Despite being a graceful, former ballerina who never mastered the art of riding a bike (bicycle) I am surprisingly very klutzy. I took a tumble down carpeted stairs as the hooker heels I was wearing got snagged in the carpeting. So there’s your tip of the day. Take off those Stripper spikes when navigating carpeted stairs Gasmii!
Let’s cut the chit chat and tumble into Gleeville.
Seriously. I googled “Tranny riding a bike wearing hooker heels” and this is what I got. Sorry Beowulf, please get your PR to sort this shiz out. P.S. You look mighty fine though. You keep right on pedaling Chile!!!!
Whoa! Right off the bat we are thrown into the action. Will and Sue are engaged in an all out brawl in front of the Glee Club.
Jazz hands Bitch! Jazz hands!
It’s all exaggerated, dramatic hand gestures, mouths stretched and veins standing out on necks. It’s also in slow mo glory. Awesome.
In his voice-over, Will expresses shame at his conduct blaming Sue. He expresses amazement that the vein on his neck pops out but he’s nothing compared to;
Now this is how you make dem veins stand outta your neck Boo!
In sharp contrast, glory music (“O Fortuna” from Orff’s Carmina Burana) plays as Sue admires herself. She observes how “elegant” and “regal” she is, even though I bet she really just wants to scratch his eyes out. She likens herself to Greek warrior “Ajax”. LOL, love you Sue.
Yeah, very “elegant and regal”! BTW, ummm…are you about to eat your finger or pick your nose?
Sue goes on to revel how good it feels to pop the zit aka Will Schue. Will’s voice-over interrupts Sue, telling her to shut it. LOL, they’re fighting in their voice-overs as well? Priceless!
Will explains that the trouble started when they got called into Abdul’s office.
Principal Abdullah’s office. He wants a progress report; “Temperature of the Glee Club”. Both Will and Sue are polite but the animosity is tangible. Sue
lies through her teeth confirms everything is running smoothly and Will agrees. He gives her a friendly guy punch on the shoulder and they faux laugh as Sue rolls her eyes. Very convincing.
Abdul warns them he doesn’t want any trouble especially not hearing about them trying to “curry favour” with the kids. For a sec I thought he said “curry fLavour” but that would be maybe mocking his ethnicity and the writers would never do that.
Show Choir Room. Will asks the Glees for suggestions as far as music choices. Hmmm…this wouldn’t be considered “currying favour” would it? Mo’Nique asks if they can try something more “black”. Would Vanilla Ice or Eminem count? Marc Jacob seconds complaining they do a lot of show tunes causing to Rach protest that’s “Glee Club not Crunk club”. Mo warns her that she better be careful or she’ll be taken to the carpet. Can you please not mention carpets for a while! I’m a little anti at the moment. Still love to see that though Mo. Go Girl! *Finger snap*
Will thanks Mo for the suggestion, notes MJ’s disgruntle and asks for any other suggestions. Cute Asian Boy volunteers that he can “pop and lock”. Will basically dismisses that idea. P.S. Cute Asian Boy needs a nickname and CAB doesn’t cut it. Suggestions Gasmii?
Back to Abdul’s office. Another stipulation. He doesn’t want the kids to be pitted against each other. “Never” Sue assures.
“I wanna pit these kids against one another – am I clear?” Sue-coug’s office. The Barbie Cheeriwhore trio nods. What is Juno doing there? Didn’t she walk out of Sue’s office saying that “If you really believe in yourself you don’t have to bring other people down” a few epis ago? Continuity writers? Or maybe it’s me. I thought Juno had asserted that she would no longer be Sue’s spy with that remark. No. Okay, spineless wimps don’t change overnight then.
Juno spills to Coug, revealing that the minority students are unhappy. Hispanic Barbie kinda twitches at that one. Sue plots to create an environment so toxic that the kids will quit Glee Club. She shares one of her delightful stories with us. She reminisces about the time she sold her home to a nice young couple then she salted the soil in the yard so that nothing could grow for a hundred years. Why? The nice young couple tried to get Suzie to pay the closing costs. Those cheap bastards! They deserved it! You go you bitter hag Sue you!
Abdul inquires about the director plans for Sectionals. Sue and Willie will be each be directing their own number. They’ll flip a coin to see who’ll be going first. Abdul smiles happily rejoicing that the arrangement is working out. Can you not smell the tension in the room man! Get a nasal spray to open up those clogged nostrils and INHALE!
