Grey’s Anatomy: Whack Job and Whacked Hair

Moping will not unpack your boxes.

This episode of Grey’s Anatomy opens with Meredith telling us about pressure and the human body.  We see Christina sitting in the middle of a bunch of boxes in the firehouse, Alex having car trouble, and Teddy discussing last week’s lung transplant in front of every staff member of the hospital.

In the audience Jackson is whining to Chipmunk that he’s not listed on the surgery board and he thinks it’s because he’s been screwing up a lot lately.  I’m kinda with him on this.  Meredith tells him to ask around and get on someone’s service for the day and for the love of God, stop whining.

Alex arrives late, sweating booze and generally stinking up a storm saying what happens in Vegas…insert your own Mad Lib here.  He says he’s with “Stark” today and so is Chipmunk, and I’m begging that it’s Tony Stark.  I am more than disappointed when I find out it isn’t and worse – it’s the new peds attending who has taken Arizona’s place.  Maybe Torres can sleep with him to quench her rebound thirst.

Teddy starts talking about Christina’s part in monitoring Lungs and some doctor asks why Christina opted to do one thing over another.  Teddy says she can’t answer for Christina and the doctor asks why she isn’t here.  Uh, maybe because she’s on duty since the rest of you yahoos are at this meeting?  Someone has to mind the store!

“She ummm….she quit.  She left the program,” Teddy says.  McSteamy freaks out.  “She what?!?!?  SHE WHAT?!?!?!”  Oh McSteamy, go get laid.  Teddy tries to continue but McSteamy stands up and wants answers.  McDreamy says, “Where have you been?” Banging your sister, probably.

Webber gets up to take a phone call, all part of his big plans to remove himself from this conversation and McDreamy gets all up in Teddy’s business about why she put Christina in charge of this patient.  Oh, here we go, holier than thou.  McSteamy’s still on the quitting…

“Grey!” he yells, and everyone turns to Meredith.  “What did she say?”  Meredith admits that Christina hasn’t spoken to her about it, then she tells everyone to stop looking at her and look up front.  “I’m calling Torres,” McSteamy says.  Oh, call your momma if you think that will help.  And if she’s still speaking to you.

But McDreamy ain’t done.  He wants to know why Teddy put Christina on such a high-pressure patient.  Teddy’s like it was supposed to be an easy day, how the hell was I supposed to know the guy was going to code twice?  She’s not Professor Trelawney for Christ’s sake.

Man, Torres is a mess!  Breakups suck!  Looks like she’s at a hotel and her room hasn’t been cleaned in days.  The phone rings and she has to look all over the bed for it.  Meh, it’s just McSteamy.  “She what?” Torres says when he tells her Christina quit.

You mean you’re not calling for phone sex?  Dammit.

Webber catches Dr. Ginger and Teddy outside of the presentation room and says they have an emergency case coming in and they have to greet him at the VIP wing.  “VIP wing, who is it?”  Dr. Ginger asks.  I wish he would have said, “VIP wing, what is it?” so Webber could have said, “It’s the hospital wing for very important people…”

Webber tells Dr. Ginger he has to let the American Board of Surgery telling them Christina has left the program and he wants to know if he should hold off on that letter.  I’m thinking no, but Dr. Ginger and Teddy say yes.  Tomato, tomahto.

Jackson decides to try to hook in with Bailey and Chipmunk says she’s “with Karev…I mean Stark.”  Jackson tells her not to go there but you know she is just like every other woman.  Moths to a flame.  An arrogant, smelly flame.  Jackson watches Lexie leave the area and Chipmunk says oh, it’s okay for him to “go there.”  “I’m a guy,” he says, continuing to watch Lexie’s ass, “I live there.”  Yes you do.

Back at the firehouse, Christina doesn’t lock her doors and Torres just walks in.  Christina is jumping all around the house and on the bed while listening to her iPod.  Torres tries to talk about Christina quitting and Christina fires back with look, you’re not employed, you don’t have a girlfriend telling you to go to Africa.  “The world is your oyster…make lemonade!”  With oysters?  Because really, no.

Torres says she was going to do something radical like get her haircut, but she’s not sure if doing something radical is the right idea…as Christina cuts off a huge chunk of hair.  Torres freaks out.  “Let’s make lemonade,” Christina says, waving the chunk of hair.  With hair?  Because really, no.

That’s one hell of a wax job on Torres.

