Grey’s Anatomy: A Night of Lifetime Allstars

The Grey sisters meet up in the Chief’s office where they were both paged stat. Lexie seems nervous and Meredith confirms that they didn’t accidentally kill anyone else recently and forget. The Chief drops the bomb that their newly sober dad is there, and as a favor to the chief he needs them to listen to him and forgive him. I don’t know why the chief cares. Sticking the three of them in a room together won’t make up for banging his wife all those years and probably causing the dad to be an alchie in the first place. Lexie is quiet and Meredith is defiant. I don’t blame her. This guy was barely in her life, why should she have to deal with him. The Chief insists and sends Papa Grey in. I didn’t like this actor in My So Called Life either. I think every role he plays pretty much sucks, like Ben Stiller.

Outside Yang, George and the Major wait for an incoming trauma. Hunt greets Yang with a, Hey there now! And before she has enough time to be annoyed, the ambulances arrive. A man has been shot as it turns out, pretty much everywhere possible. Luckily the shooter comes in right after him. It’s a girl about the age of five with a hysterical mom swearing the little girl didn’t mean too. Right, and I didn’t mean to steal that $20 from my mom’s wallet, or sneak out of the house, yet it didn’t stop me from accidentally doing it multiple times. They begin to count out the bullets and get to 17.

Arizona checks up on the little girl, Madie, to make sure she is ok. She asks her about the bloody cut on her face, to which the mom interrupts, to explain how she got the cut and how she got the gun. Madie sits there very quietly, while the mom explains everything to the doctors. The mom seems to be stressing the story of how she got the gun, and how it was an accident to Madie more than to the doctors.

Papa Grey reads a pre-written statement to his daughters asking for forgiveness. Meredith listens with a mocking face as Lexie clings to every word. After he finishes, Meredith thanks him and leaves as business-like as possible. Lexie sits there with tears in her eyes and hugs him once Meredith leave. I feel bad for Mer in this scene, because it’s so obvious this speech isn’t meant for her, it’s completely meant for Lexie, but he couldn’t leave her out. She slowly pushes it down with all the rest of her built up rage, and I’m sure it won’t erupt at a completely irrational moment.

The cougar, still out of its cage, bustles about Izzie’s room updating her on all the ladies of the trailer park and their experiences with cancer. As a side note, I LOVE this lady. She’s the best of all the Grey’s Anatomy parents. She sprays perfume in Izzie’s room which I can only imagine smells like the dressing room of a strip club next to the airport as Izzie interrupts her. She begins to explain that she has skin cancer to which the cougar pounces. In her defense, I don’t blame her. Lying in a hospital bed surrounded by wedding dresses, cakes and flowers does seem a little dramatic if all you have is skin cancer. But this is a good reminder kids of why you should always wear sunscreen-if you don’t…you could end up having ghost sex and dying!

Izzie reminds the cougar that she didn’t have to come all the way to Seattle to see her, because she actually didn’t even call. On that note, she wonders, who did call the cougar. Bailey and Alex exchange uneasy glances and quickly pretend they can’t hear her.

Lexie finds Sloan in the hallway who notices that something is wrong with her. She tells him that her father is there and she really wants Sloan to meet him. Nothing gets a guy hotter than telling him you want him to meet your parent a couple weeks after you’ve been dating. Also Lex, your dad is barely off the wagon. Maybe it’s not the best idea for his 24 year old daughter to introduce him to her 40+ boyfriend just yet. Sloan agrees and says that most dads never liked him because it was obvious all he wanted to do was bang their daughters. And since that hasn’t changed, he’s guessing that dads’ feelings towards him probably haven’t either.

They are interrupted when Kellie Martin appears looking for her sister. First Sharon Lawrence, NOW Kellie Martin? Grey’s Anatomy is like the best of lifetime movies tonight. If Tiffani Amber Theissen or Tori Spelling show up, I may not be able to contain myself. So, Kellie Martin is sisters with the tree hugger-Willow. Kelly begins to argue to Willow how she told her to stay out of the tree. I really hope she leaves Willow’s room and runs into Sharon Lawrence in the hall. That would be an awesome scene.

Arizona pulls Meredith aside and asks her to clean up Madie’s cut because she was paged. As Meredith talks to Madie, the little girl asks if her dad is going to die. Meredith honestly answers that she doesn’t know. The little girl probes again that she shot her dad a whole bunch, shouldn’t he die? Meanwhile as Derek looks over the dad’s ex-rays he asks the obvious question of how do you accidentally shoot someone 17 times?

The next thing we know the mom is telling her tearful story to Meredith, the chief, a police officer and a couple of child service reps. She says that daddy accidentally hits mommy sometimes and Madie was just trying to stop him. She assures Madie that daddy loves them both, sometimes he just gets upset. Ugh, I can’t even comment on this because there are too many women who believe that shit and it makes me absolutely crazy. RUN MADIE RUN!!! At least we see now why the mom has no spine, Madie has enough for both of them.

