Recap: It’s a Super-Sweet, Sultry, Sophisticated, Sexy, Spontaneous, Sizzling Sandy Spectacular!

On this week’s episode of Grease: You’re the One That I Want, only the girls sing, which had the potential to be really boring (if you’ve been reading my recaps you can probably tell I likey the eye candy), but luckily the Dannys were still around to dance back-up and some of the Sandys were pretty good too. It was an alliteration-filled episode of pillow fights, nighties and almost-nip-slips. Ha, as if any straight guys watch this.

Also, I discovered the nbc.com photo portraits of the contestants. It’s a veritable treasure trove of hilarity…Did you know that Chad is the voice of Crackle, of the Rice Krispie Crackles? Showbiz royalty here!

“Oh hey, didn’t notice you standing there.”

Zoom in on Ryan Seacrest and Cat Deely, telling us we are live and it’s ladies’ night. There’s a giant, heart-shaped bed taking up most of the stage behind them as they say this. I don’t think I want to know… oh it’s for the opening number, a rousing rendition of “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee.” The remaining Sandys all run out in sleepwear of their color with a matching pillow.

Allie has the first solo and a PLUNGING neckline on her nightie. Slattern! Kathleen’s crazy eyes are rubbing off on Allie and she’s putting a twang in all her words. But nbc.com informs me she is from Nashville, so I guess that’s understandable.

Next solo goes to Kathleen, who reminds me of Kristin Chenoweth. Both in her small stature and in her giant rack. Also, the Christianity bit. Kate has the next solo, and alternatively over- and under-acts the whole thing. And wears a LOT of bronzer.

Ashley solos next, singing about Phil Donahue and sexin’ it up. Then the girls have a pillow fight. Do the producers have any idea about their audience? Go to nbc.com and see who comments on the contestants photos: women and gay men, all of them. Laura has the last solo, before all the girls join in and someone is out of tune. Yikes.

Ryan Seacrest and Cat Deeley come out to kill time while the Sandys change into their poodle skirts. They introduce us to the audience, which goes apeshit, waving their signs and woo-hooing. Tonight there is no guest judge. Instead Frankie Avalon is going to perform with the Sandys later in the show. Oooh, I smell a performance of “Beauty School Drop-Out” coming to my TV soon!

“Obey the Crazy Eyes. Bring me Empire-waist dresses and Nathaniel Hawthorne novels!”

Ryan Seacrest tells us last week’s elimination left the Dannys and Sandys in shock. Really? Cause I totally called Jason and Juliana to go home. Sooo obvi. Clearly these people do not watch enough reality TV.

Also, Ryan Seacrest reminds us that last week was all about making the Dannys prove their ability to play straight onstage. I mean, last week was all about chemistry. Because, what, someone is gay on this show? In musical theater? Never! No one on this show could possibly be gay unless you mean gay, like happy? Well yes they’re all gay like that! Not that there’s anything wrong with the other kind. We’re just not going to say it on this show. Ever.

Video Montage: Chad is starting to see Max as competition – “He’s becoming more manly.” This show is all about making the Dannys compete to see who can be the macho-est. Just whip ‘em out and measure them against each other already, this is getting tiring. We get a clip of Derek’s horribly botched opening notes from last week, but SOMEHOW he’s not in the bottom this week. (Spoiler! Sorry, rage blackout. Couldn’t control my typing.)

Also this week, Kathleen Marshall worked with boy-girl pairs on scene studies. Scene studies of MAKING OUT. Rawr. Good to know someone’s paying attention to the acting, although I don’t know why we can’t join in the fun.

Austin gets saucy at Sears’ Portrait Studio©

As we come back from commercials, the contestants are lined up on the stairs, waiting to hear who is in the bottom four. Suspenseful music plays, though it’s distracting that the only vocal is someone grunting out “YouretheonethatIwant!”

Not in the bottom? Austin, Max, Ashley, Laura… Allie and DEREK?! What show were you watching last week, America? Chad is in the bottom and Derek is safe?? My head is spinning… need… to… lie…. down. Chad is also so pissed. Crackle mad! Crackle smash!