Abdul wants to see them hug it out. Both Sue and Will balk at the idea but Abdul won’t end the meeting unless he sees their bodies touching. He learnt the technique at his leadership seminar the previous week. Since when is a swingers convention referred to as a leadership seminar? That’s a bit of a stretch for a euphemism no? However, I and the rest of the world would like to thank you Abdul. You sick
Sue-coug and Will embrace. Will throws down the gaunt first, whispering in her ear that he’s about to destroy her. Sue retaliates with a threat of vomiting down his back. LOL.
“It’s on” Will finishes lamely. Seriously, she threatened to vomit down your back and that’s your best come back? Lame. Will: 0 Sue: 18,091,502.713
Finn and Juno at the obstetrian’s office. It’s ultrasound time. All Juno is worried about is not getting her Cheerleading uniform mucked up. Has she ever worn anything else? Any takers to bet that she wore it while getting deflowered by Mullet.
Dr. Sonogram inquires what they’ll doing with the little bundle of joy. Finn meekly harkens to whatever Juno wants is okey dokey to him. Doc Sonogram tells ‘em it’s a girl. Shouldn’t she have asked them if they wanted to know first? Maybe they wanted it to be a surprise? Or they didn’t want to think of the baby as the daughter, their little girl who they’ll likely be handing over to strangers. Insensitive doctors! Finn gets all emotional and kisses Juno’s hand. Hmmm…
Will’s in the waiting room! What? Why?! Finn comes out and confirms that baby is fine, no mutations or anything, not even cool ones. That’s a good thing! He thanks Schue for driving them. Will asks concerned if Finn is okay. He’s freaking out a little. He’s freak out a lot about the baby thing. His mom wouldn’t even let him have fish, how’s he suppose to take care of a real person? Will thought Juno wanted to give the baby up for adoption. Finn suggests that she could still change her mind. Don’t let Poodle hear you!
Funny how Finny boy was getting all emotional and choked up when kissing Juno’s hand but outside with Will he’s soiling his panties thinking about raising the babe. Men!
Juno comes out and WTF?! Didn’t she want to keep the giving of the baby to Poodle a secret? I mean, of course Will is going to know she’s preggers but isn’t driving her to the OBGYN a little risky? Wait a minute. Didn’t Poodle say they were having a boy? Juno is sperminated with a chica. So Pooch’s baby is going to be a girl all of a sudden? And the baby will just happen to pop up the same night Juno gives birth right? Urgh, I’d like to see this hot mess unfold.
Back at school, where teens should be, Rach closes her locker and Afrogeek is right there in her face. He spews out some garbage about an independent poll on his blog declaring her hottest girl in the school to which she replies “Ew” and walks off. Ew at him or the poll result huney? Be more specific. Rach’s hot pink sweater looks really cute. Her matching headband is okay but didn’t I tell you only Blair Waldorf can pull those off? Respect. I wonder if Rach’s sweater has argyle on it? A few seasons ago H&M had a really adorable pink, green and white argyle sweater set. I tried to “google images” it for you Gasmii but no results. I’ll have to get dressed up in it and take some pics for you guys. I really love argyle, I love men in argyle! I mostly prefer men naked but argyle works too.
Anyhoo, Afrogeek wants to know if Rach has been reading his blog. Course NOT. Wouldn’t be caught dead reading the words of gossipmonger whose blog is nothing but trash and lies, most of them about her. Someone has aspirations to be the next Perez Hilton. Afrogeek reassures her that the current blog entry he’s labouring on has nothing to do with her or her lust for Jew-fros – LMAO. The next bit of trash will feature none other than our real momma to be. Afrogeek rubs his tummy as he says this and I barf. Rach denies the rumour and stalks off but Afrogeek calls after her saying his source also told him that she’s heartbroken that Finn didn’t choose her to carry his “litter”. That was so cruel. Very mean. All love for Afrogeek (not that I had any) is gone. Repulsion and revulsion are all that remain. Get off my screen jerkwad.
Oh it was Old Navy! It wasn’t H&M! The argyle sweater was Old Navy!
I own this!
Rach signs in exasperation marches back to the Asshole-fro and asks what’ll take to prevent him from running the story. The jerk smiles in delight, I would’ve punched him in the mouth. Where’s Mo to introduce him to a carpet?!
Ahhhh, the flipping of the coin. “Ladie’s choice. Heads” yes, Sue darling, we ladies do love head. Quick cut to Sue calling a trick store, no not a sex shop, a toy store and asking for a double sided coin. Devious to the most minute detail aren’t ya Girl! Heads it is.