Karev is checking on a kid while another kid shoots at him with an airgun filled with ping pong balls.  First, I would break the gun, then I’d break the kid.  Chipmunk says Stark has a liver transplant on a baby planned for the day and Karev’s hangover is in no mood.  Then the shooting kid calls him jerkface.

Stark walks in and asks everyone to use their inside voices.  He admonishes Karev for missing rounds this morning and Karev says he’s sick.  Stark doesn’t buy it and says hangovers don’t count for being sick, so go prep the baby for a new liver.

And in the most boring, ridiculous storyline of the evening, Dr. Ginger and Teddy are working on some super-secret guy who was super-secretly in the U.S. for a super-secret meeting.  He’s had some kind of heart trouble and they need to work on him without anyone knowing he’s in the country.  I hope it’s that prince from Nigeria who has all of our money!

“From a global perspective,” a security guy says, “it would be great if he didn’t die.”  Mostly because any hospital staff working on him would die as well.  He doesn’t say that, but it’s implied.  You can just tell.

The cause of his trouble?  A car accident.  Hmmm…seems the freedom of information act might leak out who was in the car.  The security detail says the best outcome is that he’s stabilized so they can get him home and Teddy says yeah, I think the best outcome is he lives. Oh, Middle East, do your trials and tribulations ever end?  The answer to that is no, by the way.

He looks illegal…better stop working on him.

Back with the baby, Chipmunk and Karev keep calling the baby a you know, baby, and the parents keep hindering the conversation by correcting the doctors with her name.  “LISA…her name is LISA.”  I think “your baby” still works, doesn’t it?  “We read that if your doctor knows your baby’s name [LISA, her name is LISA], it helps you to bond with her [LISA].”  Or, we just wasted precious minutes that could have been used for prepping her for surgery for something you read on Wikipedia MD.

God, these people are insufferable.

Then the parents start asking detailed questions about the liver being split and the mother lies and says, “We’re not trying to tell you how to do your jobs.”  Whatever, you’re a parent, feel free to freak out but leave the medicine to the professionals.  Karev asks Stark to speak to the parents about the details and Stark won’t and says he’s busy getting the baby a new liver.  “Her name is LISA,” Karev snots.  I’m sorry, what was her name, I didn’t catch that.

Security detail won’t let Bailey in the VIP wing even though Webber paged her, and she tries to figure out who’s in there – Bailey asks if it’s the president and Jackson is sure it’s Bono.  No wonder no one wants to work with him.  Webber pokes his head out and asks Bailey to take someone who has been re-admitted for pancreatitis.  Now Bailey really needs Jackson.  “Is it Bono?” she asks.  Webber shuts the door.

I said stop in the name of love, because it’s Diana Ross.

McDreamy blows off Lexie for surgery because it’s been cancelled and because he and Meredith have to do it in the on-call room.  Doesn’t he have an office that would be more private?  Another door knock and it’s security looking for Meredith.  Dun-dun-dunnnn snore.

Christina is cutting Torres’ hair and Torres suggests a housewarming party – Christina is all in!  And Torres’ hair looks awful!  Christina admits she can’t believe Torres let her cut her hair.  They decide to go shopping!  And to the salon!  Actually, this is my kinda day.  Wish I had their bank accounts.  And free time.

I asked for The Rachel cut.  This looks nothing like THE RACHEL.

While working Secret Man, Teddy, Meredith and Dr. Ginger all discuss the housewarming party they’ve just been texted to.  Security detail would like them to shut up and work on the patient.  They decide to spend the party talking Christina out of quitting.

Pancreas is confused as to why she’s back in the hospital.  Didn’t they tell you?  That would seem odd that they would admit you, stick a tube inside of you to remove the pancreatic acid from your body, and hand you a remote for the TV without telling you WHY.  Jackson is not thrilled when he becomes the pancreas babysitter.

The only symptom I have is cluelessness.

Liver transplant!  The liver slice is too large due to swelling and the doctor puts gauze in and decides not to close up the baby a.k.a. LISA.  So…they are just going to leave her open and hope the swelling goes down.  Karev and Chipmunk see a lot wrong with this – infection, the gauze could deteriorate, blah, blah, blah and it seems to me when there is a transplant, the organ should fit so you can sew someone up.  I’m sorry, so you can sew LISA up.

At the store, Christina decides to buy a whole room of furniture and has it delivered same day!  So she and Dr. Ginger are adults and neither has a living room set?  Odd.

