Grey’s Anatomy: If One Goes Down, We’re All Going Down

This week on Grey’s Anatomy something miraculous happened. The full crew of Seattle Grace teamed up to form a unit of one. No longer, every man for themselves but all hands on deck for a common goal. This unit was formed to, well yes…perform a massive medical procedure, but more importantly the full team joined forces to not suck any more this season. And finally we were not disappointed by the endless slew of Seattle Grace shortcomings! The episode was funny, entertaining and it even slightly melted my Grinch-like heart and made me tear up a bit.

Even if it takes an army, we’re not gonna suck!

The episodes begins as Meredith reads her mom’s diary by flashlight in hopes to not be caught reading by McD who is asleep beside her. Her inner monologue begins talking about how she is a rock, she is solid, she is independent, leading me to believe that the episode will revolve around how much we need others help. That and the episode is titled “One for all.” But that’s really just semantics.

Across town Torres and Hahn come in from another lovely evening of hanging out and drinking wine. They discuss how nice it is to be taking it slow. If taking it slow in a lesbian relationship involves drinking wine with girlfriends then I’m pretty much Tila Tequila. As they discuss this beautiful taking it slow world, they have one of those scenes where lovers are overcome with the passion of not making out that they jump on each other and begin to make out. I get the sentiment, but the passion is just not there. Maybe it’s because I’m pretty sure Hahn in real life would wear mom jeans, and nobody as spicy as Torres would rip off mom jeans from her lover. No, Way.

Oooh, are these the new control top panty hose?

The next day a smiley Meredith is rushing out the door when Derek shows her that he has made the cover of a medical journal for his success with “The Shepherd Method.” A quick recap of, The Shepherd Method: the method that Meredith convinced him to do last season that they worked on together all season, killed a bunch of people, and finally found success.

Meredith noticed fairly quickly that “The Shepherd Method” does not mention a certain resident who came up with the idea, and leaves saying, passive aggressively, that nothing is wrong. She also says that she’s fine with her mom being verbally abusive and her dad walking out on her, JUST FINE. And in other news, hell has frozen over because I agree with Meredith for being pissed about this and would have handled it the exact same way. Although I probably would have muttered “asshole” under my breath as I walked out.

At the hospital, Torres finds Sloan to compare notes on the female anatomy. Sloan ready for some post coital goodness is disappointed to hear that after heading to “the embassy” Torres found out that she isn’t really ready to become a citizen. Sloan gets irritated by someone given a passport that she doesn’t want to use and storms out on her.

I didn’t know the kid from “Can’t Buy Me Love” became a doctor

I was a little worried for Torres, that after heading South of another continent’s border…that it might ruin future trips on her own terrain…Maybe spoil some of the magic… But I worked at Disney for awhile and checked out some of the messiness behind those scenes, and it’s still magical every time I go. So I think she’s straight, I mean…fine.

But enough about vagtastic voyages. Down in the Doctor’s-only locker room, head cheerleader intern Lexie is decorating George’s new big-boy locker with balloons and baked goods. He is so giving her his letterman jacket. She straightens out her “I will do anything for you George” t-shirt and tries to talk to the other Doctors. They react to her the way you would to any pathetic girl who decorates someone’s locker with balloons and cookies and she quickly leaves.

Elsewhere, Bailey is bouncing around like a kid on Christmas as she rounds up the residents and interns for something she is very excited about. Bailey begins to give the crew very difficult words for them to hear by saying that today is about HER, and that they all have to put their crap aside and come together for something that she has worked very hard on. Meredith is so stunned by having to think about someone else that she forget to tell Yang about her problems with Derek!

The full squad tries to figure out what would require 18 doctors as they enter a large surgical room. They are introduced to the “Domino effect.” If you are thinking that is a room where people in physical therapy are in a tight line and you push one and see how long it takes them all to fall down, you are wrong, and mean. Actually it is 6 kidney transplants in one day. All donors are somehow related to a recipient, however the recipient didn’t match their loved one. So it’s a 6 way-cross relationship-match-donorship.

