Gossip Girl: The Tale of Charlie Trout

This week on Gossip Girl, new friendships emerge, old friendships splinter apart, and Dan is one God-awful writer.

I dare you to read this without wanting to stab yourself in the eye.

It’s Fashion Week on Gossip Girl, and Blair is in charge of the seating chart for Eleanor Waldorf’s Pilgrim-Chic fashion show. While going over the arrangements, she assures her mother that she and Serena will both be backstage, helping out. After all, it’s a tradition — meaning it’s definitely not going to happen this week. B mentions that she sat the minions in the second row, pleased that she can buy back her status with a close-up view of what to wear at the next Boston Tea Party-Party. This year, dressing like savages is SO out.

Dan and Jenny are on their way to school, Dan whining about being invisible after Serena’s public shunning, and revealing that he’s now interested in going to Yale, rather than Dartmouth. This is notable for it’s where Blair wants to go, and paves the way for the inevitable college years (which will surely suck like all HS set shows do when they make that leap). Dan’s been going through his writing samples with the help of a new mentor, trying to decide what to submit with his Yale application. Judging from what we know about his writing attempts earlier this season, they probably all blow anyway, Dan. Upon arriving at school, Dan runs inside for class, leaving Jenny alone on the street — who secretly hops a cab for Eleanor’s instead.

At the VDW-Bass residence, friendless Lily is reviewing her new, tacky art collection with her art consultant, which gives her and Serena the chance to exposit that Serena’s been hanging around with a new socialite named Poppy lately. I can’t decide if that sounds more like someone’s grandfather or one of those Popples stuffed animals from the 80s. Anyway, Serena and this Poppy chick are now BFFs since God knows when. While looking over the art collection, Lily mentions that she wants the art consultant to purchase her a Mapplethorpe that’s coming up for auction — and then reveals that she’s the model in the nude shot. Both Serena and the art consultant are duly impressed, with Serena exclaiming that Lily is the coolest mom ever. Wow, that would not be my reaction to hearing my mother wants to hang a naked picture of herself in the living room.

“OMG! We can hang it next to my ‘Girls of Constance’ Playboy spread!!!”

At school, Chuck’s scarf has returned (yay!), and he has tracked Blair down to volunteer to be her ally in the war against Serena. This somewhat explains his role in bringing about her dethroning. Blair insists that there isn’t a war, and besides, with her Fashion Week tickets, she’s sure to regain control shortly. With that, she approaches the minions to distribute the goods. And look what else has returned — the midget! Welcome back, Hazel! Blair gives out the tickets, and at first things go perfectly — that is, until Hazel cries out there’s a picture of Serena and Poppy in the newspaper, and the minions all pee themselves in adoration of Queen S. Speaking of, Serena picks that moment to arrive, and politely basks in their gushing praise. So far, no creepy lesbian petting spotted.

Disgusted and probably scared, Blair turns tail and runs, only to be caught by Chuck again, who saw how it all went down. She goes on the attack, harshly telling him that Nate’s only his friend out of habit. In fact, according to Blair, the only person with fewer friends than Chuck is Dan — but at least Dan’s father likes him. Ouch, dude. Now I know some people were upset/angry with Chuck’s actions last week — if he cares for Blair so much, why is he hurting her? Maybe he just enjoys causing her pain? And I agree that he’s done a lot of shitty things to her. But this scene reminds me that no matter what JaMarcus said, Blair is no delicate flower, and can be just as hurtful. So I think she can handle whatever Chuck throws her way.

Dan is now meeting with his cliched, scotch-swilling mentor, who thinks his writing is crap. Haha, yay! Evidently every story is about Dan/Serena drama, and the mentor is just as bored as us viewers were. I feel your pain, sir. The mentor tells him to get out of his comfort zone, and find someone dangerous to learn things from. While I’d like to see Dan tag along with Eric and get roughed up in a gay bar, I think it’s pretty clear that Chuck and Dan will be hanging out. After all, we know Chuck’s social calendar is free.

“I would rather let you try to shoot this glass off my head than read another one of your stories.”

At Eleanor’s, Laurel is unhappy with the seating chart, thinking there aren’t enough It girls in the crowd. Kirsten Dunst might be showing her bony, vampire-ass, but she is soooo 2007. Gotta love a random attack on a Hollywood starlet! Eleanor explains that they can’t get the It girls because her show is the same time as the Marc Jacobs show, and his clothes don’t look like costumes from your 1st grader’s First Thanksgiving pageant. Overhearing, Jenny mentions that Serena and her new friend Poppy may be able to help.

