Gossip Girl: “The Treasure of Serena Madre…and Her Vajayjay…”

Welcome back Gasmii!

This episode (and in effect, its recap) take place after our actual Thanksgiving, so the references are a few days old, but still pretty great (just like the leftovers I’m sure you gnawed on all week long). Our theme this week is “secrets” and how they can destroy relationships, and make you do stupid things like steal from your best friend, or get you kicked out of your own house, and for some reason these secrets always seem to come out right around the holidays. Perhaps people are trying to cut back on having to buy gifts for the people who they’ve found out are backstabbers? I’m not sure, but maybe we can shed some light on this subject after the jump!

Our episode begins at the VD Dubs, where Rufus is rifling through a recipe catalog,
and dolling out dishes to the family members. He tasks himself with the stuffing, tells Jenny that she’ll be preparing the sweet potatoes (per usual), and asks Eric what he traditionally makes on Thanksgiving.

As Eric is explaining that they don’t have holiday traditions in the Van der Woodsen
household, Lily walks in and tells them all that Serena is too busy bleeping Tripp
to make it to dinner. “I stand corrected,” says a lounging Eric. Lily tells them that Scott will also be absent from the festivities. Wait…who’s Scott again? Oh yes! The Lurking Lovechild. Well, I’m sure he would have come had his adoptive mother not handcuffed him to her arm the moment he returned to Boston.

Lily suggests that instead of wasting hours upon hours baking a free range turkey, and preparing disgustingly dry stuffing, perhaps she should order a dinner from the catering company. Rufus looks devastated, but agrees, and as Lily trots off, Jenny calls him out on being a puss-puss. Eric explains that the Humphreys can’t blame the VD Dubs for being the most unexcitable family on the planet; their Thanksgivings usually consist of french fries at a diner in celebration of someone’s release from a mental institution. Ha. I know that feeling…when I was younger my parents hated each other, so we spent every Christmas Eve at the China Buffet eating sodium-infused dumplings, and praying that nobody would stab anyone else with a chopstick, or throw Dad into the fish tank. Jenny tells them that they need to show Lily that this Thanksgiving is going to be different. Why? This isn’t your house, Jenny. If Lily wants to serve you turkey-flavored Ramen and chocolate milk for Thanksgiving, you’d better accept it happily, because this is Lily’s house in Lily’s world, and you just live in it.

Jenny suggests that Eric invite Jonathan, and he tells her that they broke up. She asks why. He tells her that he doesn’t want to talk about it. As he walks off, Gossip Girl voices over to tell us that Thanksgiving is all about secrets and lies. Really? I thought it was about the white man colonizing and exploiting the Native American culture, but what do I know? Jenny texts Jonathan and invites him to dinner, because it wouldn’t be Gossip Girl if someone didn’t purposely try to create an awkward situation.

At Tripp’s home (or personal office), Serena comes in ranting loudly about a press release in order to mask the real reason why she’s come: She wants to know if Tripp told his wife, Ginger, that he’s leaving her. Tripp tells her that he broke the news to Ginger the previous night, and according to him, “she wasn’t very happy about it…” Uh…ya think? He tells Serena that the public won’t get the “real” reason for the divorce, and Serena wants to know what that “real” reason is; she doesn’t want Tripp to leave his wife just because of her. Tripp lets her know that he’s divorcing Ginger because she orchestrated a fraud, and he would be leaving her regardless of whether or not Serena was in the picture. How convenient that Ginger caused a scandal at exactly the same time that Tripp and Serena were flirting with an affair; it’s like every politician’s dream coincidence.

Serena tells him that as long as he’s still married to Ginger, she can’t get physical with him. Good for you Serena. If only all mistresses followed your line of thinking.