It has the domino effect name, because all 6 surgeries have to happen at the same time so that nobody backs out. If one person backs out, everyone will. Because who wants to donate to someone they don’t know, if their loved one isn’t getting an organ. Make sense? (It will, when the obvious house of cards begins to fall later in the episode).

Meanwhile as all hands are on deck for the six surgeries, McD is tied up all day with press interviews to discuss the Shepherd Method. Meredith is still annoyed by this, and I STILL agree with her. McD is officially becoming a McDouchebag today.

We begin to meet the donors and the recipients. One cute girl is donating, just because. Darlin’ if you read that article about how losing organs that you don’t really need is the new Atkins, I should tell you it is NOT true. The next donor/recipient duo is a father/son combo. Sweet. Cue “Cat’s in the Cradle” now because you know it’s coming into effect at some point. The son casually mentions how he’s just waiting for his $10k for donating and Izzie and Alex look concerned. Ok, seriously? $10K. Even if the Atkins thing isn’t true, I would part with an unnecessary organ for $10K.

Izzie casually mentions the money talk to Bailey, who reminds Izzie that as someone who recently STOLE an organ, selling organs is just as big of a no-no. So unless Alex and Izzie want to be the ones who knock down the stack of cards, they better just keep quiet.

Back to the saint donor who says she is donating purely out of the goodness of her heart, we find out that she is having an affair with one of the recipients. She is convinced that by giving her internal organ to the man, he’ll finally leave his wife. I have a feeling she is the same girl who gave her virginity away in high school right before prom, only to end up going stag or the girl who decorated a guy’s locker in hopes of getting him to realize how wonderful she is and finally ask her out.

Oh…awkward.

Not surprisingly, the wife finds out, drops out of the donor 6-way, and thus sets off the domino effect.

During this house of cards collapse, a bromance is brewing between Sloan and McDouche. McDouche is trying to figure out why Meredith ever expected to be included in his victory. So, it was her idea, so she talked him into doing it, so what? HE is the Man!

With that full morning behind us, it’s now lunch time. The interns are lined up like cattle as the residents are sizing them up to decide which shitty interns are given to George. The interns all stand there, trays in hand as the lunchroom bullies verbally tear them limb from limb. The scene gets even better when an overly disturbed Lexie stage whispers: “We can hear you!” The scene kind of rocks as they tell each intern to their face why they don’t like them and the interns die a little inside.

In a not-so-fun lineup, the dominos are all falling and the donors and recipients are frantically trying to figure out the status of their impending surgery. The overall consensus is, nobody is going to donate unless their loved one is getting an organ. Bailey is fully prepared to go lay a hurtin’ on the lady who, while backing out of the surgery ran into the house of cards, but Chief issues a stern warning against this.

Across the hall, the cat’s in the cradle and a silver spoon, little boy blue and the man on the moon, the son donating the organ has no sympathy for his dying dad and Izzie is pissed. Alex tries to relay to Izzie what their job actually is, and it doesn’t involve becoming emotionally involved with every patient or boning them in prom dresses.

Derek confronts a passive aggressive Grey and refuses to be involved in a silent fight any longer. I appreciate Derek’s straight forwardness until he tells Grey that she is being a baby and that she needs to get over not being recognized in “the Shepherd Method.” He literally calls her a baby. I would literally put my foot in his balls if he said this to me. What universe am I agreeing with Grey on? All the times Grey has broken up with Derek have been ridiculous, and the one time she SHOULD break up with him, she doesn’t! If he were my partner he would be on match.com so fast his wireless would burn out.

Speaking of relationships that don’t work, Hahn invites Izzie on another date, and Izzie drops the…. “it’s not you, it’s the fact that you have a vagina” line on her. She then gives her a copy of “She’s just not into you(r) Vagina” and walks out.

Bailey obeying orders, provides the outpatient papers to the scorned wife. While doing it she makes sure the wife knows that she is killing all the dominos in the process and once again damning this hospital to a #12 fate. The wife begins to feel like a massive asshole (natch) and changes her mind. Like Bailey is ever going to lose a bitch off face off.