Dan has arrived at the VDW-Bass residence to ask Chuck if they can go play together. Launching into his explanation, Dan says that he needs to get out of his comfort zone and experience new things. Chuck, looking quite hot again in this scene, asks the obvious question without blinking an eye — “Are you gay?” Haha. Caught off guard, Dan explains that he is not, but wants to get out of Brooklyn and experience the world of Chuck Bass. Thinking, Chuck finally agrees and orders Dan to come along before he changes his mind. Hope Dan brought along the essentials for a night with Chuck — condoms, clean underwear, a switchblade, and an eggplant.

Back at home, Blair is channeling Jan Brady as she wails at Duroda that it’s all “Serena, Serena, Serena!” with the minions lately, and that high school girls are spoiled, stupid, and ungrateful. Like a good servant, Duroda keeps her mouth shut and merely offers Blair some tea rather than address the hypocrisy of that loaded statement. Deciding that she will leave the minions outside to get covered in paint by insane PETA protesters, B grabs the seating chart — only to see that changes have already been made and Serena and Poppy are now in the front row with Mr. Orange himself, Michael Kors. Blair begins screaming at full volume, while Duroda looks scared out of her little skull cap. B demands to know who made the changes, and Duroda hesitantly offers that she heard it was Jenny. Livid, Blair declares that it’s time Little J got a refresher course on why it’s a bad idea to fuck with Blair.

“You’re not going to beat me again, are you Miss Blair? The scabs only just healed.”

Eleanor arrives home, and a now-calm Blair confronts her mother about the seating chart. Blair insists that Poppy will want to go to Marc Jacobs, and Serena would never abandon their backstage ritual. But sorry B, Eleanor’s already spoken to Lily, and in between ignoring Lily’s desperate pleas for friendship, she learned from Lily that Serena and Poppy agreed to the plan. Blair makes a snide comment about Jenny’s involvement, and Eleanor begins singing Little J’s praises while Blair tries to hide her hurt expression. But then Eleanor reveals some interesting information — Jenny doesn’t go to school and supposedly has an “independent study.” Blair knows that’s a bigger pile of crap than Eleanor’s fashions, and turns to share this information with the Constance officials just as Jenny herself arrives with Laurel. B briefly confronts Jenny about the seating chart, while a bewildered Jenny explains she didn’t know Blair had made the original. Not like Blair gives a shit about that minor detail.

Dan and Chuck have begun their night of debauchery, with Chuck silently ordering a tray of six shots just as they sit down. Dan begins spouting off his judgmental bullshit, and Chuck merely orders him to shut up while sliding the entire tray at Dan and offering Dan a little blue pill. Dan hesitates and annoyingly pops his jaw a few times while Chuck tells him to shit or get off the pot. Dan finally gives in, chasing the pill with the shots. If this can make Dan slightly less annoying, I’m all for him getting fucked up.

Lily has now invited Poppy over for dinner with her and Serena, perhaps hoping that her wild nude-picture stories will convince Poppy she’s a cool chick to be friends with. We learn that Serena is actually against the new seating arrangements at Eleanor’s show, well aware that Blair will lose her mind if their backstage tradition is broken. Lily dismisses that with a wave of her hand, and fully embraces Poppy’s idea of B, S, and Poppy just meeting up at the Marc Jacobs after-party. Kissing ass is not going to make a girl a third your age want to be your friend, Lils. Before Lily can suggest they all braid each others’ hair, she gets a phone call from the art consultant — turns out someone else has already purchased the naked Lily picture. My first instinct is Rufus, but there’s no way he could afford it. Remember, he’s POOR.

“No, not that one! Yeah, well, it was the 80s, bitch. You probably were all bushy too.”

Speaking of Rufus, Blair has arrived in the ghetto with a bowl of chicken noodle soup and an uber-fake smile on her face. Rufus is rightfully suspicious, and Blair launches right into her scheme — she heard Jenny’s been absent for 10 days because she’s so sick, and she wanted to bring her some soup to make her feel better. Aww. Rufus says he knows Blair doesn’t have Jenny’s best interests at heart, and Blair drops the charade, plainly stating that facts are facts and Little J has ditched now for 2 weeks straight after her “mom” called her in sick. Pulling out her phone, B offers Rufus the headmistress’ home number so he can check for himself.

