Grey’s Anatomy: Decisions! Decisions!

We open this episode of Grey’s Anatomy with Arizona and Torres packing up for Africa as McSteamy hangs out in their apartment with an amused look on his face.  He declines the Ronko super-chopper but asks for the waffle iron.  Arizona says he can have the French press coffee maker to go with it and Torres gets all up in her business and says, “Hey!  Stop. Giving. My. Stuff. Away.”  Wow, passive aggressive much?  Someone is pissy about something…what could it be?

Come on, Marc, it’s not like you don’t know this motion!

At the hospital, Meredith is telling McDreamy about an Alzheimer’s grant that she can’t remember – no, just kidding!  They walk by Christina and clearly avoid each other.  McDreamy thinks it’s because Dr. Ginger got the money for his project but that’s not it.  Uh-oh, trouble in sleepoverland?

Speaking of, Dr. Ginger wants to know if Christina will help him set up the trauma lab – she’ll get certified and it will be an easy day.  She snots back that it’s a “skills lab” so it’s already an easy day.  Kinda bitchy for someone dead inside. But it doesn’t matter, Lungs from last week’s transplant list didn’t have to wait long – lungs for him are available!  Teddy needs Christina to watch the guy all the live long day while she heads out to pick up said lungs.  Couldn’t they just be courierred over?

The residents are in a classroom bemoaning the skills lab, and I’m right there with them.  I mean, a couple of weeks ago it was navy scrubs.  Navy!  And now it’s skills lab central.  Snore!  Dr. Ginger runs into the lab and says there was an accident involving a Greyhound bus (any PR is good PR!) and there are mass casualties.  MOVE! MOVE!

They all run outside and find…dummies scattered all over the emergency room entrance.  I don’t think it was a Greyhound accident – judging by the argyle on that one dummy, it’s pretty clear someone ran into an Old Navy commercial.  “This is gonna suck,” Meredith says.  No, you’re thinking of The Gap.

Old Navy Body Bags!  Now on sale!

It’s trauma certification, Dr. Ginger-style.  I’m hoping he didn’t spend the whole mil on the dummies, he probably could have stolen them from the Red Cross.  The residents are divided up into teams and God bless, they look as bored as I would.  He says there is a helicopter coming in for the patients – if your patient gets on there alive, you get certified.  And what if you don’t?  Can you avoid Dr. Ginger henceforth?  Because if so, I’d be headed inside for coffee and a doughnut.

McSteamy and Lexie are doing the comedy side of things this week with a gluteoplasty.  Talk about trauma certification.  Lexie thinks the woman is deaf and comments to McSteamy that there is hardly anything to lift.  The patient is like, doyee, that’s the point, I’m having junk put into the trunk.  Next time, read the file and make your comments before coming into the room.  Lexie is very concerned that the woman has chosen Baby Got Back over Pleasantly Figured.  What does it matter, it’s not your ass.

Her picture is next to her butt because why now?

Christina is with Lungs telling him that any joke with an animal walking into a bar is scientifically unfunny.  Kind of like your comment, Christina?  He says he’s worried about getting new lungs and seeing his estranged daughter – who takes that moment to come in and say, “Roy.”  Rut-roh, someone’s carrying some divorce anger!  He asks how she’s been and she says, “This week or for the past twenty years?”  Yay!  Family strife to add to the health issues.

She apologizes for being snarky and walks into the room and Lungs starts crashing.  Christina just stands there as a bunch of people run in with a crash cart and start taking care of him.  “Aren’t you the doctor?  Do something!” Snarky says.  Once again, Christina does nothing.  She needs to put up or shut up, I swear.  Luckily, I get my wish this week.

Lungs is now Lungs & Heart – his heart is failing now and looks like he may need a new heart to go with his faulty lungs.  Christina says she needs to call Teddy and tell her and ask the cardiologist who is also watching over Lungs (a.k.a. babysitting Christina) what to do.

In the meantime, McSteamy acts like an ass by asking Bailey to pick up cupcakes for the going away party they are having for Torres and Arizona that night.  Bailey’s like, Bitch, get out of my way or you’ll need a gluteoplasty to pull that cupcake out of your ass.  So he suckers Lexie into doing it.

Arizona pops into the supply closet to show Torres all the stuff the kids made her to say goodbye (all the stuff that will need to go in the trash tonight despite wanting to take it with her) while Torres steals supplies for all the tiny humans in Africa.  “You’d be surprised how often you need a macaroni face glued to paper plates in Africa instead of gauze,” Torres passive-aggressives back.  Arizona asks if there is something she’d like to talk about and she says no.  Ass.

