Grey’s Anatomy: Girlfight…Seriously? (No, Not Seriously.)

This week on Grey’s Anatomy is a very exciting one kids! The tease at the end of last week promised us a real, honest to goodness Girlfight! A rumble. Fistcuffs. A beat down. The Battle in Seattle! And I, for one, love a good girlfight. If not for girls fighting, what the hell would we watch on youtube?

But one can’t just jump right to the hair-pulling, scratching and fish-hooking, right? We need to start at the very beginning. I hear it’s a very nice place to start. Shall we?

I forgive you.

This week we begin where last we left off, with Callie and George, immediately following his declaration that he slept with Izzy. I get it; it’s the under-card, a little pre-fight action to wet our appetite for the real rumble to come. But nope, instead we get an “I forgive you” from Callie. She still thinks that those two crazy kids can work it out. Personally, I admire her rather libertine approach to the whole issue, but George is freaked! He can’t believe that she forgave him and he absolutely has to run off and tell the other woman.

George sad…annoying sad, but still!

On a side note: George is Such a sad-sack this season. Has he done anything other than mope, so far? It’s like he’s the new Meredith. I’m half expecting a three-episode arc coming up where he tries to drown himself in a tub filled with Lance Bass posters. I realize that you’re going through a lot Georgey, but show me a different emotion, will ya?

After Mer and Der use their time in the Elevator of Love to arrange their latest booty-call (a weekend long one in wine country), we get to the patients early this week. First up is the ever-popular douche-bag boyfriend who convinced his needy girlfriend to substitute Advil for food until she got down to the size zero he knew and loved. He’s a keeper! Aren’t these episodes rerun on Lifetime? The girls over there are going to Love this guy! If they had a daughter he could kidnap, while she’s in the hospital, and flee to Saudi Arabia with, he could make it into the permanent rotation on that network.

Apparently Needy McNeeds-alot has been doing such a fine job not eating that her bones have begun just spontaneously breaking. The funny part comes when she asks if she can just have a couple of pills and go, even though her foot looks like they just transplanted it off of a Smurf corpse. I’m beginning to see how he was able to sell her on this idea. Home-girl is dim and fat. Yeah, a couple Bayer should clear that right up, Genius!

I hope Papa Smurf has a foot fetish.

When we finally find Dr. Stevens, she is giving her interns the all-important good penmanship lecture, complete with exaggerated earnestness. Remember people, “penmanship saves lives.” She tells them that if she has to stop to decipher a poorly written note about one of their patients during an emergency, “your patient is dead, and you killed him…with your handwriting.” Love it!

I tell you, the way they treat their interns is the saving grace of this season.

It is on like Donkey Kong!

Unfortunately for Izzy, crazy runabout George doesn’t find her before Callie does. Come on people, what fun would that be? Callie throws down the gauntlet. “Cafeteria. Noon. You and me. Be there.” Aw yeah! It is so on! The smart money is on Torres, you know that girl has been in a few brawls. George, meanwhile, cowers in the corner like a little girl. I can see why these two beautiful women would be fighting over him, honestly, I can…

I want my mommy

After the quick chic-fight interlude, we return to our regularly scheduled program, Douches on Parade. Der, Christina and Lexi are treating a kid who suffered a neck injury while playing high school football. The kid’s dad is far more concerned that he be a man, rub some dirt on it and make the tackle next time, sissy-boy! Why in his day, he walked back and forth to school while paralyzed, and it was up-hill, both ways!

While the lady docs express disgust at the father’s Neanderthal ways, Derek pervs All Over Lexi like a drooling fanboy talking to the one girl at ComicCon. I guess any Grey will do, in a pinch, huh Der?

Has your sister told you how dreamy I am, yet?

I really hope that they aren’t laying the groundwork for some gross romance between the two of them. It’s a little too “Greek tragedy” for me. Coming soon: Oedipus Doctorus.



Then, in truest douche-bag fashion, Derek shakes his head and reprimands Christina every time she wants to focus on silly trivialities like actually taking proper care of the patient. He totally thinks she’s the jerk and he’s a great guy and he completely demeans her in front of her intern. I hate him right now. If I were Christina, I’d rip him a new one, boss or no boss, but that’s just how I roll. Christina actually does a great job keeping under control, but you can tell she’s thinking about what a tool he is.

And she’s right.

Seriously? Seriously.