No HEADS Will, not fist! Though you’d probably appreciate both…
We’re in the show choir room and all the kiddies are assembled. Sue wants to split up the club calling her team “Sue’s kids” I think they could’ve come up with something better…Will tries to brake that bus but guess what. This is Speed Huney!
So Sue wants to form her own elite club. Will protests and Sue reasons with him to let her do it her way. With her proven leadership abilities she may actually be able to do something with the pathetic group of mouth breathers. P.S. this is all said within earshot of the kids.
Will points out that if they divide the club they won’t be able to complete in Sectionals. 12 members to qualify remember? Oh Will, you amateur. Do you know who you are dealing with here? Head Bitch in Charge throws him the Show Choir Rule book. “Twelve members must perform for each team. However, not all members must perform every song.” Foil again Will! HA!
Will bitterly concedes assuming Sue will snatch up all the football players and Cheeriwhores. Oh Will *shaking my head* you amateur. We should sic Christian Bale on you. Sue calls out her new pets; Hispanic Barbie, Hot Wheels, “Gay Kid” LOL MJ looks like a deer caught in headlights, Asian Boy and HAL are called, “Aretha” Mo, “Shaft” an African American footballer player who thanks to Sue, now has a name.
Will’s been blindsided and he feels like a jackass no doubt. “I don’t want to participate in a group that ignores the needs of minority students.” Will lunges for the throat but Sue backhands him again with “Maybe that’s your problem, bigotry is no laughing matter.” “And that’s how Sue sees it” Hispanic Barbie chirps up complete with Sue’s famed “c” hand gesture. Happy Birthday Girl, that’s your line for the rest of the epi. Hope you enjoyed it.
Sowy *shame faced* But…like I would pass on an opportunity like this! That’s how I “C” it!
“Out-standing” Sue praises her. Will shakes his head, what can the man do? Admit defeat and take the great consolation prize of laundering Sue’s delicates? Just a suggestion.
Uh oh. The Sisters Poodle are on the phone and we have a split screen to enjoy them in all their insanity. Cockaspaniel advises that the baby not get vaccinated because she’s sure that’s what made her kids dumb as dirt. I think that was just your genes lady. Poodle muses over it and then brightly admits she could use the money to buy an organic crib mattress. What are the chances of the baby catching polio?
Twiddle Demented. Twiddle Demented-er.
Or is that the other way round?
Will puts an end to the foolishness by hanging up the phone. “That was rude” Pooch lectures. Yeah! I too was enjoying that silliness Will!
Pooch whines that he shouldn’t take his stress out on her and he’s just frustrated about coming home and having to listen to crazy talk. Plus she’s making major decisions about their non-existent baby with her bitch sister. He hasn’t even felt the baby kick Will rages, hasn’t even been to the OBGYN apart from ushering Finn and Juno there. He reveals the sex of Juno’s kid to Pooch. Will ends his tirade by telling Pooch he will be accompanying her to her next doctor’s appointment.
Rach and Finn walk down the hall together. She fills him in on the Afro-asshole sitch. Finn asks what she had to do to keep Afro-asshole quiet and she mentions that her dads will probably have to dip into her college fund to pay for intensive therapy. She doesn’t mind though, she did it to protect him. “And
Quinn Juno” Finn adds, oh yeah, her too since they’re all teammates. Finn expresses his gratitude then runs off to make out with his not-baby momma. Oh Rach. Stop being such a doormat. Rach stares off with moist, hopeful eyes as Finn runs away or maybe she’s just checking out his ass. She turns and smack! She’s got Afro-asshole geek all over her. There’s a problem with his hush money and by hush money I mean panties. The panties she gave him to hush him up still have the tag on them. Plus they’re a acid green thong and I just don’t think they’re Rach’s style.
Sad. These are probably the only pair of panties he’ll ever get his hands on. Ew! Is he making an inappropriate gesture with his tongue?! My pity is gone!
He wants Rach’s soiled undies. Ewww. I don’t ever want to use my name in the same sentence as Rach’s ever again. Now I’m picturing her wearing my undies. Double Ew. What a freak. If she doesn’t comply he’s running the stork story. He tries to kiss her and luckily she shuts him down. I don’t have anything left in my stomach to regurgitate.
Sue’s pets rehearsal. The kids are nervous but Mo is super excited asking if they caught “Sue’s Corner” last night. Topic of discussion was how come Sue is so sensitive to minorities. She knows first hand how hard the struggle is as a minority in America today. Oh really? Yep, cause Sue is one-sixteenth Comanche Indian! “In fact, I like minorities so much, I’m thinkin’ of movin’ to California to become one!”