Back in Izzie’s room, Mama has good news. She got off the phone with her psychic and it turns out that skin cancer is highly common and curable. Hurrah! Izzie is not nearly as thrilled as she should be by this news. Mama goes on to tell her about hard hitting journalism she saw on Tyra’s show about a woman who had a mole on her va-jay-jay and as she goes on to tell the story she abruptly stops to make sure that is not where Izzie’s skin cancer is. I love this scene, because I’d bet $10 that if this wasn’t an actual Tyra episode, it will be soon. Knowing my girl Ty Ty she will probably even put a mole on her va-jay-jay and go undercover to see if the gyno notices it.

The Major updates mother of the year on her husband’s condition. He tells her he’s about to go into surgery and he’ll update her when he can. The mom begs the little girl to come and apologize to daddy before he goes into surgery because if he makes it through he’s going to beat the shit out of her, so really it’s a preemptive strike. Not really, but you know that’s her biggest fear right now. Meredith intervenes and refuses to let the little girl go. She reminds the woman that her 6-year old’s life is on the line and her mom needs to step in and protect her, not leave her thinking the only option is to shoot someone 17 times. The Chief tries to stop Meredith but she’s on a role and she’s a total bad ass in this scene.

Elsewhere Willow and Lifetime have a face off about Willow’s lifestyle of trying to save trees and Lifetime’s lifestyle of playing into yuppy greed that is killing the ozone layer one big oak at a time. Willow’s argument starts off weak by saying that the bees are dying. It’s going to take a lot more than that to out argue a lifetime movie star Willow. Torres relates their argument back to her own family troubles. At least these two yell at each other. She is getting the silent treatment from her family.

Speaking of family problems, the Chief pulls Meredith into what appears to be a shower to discuss their issues. He knows she’s mad at him, and maybe even mad at Mama Grey for the issues with her dad. Grey interrupts him and reminds him that he is not her friend or her family. He needs to treat her like a resident, and not special like a daughter. Oooh, this reminds me of the Growing Pains where Mike moved above the garage and demanded to be treated like a tenant and not his son, and then Dr. Seaver does just that! You know who else was in that episode? Lifetime superstar Tracey Gold. I wish she’d make an appearance this episode.

The Chief asks Grey one time if she’s sure she wants to be treated like everyone else? Fine then. And he begins to rain down holy hell on Grey. He reminds Grey that the woman she yelled at is a victim of domestic violence, and all Grey did was further batter a beaten woman. He refuses to let Grey interject and warns her that if she goes anywhere near that family he’ll suspend her indefinitely.

After the show down, Meredith pre-fight vents to Derek about the Chief. She is tired of the way he treats her and draws the line in the sand that if the Chief is at the wedding, she won’t be. Derek calmly agrees to her request and Meredith leaves. I think the only reason he didn’t put up a fight is because he knows she’ll eventually back out of the wedding. So why fight now. BTW, his haircut looks super.

The Willow/lifetime fight rages on while Lifetime tells her how incredibly irresponsible and stupid it was to trespass and let herself get bulldozed. Torres finally interjects how brave Willow was for standing up for what she loves. Just like how you’re standing up for your love for Arizona despite the silent bulldozing from your family Torres? After the fight, Willow’s monitor goes crazy and she passes out.

In dad’s OR, shit is hitting the fan. There is a lot of blood and a lot of organs hanging everywhere, and the Major seems a little frantic. This is why I’d be an awful doctor. I’d be like…dude this guy sucks let’s go take a smoke break. Alas, the Major is better than me-besides the choking. Yang offers to help this ever-worsening situation and the Major tells her to go to his car. Um, what? Apparently this guy’s life will be saved by a half empty water bottle and Wendy’s bag. Unless his car differs from mine. Yang argues but the Major interrupts and tells her to run.

In Izzie’s room, Mama Lifetime tries to get some information about her sex life with Karev. Izzie, exasperated with her mother, tries to explain that her problems are not as simple as a mole. Izzie reminds her mom of when Granny died because of a tumor. Mama Lifetime hits full panic mode because Granny died. She begins to melt down and Izzie interrupts to comfort her mom and assure her that her problem is nothing like Granny, and that she’ll be fine. Me thinks that Izzie is lying.

Izzie gets a break from her mom to go get scanned. She’s terrified that she will have a bad scan, because if she doesn’t then Mama Lifetime will never leave. Bailey admits that she called Izzie’s mom, and feels awful about it. She didn’t realize her mom was such a colorful cougar. Don’t apologize Bailey, she’s the most exciting person on the show all season.

Arizona joins Torres in surgery just to watch, um isn’t that what the viewing room upstairs is for, and don’t you have a patient who shot her dad 17 times? They discuss Willow, and Torres tells her how while Willow was in a tree she would “go” in a bucket and at the end of the day, she’d send it down to her friend who would empty it, clean it, and refill it with food and send it up the next morning. There is so much wrong with that story, but I’ll wait for you to go clean vomit out of your mouth.

With all the nastiest of that story, the grossest part is that somebody in the writer’s room actually came up with it.