So yes, that means Chad “Pretty Boy Danny” Doreck is up against Kevin “The Chin Danny” Greene and Kathleen “Hester Prynne Sandy” Monteleone is up against Kate “Seriously Guys, She’s Got a Mullet” Rockwell. Two in a row for both Kevin and Kathleen. Clearly Chad isn’t going since he was preferred by three of the four judges last week. Aw, bye chin, I’ll miss you! But between Kathleen and Kate it’s a toss-up. Yes, it’s Kathleen’s second week in a row in the bottom, but Kate really dropped in the judges’ opinion after the first episode. They’ll sing for their survival later, but first some performances!

Ashley “Dim Bulb Sandy” Spencer is the first one up. This past week she’s been working on a scene with Kevin and his chin. Jealous! Kathleen Marshall says that Ashley may be wild and fun, but needs to make sure her Sandy is a deep person and not just a Barbie doll. Ha. And I can see that because in past routines she’s always wide-eyed and bubbly, but it’s not really what I’d call a nuanced performance.

She’s singing “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’” because Kathleen Marshall has “seen Ashley’s sweet side” and wants to see her “sultry and spontaneous side.” So now we know why she was showing so much skin earlier. The singing is fine, but I think with a low, easy, karaoke song like this we need to see more in her performance and I’m really not seeing anything but legs. There was a cool move from the guys, where they all fall slowly into a pile that makes it look like they’re training for the 4-man luge. (And wouldn’t that be a sight to see?)

She’s just a Barbie girl, in her Barbie world

After the performance, Kathleen Marshall comments that Ashley is always so poised and polished, but they want to see her imperfections and passion. David Ian agrees, saying he found it unconvincing and uncomfortable. It was the first week she didn’t wow them. Jim, however, liked the boots. Glad you’re here, Jim. Quality comments, as always.

Next: Allie “Heidi Montag Without the Personality [Btw, holy crap this week's The Hills was an instant CLASSIC!]” Shultz. Allie chose Max as her scene partner because “in real-life Max is [her] Danny,” so it was only natural she’d pick him as her scene partner. Natural or stupid. Because OF COURSE it just makes it more awkward when they have to act romantic, not only in front of their director, but the cameras as well.

Kathleen Marshall picks up on it right away, saying she’d heard there was something going on with them and you’d think it’d help, “but… not so much.” LOL, Kathleen Marshall. She tells them it’s coming across “too controlled,” as Allie is anticipating everything Max does instead of reacting.

Tonight Kathleen Marshall says she and the other judges want to see Allie being “fun-loving, and free and flirty!” in her song, “It’s Oh So Quiet” by Bjork. Random choice, but I’m loving this song! And Allie does a great job. Even though I know this is a pop song, it’s coming across like she’s playing Adelaide in Guys and Dolls - the brassiness, the big voice and the almost-undressing. Seriously, whoever picks the costumes on this show should be fired.

The judges loved it. Kathleen calls her fun, spontaneous and real, and wishes Allie could find that same vulnerability in the scenes. David Ian says he likes what he sees, but worries that he’s hearing reports that she can’t act.

Next up is Laura “My Favorite Sandy” Osnes. Her scene partner is Derek, whom she chose because he’s done the part before and she knows he’ll be reliable. It sounds like Kathleen is actually giving them notes beyond “Stop sucking” so that’s good! Kathleen Marshall says she wants to see beyond Laura’s sweet side and wants to see her sultry side too.

Ryan Seacrest asks David what he wants to see in Laura tonight. David Ian wants to see “down and dirty” in her performance of “Fever.” Dirty old man, skeeving me out once again. Laura totally delivers. I would call this song comparable to “These Boots are Made For Walkin’” in tempo and key, so you can see how I come to the conclusion that Laura is a better performer than Ashley. Laura doesn’t need an upbeat song with high notes to impress me or the judges.