This totally makes up for the French press, doesn’t it?

Outside the supply closet they bump into Webber and he passive-aggressives that he had allllll these plans for Torres and how sad it is she’s leaving…God, I’ve had bosses who have done that when I’ve left.  Makes you want to say, “Why was it such a secret then?”  I love it when Big Plans occur when you leave.  Because you know they never existed.

Christina goes into the OR and asks the cardiologist to take a look at Lungs and he quizzes her on what she’s done and what she should do, and she tells him.  He says she’s right and it sounds like she’s good on her own.  She gets pissy and storms out.  Wah-wahhh.

Bailey has chosen today to spend all her time in a morgue helping out with Mandy Moore’s autopsy.  Bailey, really.  Let the pathologist do her job and check the results.  Or accept the fact that sometimes shit happens.  It sucks, but there it is.  Dr. Stanley, the pathologist, barges in, shoves gum into her mouth, and digs in.  This will not go well.

Let’s double our pleasure and double our fun!

Chipmunk is going bat-shit crazy over her dummy and Meredith points out he’s probably dead.  Chipmunk is thrilled and moves to the next dummy while Dr. Ginger oversees the skills lab.  He sees Christina standing outside and checks in on her.  Luckily her beeper goes off and she’s out of the scene thank God.

Dr. Ginger calls Meredith over and says, “Grey, you’re certified, now go inside and help Christina.”  Really, that’s all it takes to be certified, helping Christina?  Because EVERYONE in that hospital is probably certified by now.  Meredith asks if Christina asked for her and Dr. Ginger says, “Meredith, please…”

She leaves the worst game of Twister ever played.

Meredith does the stupid thing and tells Christina the Dr. Ginger sent her…after giving Christina a couple of pointers she is sent upstairs to give the daughter an update.

Dr. Ginger asks the teams for updates and Chipmunk gives him a too-cheerful review of the situation.  He yells at her, tells her she actually has two more patients dead because her team didn’t keep an eye on them while they were waiting for the helicopter to show up.  She’s devastated and if I were in this class, I’d be stifling a laugh right now.  It’s just really hard to take this seriously.  Then it starts to rain and Dr. Ginger makes everyone stay out there to work.

Then you flip ‘em like a pancake!  Dead dummies love that.

Back in the morgue, Dr. Stanley is bitching about her reservations that evening while chewing gum and listening to loud music.  I realize she works with dead people all the time so it’s not like she could kill them, but she maybe should take a read on Bailey and see that this is kind of painful for her.  Clearly Bailey’s worried it’s her fault; a little levity wouldn’t kill her.  But I also see how Dr. Stanley might be irritated that someone is watching and questioning her doing her job.

Still in the rain, Chipmunk is soaked to the bone and wondering why the helicopter isn’t there yet.  Uh, because the $1 mil didn’t cover it?  Or Dr. Ginger lied.  Dr. Ginger admonishes Karev for putting on some kind of plastic over his smock so he can stay dry instead of paying attention to his patient and Karev is like, well, I’m human and this is a dummy, so suck it.

Chipmunk yells at Karev and says she doesn’t want to lose her certification because of him and he says maybe she should take it down a notch – this is why she doesn’t have any friends.  Jackson says, “Hey!” and Karev corrects himself, “One friend.”  Yeah, she and Karev are going to do it.  Of course they are, who else is left?

Just a prelude to next week, trust me.

Chipmunk tears Karev’s plastic off of him and puts it on her patient, saying now he won’t suffer from hypothermia.  I bet she still plays with Barbies…not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Ahem.

Dr. Ginger turns over another dummy and says only the red and blue teams remain, all the other dummies are dead…DEAD.  If I were there, all I would have heard is that some people now get to go inside, dry off, get some coffee, and do some real doctoring.  Thanks, Dr. Ginger.

Meredith is talking to Snarky and she’s all worried the last thing her father heard her call him was “Roy.”  She needs a real update on what is going on and Meredith tries to get Christina to do it but she won’t.  Christina pulls back Lungs’ blanket and his leg is blue.  “Crap,” Meredith says.  Crap indeed.

On the phone with Meredith, Teddy says the new lungs could reverse the heart damage.  Then she asks how Christina is doing and Meredith says, “Great, she’s doing great.”  You lie.