Yang returns to the surgery with the Major’s magical bag. He pulls out a bottle and dumps a bunch of white powder onto the dude’s insides. This isn’t FDA approved but it works miracles and will buy them some time. Everyone is impressed by how quickly it begins to work. Except for Yang, who can’t see because in the Major’s OR she is a total outsider. Not FDA approved huh? Can’t imagine why you are ranked #12. This reminds me of that scene in Waterboy where he drinks the magical water, only dumber.

Bailey comes to tell Izzie and Mama the results of the scan. She tells them that they are completely gone and that Mama’s psychic was right. Mama is thrilled and super sweet. She cries and hugs Izzie, who can tell that Bailey is completely lying. When Mama goes into the bathroom, Bailey tells Izzie that there are more mets than before, but vows to be as aggressive as possible until every met is gone. Bailey is playing the role of Izzie’s mom, because while Izzie’s mom is adorable and loves her deeply, Izzie needs someone calm and serious to get through this. And I think when you are dying of cancer, you are granted the right to be as selfish as you want. I do think that Mama Stephens is kind of a dumbass though. I mean…your daughter has decorated her hospital room and brought her own sheets. Surely you have to realize this is a little more than skin cancer.

Derek follows up with the Chief to discuss Meredith. The Chief insists that he is professional when it comes to Meredith and that he never acted like he was her father. Derek then outlines all the times that was untrue:
1. Not making Derek chief because he was dating her
2. Paging Meredith to try on dresses
3. Paging Meredith to come talk to her dad
4. Telling Meredith about Derek’s ring
5. Sending Meredith to the woods to come and get Derek

He completely calls out the Chief of being a total hypocrite because he may not think of himself as Grey’s dad, but he definitely treats her like family.

Upon hearing that the dad made it through miraculous surgery, Grey approaches the mom one more time. The Chief and Derek both try to intervene, but Grey isn’t there to fight. She apologizes for interfering but she just wants the little girl to have a better life story than, I shot my dad 17 times, I mean that’s more than 50 cent. She walks away and dramatically tells the Chief that she’ll pack her shiz.

Willow wakes up to find Kellie Martin post surgery. Kellie has jumped onto Willow’s wagon and tells her that she filed suit against the people who bulldozed her for $10 million. Not gonna lie, I think I’d break every bone in my body for ten mil. If they paid for my medical expenses too. This bravery makes Torres stand by her decision to tell her family the truth. She’s not going to lie because her family should love her for who she is.

The Chief finds Meredith packing her stuff in the resident’s room. The Chief begins to tell Mer he knows she doesn’t like him, but he has something to say. He saw Meredith spend her whole life being neglected and he didn’t defend her. He was wrong to do that. Someone should have stood up for her. Maybe she wouldn’t be so disturbed now if someone had. The Chief apologizes and definitely hit a nerve with Meredith. Meredith, maybe for the first time ever lets her guard down. She begins to cry and lays her head on the Chief’s shoulder as he apologizes over and over again. It’s actually super sweet.

The heartwarming continues as the Stephens ladies lie in Izzie’s bed. Mama tells Izzie that she’ll stay if Izzie wants, and that she’ll come back whenever Izzie needs. She says something to Izzie that screams lifetime movie: “You always were too good for that trailer park, I always knew that.”

Yang confronts the Major outside for his shitty 3 liners all day including, “take care now, nice work today,” etc. He assures her he didn’t treat her any differently than anyone else and Yang asks him if he’s a choke ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy. Burn. He banged you too Yang. The Major hands Yang a script of three liners that him and his shrink came up with so that he didn’t say the three words he really wants to say to Yang. What? “I choked you” “Me like Asians?” “Me kinda Crazy?” Yang listens tearfully to his explanation, and says Take Care now, and leaves. I wonder if this will be like their “ditto” like in Ghost?

Wrapping up the gunshot family, the wife brings in the little girl to say good bye to dad. They are leaving him, and since he can’t move or speak, he can’t stop them. The little girl sweetly says, “Bye daddy, feel better!” And they leave.

As Grey monologues about how words don’t matter, it is all about your actions, we see Sloan entering a restaurant looking hot. He joins Little Grey and Gray Grey. Lexie introduces the two men, closer in age then either man with Lexie. But Sloan is adorable and says how nice it is to meet him. Lexie looks happier than she’s ever looked. And also kind of like a salsa dancer.

Before Izzie goes into surgery, she shares a super sweet moment with Alex where he continues to taste food for her, but compares the food to moments instead of trying to tell her what it tastes like. He kisses her, and she heads to surgery. I really like them together.

At the frat house, Meredith tells Derek they have to move the wedding up for Izzie and sweeps. He notices that she’s wrapping up her mom’s journals to give to the Chief. There is nothing for her to read in them, and if Derek wants to invite the Chief to the wedding…he can.

And that’s the 99th episode. I’m SO sorry this is late. I swear I’m watching episode 100 tonight to see if they tie the knot and will recap much faster. As a side note, Meredith is starting to grow on me, and pregnancy suits Ellen Pompeo, she looks much prettier these days.