Just as all of this douchiness is making me want to watch something else, my favorite new character shows up. It’s Norman the World’s Oldest Intern aka Grandpa Gilmore! He always added something really likeable to Gilmore Girls and now he’s really likeable on Grey’s. A big part of it is the natural appeal of Edward Herrmann, but the other reason is that he’s being written almost as a representative of the viewer or more accurately a representative of the TVgasm reader. When he meets Dr Sloan, he starts spouting off a bunch of “Seriously-s” with Meredith standing right next to him, totally mocking the way that she and the Mer-tones talk. It gets to the point where Mer actually has to tell him “stop with the seriously.” To his character, it’s not supposed to be mockery, but you and I know that it is.

Passing Meredith and GG in the hall, Cristina informs Mer that Der and Lexi are bonding “over their mutual Meredith Greyness.” Love it! Christina is SO my favorite character this season. Now that Burke is out of the way, Christina is at her evil, biting best. Romance doesn’t suit her, being mean does. Let’s hope that she stays single for a while.

Our other patients of the week are a healthy 38 y/o woman whom Mer and GG mistakenly tell that she is going to die and the Chief’s niece, who is back with another cancer flare-up and this time it looks terminal. In the 38 y/o’s case, they were supposed to be telling the ancient guy in the room next door to put out the welcome mat for the Grim Reaper, but Grandpa misread the chart and Mer remained blissfully unaware of the mistake. Gee Mer maybe these things wouldn’t happen, if you actually spent some time focusing on your job…just a thought…

With the Chief’s niece, it turns out the she doesn’t want any more treatment, because the side effects are just too brutal. Perhaps I am cynical, but both of these storylines seem very familiar and well warn to me and thus neither of them really draws me in. But in the scene where he begs his niece to change her mind and try treatment again, James Pickens Jr. again shows that he is a fine actor. It’s the Emmy moment of the week.

Back to the girlfight prelude: Izzy is looking for a corner man, someone to stop the bleeding and “pull her off of me.” And she, of course, chooses Karev. “Cut me, Karev! Cut me!” It’s not as catchy as the original.

So Izzy decides that it would be a great way to get Karev onto her team if she told him about how she slept with George. Let’s think this through, shall we? You want to tell someone, ok, I get that. So, you choose your ex-boyfriend, who is undoubtedly still in love with you, and who loves to torment George and bust his balls. Yeah, that sounds like a Great idea! I can’t imagine how that could go wrong.

What? It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Karev, predictably, responds by getting all pissed, because she dissed him post-Denny and then went off to sleep with Mr. Mopey-pants. His parting words: “I’m embarrassed for you.” As am I, Karev. As am I.

High Noon: Cue the tumbleweeds

Alright, enough of the preamble. It’s high-noon at the cafeteria, time to Rumble! Izzy and the other cool kids are gathered at their table as she starts stretching and taking off her earrings. Clearly it’s go-time and Christina asks, “Oh, is it time for her to ground your bones into dust?” Have I mentioned how I love her this season?

Caption: It’s Go Time!

The cafeteria door opens. Callie strides in with a sour look on her face and says, “I just wanted to talk.” Izzy is shocked as she puts down her dukes and Callie just stalks off. After all of that build-up, no one gets smacked. I feel used.

Worst…youtube video…ever…

Just as I’m starting to recover from my disappointment, anorexia-girl starts to go all Exorcist on me by spewing blood. Um…I don’t think this is going to end well.

Sure enough, shortly she’s off to that big scale in the sky. But it does give Callie a good excuse to open up a can on douche-bag boyfriend. Too little too late Callie, I won’t get fooled again.

Can anyone say displaced anger?

After her close encounter with douche-bag boyfriend, Callie runs straight into Izzy again. Man, tough day for Callie. Izzy tries to apologize, but it all sounds pretty hollow and Callie gives her the standard feminist “how could you do this to another woman” lecture and then calls her a “traitorous bitch.” Finally, a smack down.

This would be so much better if you were a dude!

Izzy tries to go to Karev for sympathy again, after getting yelled at by Callie, but he’s all mad, because she totally has no clue that he is still Jonesing for her and worst of all…she picked George over him. So, he totally calls her out for telling him about George like he’s “one of her chic friends.” You tell her Karev! Why do women do that? It’s really annoying! Oh…sorry…I’m ok now.

Way to man up, Karev!

Anyway, after all of the woosieness from George and the Schmaltz from Derek in this episode, it’s nice to see a guy show some stones (though thankfully not literally).

Our emotional day at Seattle Grace ends as we go walking home in the rain with Callie and George. It seems that Georgey doesn’t buy that he’s been forgiven, and guess what: it turns out he hasn’t (Surprise!)

I forgive you, in the “I want you dead” sort of way.

It’s almost time to say farewell for the week kids, so I shall leave you with this piece of wisdom: If you ever wondered what you could get, if a hospital mistakenly tells you you’re going to die, apparently it’s worth, “four bedrooms and three and a half baths in Reykjavík.” Cha-Ching!