to Finn, that’s not him. If he joined the flag team, Finn would beat the crap out of him. Why did he do it? Will promised him extra credit in Spanish if he joined. If he flunks another class he’s off the team. No matter, it’s over now. Puck’s got a welcome back present for him…

The jocks are going to flip it and they’re saving the first one for Finn. Instead, Finn has an epiphany and gets Artie out. Puck can’t believe he’s helping that loser. Finn thinks they’re all losers, everyone in the school and the town. Of all the kids that graduate, half go to college and maybe 2 will go out of state to do it. He’s not afraid of being called a loser anymore because he can accept what he is. What he’s afraid of is turning his back on something that made him happy. Puck asks if he’s quitting football to join “Homo Explosion”? No. The football team can’t live without him and neither can Glee. So in your big, dumb jock faces!!!

As Finn wheels Artie away, he hears the angelic voice of Steve Perry…

And something comes over him…

In the auditorium, Rachel yells at the rest of Glee to get the steps right. She won her first dance competition when she was three months old, she knows what she’s talking about. Finn and Artie come in. He owes an apology, he shouldn’t have quit. He doesn’t want to be the guy that drives around throwing eggs at people. Kurt reminds him that he’s also the type to throw pee balloons at people and nail lawn furniture on people’s roofs. Finn wasn’t there for that last one, but he’s sorry nonetheless. That’s not him. Even though it may be the lamest thing, he wants to be there for the same reason they all do. To be good at something.

Can Artie recruit the jazz band? He does have some pull there. They need costumes and they need to be cool. Can Mercedes do that? Does he not see what she has on?

Rachel can handle to the choreography. And Tina? What are you good at? “I…I…” They’ll figure it out. Mercedes asks “JT” what he’s bringing to the table. Music, man. He’s got the music…

Career Center. Emma shows Will a tape she found in the library of the ’93 Glee Club at Nationals. We don’t get to see it but can hear “That’s the Way (I Like It)” in the background. It’s the happiest she’s ever seen him. It was the greatest moment of his life. He loved what he was doing and, being a part of it, knew who he was in the world. The only other time he felt like that is when he found out Terri was preggers. He needs to provide for his family. Emma wonders what exactly? The understanding that money is the most important thing or the idea that the only life worth living is the one your passionate about.

You crying yet?

As he leaves, he hears music in the auditorium.

The jazz band is representing in full effect!

Cool outfits! Choreography!

MUSICAL EXPLOSION!!!

The song ends. Will applauds and tells them it was a 9, but they need a 10. He gives Rachel and Finn some notes. Does that mean he’s staying? It would kill him if they won nationals without him.

And curtain…

You’ve all had a couple weeks now to watch this multiple times and form a strong opinion. What’d you think? Can you believe we have to wait a whole season for the next ep?! If I didn’t have SYTYCD and PottyMouth’s recaps this summer, I don’t know what I’d do. See ya in the fall!!