Back in the morgue, Dr. Stanley pulls out Mandy’s intestines and calls lunch.  Bailey is pissed and Dr. Stanley says like, those internal organs aren’t going anywhere, see you in 45.  She’s probably hungry for sausage now.

That’s lunch!  Who wants bratwurst?

McSteamy is complaining to Lexie about the cupcakes she bought and if I were her, I’d punch him in the nads and shove one of the cupcakes down his throat.  She says she’s not an errand girl, she’s a doctor who is taking care of a patient who is about to make a butt-shaped mistake.  Wait, how are you not an errand girl?

McDreamy – oh, is he still in this episode? – is in a conference room trying to write his grant and Bailey comes in to complain and sulk.  She rips all over Dr. Stanley and McDreamy tells her about his horrible Alzheimer’s day.  Living the dream, people, living the dream.

Someone’s been using Just for Men.  Or shoe polish.

Lexie discloses her worry about butt size to the patient because she’s afraid she’s doing the butt surgery for a man.  Turns out, she sort of is – for Calvin Klein.  Turns out she just wants a nice ass to fill out some jeans so she doesn’t have to shop in the boy’s department.  Oh, also?  Mind your own damn business.  Actually, she doesn’t say the last part because she’s too nice.

Juicy like an apple butt!

Outside, the residents are all getting pneumonia as Dr. Ginger says only the blue team is left.  If they are the only ones left, don’t they by default win?  Dr. Ginger looks over Jackson’s patient and says he’s done a good job.  Except he lacerated the patient’s whatever and his patient is dead.  Oops.

Chipmunk says she can hear the helicopter and Karev is like you don’t hear it because it’s not there and oh-by-the-way, “The imaginary helicopter is NEVER COMING.”  Chipmunk doesn’t believe it, but Jackson does.  “Screw this, I’m done!”  He walks away.  Dr. Ginger tells him to get back there and he says no.  “NO?” Dr. Ginger says.  “No, SIR,” Jackson says, walking back into the building.  Good for you!

Clap your hands and it makes the helicopters come to life!  CLAP!

Oh – there’s the commercial for next week and Karev and Chipmunk are kissing.  Wow, didn’t see that coming except I totally did as, I’m sure, did most of you.  Why aren’t we getting the big bucks and Emmy awards for writing this?  Clearly WE COULD.

OMG!  Tron Legacy!  I so barely remember Tron!  Except for how Disney execs kind of screwed the pooch by saying it sucked even though it was THEIR MOVIE.

Back in the morgue, Dr. Stanley puts Mandy’s brain in a jar of liquid and says it’s time to close her up and call it a day.  Bailey, of course, has other ideas.  She asks if they should get a sample from the brain and OH MY GOD is that Mandy Moore’s head cut completely open and missing a brain?  Geez Louise, what is the special effects budget for this show?  Maybe once Katherine Heigl left they had more money?

They go in much easier this way.

Dr. Stanley says they can’t take a sample from the brain for two weeks because they have to wait for it to “firm up.”  Bailey says she’s not trying to tell her how to do her job and Dr. Stanley says, “That’s exactly what you’re trying to do.”  She tells Bailey she’s trying not to hold it against her but this is what she does every day, all day.  “Did you think I failed medical school?” she asks.  Isn’t that why you only work on dead people?  I thought that’s how it worked – last in medical school, they still call you doctor but you only get the deadsies.

Dr. Stanley tells her the autopsy was inconclusive and she hates that as much as Bailey does.  Then she shoves the bag full of Mandy’s organs back inside her body cavity and heads out for more gum (I’m guessing).  Don’t they want to bury her?  Does it normally take this long for an autopsy after a person dies after surgery?  That would suck – to know your spouse is dead but having to wait weeks to have a funeral.  Wow.

Christina has stabilized Lungs and Meredith says great, I’ll keep watch and you can go give his daughter an update since she wants to talk to the doctor actually working on her dad.  Christina freaks and says she can’t talk to the daughter.  She says all Snarky wants from her is to know is that she’s scared and Christina “really can’t hear that right now.”

Why?  Because she’s scared about everything…that he’ll code, that she can’t handle it…she’s scared walking across the lobby…she’s scared “all the time.”  Well, it’s a good thing they cleared her to work on patients, isn’t it?  “Let me help you,” Meredith says.  “You cannot help me!” Christina says.

I’m scared they’re putting MSG in my cashew chicken!

