Grey’s Anatomy: Feast on the Other White Meat

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the behind the scenes drama was much more shocking and unpredictable than the actual on-screen drama. To catch everyone up, this past week ABC fired Brooke Smith, the actress who plays Erica Hahn, and this week’s episode will be her final show. They are blaming this on the lack of chemistry between Hahn and Torres. I understand breaking them up, but to fire her from the show completely? That’d be like if my recap wasn’t funny at all, TVGasm cutting my hand off. Granted I am not a fan of the awkward interactions and painful lack of chemistry in this relationship, but to axe her from the show completely seems a little harsh!

But the show and the recap must go-on.

I’m really happy with this storyline! I see only good things coming from it!

The show begins with Meredith still unpacking her mom’s old crap where she finds Anatomy Jane. AJ is a small doll whose stomach opens to reveal all the internal organs for children of all ages to enjoy. She shares with McD how she used to bring the doll with her everywhere and make up names for the organs to help her remember them. She also shared how she used to play tetherball all by herself and eat paste throughout elementary school.

I’d rather have my insides pulled out than spend time with Meredith….Oh, awkward.

Across town Callie and Hahn are patting each other on the vagina for the great sex they just had. Callie is thrilled that despite initial rocky terrain, she finally nailed good sex. I love that on television, even in lesbian relationships, the sex is instantly amazing and a woman’s O-Face is as common as silicone at a Real World reunion. As Callie gets out of bed to put the strap on away, Hahn begins to shed all hope of portraying a strong woman.

Hahn begins to compare sex with Torres to when she got glasses. She spent her life growing up not being able to see, but she didn’t know what she was missing. Then once she got glasses she saw the green blobs were leaves and bushes. (And you know how much she loves bush.) She begins to cry and exclaim “I am so gay,” over and over again. Jesus Grey’s, even your lesbian coming-out scenes are awkward. Torres bolts faster from the room than Isaiah Washington at a GLBT rally.

I had to perform that horrible coming out scene and NOW i’m fired??

At the hospital the McBro’s are being re-introduced to testosterone- since they seem to have none of their own this season. Chief announces Major Owen (House) is joining the crew and going to bring back Seattle Grace to a level one trauma center. Yang and Meredith spot the Major, and Yang bolts in the other direction. Yang is completely freaked out by post-major make-out and is worried he quit the military for her. I don’t know why she is upset. Yang needs a good bang as much as Brooke Smith needs a new job. What? Too soon?

Meanwhile Chief and Bailey are chatting on the helipad, since that is the only place they can avoid Meredith talking about Derek or her mother or herself. The Chief gives Bailey his power for the day. He is impressed by her recent work, and with a major medical emergency on its way in, (that I’m sure will need an experimental surgery) he gives her total power. Also, he is like 7 episodes behind on Charm School and he really wants to see if Lacey has gone home yet.

As our final couples begin their day, we find out that Izzie and Alex have been sleeping together for a week and Alex tests the waters asking if he ought to stop sleeping with other women. Izzie, being non-emotional as usual, storms out of the room. Elsewhere, in the land of irrational women Lexie is completely ignoring George. Wow Lex, I can’t imagine why he didn’t think of you to be his intern. You are so mature and composed.

Turns out the medical emergency on its way in, is a 10 year old girl with an inoperable tumor in her stomach. Man, if ONLY someone had a doll that allowed the doctors to look inside the stomach. If Only. Bailey finds the residents and asks who wants to work on this case. Meredith, having Anatomy Jane in tow gets the job. What crap, I bring the rabbit with me to work every day and all it does is earn me weird faces and people throw stuff at me.

For those who didn’t bring AJ with them, they are assigned to Major House who is teaching trauma. He tells them they need to experience trauma on live tissue, not just dummies. He opens the curtain to reveal five pigs that are knocked out and are strapped down with their legs in the air. This visual makes my stomach turn, yet if he opened the curtain to reveal a bunch of ham and bacon my stomach would have growled. Weird how easily your perspective can change.

After becoming #12, Seattle Grace was forced to take what they could get.

He proceeds to stab each of the pigs and tells them to save their lives. Izzie calls him a monster and storms out, and I’m totally on board with Izzie on this one. I can watch people get shot up and down in a movie, but that scene in Anchorman where Jack Black throws the dog over the bridge still makes me cry.

