Grey’s Anatomy: No Sex or Tears Season Premiere Part II

Ok, one hour down, one to go! We start part two of Grey’s Anatomy on Day 20, of life after George and Meredith is still monologing about the stages of grief. And on Day 20, people are kind of taking it easy. We open to Lexie sitting in the room with a sleeping Seviche, Yang and the Major just lying in bed kind of smirking at each other and a very sullen Amanda (girl who George saved) sitting on the bench outside the hospital….just staring.

With that, we enter Day 21 of Life After George. Seviche is still in bed reading a postcard from the departed Aussies telling her about New York City. What a couple of whores. Did you include lemon juice and salt to rub in the wounds from her cut off arms? Seviche encourages Lexie to go home and stop avoiding moving in with McSteamy. I’ve heard that amputee victims get a heightened sense of perception after losing limbs. Seviche makes a deal that if Lexie moves in with Sloan, she’ll call her mom.

New, mean Bailey enters her room and tells her of another complication that has arisen that requires surgery. Seviche argues that she doesn’t want to be opened any more. No nonsense Bailey tells her she’ll give her a minute to think, but quietly tells Yang to prep the OR. Seviche asks about potential complications of the surgery, to which Yang tells her. She flat out refuses to have anymore, even though they tell her she’ll die without it. People with accents are so dramatic.

Meanwhile, the Goonies kid is back with more pain. Arizona is still trying to get him an unauthorized test that nobody can pay for, and the Chief is still yelling at her about it. He tells her to stop acting like the hospital is a charity. Can’t they send him to the Denny walk in clinic?

Also, has anyone else noticed who Goonies kid looks like the Love child of?

After Seviche’s decision to not have surgery, Bailey finds Yang and goes off on her. She blames Yang for the girl changing her mind due to her severe lack of tact and demands that Yang stop killing her patients before storming out. New Bailey is not playing yall.

Day 22 of Life After George
Meredith and Yang hang out with Izzie eating popsicles as Izzie gets ready for treatment. Yang begins a slew of inappropriate jokes proving that the summer changed her from cold and unaffected to bitch you want to slap. Including:

1. “Cancer patients have all the fun.” Next to a cancer patient about to have vomit inducing treatment.
2. “Bailey has Post George stress syndrome”
3. “He doesn’t want to have cancer sex. He’s afraid of getting cancer pop (read cancer cock).” Explaining why Alex isn’t having sex with Izzie.

Finally on joke three, both Izzie and Grey call Yang out on being a massive bitch.

Across the street, Sloan is moving in to his new apartment encouraging Lexie to move stuff into his place too. And is it just me, or is Lexie (actress, not character) pregnant? If it wasn’t on Perez I probably haven’t heard about it, so let me know. Thanks! Anywho, Lexie is refusing to leave anything at Sloan’s new bachelor pad. As they walk inside, Torres comes out of her place across the hall asking for advice on what to wear. She’s heading to interview for a new job and needs Sloan’s sexpertise on how to look hot and smart at the same time.

Sloan gives his recommendation and Torres strips down to her red lacy bra in the hallway changing in front of Lexie and Sloan. Sloan gives his approval on the new outfit, and Torres leaves. Lexie looks on horrified that Sloan lives across the hall from his caliente former sex partner who apparently strips in the hall now. Seems like somebody is having second thoughts on moving in, no?

In the random moment of the day, the Chief is headed to a meeting with the board to abort the coup. On his drive there he is reviewing his power speech arguing why he should not be canned. For reasons why he should be canned, please see my recaps from every single episode last season. Happy Reading. As he reaches the crescendo of his speech, he runs a red light and gets hit by an oncoming car.

In a hilarious twist of fate, the Chief is taken to Mercy West. Chief you should feel honored! The EMTs thought highly of you enough to not take you to Seattle Grace! He is greeted by the newly employed Dr. Torres who takes full advantage of her new found power over the man who wouldn’t promote her. It’s like she’s….God.

She reminds the Chief that it is a teaching hospital, and leaves his sutures to the faithful hands of an intern on his eighth day. She mumbles under her breath that karma is a bitch on her way out, but you can’t hear her over the thunder crashes that “God” creates as she walks away. The hilarity continues when the Chief asks for a specific type of sutures that the intern can’t give him due to budget cuts. The Chief muses to himself about how Mercy West isn’t a bad place to be at all, and I’m wondering what he’s got up his sleeve. I should just tell you now ABC that a Torres/Chief/Mercy West spin off would never work. But I also hate Private Practice so what do I know?

Day 23 of Life After George
Meredith walks into work, passing Amanda, who still sits there sullenly. Meredith again ignores her. Her compassion cup overfloweth.