Over at the Bass Hotel, King Bass tells Bee that she’s gone a record 15 hours without mentioning Serena, and she lets him know that she’s decided to focus on a more cunning, and deceptive foe: Mother Waldorf, who is flying in from Paris as they speak. Blair is convinced that there is some hidden agenda to Mother flying in to escort her to Paris, and she vows to find out exactly what that agenda is. When she spots Serena exiting a cab she says, “Oh, I didn’t know this hotel had hourly rates”. Ooh. Nice. Serena wants to know if Nate is in his room, as she has an urgent matter to discuss with him. “Oh, one Vanderbilt isn’t enough?” Blair asks. Whoa, she’s just crackin’ em’ out today, isn’t she? Glad to see your back on your game, Miss Waldorf. Serena counters that she isn’t having an affair with Tripp, but since Bee will probably find out the news via some other medium, she tells her that Tripp is divorcing Ginger. Bee tells her not to be deceived by Tripp’s heroic efforts to win her heart; his whole world will open after he dumps Ginger, and he’ll get rid of Serena within six months, and that’s only if he really leaves Ginger, which Bee doubts he will. I second that.

Up in Nate’s room, our lovable Lothario is on the phone with DumbDumb Humphrey. Dan is explaining that Hilary Duff left (cheers!) because she was convinced that he had feelings for Weavenessa. “Well do you?” Nate asks. Dan isn’t sure. He tells Nate about “the look” that he gave Weavy during the threesome. “This is soooo not your next story for The New Yorker,” says an excited Nate, “I’m sending this into a completely different magazine…” Ew. Nate convinces Dan that it’s just a phase, and when Dan asks his plans for Thanksgiving, Nate reveals that he’ll be heading up to the Vanderbilt Estate to try and patch things up with Grandfather. As he hangs up with Dan, Serena enters, and asks if he wants to go for a walk.

At the Humphrey Lodgings, Weavy enters stating that she got into a huge argument with Mama Weavy, and she forgot to sign the papers to stay in the dorms over Thanksgiving. So, she’ll be staying at the loft. For the first time this episode, we see “the look”:

Vanessa calls him out on looking kind of whack-a-doodle, and he tells her that he’s just “happy”, and “surprised” that she’s there. Sure Dan…

Back at the VD Dubs’ Eric and Rufus are chatting with G-ma CeeCee on Skype.

Rufus says that they thought having her attend dinner via videochat would be a great idea, seeing as she is still too sick to travel. Oh, but wait, Ceecee was told by Lily that there wasn’t going to be a Thanksgiving dinner. So…Lily lied because she didn’t want CeeCee to be all up in her Thanksgiving bid-nass. What else is new? CeeCee decides that she’s going to make a surprise visit for dinner, and she’d prefer that Rufus kept her arrangements a secret. Good luck with that Rufus…

At the Waldorf home Blair stumbles upon a package addressed to Mother from her attorney. Sherlock Bee deduces that her mother is going to change her will, and that’s why she wanted to fly in from Paris: To give Blair the news herself. As Blair nearly pees herself at the thought of losing even a penny of her inheritance, Mother enters. She asks if the package that Bee is holding is for her, but when Bee suggests that they open it right then and there, Mother tells her that they should have WongChangChongQui Tea first, and then they can talk about the package.

In the park, Serena and Nate are discussing the Tripp situation. He tells her that he’s unsure what to think: First, Serena tells him that she has a thing for Tripp, and then he hears through the Vanderbilt grapevine that Tripp is asking Ginger NoSoul for a divorce. Does she expect him to just believe that it’s a coinkydink? Wow, nothing gets past you, does it Nate? She tells him that all she did was kiss Tripp, and it was a huge mistake that she doesn’t intend on repeating. As she’s saying this Tripp calls her, and tells her that he has to cancel their Thanksgiving plans because Ginger is there crying tears made of blood and shitting bricks about the divorce. After hanging up with him, Serena invites Nate to Thanksgiving dinner at her home. Ugh. If Nate is someone’s second choice, what does that say about the rest of us out here?! Is there no hope?!

We cut to Lily walking down the street when she spots a woman wearing the same coat as her. Oh shit! Party foul! She realizes that it’s Ginger! “What are you doing here?” she asks Ginger. Ginger tells her that she’s out getting bread and water for Tripp because he’s locked up in the office, and she won’t let him out until he swears he won’t divorce her. Lily asks Ginger why Tripp has Serena working on Thanksgiving. Ginger puts the puzzle pieces together, and realizes that Tripp and Serena have a little sumthin’ sumthin’ going on, so when Lily invites Ginger and Tripp to have Thanksgiving dinner at her home, Ginger accepts, seeing potential to expose the affair, and a chance poison Serena’s apple cider.