Back at the hospital, Stark lies to the family that everything is okay but won’t let them see the baby.  Karev takes issue with this and tells him he’s not worried enough.  Stark asks Karev for a better solution and when he doesn’t have one, he makes him do paperwork.  Just like the rest of us.

In the lunchroom Karev is shooting people with the airgun and ping pong balls and I’m thinking given how upset everyone was after the shooting, should he really be fake shooting people?  Karev grabs one of the balls and takes off.  Is he planning a ball transplant now?

I know I was traumatized by something like this, but dammit, it’s fun!

Teddy explains to the entourage that Secret Man has a tear in an artery and they have to do open heart surgery.  Everyone argues because what else would they do?  One of the attendants who is like a son to the Secret Man pulls Meredith aside and whispers something.  She tells him to come with her.

Doesn’t your vagina get in the way of you being qualified as a surgeon?

Now McDreamy’s in the VIP lounge as the attendant tells them Secret Man had an aneurysm diagnosed a few months ago and now they see that it has ruptured.  Teddy, Dr. Ginger and McSteamy all have to work on this guy at the same time.  If they fail, will they all be killed off at once or one by one?

Meredith and McDreamy are scrubbing for surgery and McDreamy says there is no way he’s going to talk to Christina about coming back.  He thinks it’s too much pressure on her.  Teddy and Dr. Ginger walk in and McDreamy tells them “No intervention on Yang!”  Only in America could you hear that sentence and know what it means.  Also, that’s Dr. Ginger’s wife, so maybe you don’t have any jurisdiction no matter how much you and your wife sleep with her.

And if I didn’t have this mask on, you’d know I was sticking my tongue out at all of you, so there!

Karev is sterilizing a ping pong ball and tells Stark he found a solution to the LISA situation.  He says the ball is the perfect size to make sure her liver doesn’t compress the blood vessels and it’s not made of plastic so it won’t decompose (how the hell long is it supposed to stay in there?) and it’s sterilized so they could leave it there forever and the liver could grow around it (oh, that long).  Stark says he left Alex to do paperwork so why is he using his head to solve problems.  Ass.

Back at the mall, I hear Dougie Houser music and Torres is telling her stylist she wants it a little dangerous.  Hope he takes her totally butch.  Christina is scarfing down fro-yo and wondering what people do all day at the mall.  She decides to get a pretzel.  Because that’s what people do all day at the mall.  Well, that and powerwalk.

If only I had married young and rich, I could hang out at the mall with them.

During surgery, Teddy, Dr. Ginger and McDreamy are all arguing about whether or not to perform an intervention with Christina when Secret Man crashes.  Probably because they forgot he was there.  They need McDreamy to get out of Secret Man’s head so they can shock his heart.  McDreamy’s kind of being a dick about it and it would be so cool if they shocked him and the current went through the surgical instruments to McDreamy.  Heh.

I don’t need a microscope to tell me you’re a complete douche.

Karev finds out Stark went back into surgery on LISA and he’s using Karev’s idea.  Webber is impressed and Chipmunk sees Karev looking from the observation area.  Chipmunk asks whose idea it was, “Yours or…Dr. Karev’s?”  Stark ignores and says, “Let’s just see if it works.”  Busted in front of Webber, awesome!  That guy is such a weenie.

Busted with a capital B!

And now we find out why Jackson is being ignored.  He walks in and without seeing the red liquid in the Pancreas’ bag, he absent-mindedly asks how she’s doing.  Clearly she’s gone delirious and is sick and the color of the liquid in the bad is different and/or REALLY BAD.

Jackson rushes the Pancreas into an OR and Bailey tells him via phone to open her up and she’ll be there soon.  Jackson freaks.  “Open her up?”  Well, it’s going to be a lot easier to get to the pancreas that way than through her nostrils, dumbass.  And you wonder why no one wants you on their rotation.

Semi-musical montage as Jackson opens up Pancreas, Teddy and McDreamy argue about Christina and finally McDreamy apologizes to Teddy.  He says he has a personal stake in this because she saved his life.

Bailey runs to the Pancreas but she’s gone.  Jackson calls time of death and Bailey says “Son of a bitch!” and Jackson once again freaks out.  He is very fragile, isn’t he?  He screams that he didn’t screw this up, pancreatic patients always get complications and die.  He says it wasn’t his fault and Bailey finally has to kick him out of the OR just to get some peace and quiet.  And the dead lady is very quiet.

This was a fluke just like all the others!

