Grey’s Anatomy: GreyOne Bore, Two Whores and a Baby

The crash test dummy in Derek’s Alzheimer’s dementia clinical trial is in the O.R. having a hole drilled in his head. Unfortunately, the drug he’s being treated with is the placebo not the real deal.

“The next time I’m short on cash I’ll find a sleep study or donate some sperm instead.

During the procedure Karev stands happily by Derek’s side while Mer, who woke up to an empty bed, stands jealously in the observation room above.

I thought Callie had enough of dangerous liasons with Mark’s member, yet she’s lying in bed beside it (and him) when she announces that she’s preggers. He’s so happy at the thought of being her Baby Daddy that he asks,”should we get married?” Callie shoots him down faster than Lindsay Lohan can catch a charge. Obvioulsy, Mark had completely forgotten that he was in love with Lexie. You can’t blame him; I sometimes forget she’s on the show.

After dropping her b-bomb Callie goes back across the hall to Arizona. She listens to Arizona rant about how she needs to “process” the fact that Callie slept with someone else while they were broken up. And although Arizona knows Callie is bisexual, she is even madder that “the someone else has a penis.” Hmmm, a single bisexual woman has sex with a man. Callie did nothing wrong. Arizona doesn’t need a baby in her life. That narcissistic bitch needs a shrink.

“I hear Malawi calling again. Maybe you should answer.”

Callie tells Arizona that the baby will be here in seven months so Arizona can roll wit da fam or roll out the door. Does that mean Arizona will whine and moan the whole time? Will it be poetic justice for Callie’s endless complaints about moving to Africa prior to Arizona dumping her? I don’t know the answer to either question, but I do know I’m losing my patience with their storyline.

Chief Webber is snipping and clippping some patient while the entire room of residents appear to be texting. I’m not sure if The Chief was trying to get the beds filled at Seattle Grace, or if he just can’t stand the residents, but he told them to save the texts for the drive home. Ouch! Lexie explains that they’re following Dr. Bailey’s surgery on Twitter. The Chief, the man who wants dyed his hair black to appear youthful, responds “what the hell is a Twitter.” You’re too far behind to catch up now, Chief.

Yang and Avery go toe-to-toe in a battle to assist Teddy with a bypass. Only in Avery’s dimly lit mind would it makes sense to try and upstage the smartest resident in the hospital.

“For once, I might know what I’m doing so I can’t let you win.”

Callie gives Mark a get out of jail free card. She tells him that he can be the cool uncle that hangs out on Sundays instead of being the Pappy. Like a younger, heavily bleached version of Bernie Mac in the movie “Life,” Mark insists “I da Pappy.” Callie warns him that he’d better tell Lexie before the baby comes out looking all “Sloanie.”

“I have lots more sperm left. You wanna try for twins?”

Mer throws a hissy fit about not being able to work on Derek’s clinical trial. But Karev soon learns that his new responsibilities include blowing smoke up the trial’s patients ass. Not literally, but he is instructed to offer hope. Here’s the McDreamy spin, “this will make the wife a better caregiver so the patient is more likely to succeeed. No Derek, this will make the trial better so your funding is likely to increase.

The Chief tries to shut down Bailey’s Twitter sessions. She gives him what he refers to as “Bailey eyes.” It looked like pure attitude to me. The Chief finally agrees to look into this Twitter thang. His Ole’ Skool ass will probably have to start by entering a DOS command and then connecting his dial-up modem into the World Wide Web.

“Whatevva ole man.”

Arizona tells Teddy that she might be having Sloan’s baby. Teddy replies “good lord, he got to you, too.” Just as Arizona is finished explaining their love triangle, Callie pages Arizona to say she thinks she’s having a miscarriage. After the obstetrician confirms that Callie is okay she cautions Callie against sex for a while. Arizona screams “sing it.” The odd response sounds extra odd coming out of Arizona’s mouth. But then again, what doesn’t?

Unless she’s talking about herself. Karev continues gloating to further infuriate Mer. But Mer has to step in when Daniel, another test crash dummy, begins screaming for his wife Victoria although his legal wife Allison is standing bedside. Daniel is in love with another woman from a resting home the two were in. Both Allison and Victoria’s husband are hurt by the emotional affair the two patients are having but can’t do anything about it. Why try? They’ll forget each other soon enough.

Although The Chief has told Bailey to cut it out, she’s still tweeting away. It’s hard to believe that the woman once referred to as “the Nazi” is now going to let the residents convince her to directly defy The Chief’s orders. Is Bailey suffering from a brain tumor? Will she too begin banging Dead Denny, Izzie’s ex?

Mark tells Derek about Callie having his baby. This time, Mark remembers Lexie’s feelings, acknowledging that she’d rather have a root canal than a baby around. The “cool” uncle option is off the table. He thinks it’s creepy, and I agree. The very sound of it makes me want to call Child Protective Services.

Callie refuses to exit the exam room, holding the obstetrician hostage. She’s worried that she’ll wreck the baby’s life like she has done her own. And what a mess she is–a well-respected surgeon with a winning personality that everyone loves (men and women). She needs to find a self-esteem booster and take those pathetic bitches on “Bridalplasty” with her. After the obstetrician shows the Lesbian Love Connection an ultrasound of the baby, Callie pulls it together.

I bet Mark is going to have Callie’s obstetrician in a pair of stir-ups  by spring.

Mer calms a disturbed Alex by giving him an example of how to interact with an Alzheimer’s discussion. She told him about the time the elder Grey mistook Mer for her college roomate and told her about the herpes she’d contracted. Way to share Mer.

Cristina talks softly, barely rolls her eyes and, actually, holds her patient’s hand. She’s pulling out all the tricks to win the bypass patient from Avery who is not above batting his green eyes to woo the sick woman.

Fighting dirty, or perhaps, fighting stupidly, Avery mentions that Cristina hadn’t logged many hours in the O.R. lately because of her fragile mental state. He becomes a little more unlikeable every episode. I blame the writers. They haven’t even begun to explain why he’s so stupid. Instead of making Avery the grandson of an renowned medical genius, they should’ve made him the product of a crack whore and her pimp. That would explain his questionable IQ.

The Chief spits fire when he finds out that Bailey is still Tweeting, that is, until her Twitter fans help her save the pancreas of the patient on her O.R. table. Meanwhile, Cristina pretends Avery’s harsh words have caused her to relapse and she sends him to find Owen who is absent from this episode. He’s at the dentist. I hope he’s not getting his teeth whitened. I already need sunglasses when looking at his bright hair and pale skin.

The Chief tweets and likes it.

After Allison begs Karev to give her husband Daniel the drug, Karev learns Daniel will be receiving the placebo. It’s the straw that broke the cocky resident’s back. The whole switch and bait experiment is simply too depressing so he hands the reigns over to Mer.

“The next time you say I’m not your wife, I’m gonna drill a hole in your head.”

Arizona moves Callie’s stuff back into their apartment. She also calls the baby “hers.” What’s her angle?

Mark blurts out to Lexie that Callie is pregnant. Lexie asks a few questions that rule out immaculate conception, stranger dick or an anonymous sperm donor as Callie’s method of choice. Then she sees Mark’s face and stomps out questioning how she let him put her in the same place twice. He thinks “Damn me, for being all Sloanie, fertile and out of Magnum condoms.”

In a thougtful “kinda desperate for another assistant” way, Derek chooses Mer for the clinicial trial.Ain’t the bonds of holy matrimony via Post-It amazing?

Post-Its start and end more relationships than we know.