Sue walks in and she has an entourage of horn players from the band with her. She’s selected a song that will speak to the frustration they felt under the failed leadership of Will Schue. LOL, any opportunity for a dig Sue. The sheet music is handed out and it’s Jill Scott’s “Hate on Me”. R&B, Mo rejoices. Sue gives Asian Boi permission to pop and lock to his heart’s content and orders “Mariah hands” from Mo.
Oh he’s gonna “pop and lock” alright. Hopefully not on Wheels though!
The kids work it out! They build a walk way of chairs that Mo dances down and it’s hawt.
Sue grooves a little too. Uh oh. Is she going to be seduced by the dark side now?
Sue marches down her hallway, that’s right she damn well does own that school especially sporting when she’s sporting those damn shades she’s rocking now.
Our very first “Who wore it better?” Neo? Sue?
Or this douchebag?
Will runs after her calling for her to stop. Sue doesn’t break stride for an instant merely “Hey Buddy, I thought I smelt failure”. Will catches up and stop proceeds to whine a mile a minute. Something about taking the piano – it needed to be steam cleaned Sue replies. He accuses her of undermining his authority. “Your delusions of persecution are a telltale sign of early stage paranoid schizophrenia.” LOL. What about his sheet music? Burned it. She was worried the students would contract “chronic sinusitis from the mildew I feared was infesting that old, moldy paper.”
Will wants to end it. “Cock fight. Fantastic” Sue purrs as she removes her shades. Will quickly pussies out at the thought of physical contact because he knows she can take him. He yells that they are there for the kids; they should resolve their problems so they can get back to the kids.
Sue fess up that she has been trying to destroy Glee Club with “a conviction I can only call religious” Her reason? Because “I don’t trust a man with curly hair.” She fingers his hair with the earpiece of her glasses. “I can’t help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting!” AHAHAHHAHAAAAA. Please mention the at home perm kits Sue! Please!!!!
Will wounded by the insults tries to bring it back to the kids. He thinks she’s a terrible influence, dangerous and blah, blah Sue doesn’t care. She has a legacy to protect, Glee Club is a part of that legacy and she will win. If that means Will has to get the axe, so be it. She berates some random kid’s drink of choice and throws that slushie to the ground. What an exit. Brava.
Will sits on his couch grading papers and turns a B minus to a plus. Wimp. Pooch brings over a beer and he wants to wait before indulging and Poodle retorts that the kids were probably drunk when they wrote those tests anyway. Awww…Pooch really is growing on me. Like the unwanted hair between my eyes. It is such a pain to tweeze that shiz but I’m not Burt from Sesame Street and can’t go unibrowing all over the place. Pooch apologizes for being a bad wife; Will has no expectation as she’s carrying his baby – NOT. Is anybody else monitoring Pooch’s baby bump? It seems flatter this week. Need to fluff that cushion pillow pad thingie out Hun. Also, isn’t there a large difference between her and Juno’s pregnancies? I mean, I think Pooch was claiming three months (12 weeks) when Juno was five, six weeks. That’s a bit of a difference no?
Poodle, trying to suck up offers to help Will with his problems at school. She offers the sage advice of getting down in the gutter if he wants to beat Sue.
A blond journalist from “Cheerleading Today” mag tries to keep up with The Cougar who’s on her way to Cheeriwhores practice. Sue cuts her off inquiring if it’s the cover story and once she receives the affirmative she blasts off with the only quote Blondie needs. The Coug is all about empowerment. She empowers her Cheeriwhores to live in a constant state of fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror. I predict that will become a classic quote.
Once reaching the field only Hispanic Barbie, Heather Bangs and Juno are out there. Where’s the rest of the squad. They’re not academically eligible. Will Schue flunked them, Juno gently breaks the news. Sue however whips off those sunglasses and DUCK JUNO! DUCK! Death stare from the eyes of a Basilisk!
“This is a travesty of international proportions!” Sue spits out at Abdul in the Principal’s office. She accuses Will of jeopardizing her Cheerios role as goodwill ambassadors and threatens a call to the Commander in Chief. Will fires back presenting a quiz from a Cheerio on which she mispelt her name and answered every question with a drawing of a sombrero. Ola!
Sue comes back accusing Will of misogyny yelling that his “psychosexual derangement would be fascinating if it weren’t so terrifying!”
Principal Abdul reveals that most of the cheerleaders are functionally illiterate and at the last game instead of spelling Go Team they spelt “To Game”. So what Abdul? Cheerleaders are suppose to be dumb as rocks. Don’t break a stereotype now.