In the on-call room (why do they even still call it that…just call it the booty call room) Torres has paged Sloan. He’s hoping for another hands-on teaching session, but it’s even better. Torres just wants pure down and dirty doing it. Damn Torres, for someone who was married to George and getting no loving, you are certainly making up for lost time. She says she is testing a theory, but it holds no water when she still appreciates Sloan’s hard work. But she also enjoys Hahn’s soft work. What’s a girl to do? She’s not straight, but she’s not gay, she just likes sex…with lots of people. And magically with each one of them it is mind blowing and amazing. Bitch.

I’m just here because I’m on call, what’s your excuse?

Bailey approaches the newly-outed Hahn and asks for her help performing surgery on the inoperable tumor. Hahn, who from recent experience is beginning to know a lost cause when she sees one, tells Bailey she’s got better things to do then to try and save a patient with no hope. Hahn, have you learned nothing at Seattle Grace? There is ALWAYS an experimental surgery to perform. When Bailey protests, Hahn bitterly tells her to stop getting emotional because nobody likes an emotional girl. Wrong Hahn, nobody likes a girl who cries after sex and compares their love making to seeing leaves for the first time. That is actually a guaranteed way to ensure your spot on the psycho ex-girlfriend list. You know this broad is the same girl who does drive-bys too.

We check in on the pigs to find out that Major House doesn’t remember Yang. BURN. Guess he didn’t quit the military for ya, huh Yang? Also, Lexie is petting the pigs and reassuring them that everything will be alright. I can’t really make fun of this, because I would be doing the same thing. I’d probably already have a bedazzled collar on them too. The pig saving is put on hold when an actual trauma comes into the hospital. Major House takes everyone with him to help, except for Yang and her interns. They are left to watch over the pigs. Yang is beyond thrilled. You know how much she would rather baby-sit pigs and interns than do surgery.

And I’ll decorate your locker, and help you study, and cook for you. Please just love me.

At the sign of distress the McBros put on their capes and head to the pit to be of assistance. When they arrive the Major tells them to leave the trauma to the big boys and go back to their sword fight in the on-call room. McD does not like the new sheriff in town. He takes it like a man and pages The Chief to tattle on the Major. The Chief reminds him that he is trying to save lives here and it isn’t his fault McD is constantly emasculated. He then also randomly complains about Grey with Anatomy Jane. What’s wrong with Anatomy Jane? By my accounts she’s the least irritating character in this episode.

Speaking of Anatomy Jane, thanks to her help Grey has come up with the super safe experimental idea of taking out all of the little girl’s organs, taking out the tumor, and putting them all back in. Hahn is against the idea because, well because it is taking out all of the organs in a 10 year old and putting them back in. What happens if the ceiling breaks again? Or if Meredith is carrying all the organs and drops them…again. They explain this idea to the family, who seem pretty apprehensive. I can’t imagine why. It’s like plastic surgery, only instead of excess body fat, it is vital organs.

Since she isn’t getting her way, Yang finds Bailey and complains about serving time in the barnyard. Bailey reminds her that she is trying to save actual patients, and Yang needs to do as she’s told. Besides, pork IS the other white meat.

We have a commercial break, and enter the scene with a disclaimer that no animals were hurt in the making of this scene. Oh God, I already hate it. Weird though, that they aren’t also like, no children actually lost organs in the making of this scene. Apparently the American public is smart enough to realize that humans are not actually being cut up on television, but we might not know that carries over into animals.

We then have the dual surgery scene. Yang and Interns on the pigs, and Chief, Hahn, Bailey and Grey on the child. The interns have named the pigs and seem happier than they ever have. Yang reminds them that unless their names are porky or sausage, then they should shut it. In the real surgery (On real human or not? I don’t know, we didn’t get a disclaimer) the phone keeps ringing in the OR. Apparently the girl’s dad is incessantly calling the OR to see how the surgery is going. Who gave him that number and why in the world is he calling. I’d probably let the doctors focus.

We then move into the dual surgery crash scene. One of the pigs begins to crash and the interns +Yang all begin to come together to save him. For the girl, the organs have been replaced but they aren’t taking to the body. Both begin to die. Hahn is pretty much ready to throw in the towel on this one and she’s all “I didn’t want to do this in the first place.” Hahn and Bailey begin to throw down as Grey rejoices over a lifesize Anatomy Jane and begins to play with the little girl’s organs. Chief breaks up the argument before the girl completely flat lines and tells them to work together. When the women take a moment of clarity they come up with the brilliant solution. Eureka!