Dan and Chuck’s night is coming to a close, as they ride in the limo and Dan babbles his drunken face off. Hopefully, this will not be a repeat of the limo scene from Victor/Victrola. Evidently their night involved lots of twins and sex clubs behind White Castles. Chuck sure knows how to be classy. After complaining that his feet are hot (weirdest drunken complaint ever), Dan follows Chuck’s snide suggestion that he remove his shoes. Chuck quickly palms Dan’s wallet and grabs the shoes, before ordering the driver to pull over and throwing Dan out onto the street in the middle of nowhere. LOL, since it’s Dan, I love it.

Rufus has arrived at Eleanor Waldorf’s to confront Jenny and her bad case of mono. He orders that she come with him right now, quietly but forcefully telling her that he pays tens of thousands of dollars in tuition to that school, and she’s a liar he cannot trust. Maybe you should have realized that last season when Jenny was sneaking out to forbidden parties and stealing from people, Dad. Watching from the doorway, Blair smirks triumphantly as Jenny is forced to leave.

“Look, Dad, you don’t understand. This really takes a long time. They don’t exactly make patterns for 1600s-era fashions.”

The next morning, Jenny is trying to ignore the hideous roses embroidered on Rufus’ shirt as she explains she was keeping up with her homework and just needed to get through Fashion Week. He remains unsympathetic and informs her she has an appointment that afternoon with the headmistress, to try to convince her she shouldn’t be expelled. Pissed that she has to go to school on a Saturday — or at all in her case — Jenny storms off to get ready.

Serena has arrived at Blair’s, and asks why Blair hasn’t returned any of her phone calls. Blair angrily says she didn’t have anything to say, since Serena’s taken over the minions and abandoned their backstage tradition. Now while Serena may take a lot of crap from Dan, she doesn’t seem to put up with it from Blair, as she smiles a fake, condescending smile and tells Blair that she’s wrong, and that the minions are retarded hummingbirds who will surely flock back to Blair shortly. If they don’t crash into a few glass doors on the way.

Blair begins yelling at S about her mother’s show, and Serena insists she’s merely doing Eleanor a favor. Infuriated, Blair says it’s bullshit Serena’s worried about disappointing Eleanor but doesn’t give a crap about disappointing Blair. Now obviously Blair is being selfish and immature here, but I can understand where she’s coming from. Maybe that makes me selfish and immature… Serena loses her patience and her cool demeanor, and snaps that she and Poppy just won’t go at all, and leave Eleanor with an empty front row. Blair irrationally says that’s fine by her, because then she won’t have to watch the next episode of The Serena Show. God, that may be even worse than the new season of 90210. Disgusted, Serena tells Blair she was going to invite B to hang out with her and Poppy — news which Blair does not take well as it sounds like an afterthought or pity invite. Finally pushed too far, Serena changes her mind and announces she will go to Eleanor’s show, and enjoy every minute of watching the models reenact the disembarkation of the Mayflower.

“Um…I may have just had an accident. Don’t go anywhere! I’m not done yelling at you!”

Dan’s meeting with his drunken mentor again, who still thinks his writing is crap. Agreed. Annoyed, Dan says he followed the mentor’s advice and went out with a guy he can’t stand. “Yes, this Charlie Trout character.” LMAO I almost just fell off my couch. If I ever had a shred of doubt that Dan wasn’t an abso-fucking-lutely terrible writer, consider it gone. The mentor advises Dan to go hang out with Charlie Trout (still giggling) again and find out his secret, then write about it. Okay, is this fiction or an expose? If this is how Dan’s going to get all of his story ideas, I hope he decides to write a piece about mass murderers next.

Lily’s meeting with her art consultant again — who reveals that Bart was the purchaser of the nude photograph. Lily is shocked, seeing as though she’d never mentioned the Mapplethorpe to Bart or anyone else. Embarrassed about the bush, I suppose. Nonetheless, she’s pleased Bart knows her so well and married her despite her lack of grooming habits back in the day.