After the commercials, we head back to the Humphrey Loft, where Vanessa is whining to Dan about how her mother doesn’t appreciate the fact that she taught 50 cent and Kanye West how to grow their own vegetables. To her mother, nothing that she does is ever good enough. Dan is more concerned about whether or not Rufus will realize that they got store-bought pie crust instead of making it from scratch. Let me just say that one of my FAVORITE pasttimes is buying things from the store at Thanksgiving, telling people that they’re homemade, and then seeing if the “foodies” can taste the preservatives (they never can, by the way). Weavy apologizes to Dan for venting, it’s just that since Hilary Duff left, she hasn’t had anyone to talk to.

As Dan is giving Vanessa “the look” again, there’s a knock at the door. It turns out to be Mama Weavy, who waltzes in and tells Young Weavy that she knows she doesn’t do holidays well, but she’s made arrangements to have dinner at the VD Dubs in hopes that Weavy will forgive her, and they can have a good Thanksgiving. Weavy agrees to give her mother one last shot, but if it doesn’t work then she’ll be staying with Dan for the holidays.

At the Bass Hotel, Serena spots Tripp and the two make awkward eye contact. Serena waits until they both enter the elevator, and then asks Tripp what he’s doing there. “You won’t return my calls,” he says. “So you’re stalking me now?!” she asks. Come on, Serena, your the Queen of making 50 phone calls a day to the same person, and then complaining about how they don’t answer. Have a little sympathy! “Yes. I’m stalking you.” Tripp tells her. Serena grins at him. Alright. Pause for a sec. Let’s just get this out in the open: Stalking is not cute. I don’t care if you’re Tripp Vanderbilt, or Brad freaking Pitt, I don’t want you following me to my hotel room, or creeping around my house at all hours of the night. And young girls out there, you shouldn’t consider this acceptable behavior either. Stalking is not funny, it’s not romantic, and it doesn’t mean that he loves you. It means that he’s a psycho. Newsflash: He’s not Edward fucking Cullen. Get over it, and stop telling him that it’s okay that he sits in the tree outside your window and watches you sleep. Anyway, Tripp tells her that he’s been invited to Thanksgiving dinner at her home so it turns out that they will be seeing each other on the joyous occasion after all. “But Tripp wouldn’t it be weird?” He doesn’t care about the awkward tension. All he cares about is getting to spend time with her. Gag. They’re almost to Serena’s floor and Tripp asks her if she wants him to come in. “Yes,” she says, “which is why you can’t…” She then pulls the Emergency stop button, and they start to suck face.

At the Waldorf home, Bee is practically jumping out of her skin waiting for her mother to open the letter from her attorney. Dorota enters carrying various packages and tells them that she should turn in early because she agreed to work at the VD Dubs for Thanksgiving. As she leaves, Bee suggests to Mother that they spend Thanksgiving with Lily and Serena. “What are you talking about?” Mother says. Bee tells her that Thanksgiving means a lot to her and blah blah blah. As Mother goes to call Lily and see if it’s alright that they crash, Bee sees a chance to open the letter from her mother’s attorney, but before she can get her itty bitty paws to pry open the letter, Mother scoops it up. Bee rushes to Dorota to complain, and when Dorota tells her that Mother had her pick some things up from the pharmacy, Bee snatches the bag away, and inside she finds a pregnancy test. Oh god. Isn’t Mother, like, 60?

Cut to Nate’s room at the Bass Hotel. Nate is playing pool by himself as Chuck enters. He tells Nate that his security guard found some very interesting footage of a couple doing the naughty in the elevator. “You just love your job, don’t you?” Nate laughs. King Bass pokes him in the eyeball with the pool stick, and tells him to shut his face, and listen while he reveals a secret: The couple in question were none other than Tripp and Serena. Nate tells Bass that they have to do something about it before Tripp walks out on Serena, leaving her crushed. Bass says that you’d need a sledgehammer to get through Serena’s head. Well, yeah, but once you got through you’d find nothing but dust balls and empty space.