I’m just rinsing these organs off because that Doctor with the doll is probably going to drop them again.

The teamwork from both camps is a success and the pig and the kid both live. And you will be happy to know that no animals were hurt in the making of this scene. Except the pound of ribs I polished off.



The euphoria of the successful surgery, or all the pork in the hospital, gets Torres totally hot and she does Sloan….again. Sloan lets Torres in on the secret that when women cry after sex that is a compliment. Right, and size doesn’t matter. Torres complains that the sex with Hahn and Sloan is amazing, and she was really hoping there would be a difference. Sloan lets her know the difference is that he knows she got multiple bang partners and Hahn doesn’t, dirty cheater. They are interrupted by McD who wants to join forces and take down Major House. He also busts Torres who hides under the covers when he comes in.

The McBros confront Major House on his destructive methods, and tell him that basically they just don’t like him. Major House, showing his soft underbelly, asks what they would do instead, because he genuinely wants to learn. Sloan then helps McD pull his fat judgmental foot out of his mouth and they tuck their tails between their legs and slink off. (Nice there is finally something between those legs again.)

Bailey confronts Hahn one more time and tells her she can pat herself on the back all day long, but she doesn’t deserve any credit because if it had been up to her the girl would have died. She then lays down the ultimate insult by saying that Anatomy Jane deserves more credit than Hahn, AND AJ doesn’t cry after sex.

Major House returns to check on the pigs and is impressed by all the hard work Yang and her interns put into it. He goes on to say that to celebrate their hard work, they are going to grill some sausage once Yang kills all the pigs. He lets Yang know it’s not humane to keep them alive and she has to kill them. I don’t know why she has to; surely this isn’t helping her learn anything except that House is a total asshole.

Yang goes on to complain that the Major doesn’t even remember her. I mean, how many Asian doctors have you been making out with jerk? Sadly we learn that the Major does remember her, but that was “before,” and he is now living in the “after.” He slowly begins to pull out all the baggage he smuggled in under his camo and says that he is at Seattle Grace because on his last mission in Iraq, everyone in his unit died. Between his confrontation with the McBros, and this conversation, I’d really like him. If it wasn’t for the whole stabbing animals thing. I’m not really down with that.

In the end, Lexie and Yang bond over killing the pigs together. Um…sweet?

Torres, feeling guilty for having more sex than Bret Michaels during Rock of Love, confronts Hahn and lets her know she did the dirty with Sloan that day….twice. The same day that Hahn cried after sex and came out of the closet, her girlfriend had sex with a man…twice. Hahn says ok…and scene. Again, very realistic reaction from a woman. So, Grey lied about performing surgery to Hahn and she threatened to remove Grey’s heart with a steak knife. Torres cheats on Hahn twice in one day, and she says ok. I don’t know what pills Hahn pops, but I would LOVE to get my hands on them.

Even though Hahn takes this in stride, Torres ends things with Sloan and they go to the bar to cheers the start of a beautiful friendship. (PS. Even if Hahn wasn’t kicked off the show, I’d still predict these two will be banging again within 2 episodes).

And even though these story lines haven’t progressed at all throughout this episode, we catch up with George and Lexie, who are talking again. (Did they stop? Did anyone care?) And Alex and Izzie. Izzie realizes that Alex was asking about banging other girls as his way of asking her to go steady. What ever happened to giving a girl you pin? Or letterman? And Meredith and Derek continue their new favorite past time, unpacking crazy old Dr. Grey’s crap. The scene comes to an abrupt stop when they stumble upon a box full of old journals. And the show ends. Ok, slightly anticlimactic, since so far the only drama that has come from the journal is Derek finding it and giving it to Meredith.

Look, it’s all the gay-themed scripts that ABC refuses to write!

Then, NO SCENES FOR NEXT WEEK!!! WTF? That is the best part of the show! Ugh, I hate when shows do that.

So, what do you think? The episode was ok, but I still can’t believe that the next episode is Hahn’s final. Apparently that position is cursed! First Isaiah Washington, now Brooke Smith, and oddly enough both had homosexual undertones. Weird….Was anybody else bothered by the pigs than me?

Even though it tasted like sausage, it still left me wanting more….That’sWhatSheSaid