“Sexy, Sultry Sophisticated Sandy, you sizzled tonight.” Says David Ian. How long do you think he spent coming up with that? Jim also salivates over her. Kathleen Marshall comments that that performance was like watching a star because Laura commits and is believable.

As we go into the sing-off, Chad interviews that he would do anything to stay in the competition. Hear that David Ian? Anything. Kevin knows he’s not the strongest “showman,” but says he can sing and act better than any of these guys. Show, don’t tell, honey. Show, don’t tell.

Kate is speaking over the sound of Ashley’s performance in the background, saying she wants to show she can be more than just serious and that there’s no reason to get rid of her yet. Yet? Way to have confidence you should be Sandy on Broadway. Kathleen Monteleone is crying as she squeaks about how she’s shown the judges she can sing and act, and they acknowledge her talents. She just wants the opportunity to keep showing that, meaning she wants America to vote for her! Aw, tears.

Business in the front, party in the back.

Had it been up to the votes alone, Kevin and Kate would have been out of the competition, meaning they are the LEAST popular. Thanks for putting it in high-schooler’s terms, Ryan Seacrest. Are we still at Grease Academy? Chad is first in the sing-off. He sounds good and clearly knows he’s not going home. Next is Kevin who has given up. Kate is next and is loud as usual and so BRONZE. Kathleen is last and is also very strong.

Safe: Kathleen, because she was the strongest actress in the scene studies this week. Okay, the acting is officially being considered. Kathleen Marshall, you have raised my opinion of this show about 6 points. It’s a sliding scale involving bell curves and algorithms. Too complicated to explain here, maybe some other time. Also, Chad is safe. Duh.

In interviews from the previous week’s preparations, Kathleen says she plans to “act the crap out of [her scene].” Kathleen Marshall says contestant Kathleen must find a balance between innocence and experience (cause she’s so old). Her scene partner this week was Chad and Kathleen has her first stage kiss. Aw, see she can play innocent! Kathleen Marshall says she likes Hester Prynne’s vivaciousness.

Kathleen wants to see Hester be innocent, sweet, real and fun. So suddenly we’re not doing alliteration anymore? Only the non-saved contestants get that honor? Hester is singing “Let’s Hear It For the Boy” which had the potential to be really awesome, considering her instrument, but she’s clearly out of breath before she even begins. (Some glitch while changing, perhaps? Or just not enough time to begin with?) She never really gets her footing with this song and it goes nowhere. Next week is not looking so hot for Kathleen.

David Ian says that Hester was “panting like a cart horse” which, nice, but that she was fantastic in the acting scenes, which is what Saved! her this week. Kathleen Marshall is a fan of Hester, but doesn’t think she’s really a Sandy because Hester is “more of an Ado Annie than a Laurie.”

Before the show can end, we get our promised special performance: Frankie Avalon doing “Beauty School Drop-Out” with the remaining Sandy’s singing back-up. Oooh, sucks to be Kate who doesn’t get to sing on TV with Frankie Avalon. Well sucks to be Kate if this were 1962, maybe, but nowadays Frankie Avalon sounds HOARSE. The girls also have wear these hideous wigs that match the color they’ve been assigned. Seriously, Ashley’s in a lime green wig. Like I said. Hideous.

Next week, the Danny’s perform. Ryan Seacrest shows us the preview video montage. Each girl must name her favorite Danny, though it seems they all just vote for the one they worked with last week for the duets. The boys say Austin “over-performs” and we get to see Chad and Derek’s impression of him. LOL. Chad can’t think of any of Derek’s strengths. He’s got this smirk on his face that kind of makes me kind of hate him. Someone’s getting cocky, though I bet being in the bottom this week knocked him down a peg or two.

The judges must each name their favorite Sandy: and it’s Laura Osnes across the board! Yay new favorite!

Sing goodbye to tonight’s losers. Kate’s mic isn’t on as she starts singing. Budget. By the end it’s working and she gives us a nice long belt. Yeah, yeah, you were the power voice. But you need to act too!

Goodbye chin, we’ll miss you. Hugs!

So what did you think of this week’s episode? How excited are you for the Dannys’ episode next week?!