Since 1992, 95% of the Cheeriwhores should’ve flunked Spanish and Will is not going to be apart of the farce any more he declares. So wait a minute. How many years has Willie the Righteous allowed the Cheerios to slide? I know this isn’t his first year of teaching.
Sue impatiently waves aside Will’s devotion to the “dying language”. Now hold on up a minute there Huney! Espanol is not a dying language it’s thriving. Spoken in Espana, most of South America, lotsa Islands and right here in the good old US of A.
Anyhoo, Bitch breaks it down for Will. “Let me break this down for you: I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go on to college? I don’t know, I don’t care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they want to become dishwashers and gardeners. But if they want to be bankers and lawyers and captains of industry, the most important lesson they could possibly learn is how to do a round-off!”
I wonder, do all the writers contribute to Sue’s dialogue or is a sole person responsible? I’d love to meet the sick fuck and worship at his/ her feet. LMFAO.
Will turns right round and kicks Abdul in the nads calling Sue deranged and blaming Abdul for allowing this to happen under his leadership.
Abdul ends the meeting declaring no more free passes for the Cheerios and Will exits triumph telling Sue he’ll see her at rehearsal. Will goes to pat her and Sue warns him not to touch her. He childishly taps her on the shoulder and flees. AHAHAHHAHAHHAAAAAAA. Sue explodes that she will sue his ass!
As soon as they are alone Sue brings up that Mumbai Air Anti-embolism stocking vid she’s been holding over his head. Will Suzie be uploading the vid to youtube? Abdul already did. Only got two hits. Your ace in the hole is busted Sue!
The stockings or the man?
Sue exits the office yelling like a banshee and transforms into the dragon from Sleeping Beauty, Maleficent. She hurls some books to the floor in rage and proceeds to roast the
piggies kiddies innocently walking down the hallway.
Spanish class and the kids are taking a test. Finn subtlety passes a note to Juno via the old tried and tested “yawning stretch” technique. Turns out Finn’s been thinking – never a good thing – and he’s come up with the perfect baby name. Inspired by Gwyneth Paltrow’s love of fruit , he wants to name his baby “Drizzle”. Finn dribbles out some moronic reasoning about how cool it is when it’s drizzling outside as smells like rain but you don’t need an umbrella ella http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtCTMdcG9Tg Juno berates him and orders him to get back to his test. Wasn’t he worried about the possibilty of Juno changing her mind about giving up the baby and now he’s thinking of baby names?! Some consistancy please writers. Heather Bangs leans over to swipe Juno’s test and she snatches it right back as Bangs whines that she doesn’t understand anything and Juno snips that it’s not her problem.
Teary eyed Juno freaks out as they exit the classroom. She feels he is being so insensitive bringing up baby names when he knows she can’t keep it. Finn questions what to do and Juno tells him not to have an opinion. He cries that this is happening to him too but Juno doesn’t think he’ll be the one burning at the stake when her parents find out. Finn wishes Juno was more like Rach. Screeeeeeeeechhhh. Oh hayell no boi you were NOT just dumb enough to say that!
Rach cares about his feelings and
sucks sticks up for him and for Juno. Juno keeps her cool, smirking that Rach didn’t do it for her but to gain Finn’s affection though she doesn’t actually voice it, the implication is clear. She warns him not to cheat on her with Rach.
Hmmm….impromptu jam session in the choir room. That was weird. Juno and Finn are there too rocking like they didn’t just have a blow-up in the hall. Not a smooth transition at all but at least they do justice to Nelly’s “Ride Wit Me”. It’s way casual and un-choreographed and the kids are just yelling it out all together but it’s really fun.
Turns out they all got together on the sly to hang out. Since when are they all so tight? Is this really believable? Mullet has a guitar in his lap. WTF? Turns out the kids miss being together. They’ve been warned to stay separate as Sue has threatened to shave MJ’s head if she catches him talking to a Schue kid. He’s worried as MJ just can’t rock that look ya’ll.
The Sue’s pets leave and on their way out greet Will goodbye.
Rach voices how the kids don’t like how this is going and Will brushes pass their concerns encouraging them not to give up as this will only help Sue. He manages to badmouth Sue further and Juno looks a little uncomfortable.
Will hands out the sheet music and Rach and Finn have the leads. Juno’s guilt immediately evaporates. It’s Jordan Sparks and Chris Women Beater Brown’s “No Air” I just gave my friend shit on Facebook for supporting Chris BeatHerDown Brown so I refuse to compliment the song but I have to admit Rach and Finn are amazing.