After the commercials, we see everyone preparing for din-din. Jenny and Eric are setting the table, while Dorota adjusts centerpieces. Lily walks in and tells her that Vanya is there, and he’ll be thrilled to see her (because they’re dating, which is nice). Suddenly, Rufus walks in with Cee Cee, and Lily’s has a classic “oh shit.” moment. Big and Little Weavy enter, as Little is telling Big that the doorman opens the door and that’s why he’s called a “doorman”; it’s not derogatory. Ha. Rufus introduces CeeCee to Young Weavy and Mama, and instead of responding, Mama Weavy says, “This table is exquisite!” Great. As everyone goes to admire the table, CeeCee tells Lily that they have a lot to talk about, and that Lily and Rufus have a lot to talk about as well. So…Lily is keeping ANOTHER secret from Rufus? Just look how well that worked out the last time. Cough, Scott, cough. Outside, Bee is finding ways to hint to her mother that she knows about the pregnancy. She asks her mother about her nausea, and whether or not she’ll be drinking that evening, and Mother tells her that she’s not in the champagne mood. Ooh. Signs!

Upstairs, Tripp and Ginger enter. Serena welcomes them, wearing a figure skating outfit, and Ginger pretends that she’s happy to be there. As she leaves to go say hello to Nate, Tripp tells Serena that the hardest part is over, and as long as they can get through the dinner unscathed they’ll be alright.

Mother, Bass, and Bee enter. “Oh, I didn’t know that any of you were coming,” Serena says, to which Bee responds, “Hi Congressman, where’s your lovely wife?” She and Mother walk off, leaving Chuck to tell the pair, “A little Thanksgiving proclamation: You two ever play grabass in my elevator again, and Serena will be staying at a Hotel Marriott”. Sometimes I really, really love Chuck Bass. On the other side of the room, Ginger goes right up to Nate and asks, “Are Tripp and Serena having an affair?” For a few seconds Nate doesn’t say anything, but his silence is a confirmation in itself. He apologizes, but tells her that there may be a way that he can break up the affair, and help Ginger win Tripp back. He hands her the security tape, and tells her that they’re going to end it “quickly and quietly”. Doubt that.

Cut to Jenny dragging Bee to a corner. “Why are you dragging me?! Haven’t you ever heard of a whispered aside?” Bee asks. Jenny demands to know what Eric did during Cotillion, and Bee tells her that she should appreciate his sabotaging skills. She tells Jenny that Eric was the one who convinced Graham Collins not to go to Cotillion with her in order to cause her shame and embarrassment. “By the way,” Blair asks, “how do you find having a sibling? Someone whose sole purpose on Earth is to compete for your parents’ love and attention?” Haha! Seriously, who’s writing her lines this week? They’re great! And yes, that is such a typical only child question to ask (even though most won’t ask it, a lot of them are thinking it).

Then, Jason DeRulo’s “Whatchu Say” comes on in the background, and I am literally so jolted by this, that I think it’s my cell phone ringing…even though that song isn’t even my ringtone. It’s always really weird to me when they play Top 40 songs on this show, and they always seem to be played during holiday dinners (Flo Rida during the Seder dinner, anyone?) At one end of the table, CeeCee tells Rufus that she’s so happy that they’re sitting next to one another, and when Lily sees this she excuses herself. Mama Weavy tells Cee Cee that she has to give her all the details on Rufus and Lily’s wedding (she would have attended herself had she not been boycotting the floral industry at the time). Sadly, Rufus thought it would be better if CeeCee didn’t attend the wedding, so she has no details to give Weavy. “You didn’t want Lily’s own mother at the wedding?!” Mama Weavy asks, shocked. “It’s none of your business!” says Baby Weavy. Apparently Lily told them all that CeeCee was still too sick to travel. “Well thank you,” says CeeCee, “but I’ve been in remission since the middle of August.” But, Lily didn’t return to NYC until October. Whoa. Lily has got some major ‘splaining to do… Speaking of Lily, if you were wondering where she went, she’s over in another room drinking away whatever secret sorrows she’s dealing with.