In therapy, Yang and the Major talk to the therapist. At least Yang, talks about the Major to the therapist. I knew we’d see this broad again. Welcome back! Remember a year ago when Meredith was the craziest bitch of the bunch? Yang gives a full synopsis about the Major’s life, until the therapist interrupts letting her know this isn’t really the reason why they are there. Need we remind you Yang of the choking incident? The therapist lets Yang know that unless the Major starts talking about his trauma and the war, he’ll never get better. Which basically means, no talking, no nookie. So the Major will continue choking…it’ll just be the chicken, not Yang.

In Seviche’s room, Lexie has transcribed another email. But Lexie decides instead of lying, she is writing to tell the girl’s mom that she is dying in the hospital, not that she just finished eating taffy with her new Aussie BFF’s in Atlantic City. Something goes wrong with the girl, and Lexie says that she either calls the nurse to take her to the hospital or she’ll send the email. Way to blackmail a dying girl Lexie. She ends up calling the nurses as Seviche calls Lexie a bitch.

At Mercy West Arizona has played the girlfriend card and sent Goonies mom and son to Torres to get treated. The Goonies mom then gives a very typical “Grey’s Anatomy” speech where she repeats key phrases multiple times for emphasis. The phrases of choice are: We don’t sleep, You’re the Doctors!!, and We’re scared. Multiply each of those phrases by 4, add in a “Baby Ruth” and you have the gist of the speech that convinces Torres to treat Goonie Jr.

During Seviche’s surgery, Yang continues making passive aggressive statements towards Yang about her involvement in the patient’s treatment. The statements lose the passive, and become downright aggressive after the surgery when Yang calls Bailey out on being so pissed. Yang defends her decisions and speaks to Bailey the same way she always has, but this is new Bailey. She reminds Yang that she is a peon and new Bailey isn’t taking her lip anymore. She then dismisses Yang from her service and storms off. First Torres, now Bailey? The angry women on this show are kicking some serious ass!

Speaking of Torres, her angry fire is burning again when she comes home to a nervous Arizona. Arizona has wine, donuts and cigarettes and she immediately starts to apologize for sending the pained Goonies family her way. Torres agrees that it was crappy, but she of course performed the expensive test on the kid. Mainly just to make his mom stop saying, we don’t sleep. However, the tests proved nothing.

At the fraternity house, Lexie comes home and smells something cooking in the kitchen and it wasn’t brownies….if you know what I mean. Turns out the newlyweds are getting busy on the kitchen floor. McD apologizes to Lexie, but they are married now, and hey…that’s what married people do. That and hold onto resentment, but that’ll come later in the season. Married people also usually don’t live with three other people, but whatever. Lexie questions the legitimacy of a marriage by post-it, but it’s like…who cares? You should still move out of their attic freeloader.

At the trailer, Izzie joins Alex who is outside working. She begins to tell him that she wishes for brain tumors to return so that maybe she can see George again because she misses him so much. She asks Karev to come take her mind off of missing George in the bedroom. Karev responds as nasty as possible, ‘You miss George? Real seductive.’ Aww, that’s almost as sweet as the time he screamed at her, ‘you were supposed to die.’ Izzie doesn’t want a brain tumor so she can talk to George, she wants Denny to come back and bang her.

Day 36 Life After George

Torres bursts into Sloan’s apartment to find Lexie in the kitchen. Lexie tells her that Sloan is in the shower, and Torres sees herself into the bathroom to confirm he is all…wet and soapy and nekkid in the shower. Yum, I need friends like this. She wants to get the rumor update about what is going on with the Chief, because the word at Mercy West is, that the Chief is heading to work there. Sloan doesn’t know, and honestly I don’t hear anything else he says because…just yum. He hasn’t looked this hot since he played on the North Shore Sands volleyball team against Zack Morris and company. Oh yeah, that was him.

You can’t see the Noxema girl, she is below the fuzzy part, but hop on in and we’ll start the sequel to our summer movie.

Before Torres leaves, Lexie confronts her for a somewhat awkward conversation. She asks Torres how gay she is, like on a gay meter 1-gay, where does she fall? Lexie only asks because, you know Sloan is hot and Torres is hot….and they seem to see each other naked a lot. And some girlfriends, might find that a little inappropriate and super awkward. Torres reassures Lexie that Sloan doesn’t even check out her rack anymore. He is very much into Lexie. This seems to make Lexie feel much better. Plus pregnant boobs look fantastic so just wear low-cut shirts.