Arizona and Torres walk into the doctor’s lounge and three voices say, “Bon Voyage!”  It’s McSteamy, Lexie and Webber.  Arizona is touched and Torres says, “This is a party?”  Lexie says it’s been a busy day.  Arizona gives her a look and she says “I know, it’s great…I’ve been at this hospital since residency but if people are too busy to see me off…” her voice raises to a pitch only dogs can hear, “they’re too busy.”  Or you’re a bitch and no one likes you, just a guess.

Should we have gotten muffins instead of cupcakes?

Webber blames the victim saying they are down a couple of attendings (ahem!  Guess we know where Torres picked up her passive aggressiveness) and things are busy.  She says she’s glad he could find time for them what with all his chief problems and “big plans, which were what exactly?”  He won’t tell her because why waste the oxygen when she’s leaving?

Arizona says he’s just crabby and just messing with Torres’ head.  “Well, I’ll never know, will I?” she says, scarfing down a cupcake.  What.  A.  BITCH!

That will be the last muffin-cupcake you will have for a long time, bitch.

Arizona thanks McSteamy and Lexie and says she needs to finish packing.  She leaves without Torres who stays to watch the buttplasty.  Which is occurring at night because why now?

Chipmunk screams at Dr. Ginger that she’s not complaining but where the hell is the helicopter?  He says the weather must be holding it up.  Seems like if this were really a trauma, they would have sent other ambulances, but he probably spent the money on the firehouse.

Then Chipmunk loses it – they try to kill off her dummy and she says she knows what they are going to say.  She screams off a list of issues and she’s right.  She rips off the yellow plastic covering the dummy and carries it into the ambulance and Dr. Ginger says the ambulance is not in play.  She’s like, bitch, “You can make stuff up, so can I!”

She throws more dummies into the ambulance and says she’s taking them to the hospital “right there!” and points to the doors of the hospital 10 feet away.  She gets into the ambulance and Dr. Ginger says the ambulance was involved in the accident and no longer runs.  She’s like, suck it bitch, let’s see if the keys work, oh guess what, THEY DO!  She laughs maniacally.

Yep, there it is.

“NOW MOVE OR I WILL RUUUN YOUUU DOWWWNNN!” she says in a possessed voice to Dr. Ginger.  He gets out of the way, she joyrides in a circle and what do you know!  Ends up at Seattle Grace!  It would have been awesome if she ran over some of the dummies as she stopped the ambulance.

She starts rattling off their symptoms and Dr. Ginger is like, “That’s enough…”  She throws the dummy over her shoulder and keeps yelling.  Karev says tell her she won or she’ll keep going.  “It’s not a contest,” Dr. Ginger says.  Then why did you break them in teams and keep disqualifying teams?  Chipmunk tells Karev to prep an OR and Dr. Ginger relents.  “YOU WIN!”  he says.

I swear to God, I will cut him…in the O.R.!

She runs up and hugs Karev and continues the maniacal laugh.  Although you can barely understand everything she says while screaming, this whole scene was hilarious.

Bailey crashes into McDreamy’s conference room – did he not have ANY patients today? – and he tells her to check out what he wrote.  “Alzheimer’s is a bad disease.  We should cure it.”  He’s no Hemingway, that’s for damn sure.  Bailey asks him to go over Dr. Stanley’s head and take a brain sample, but McDreamy says Dr. Stanley is right.  He tells her he knows this is a personal loss for her, but sometimes things just suck.

Bailey says she’s upset because she cannot answer the one question Mandy’s husband wants answered.  Oh, and by the way, she tells him he has no right to tell her to let it go when he can’t even let the fact Meredith might get Alzheimer’s go long enough to “write a damn essay.”  Ouch.  Also, wasn’t he the one a couple of weeks ago who told Meredith that it wasn’t worth worrying about?

Meredith meets Christina on the helipad waiting on the lungs and says she has to talk to her.  Christina asks her how she is fine when “I am ruined…I am dead…and you’re just walking around fine,” she says crying.  Christina screams that it was Meredith’s fault that she’s like this – she said because she begged Christina to save McDreamy, she’s now ruined.  Yep, she blames Meredith for being dead inside.  The helicopter shows up with Teddy and the lungs.