It’s almost time for Eleanor’s show, as we see one girl going through her gift bag and staring at the included bottle of Vitamin Water with a WTF expression on her face. Hey, without Vanessa in this episode and the lovely stocked VM fridge her cafe, they needed to get that plug in somehow. Serena and Poppy arrive to find Poppy’s still seated in the front row — but Serena’s been moved to the back. Blair’s work, no doubt. Serena flags down an assistant to correct the mistake as Blair and Jenny run over to fight over where Serena should be sitting. Jenny maturely tells Blair this isn’t about them, but the fighting continues until Eleanor herself intervenes, scolds Blair, and moves Serena back to the front.

Anal beads as a necklace is a brave choice, Little J.

Chuck’s out drinking by himself, calling his father to ask if Bart wants to have a drink when his plane arrives later that night. Bart coldly asks what kind of trouble is he in, then declines the invitation because he’s tired and jetlagged. On top of that, Bart gets another call and Chuck loses the call waiting face-off. Hurt, Chuck hangs up and we see Dan behind him, having overheard the conversation. Dan takes a seat at the table and gently goads Chuck into hanging out with him again. Not the best choice, Chuck. You were already sad, and hanging out with Humphrey will make you suicidal.

Dan doesn’t waste any time being the worst investigative journalist ever, asking Chuck what it’s like to be him and whether he was a happy kid. When that doesn’t get a response, Dan snidely asks when Chuck started drinking in bars alone, and Chuck says it’s when he realized hot, desperate women did. Dan then tries to ask Chuck about Bart, and Chuck describes Bart as an older, meaner version of himself before excusing himself to go hit on the hot, desperate woman at the bar. Well not so hot in this case, but whatevs. Chuck sidles over to the chick, who seems into him until he says he’ll pay cash up front. Problem is, she’s not a prostitute. Smooth moves, Bass. And I thought Mr. Chuckie still wasn’t coming out to play?

Chuck apologizes for the mistake and walks away as a nerdy guy approaches the girl, who gives him an earful. Nerdy guy stops Chuck and demands to know if he just called his girlfriend a hooker. Chuck says it was an honest mistake, which probably wasn’t be wisest answer since it still implies she looks like a slut. What he should have said was that she would have blown him until he offered to pay for it. Nerdy guy shoves Chuck, and Dan pops up to defend him while Chuck snaps that it’s not his fault the girlfriend dresses like a high-class call girl. Pissed, Nerdy guy goes to throw a punch — only Dan’s quicker and punches him first! Sweet! Besides JaMarcus’s wussy little attack a few weeks ago, there has been far too few punches thrown this season. I would love to see Nate and Dan in a fight to the death. Shirtless, of course. They may be annoying but they’re still hot.

“Hey buddy, I bought her dinner and drinks. You can’t swoop in after I’ve done all the legwork.”

Back in the ghetto, Rufus has arrived home to find Jenny gone again. He listens to a message from the headmistress, who describes the situation as “out of control” and sounds pissed as hell. He immediately calls Jenny, who wisely ignores it and sets about getting the models ready to start the show. But there are no models… because Blair sent them home. Now I defend Blair a lot despite her questionable behavior, but this is low even for her. I’m not even sure who she’s trying to punish now. Only thing this is going to do is make her mother infuriated at her. Or is this a ploy to get Eleanor’s attention, good or bad? And if so, when did that become Blair’s motivation this episode? I’m confused. Jenny panics briefly, but then seeing Serena, Poppy, and all their long-legged, anorexic friends, she realizes they may have hope after all.

Dan and Chuck are now in jail together, and I’m sure a flurry of fanfic could be written about this. I’ve seen fanfic about Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley doing naughty things together with their broomsticks, so anything’s possible. Dan’s in the middle of a temper tantrum when Chuck interrupts to thank him for having his back. Too busy feeling sorry for himself to really acknowledge that, Dan whines about how Rufus is going to kill him. Chuck quietly says he’s lucky for that, since Bart doesn’t care enough about him to get angry — it’s been that way since he was born. Dan finally crawls out of his self-absorption long enough to insist that can’t be true, and that’s when Charlie Trout (giggle) drops his big secret — his mother and Bart’s beloved wife died giving birth to him, and Bart’s hated him ever since. As Dan stares in shock, Chuck continues to say that Bart thinks he killed her, and maybe he did.

Before Dan can really react to that — and what do you say to that anyway? — the cop announces that Chuck’s lawyer has gotten him released. Chuck tells Dan he’ll try to get him out too, and offers his hand to shake, which is obviously a significant gesture for Chuck to make to the lowly Humphrey. Dan accepts it, and also seems to have revised his opinions about Chuck. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt that this isn’t just about his story anymore.