The dinner conversation that ensues is just so great that I had to transcribe it for you all, so here goes:

Weavy: (to Dan) Why does my Mom have to stick her nose into everyone’s business?
Dan: C’mon, CeeCee’s heart pumps secrets and gin.
Weavy: You’ve been defending her all day, and ignoring me. What’s going on with you?
Dan: (gives “the look”)
Weavy: And you’re making that face again.
Dan: NO! Okay, this is getting ridiculous!
Weavy: (screams across the table) JENNY, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF SOMEONE STARTING TO MAKE A BRAND NEW FACE AT 19?!
Jenny: I don’t know why you’re yelling, but you should ask Eric because he’s mastered two.
Eric: What the fuck? I’m just trying to enjoy my macaroni!
Jenny: Blair told me that you were responsible for sabotaging me at Cotillion, so consider yourself exposed, asshole!
Eric: (speechless)
Jenny: What? You don’t have anything to say to me, punk?!
Eric: Your sweet potatoes are bland. (walks away)

Blair: (to Mother) Here mother, try some of this!
Mother: I don’t want any! Blair, what has gotten into you?
Blair: Into me? You’re the one who’s pregnant!

Rufus interrupts, and stands to tell his favorite joke about Thanksgiving, and Ginger
looks on as Serena and Tripp sit next to one another exchanging glances and giggling.

Ginger: How can you two just sit there, smiling? Don’t you have any sense of decency?
Serena: No?
Tripp: Ginger, come on, you’re causing a scene.
Ginger: No, not one second more. Tripp and I are going to grow old together. Without you. (Passes Serena the security tape)
Chuck: Excuse me bitch, where did you get that?
Nate: (sighs) Fuck my life.
Ginger: (to Tripp) You’ll be a political joke if this gets out. The affair ends now.

Lily is conveniently standing right behind Serena when she views the tape.

Lily: Are you shitting me right now, Serena? (walks away)
Rufus: Apparently no one is listening to my joke, so I guess we should just eat then?
Jenny: I’m not hungry anymore. (walks away)
Blair: I want pie that I can throw up later (walks away)
Mama Weavy: Oh you UES kids are a riot!
Lil’ Weavy: Yeah, what is our situation, MOM?! (walks away)
CeeCee: You know, I’m so glad I came to dinner this evening. Cheers!

After the commercials we see Lily head back to her office with Serena right behind her. Serena tells Lily that she can explain, and that it’s “not what it looks like”. “So you’re not having an affair with Tripp?” Lily asks. Serena tells her that she didn’t even kiss Tripp until he decided that he was going to leave his wife. “Do you know what it feels like to be left?” Lily asks her, “because I do.” “It’s not like it was with you,” Serena responds, “Tripp actually cares about me.” Stinger. Lily tells her to think logically about the situation; Tripp is leaving someone who thought the exact same thing that Serena thinks right now. “Walk away,” she says, “and until you do, you aren’t welcome in this home.” DAMN! You go, Lily!

In the other room Eric finds Jenny sitting on her bed, pouting. “So you’ve been hating me this entire time, but you’ve been pretending to be my friend?” she asks him. “Pretty much,” he responds. Jenny wants to know why he didn’t just tell her that he was mad; they could have worked it out. He tells her that she’s already turned into a different person, and even if she was nice for a day or two, she would have gone back to being a bitch eventually, so why not try to beat her at her own game? She lost the rights to honesty when she chose being Queen over their friendship. Even though he failed the first time, that was just a trial run, and he’s not going to give up, so she’d better watch her back. Isn’t it kind of sad to think that these kinds of feuds can go on for years and years?

Down in the lobby Bee is scarfing down some pie, when Mother comes to speak with her. “How could you?” she asks. Mother tells her that she isn’t preggers (thank goodness), but she did change her will to reflect her new property because she and Cyrus are moving to Paris! As they are both wondering why Dorota had a pregnancy test in her grocery bag, Vanya walks up to them and asks why Dorota hasn’t been answering any of his phone calls. They realize that Dorota is the one who is pregnant!