Juno looks on jealously as Rach and Finn belt out that ballad with carnal lust in their eyes. She steps forward knocking the two apart ad snaps for Will’s attention. “Excuse me? What about us? You expect us to just sway back here like props” You’re a petite, cute blond with an average voice. You’re a little better than a prop but yes, I think he does expect just that.
Turns out Juno’s little outburst was more than jealousy it was really apart of Sue’s master plan to further annihilate Glee. It’s Sue’s world and we are just living in it peeps!
Flashback showing Juno and Sue practicing the line and Sue instructs Juno to then turn to Mullet and Heather Bangs saying that Sue is right; clearly Will doesn’t care about minorities.
Mullet and Bangs are in the Cougar Den. Sue expresses dismay that in this day and age they are being discriminated against. Turns out Mullet is Jewish (who knew? *shrug* he’s still hawt) Bangs is – Dutch? So what? “I know the Dutch are famous for being a cold people, but that’s no excuse for treating you like some half-priced hooker in Amsterdam’s famous red-light district.” AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA Sue sympathizes with Bangs. LOL. If they’re serious about leaving Will the Racist, she will gladly welcome them to her Rainbow Tent of Cuddly Love.
Umm, one sec isn’t Rach also Jewish? How does giving her the lead equal anti-Semitism Mullet? Dumb hawt jocks don’t stop to reason do they Gorgeous? And why should you? You have abs of steel and a nipple ring. You’re probably a freak in bed too. That’s good enough for me. Carry on.
Casa Schue and for some reason Poodle searches for her pregnancy pillow pad in the drawer. Why the hell does she not have it on? Will apparently arrives home early and in a panic she shoving it up her shirt. “What’s for dinner” Will questions as Pooch tries to make a break for it. She suggests he call take out but surprisingly Will has rented a backbone for the night and politely but firmly tells her that while he doesn’t expect her to start cooking the decent thing to do if she gets home first is to organize the grub.
Poodle is taken aback at his new found balls and a little roused too. LOL. Will credits Poodle since she’s the only that inspired him to stand up to Sue. He feels great as she’s begging him for mercy. Oh also Will made an appointment with the Pooch’s obstetrian. He’s finally going to see his non-existent baby! Uh oh Pooch. Busted!
Remember how great Will was feeling rejoicing at Sue’s misfortune? Well for some reason this morning he’s seething! Oh yeah, the Mullet and Dutch Hooker Bangs jumped ship leaving Will with only three kids. Rach, Finn and Juno. There’s a fun threesome! Pun intended. Sue wants to cut a deal, pass the Cheeriwhores and she’s give him back his team of “losers and snot faucets” Will considers for a nanosecond and then spits that she’ll have to “pry those Fs from my cold, dead hands.” She’s looking forward to it Willie!
Dr Wu’s office, Poodle’s obstetrician. He’s pruning a bonsai tree. How non stereotypical. But the Doc explains that it relieves his stress and Pooch offers she enjoyed the Karate Kid in years past. That movie was awesome. The kid was cute. Then. Now on Ugly Betty, not so much.
Whoa! Somebody got hair plugs for Ugly Betty!
The Doc is curious as to why the twisted sisters are there as neither of them are currently sperminated. Cockaspaniel launches into “you delivered all three of my kids — each one is dumber than the last, plus they all have ADD and, although my husband nor I have red hair, they are all creepy ginger kids!” LOL, that’s motherly love for ya.
Wu explains it was a recessive gene but Cockaspaniel is not buying it. Her theory is that he gave her too much pitocin when she was in labor, and it screwed the demon hellspawn’s DNA. Wu asks Pooch if CockaSpaniel is on some new psychotropic medication. Nope, a diet of Chardonnay and bacon that’ll do it.
She takes offense and goes on with the threat. Her whipped husband does the taxes for several powerful midsized law firms. Somebody will be more than willing to take up her lawsuit. Wu scoffs that she’ll never win but she doesn’t have to. Considering there are only two OBs in their town, the mere whiff of bad press will ensure all his patients “will close on up their legs and walk on over to Doctor Chin”. Wu calls it “outrageous” then gives in to the insane duos demands.
Gotta give props when it’s due, well play Cockaspaniel! Well played indeed!
What’s with all the crazed, aggressive blondes on this show? Juno slams Rach’s locker shut talking about a smack down. Can it be in a mud ring please?