“Maybe I should write my story about Claire Floordorf or Derek plane der Watersen instead.”

Bart has finally arrived home after 4.5 episodes. Lily is thrilled to see him (finally! a friend!), and especially eager when he says he has something to give her. But it’s not the Mapplethorpe — it’s a gigantic necklace that I think is supposed to be beautiful but I think is pretty damn tacky. He senses her disappointment, and she explains that she was hoping he’d give her the photograph. But while he does own it, he won’t let her or anyone else see it because it could be used against them. She somewhat accepts that but then asks the million dollar question — how did he even know it existed? What, did he hire someone to investigate her? Well either he did or he just filled up his Oops I Crapped My Pants! Pissed, Lily demands that he show her his file on her Right. Now.

Speaking of pants crapping, Eleanor has gotten wind of the missing models and is losing her mind. Laurel calms her down, predicting they’ll get tons more press now that the society girls have stepped in to save the day. Hovering in the background, Blair is none too pleased about Jenny’s heroic idea. Meanwhile, Serena is getting ready for her stroll down the catwalk, telling Poppy that she doesn’t think she can go through with it because if anyone should be doing this, it’s Blair herself since it’s her mom’s show. Poppy verbally bitchslaps Serena, telling her it’s time to stop letting Blair’s feelings and dirty looks dictate her behavior and keep her from being true to herself. Poppy’s totally right, but I’d be scared of Blair too.

Serena finally decides she will participate in the show, and starts looking for her dress when Blair runs up to give it to her personally. Blair is oddly excited and encouraging of Serena, who is too stupid to think twice about Blair’s behavior not conforming with her pissy sullenness lately. Of course what we and Blair know and Serena doesn’t is that the dress Blair just gave Serena to wear is the one that Jenny brought with her to wear to the after-party. In other words — not Eleanor’s, and not part of the show. Again, I’m confused on who Blair is attacking here… Next thing you know, she’s going to get Duroda deported just for the hell of it. Well, after she smacks her around a little first.

In addition to Pilgrim-Chic, Eleanor’s collection also includes updated Candy Striper uniforms.

Within a few minutes, it’s Serena’s turn to walk the runway in the poofy green dress Blair handed her. Can I just say that Serena/Blake Lively’s runway walk is atrocious. If she swings her hips any harder, one’s going to pop out of its socket. And don’t even start me on her duck-face poses at the end. As Serena’s out there, and Blair’s standing in the wings smirking, Jenny runs up and exclaims that Serena’s in the wrong outfit. Blair’s all like, “whoopsie!” Eleanor also rushes over and freaks out, demanding to know whose dress that is — which makes Jenny admit that it’s actually her design.

Jenny pulls Blair aside and demands to know what her problem is, since Jenny has long-since waved the white flag and given up the throne to Blair. Blair tearfully explodes that she cannot reclaim that throne before staring balefully out at Serena on the runway. Seriously, stop fucking posing, VDW. Jenny finally realizes that Blair’s antics this episode were never about her, but were about Serena instead (although half of her actions still don’t make any sense to me). Instead of telling Blair to grow up, Jenny connects with her instead, saying that both of them have worked for everything they’ve achieved while Serena is the Golden Girl. Ooh, I think I would like to see Jenny & Blair vs. Serena.

Back at jail, Chuck is handed his belongings, but is mistakenly given Dan’s instead. And inside that bag is Dan’s first story about Charlie Trout (giggle), along with the mentor’s written comments instructing Dan to “get his secrets!” and “find out what makes him tick”. Pissed and betrayed, Chuck storms over to Dan’s cell, where Dan has made some new friends who look like rejects from the Village People. Chuck hisses that no one uses him, and Dan better watch his back. After expressing his wishes that Dan’s new friends make a Humphrey sandwich, Chuck unconvincingly lies that the story about his mother was a lie, and that his mother really died in a plane crash. Congratulations, Dan, you’re an asshole once again.

“I may be Charlie Trout, but you’re the fresh fish alone in that jail cell.”