Back inside, Rufus is discussing the dinner with Mama Weavy. “I don’t want to be presumptuous,” she says (then don’t), “but don’t you think it’s a little odd that CeeCee has been in remission for months, and Lily didn’t tell you?” Yeah, it’s freaking odd, but why is that any of your business Mama Weavy? As Rufus excuses himself to get more cream and escape Mama’s badgering, Lil’ Weavy walks up to her. “What is wrong with you!?” she asks. For some reason that line made me laugh, I seriously think Vanessa is really at the end of her rope. Mama Weavy says that she’s just being honest, and Vanessa talks about how one time she spent her entire paycheck buying tickets for them to go see “Hair”, and Mama spent the entire show talking to a homeless man. Oh, I love it when people use current arguments to bring up things that they’ve been stewing about for years.

Over on the other side of the room, Serene sees everyone ruminating about the affair.

Chuck: I cannot believe you stole a security tape from my hotel, Nate.
Nate: Okay, seriously, if you’re gonna kick me out Chuck, then just do it because this is already one giant fustercluck of a day, so I’d really like you to pile on something else.
Tripp: (whispers) Somebody help me…
Ginger: You shut your mouth right now, or so help me God I will inject you with the tranquilizer I have in my pocket.

Serena says that she’s sorry and that what she did was wrong, and blah blah blah. Point is, she promises to never see Tripp again. Ugh, honestly Serena, you’re not sorry for doing it, you’re just sorry you got caught. Let’s call a spade a spade, you know? Serena heads to her room, where Queen Bee finds her and tries to offer her some words of comfort. Bee is sorry that she wasn’t there for Serena when she needed her the most. “You did the right thing,” Blair offers. “Then why do I feel so bad?” Serena asks. Because you slept with a married man, Serena, and no amount of “I’m sorrys” are gonna make you feel any better because you know that you don’t mean it. “Sometimes doing to right thing takes strength and courage,” Bee tells her, “at least that’s what I’ve heard.” True that. Bee tells Serena that instead of moping around and eating leftovers she should go to Paris with them. Serena agrees, and they’re off to get ready.

Cut to Lily sitting in the office, still drinking. Rufus comes in and asks her why she didn’t tell him that CeeCee was in remission, and she says that while CeeCee was sick she developed the nice, sweet, caring, loving personality that old people are supposed to have, and she wanted to spend as much time with her as she could. Ugh. Only someone as stupid as Rufus could believe a lie like that. He leaves, and CeeCee enters. Lily thanks her for not revealing the true reason why she was absent for all those months, and CeeCee tells her that some secrets can’t stay hidden, and I hope that this secret gets revealed soon because it has definitely peaked my interest.

In the kitchen, Bee and Mother bring a plate of food to Dorota to give to Vanya, and she says “Oh, Tom Colicchio live in building, I’m sure he cook better food. Mr. Rufus not Top Chef.” Aha! I love Tom Colicchio! I’d marry him. “This is the plate Vanya wants,” Bee tells her. They convince her that she has to tell Vanya that she is pregnant, and they send her off in the elevator to do the deed.

At the Humphrey Hole, Dan enters and sees Mama Weavy preparing to leave. He tells her that she and Mini Weavy should bury the hatchet because Weavy is just the little activist the vegan ordered, and she’s amazing, and la dee da flowers and butterflies. “I can’t believe I didn’t see it before,” Mama Weavy tells him. “What?” he asks. “You’re in love with her!” she says. Before Dan can respond, Weavy walks in and he leaves them alone to work out their issues.

Back at the VD Dubs, Tripp is tearing Nate a new one. “I can’t believe what you did,” he tells him. “Well, Tripp you had a choice,” Nate says, “and it seems like you made it.” “What do you mean?!” Tripp asks, “Do you know what Ginger does to me Nate?! She locks me in my office, and chains me to my desk! This is the first time I’ve eaten real food since she came back here!!!” I’m kidding. He doesn’t say that. He does tell Nate that the videotape could ruin everything, and Nate says, “not everything…just your career.” Giggle. Nate can be such a selfish little bitch sometimes. As Tripp walks away, Chuck comes up to Nate and tells him that he should just be honest with Serena about how he feels, and maybe she’ll choose him. Yeah…uh…not every woman pines for Nate the way that Blair pined for you Chuck, so maybe this isn’t the best time for him to reveal that, but honesty is always the best policy I guess…

