Minicap: Glee

Glee is back!! And they have purple pianos!

All I can say is thank the sweet lord for High School Musical, because without it, the American public wouldn’t have known how much they love musicals set in drama-ridden high schools and Glee never would’ve been created.

No one does high school as well as television does. High school just seems more bright and shiny when it’s on TV; kids’ voices are better, teachers are hotter, stereotypes are more exaggerated, and boys are all in their 20s. It’s the teenage dream.

The mega-stereotype of a Jewish nerd opens up the season by interviewing all our favorite characters; a great device to catch people up on the events that have taken place at McKinley High. He first approaches our favorite 29-year-old senior, Finn, and asks him what he wants to be when he grows up.  This gives him the opportunity to demonstrate how well thought out nonexistent his post high school plans are and to remind us just how lovably dumb Finn is. I’m just upset that he’s no longer dating Quinn; you shouldn’t ever break up with someone if your names rhyme. That’s the number qualification of a soul mate.

The interviews continue with the stereotypical Asian and his non-stereotypical awesome dance skills, Mike, who reinforces his Asian-ness by explaining that his mom is debating on which Ivy League school to send him to. Then in the least clunky way, Tina lets us know who is going to be sticking around next season by pointing out who’s a senior and who’s a junior. Which quickly turns into a game of eeny meeny miney mo.

Jewish nerd host then moves on to the queens, Rachel and Kurt. Last season marked the start of my intense hatred for Rachel and, judging by this interview, the hatred will continue through this season. It’s definitely a double-standard for me to judge the girl more harshly that I do the gay, but it’s endearing when a gay man is queen-y. If Rachel’s voice wasn’t so damn good, I would definitely mute the tv every time she was on.

We find out that Mercedes is dating an enormous football player who is just as excited about her diva-ism as she is. Funny, I’ve never seen him on the football team before, and I know exactly who’s on the football team at any given point in the season. Also, they let us know that they are going to make beautiful cocoa babies.

Then the update from pseudo-lesbian-tweedle-dee-tweedle-dum-cheerleader-duo Santana and Brittany. Santana is modeling her life after that of Paula Abdul, which seems like she’s going to have to get started on working up that alcohol tolerance, because that’s a mighty lofty expectation. And Brittany remains confused.

The only people who weren’t interviewed are Quinn and Puck, which makes me think that they are going to be less important this season, or maybe it means that they were busy making another baby.

Stick around for the full recap!