Juno wants Rach to back down and stop trying to steal her baby daddy. Except he really isn’t her baby daddy. Rach admits she was after Finn’s footballs but instead of apologizing she accuses Juno of cheating! Yep, Rach has it on good authority that Juno is Sue’s mole. Rach tries to talk sense into Juno, warning her that when Sue finds out about the seed in the womb that she’ll probably rip her cheerleading uniform off Juno’s body with her bare hands. Juno is only empowering Sue to do damage to Glee and Glee is all she has. Recognize who your true friends are Rach preaches. Like who? Like you Rach? You just owned up to the fact you are trying to steal her man! Hello?!
Anyhoo, Rach suggests that Juno go practice some tunes because she obviously has a lot to express. That launches Juno into the Supreme’s “You Keep Me Hangin’ On”. Her voice is too sweet and shallow for it. Mo’Nique would have destroyed this. It’s a good effort but not as good as the “I Say a Llittle Prayer” she auditioned with. The choreography is tight but what’s with the staging? The parts with the Cheerio’s in football gear I didn’t get…also the heeled sneaks they’re wearing are not as cute as the heeled Converse shoes the whores were wearing in epi three during Mo’s “I bust your windows out your car”. Yes I did notice and love them kittkatt357!
Nice try but don’t quit your day job. And by day job I mean spreading your legs to your boyfriend’s BFF.
Juno tells the Cheeriwhores to take five. She waits a beat as everyone leaves and she walks off alone. Am I suppose to care?
Auditorium. Rach starts off some tired speech about even though they are on opposites side of the Berlin Wall she still wishes everyone unicorns, fluffy bunnies and rainbows. Sue yells at her to cut the chit chat and get on with the show. Will chides Sue for the outburst and she mock covers her mouth in dismay. LOL.
“Did I say something inappropriate? Oopsie!”
Rach launches into the first words of “No Air” and before she can get the first bar out, Sue orders her kids up and out. Finn wonders if there’s a fire and Sue laments that the point is there is no fire. “It’s sad enough that my Sue’s Kids are living in squalor and probably on food stamps” (Mo corrects that her dad is a dentist) “but for you to drag ‘em in here and bore ‘em to death? I won’t stand for it. Come on, kids! Out! We’re goin’ for Coneys, My treat!”
AHAHAAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. God, how do the other actors keep a straight face with her expelling out those lines? True professionals, raise their pay Fox! (Production company…whoever writes the checks!)
Will snaps that Sue is rude and has no class and is a terrible teacher. She has her PHD she reminds him – “You got it Online!” Will yells!
Sue dishes it as hard as she’s swallowing. “You are a failed performer Will; you weren’t good enough to make it in the real world you’re not even good enough to run this stupid little club that nobody cares about!” Right in front of the kids too. Oh no. You’re crashing and burning Sweetie.
The two continue and start pushing. Aw! Finn puts an end to the fun by screeching “Enough” and stating that if they wanted to hear Mom and Dad argue the kids who still have two parents would stay at home. Mo seconds that. Glee is suppose to be fun and furthermore this minority biz is whack. She may be a strong, proud black woman but she’s a lot more than that. Standing Ovaaaaaaation!!!!!!!! Holla! Mo gives the peace sign and she’s out. “Fellow Glee Clubbers, it would be an honour to show you how a real storm out is done. I encourage you to follow my lead, ” and with that, Rach storms out. That was easily the best line that Rach has uttered this season and I now might love her. Everyone else exits too with the football players carrying Hot Wheels out. Awwwwwww….
Sue stares at Will in horror. She flees too.
Dr Wu’s and it’s time for the not-ultrasound. So this is how they’re going to fool Will.
Putting up the sheets. Will protests claiming he’s seen it all before as he’s the one that knocked her up – NOT. The Doc explains it’s std procedure. Even I’ve watched enough TV to know that the procedure is to squeeze some cold blue gel onto Mama’s tummy and use the sonogram thingie to see the brat on the black and white monitor thing.
Will seems on edge and explains he’s had a stressful day. Poodle commands him to forget about the “dancing delinquents” for one sec as he’s not about to see his baby for the first time. Oh dear, have you no shame? Good. Because then we wouldn’t have this ridiculous subplot.
Will requests a DVD for his parents, no prob as Wu is going to use an already prerecorded DVD to fool you anyway! Doc squeezes some of that blue gel into a metal pan
and Pooch squeals on cue. Doc takes the wand thingie and pretends to do the reading.
Yep. That’s where her uterus is.
The monitor shows the baby (looks like fuzzy white noise to me) and Will marvels at “him”. Pooch coughs to signaling that the Doc correct the earlier claim that it was a boy and change it to a girl. Will worries if something happened to his —-? You can say it Will, ding dong. Nope Doc apologizes “must’ve misread the first sonogram” – Sowy! You have receipts for all the blue boy stuff you bought right? Returns can be made within 90 days right?