In the office, Serena and Bee are getting Serena’s passport from the safe when Tripp walks in. “What are you still doing here?” Serena asks. “I couldn’t leave” he says to her. Ick. “I can help you with that,” Blair says, “the elevator comes, you get on it, and we never see you again!” Tripp tells Serena that he doesn’t care that Ginger knows about the affair, and he doesn’t care if he loses his office, all he cares about is Serena. Jesus Christ Almighty. You’re going to give up your entire bleeping career for her?! I swear to God, Serena’s vajayjay had better be solid gold encrusted with white diamonds, because guys are just ruining their lives left and right for her! Given, he’s probably just doing this at the moment to prove Nate wrong, but whatevs. He tells her that he’s going to be waiting downstairs in his car for her, and if she wants to drive off into the night with him that’s great, if not, her loss.

After he leaves, Serene asks Bee what she should do, and Bee does her lecture about not letting true love get away, and all that jazz. As Serena throws her passport back into the safe, she spots the letter from her father that Lily had hidden. When she heads out to go meet Tripp Lily stops her and asks her where she’s going. Serena hands her the letter from her father (presumably after reading it) and tells her that whatever information the letter contained is proof that Lily is a judgmental bitch, and Serena is choosing not to speak to her anymore. What the hell does this freaking letter say, and where the heck was Lily for all those months? Speculations on what it says?!

At Humphrey Loft, Mama Weavy comes out and tells Dan that she and Little Weavester have had their first heart-to-heart talk EVER, and they have him to thank for that. She also tells him that he’d better make sure that Weavy is the one that he wants to be with, because after he shot her down all those years ago, she was heartbroken, so unless he plans on never breaking her heart again, he’d better keep all those feelings and looks to himself, or she will cut him. Weavy comes in and tells Mama that Head Asshole just texted her and wanted to know if they wanted to go out for drinks. “I don’t know,” Mama says, “Dan…do I want to go?” He tells her that she should go, obviously making the decision to keep his feelings to himself for the time being.

Outside the VD Dubs, Nate stops Serena before she can meet up with Tripp. “Don’t go,” he tells her. “Whaaa?” she asks. “Don’t go with Tripp. I know what I did was wrong, and I’m sorry, but I did it because ever since last week, ever since three years ago when you left…just…stay here with me. Give me a chance…” Aww. Sniffle. I love you Nate! I’ll stay with you! Just as he’s professing his love for her, freakin’ Tripp pulls up in his car.

Cut to Weavy thanking Dan for everything. She tells him that she likes “the look” because it’s cute. Come on. Grow a pair and tell her how you feel Dan! Gossip Girl voices over that she’s thankful for the truth and whatnot, and we see Dorota tell Vanya about her pregnancy and he scoops her up into a big hug. Aww. That was almost as cute as the Jim/Pam pregnancy announcement. We see Eric send a text saying that Jenny knows that Eric is her new enemy and that they have to “strike soon” whatever that means, and Lily is re-reading the note from Daddy VD Dubs when she’s interrupted by Rufus. She walks off with him after shoving the letter into her jacket pocket.

Outside, Bass and Bee are preparing to leave for Paris when Bass spots Nate, sulking by the door. Apparently Serena chose to go with Tripp instead of stay with him. Grr. I really was rooting for Nate this time! Shucks. Bass asks if Bee minds that he stays and makes sure that Nate doesn’t throw himself off the side of a building, and she says that she loves him for being such a good friend. Back inside, Ginger forgot her coat. OH! Wait! I get it now! Remember how Lily and Ginger had the same coat? Well instead of taking her own coat, Ginger takes Lily’s which has…ding ding ding! Yup, it has the incriminating letter from Daddy VD Dubs inside. Oh man! Gosh, how could Lily have been so careless?!?

Lessons for this week: Seriously, secrets WILL come out. Maybe it won’t be two days from the incident, or two years from the incident, but eventually the truth will reveal itself, and sometimes keeping secrets can eat you up inside, and ruin your relationship. So, remember Gasmii, secrets secrets are no fun unless they’re shared with everyone. Oh, and don’t shove important documents into random coat pockets!

Catch you on the flipside!

Rocksmiles :-]