Lily is now going through Bart’s file on her, and she is disgusted by how much he’d dug up on her. He assures her he still loves her despite being a trampy Rufus-groupie, but is trying to protect his family. Annoyed, she insists that she’s not ashamed of her past and wants her kids to know her as she truly is. Bart then pulls out an additional envelope and hands it to her, asking her if she wants her kids to know about this. She looks at it fearfully and demands to know how he got it. Don’t tell me — Lily killed a guy too??? I couldn’t take it. My best bet is a secret Rufus-Lily love child. Hopefully Dan will accidentally hook up with her and then jump off the Brooklyn bridge — using Vanessa as a life raft.

Back at Fashion Week, Eleanor accosts Jenny and accuses her of purposely giving Serena her own dress so that her fashions would get out there. Hilariously calling dumb Little J an Eve Harrington, Eleanor promises Jenny that she will make sure everyone knows of her duplicitous ways. Before Eleanor can say anymore, Laurel rushes over with Blair to announce that the critics loved the dress. Jenny quickly tells Eleanor that she made the dress using Eleanor’s fabric and one of her old patterns, so Eleanor should totally take credit for it. Eleanor hisses that she won’t take credit for something a child made, but Blair finally acts like a decent human being this episode and defends Jenny and begs her mother to take the credit and take her bow on the runway. Since it’d probably be more embarrassing to explain that the one piece the critics loved wasn’t her own, Eleanor finally agrees.

Alone backstage, Jenny’s breathing a sigh of relief when an assistant approaches and informs her that Rufus is outside, demanding to be let in. After hesitating a second, Jenny calmly informs the assistant that her dad’s out of town and it must be a mistake. Haha. I definitely think this was the right call. It might be pretty damn shady, but I wouldn’t want my father barging into Fashion Week screaming bloody murder either.

Thanks to his mentor, Dan has finally gotten out of jail, with no word on how that Humphrey sandwich turned out. His mentor further proves to be a gigantic dick when he tells Dan he’s proud of him for getting in a fistfight and going to jail. He’s almost as bad of a mentor as Rufus is as bad of a parent. No wonder why Dan sucks so much. Dan admits he got Charlie Trout’s (giggle) secret, but he doesn’t think he’s going to use it because he doesn’t want to exploit people for art. I agree, because again you’re supposed to be writing fiction, you idiot. You could get sued for using that. His mentor then calls him second-rate for actually being a likable person for once and walks away in disgust. Good riddance, asshat.

The mentor + Hazel = Midget Love.

At the after-party, Eleanor has calmed down and specifically singles out Jenny for public praise and thanks. Blair seconds it, further suggesting the development of a friendship between these two. As Jenny blushes and basks in the glow, she notices Rufus off to the side, watching. Too many years of seeing groupies bust into his restricted areas has taught the old boy some tricks, evidently.

Blair finds Serena backstage and asks if they can talk. Blair tearfully apologizes for acting like a heinous, spoiled bitch most of the episode, but Serena is done and snaps at her to get over it and all her insecurities. Serena tells her she’s tired of holding herself back so not to outshine Blair or hurt her feelings. Appalled, Blair calls her conceited, but Serena doesn’t give a damn anymore.

Rufus has succeeded in dragging Jenny out, fighting about whether her career aspirations need to come before or after she completes school. Jenny makes several valid points about the way Rufus chose music over education, but he’s firm on his “learn from my mistakes” stance and not listening to it. As they continue to argue, he asks if she told the headmistress that she doesn’t care about making up the 10 days of school she ditched. “No,” says Jenny. “I told her I’m not coming back.” As Rufus stares in stunned surprise, Jenny turns and flounces back into the party. I give her 3 episodes before she’s back at Constance, tops.

So not the length of skirt I would walk up a flight of stairs in front of my father in.

We end this episode with GG herself recapping the overall themes of each character’s story tonight, ending on Blair watching Serena and Poppy making more ridiculous poses for the paparazzi outside of Fashion Week. GG tells Blair not to worry since it’s the brightest stars that burn out the fastest. I, for one, cannot wait for Serena to crash and burn.

So what did you think? What is Lily’s dark secret? Would you be excited to find out your mom wanted to hang a nude photo of herself in your living room? Was Chuck telling the truth about his mom’s death before or after he found out Dan was writing about him? Can those two ever be friends? Can Jenny and Blair be friends? And who cannot wait to see Blair bean Serena on the back of the head?

Sorry again about the late recap, guys. I was at the Cubs games on Wednesday and Thursday nights when I usually would have been working on this, and then I was just too depressed to write for a few days. Things should be back to normal this week, now that the Cubs got swept like the @#%@^$ they are in the playoffs.