Will tears up at the image of his non-baby. They kiss and Pooch wants him to always remember how they love each other and how happy he is at that moment. Awwww…I actually like them together. It’s going to be so sad when this sham is over and he kicks her to the curb….
Uh oh. New Day, Monday, I’m thinking so new week and are we going to have another faceoff because Will is knocking on the Cougar Den. He’s there to discuss the Auditorium debacle and Sue is glad because she wanted to rehash that mess too but she had no idea where his office is. Did you try his classroom Girl?
Sue drops my jaw to the ground when she announces that she’s decided to step down as co-head of Glee.
That was the same look on my face!
Turns out it was too fruity for her. She can’t stand the sight of kids getting emotional unless it’s from physical exhaustion.
She’d still like to stay on as “consigliere”. OMG, that’s a scary thought! Can you use imagine Sue being God
fathermother of a Mob family?! Sue Corleone Soprano. Sign me up for that shiz!
She’d like to see the set list so that she’ll feel like she’s contributing. She was a VJ once upon a time.
Will wonders when he’ll be falling though the trapdoor into the flames of hell and Sue acknowledges that he doesn’t trust her. She knows her methods are extreme and she’s not like the rest of the hippies, caring about the kid’s feelings or even physical safety, but she does care about teaching. When she coaches them and they win, she wins. We all know how she feels about winning! Will graciously accepts her non apology and he also owns up that he may not always be 100% on the ball, Sue quickly confirms that no one would support that theory and there’s a hilarious beat as Will struggles to admit that Sue shinning the spotlight on the fact that those kids were minorities was a good thing.
They’re all minorities Will tells the Glee Club. There are only 12 of them in the Glee Club and all they have is each other. Doesn’t matter that Rach is Jewish or Finn is a dumbass or Hispanic Barbie is Hispanic or Juno is – “pregnant” Sue calls out. She apologizes for calling her out but it’ll be all over the blogsphere and everybody now knows. Including Sue. With that non physical kick to the gut Sue walks out leaving Juno hyperventilating.
Why??? You didn’t figure people weren’t going to notice your bump expanding and the cheerleading uniform bursting at the seams? I think you have more sense than that Juno!
Did you really not see this film?!
Rach confronts Afro-asshole at his locker. How could he?! Three words; Sue made him. No further explanation needed.
Cougar Den as she holds up a pair of “droopy white granny panties” viciously
interogatinginvestigating what they were doing in Afro-asshole’s locker during a routine round of locker checks.
You sure those aren’t your “droopy, white granny panties” Sue dear? Their sexsi BTW! Grrrr!!!!
“Are you an Eve that was born a Steve because if you are there’s a special school that could better address your needs and I think that school is in Thailand”. What is this fuckery Sue? So what if the little
freak kid is a cross dresser?! Afro-asshole cracks without a fight. He spills the Juno story faster than you can sneeze. Sue doesn’t believe him saying that her head cheerleader would never jeopardize the future of her Cheerleading team and her teaching tenure? No Juno respects her and would never lie to her, never. Afro-asshole has three sources confirming. He begs for mercy and agrees to kill the story. No, Sue wants him to run it.
Afro-asshole apologizes to Rach and Finn comforts Juno in the hall too. I don’t understand why the hell she is so upset. She had to know everyone would figure it out!
At least you’re not alone in the white trash teen pregnancy department.
“Keep Holding On” Glee does Avril Lavigne in black and white ensemble in the auditorium. Umm…which song exactly are they doing for Sectionals?
Juno struggles not to break down and Wow, girlfriend is really a good actress because essentially she’s a hypocritical (President of the Celibacy Club anyone?) skank and yet I’m feeling a spark of pity for her.
Cheer up. Even if your parents do burn you at the stake at the very least you’ll be nominated for a Teen Choice Award. Best Supporting though…yeah, maybe frying is better…
The performance is touching and whoa we got a lot of music today the majority of it was great.
This was the best epi yet for me. I’m so sad that I won’t be going and screaming my lungs out in support of the cast. Fuck you Macy’s! http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/thedishrag/2009/10/glee-club-is-sliced-from-macys-thanksgiving-day-parade-is-nbc-jealous.html
You too NBC! http://tunedin.blogs.time.com/2009/10/13/nbc-vs-glee-battle-of-the-network-stars/ (Thank you for 30 Rock though. Love it!)
At least we’ve got a full 22 episode season to look forward too! Yay Glee! Thanks for reading Gasmii, Episode 8 Battle of the Slushies coming right up.