McSteamy is with Torres and he tells her that he’s done a lot of boob jobs, but he also reverses a lot of boob jobs a year or two after they have work done.  They are unhappy with their decision and want it undone.  But he says the woman getting the butt job is doing it for her own satisfaction, not to please a significant other, so he knows she’ll be fine.  He tells Torres he thinks she’s going to Africa because that’s what Arizona wants, not because she really wants to go.  Dun-dun-dunnn.

Jackson tries to leave and Dr. Ginger tells him he just doesn’t get to walk away.  Jackson tells him that two of his friends died during the shooting, so thanks but no thanks.  Dr. Ginger grabs him and throws him into a room.  He tells Jackson he lost dozens of friends in the field and he never used them as an excuse to quit.  He tells Jackson he’s going back out there and is going to finish the certification.

Lungs is getting new lungs and they are waiting to see if the heart comes back from the brink of disaster.  The heart starts beating and all is well.  Crisis averted, ROY.

At the airport, Torres says she thinks there probably won’t be a lot to do in Africa but that will keep them from getting distracted.  It will be all about the medicine!  She’s basically complaining but in such a way that you think she’s excited.  Arizona is getting pissed and she stops walking.

She tells Torres that she won the Carter Madison grant.  “Do you know how rare that is?  Do you know how special that is?  This is the biggest thing that could have happened to my career,” she says.  “I am over the moon about it…or would be, but you are ruining it for me!”  About damn time she spoke up.

Really?  I’ve been a bitch?  Huh.  So not like me.

”First with your whining and now with your fake passive-aggressive enthusiasm, you are ruining Africa for me,” she yells.  “I’m not,” Torres says.  “YOU ARE!” Arizona yells.  So Torres fesses up and says no, she doesn’t want to go to Africa but she does want to be with Arizona.  “So I’m really trying here.”

Arizona repeats that Torres is ruining this for her and she doesn’t want to do this.  “I don’t want to go to Africa with you,” she says.  Jesus, couldn’t you have told her before she got stripped searched by the TSA?  Arizona walks off saying she’s going to miss her plane.

Torres starts crying and says they can figure this out.  Arizona says, “You stay here and be happy and I’ll go there and be happy.”  Torres says, “If you get on that plane, we are done, do you hear me?  We are over!”  Uh, that’s like quitting when you’ve been fired.  She just dumped you, so I think you are already over.

“We are standing in the middle of an airport screaming at each other.  We’re already over,” she says.  I think they were over during the whole yellow/pink/pastel paint fiasco, but this is probably more final.  She leaves Torres in her dust.

See my dust?  You’re in it.  And it ain’t from a muffin!

I actually couldn’t figure out if Arizona was really leaving but it turns out she has a new series on Lifetime where she’s a lawyer or something.  Good for you, branching out.

Back at Seattle Grace, Webber tells Christina she did a great job today and she asks for a few minutes of his time.  Will she ask for help or resign?  Is she joining Arizona on the new series?

At the bar, Karev is giving props to Chipmunk who looks unusually good, probably because of the Seattle rain day-long shower.  They are sooo going to do it.

McSteamy is reading a magazine/staring at Lexie’s ass.  She confronts him and he says, “It’s not the first time and won’t be the last.”  She tells him no, but they are sooo going to do it.

At home, Meredith is sitting stiffly on the corner of the bed and McDreamy immediately comes in and starts talking about himself.  Read the room, McD, something ain’t right with the wife.  Maybe she forgot where she was.

Meredith seems upset about something.  I’ll tell her about me and my day.

He tells her about his horrible day and says she cannot be in his clinical trial because it’s too hard.  She’s not listening and instead tells him how Christina blames her for her issues.  “She hates me,” she says.  I am just finding this whole line of reasoning odd – Christina blames Meredith for making her do surgery on her husband to save him and it’s her fault she’s got PTS?  Seems like transference.

Jackson is back at the hospital fixing dummies.  “Good,” Dr. Ginger says.  Christina comes out and looks amazing, like a weight has been lifted.  Dr. Ginger doesn’t notice because he’s too busy bragging about his lame lab.  “How was your day?” he asks.

“I quit,” she say.  “You were right, I can still be a surgeon, I just don’t want to…anymore.”  He is stunned as will be their mortgage company.  He dismisses Jackson and stares at Christina.

Being a quitter is such a rush!  Look what it did for my skin!

Next week?  Christina rocks out to an iPod and I can’t tell if she’s in the firehouse or back with Torres.  Also, someone important – we don’t know if it’s the president or Bono – is in the hospital and all hell is breaking loose.  Just like it does every damn week.