So the surgery is on. All systems go, all hands on deck, all sails set. Seattle Grace is ready to make history. The transplants all begin. One by one, kidneys come out, kidneys go in. It is a seamless, flawless, system, until Grey drops a kidney. ON THE FLOOR. After a 2-beat of silence, Bailey screams 5-second rule, 5 second rule.

Maybe you haven’t heard, but reusable is so much better for the earth than plastic.

First, the 5 second rule, is actually the 10 second rule. At least that’s how we rolled in my part of the trailer park. Second, the 10 second rule only applies to items without any moisture. Things like, pasta, pudding, or KIDNEYS are exempt from the 10 second rule. That being said, I’m fairly certain that there is nothing worse on that floor than the trash I put into my body every weekend, and it’s certainly no worse than the ceiling and flood water that the former patient got, so I think Grey’s drop is fine. However, Grey gives great “Oh Shit” face.

I think I just peed a little

In a non-surgical part of the hospital, Torres approaches Sloan once again for help routing her way through the vagtastic forest. She acknowledges the fact that despite having no medical credibility, he is king of his trade when it comes to giving a powerful O face and begs for his help. But Torres is no dummy and insists on a visual demonstration. Sloan appreciates someone who sees his genius for what it is and strips down so the student can become the master. I’ve dated guys who “practiced” on others to master their skill for me. Those relationships ended well…

Are you wearing Monday underwear on Wednesday? I can’t work like this.

With the surgeries behind us, we get updates on how everyone is doing. For the most part all of the patients are doing well, except the Cat’s in the Cradle father. My heart has warmed to him, because we’ve learned that the only reason he wasn’t around is because he was trying to provide for his family. Izzie finds the son counting his gold coins and lets him know this is his last shot to have a father. This whole father-son dynamic seems to strike a nerve with Karev and we get some insight on why his heart is so black.

Meanwhile, as Alex heart begins to warm a little, Lexie’s turns a little blacker. After weeks of fawning all over George she finally gets a text from reality that “he’s just not that into you.” Lexie handles is maturely and yells at him for not acknowledging that she decorated his locker and made him cookies before the big game.

Bailey and McDouche encounter each other on the way out of the hospital and congratulate each other on a day well done. Bailey for saving multiple lives, and McDouche talking about how wonderful he is to reporters all day. McD then tries to get Bailey to understand what a child Grey is for wanting credit and calls her a silly emotional girl. McD how out of touch are you? Powerful men in the spotlight are SO 2007. Everyone is way more interested in the woman a heartbeat behind the man these days. Get with it. Bailey pretty much calls him out on being a complete ass wipe and reminds him whose idea it was to create “The Shepherd Method.”

Finally, at the end of the day, Meredith has waited all day and finally gets to bitch about McSuperDouche to Yang, but she does it the way friends are supposed to, at a bar! FINALLY, a Meredith I can get behind. I have no problem with Meredith venting her relationship crap all over Yang, but at least let Yang have some booze with it. I’ll listen to Ann Coulter read her book aloud if I have booze in front of me. As they bitch about wanting real men in their life, McD comes in and redeems himself for being such a super douche and presents Grey with a token of love, a kidney in a jar. Maybe that’s a doctor thing, because I’d rather get a kick in the ovaries before getting an internal organ in a jar. But Meredith is thrilled and leaves the bar with McOnlySlightlyDouche.

Mer, not all organs are supposed to go in your mouth

Izzie confronts Karev at home with a Grey’s Anatomy monologue where they keep saying the same thing over and over and over again, until they make out. And I rejoice. I heart them together. Torres meets Hahn in the on call room, licks her lips, takes off her shirt, and offers a round two/sloppy seconds. Mer and Der fall asleep with smiles to the glow of the kidney. And Yang, still desperate for some hard core loving from a real man, begins to leave the bar and sees GI JOE. Better get out an umbrella Yang because your drought is about to end.

So that’s it. I really liked this episode! Meredith wasn’t self centered or squinty faced, and she was fun and funny. I am really hoping this is a turnaround for this season. I’m excited that GI JOE is back. I have a feeling he’ll be like Dr House meets GI Joe meets pure testosterone, and I can’t wait. Also, do kidneys really glow? It’s a little creepy. But it’s always nice having a big organ around…That’sWhatSheSaid.