Over at Christina’s well-appointed apartment, she’s slamming down wine and McDreamy shows up to tell her everyone is coming over tonight to tell her to come back.  “Oh God,” she says.  Well duh.

You have to admit, girlfriend got some great accessories.  The mall rules!

Oh, here we go.  Chipmunk comes into the on call sex room and tells Karev that Stark is awful and tried to take all the credit.  Chipmunk gets on the bed with him and says he did everything right that day but got crapped on and she’s going to tell Webber.  She tells him she’s great and it’s important he knows that someone does.  He grabs her and starts kissing her.  Because it’s every girl’s dream to lose her virginity in dirty on-call sheets worried that someone will walk in on her.

She asks Karev to slow down and he’s like, “You wanna screw or not?”  Excellent foreplay.  Then he kind of goes wack-a-doodle and yells at her that he can’t hold her virgin hand and she’s not a child and he can’t take care of her or everyone in the hospital.  He leaves her in a dim room, semi-topless, and scarred for life.

Was it good for you too?  Because it looks like Silence of the Lambs from here.

Teddy walks into an empty patient room – they’ve taken Secret Man already.  Sounds really safe after open heart and open head surgery, and I’m sure the air pressure change in the airplane is really helping the situation.

Security detail tells Teddy did a good job and he wanted to thank her.  He says it was nice meeting her and did I sense a love connection?

The lingering handshake…

“I’d say the same, but you were never here,” she says, then plinky plunky music similar to that of Sixteen Candles plays.  WTF?  Is there going to be a musical tie-in at the end of the show?

Housewarming party!  Everyone is there except Christina!  YAY.  Torres is drunk and her hair is totally badass – bobbed and slicked in a few places with royal blue.  She asks McSteamy if she can move in with him so they can be alone together.  Two words:  F#ck buddies!

Chipmunk shows up and apologizes for not bringing a gift and then she breaks down crying and Dr. Ginger is like chill, it’s okay, we have enough kitchen towels and luckily Jackson jumps into this mess of virginity.  Dr. Ginger asks if anyone has seen Christina and no one answers.  Or probably cares.

I had the best frame from Pottery Barn, I just left it at home!

On the roof, we see Christina and McDreamy sharing a bottle of wine.  He says, “If you are asking my opinion, I say you should.  You absolutely have to.  You should keep and refinish the original floors.”  They are talking houses.  She agrees to refinish the floors.  They drink some more.

Going to the mall is exhausting!

Baby LISA is doing well and Karev is pleased.  Bailey is explaining to Webber they did everything they could about Pancreas.  Really?  She starts bitching about the trouble after pancreas surgery for everyone, no matter how perfect the surgery was.  She wants to find out why this happens because she’s had a string of losses…and she wants to use Jackson since he’s the one who really brought it to her attention.  Then Webber tells her about how Karev saved a baby with a ping pong ball.  Serenity is restored!

Karev shows up at the housewarming party and sees crying Chipmunk, and Jackson flies towards him and punches him but good.  It ain’t a party until something gets broken…like Karev’s jaw.  Jackson punches him again and they have to be pulled apart.  Totally hot!  Two guys fighting over Chipmunk.  Sort of.

Well, it’s not like Jackson uses his hands for surgery.

Lexie helps Jackson as he says Chipmunk is the only friend he has left.  She calls him stupid.  Enjoy the sex you’ll be having later in the season.  Meredith helps Karev and yells at him for trying to unvirginize Chipmunk.  She tells him he should have gone back to Vegas.  He says he wasn’t there.  He was in Iowa.  As in Iowa-n-apology to the rest of the country.

He went back to visit his newly diagnosed schizophrenic brother who he had to have committed because he tried to kill their 16 year old sister and his mother didn’t help because she was off her schizo meds herself.  So it was a typical American Thanksgiving, is that what I’m gleaning?

Back on the roof, Christina says she has to go to her party.  He asks if she’s good or if there is anything else she wants to talk about.  She asks him about bathroom tile.  I’d rather be on the roof talking remodeling than at a housewarming party too!  And I’m totally serious.

Don’t forget to get the large wax ring for the new toilet installation.  More wine?

Hey, guess what?  This episode of Grey’s was brought to you by iTunes and some band named after apples.  Go figure.

Next week?  Christina is bartending at their local hospital bar, McSteamy and Torres hook up (which is actually a really hot couple), and Dr. Ginger catches Christina lap-dancing after hours at the bar.  God, I hope this portends the end of this storyline.