At the hospital McD is waiting for the Chief is his office and he wants some answers. Seems that the rumor mill is churning as wildly at Seattle Grace as it is at Mercy West, and McD thinks he has a right to know if the Chief is jumping ship and heading West. He reminds the Chief that he had his back when informing him of the coup, and thinks he deserves the same respect. The Chief is staying mum though.

After leaving the Chief’s office, McD is bombarded by Arizona who has solved the uninteresting mystery of why the Goonies kid hurts so bad. He has a tethered spinal chord. Yowza, that sounds brutal. McD looks to see this on the ex-rays, but you can’t see it. She requests again for another test. She then slips in the fact that the Chief has been denying her request. Good timing Arizona, McD likes any idea that will piss the Chief off.

While running the tests, McD smiles at Arizona, proud of himself for defying the Chief. Arizona responds by telling him she gets why they all call him McDreamy. He begins to laugh, and she quickly backtracks making sure he knew they called him that. He coyly laughs saying that he knew, and she further explains that she is involved….and totally not hitting on him. Although he’s so sexy in this scene he might be able to turn a gay girl straight, or a straight man gay for that matter. Just saying, he’s hot.

She also clarifies that she knows he is a married man. Karev scoffs at the notion that he’s married. He’s like, a post-it doesn’t count. It doesn’t count until you are stuck with a cancer bitch living in a trailer. McD fires back that at least his marriage has been consummated, reminding him that girls talk…BURN. Sexy and snarky? Love it!

In the locker room, Mer confides to Yang that she hasn’t cried yet since George died. She keeps talking to Yang, who completely interrupts her to discuss her sex life. Seriously, what has happened to Yang. She’s always been off, but she is being a borderline sociopath. Meredith gets up and leaves and Little Grey takes her place to talk to Yang. She wants to talk about Clara (who?). Yang doesn’t know either and finally interrupts by asking, Seviche? Little Grey is shocked and disgusted by such an insensitive nickname, and storms out. Seriously Yang? SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY!

Arizona and McD update the Goonies family, that Arizona was right. The kid has a tethered spinal chord, he’s not just a total douche who can’t handle pain. Goonie mom, who I just remembered was also married to Keanu Reeves in Parenthood (This could be their kid!!) is ecstatic. She begins to cry and hugs and thanks Arizona for figuring out the problem.

The Karevs are receiving Izzie’s newest diagnosis from a new Doctor. They ask where Cancer bitch is (her former Doctor) and Bailey and the newbie tell her that she doesn’t need to be on Izzie’s case anymore. Her cancer has gone down so much that they could give her a less experienced Doctor, because now all they are doing is watching. So Cancer Bitch is like one of those models who won’t get out of bed for less than $10,000/day. Izzie is annoyed and confused by this, and Bailey…still bitchy and apathetic about the whole thing tells Izzie to pipe down, this is a good thing. So Izzie’s diagnosis is left up in the air and can really go either way-depending on how much Diva they can take from Heigl.

Day 37 of Life After George
The slow background music has started, which means that shit’s about to hit the fan, or stories are about to get resolved. In the OR, McD tells Arizona to make the final incision on Goonies kid’s surgery, because she was such an advocate for him. She makes it, and they all smile. Aww.

In Seviche’s room she has turned mute and is refusing physical therapy or to talk to anyone about it. She is still wishing that she had died. The Major quietly tells her that he understands that feeling, but you have to fight past it because once you get past dating the super mean bitch that you almost choked….life’s pretty sweet. His speech is very heart warming, but Seviche stares into space not budging-figuratively or literally.

The Major tells Lexie that they will have to have her committed because she is obviously mentally ill. Umm, can we call her mom now? Lexie is not going to let her go down like that though. She tells Seviche the nickname that has been coined for her, Seviche. It’s chopped up fish, and I still don’t really get the nickname…but whatever, it saved me from making one up. But that’s what breaks through to Clara, because she begins to crack up. Lexie finally cracks and joins her in the laughter. People on this show have a weird sense of humor.

Day 39 of Life After George

Izzie and Meredith sit outside the hospital discussing Izzie’s newest fate, or the lack of knowledge about said fate. Izzie says she doesn’t really know what to do next because it seems like you either die of cancer, or you beat it. It’s almost like she’s in cancer purgatory. Also, trailer living is not suiting her.

Just because you are living in a trailer doesn’t mean you have to wear embroidery

As the two talk about Izzie’s cancer, she sees Amanda who STILL sits everyday on the bench outside staring into space. On hearing this, Izzie is pissed and stalks over to her and is ready to throw down. She yells at the girl to get up off the bench and get the hell out of there. She reminds the girl that George died to save her sorry ass, and now she isn’t even living. George lived, and saved people, and her way of repaying him is to sit on a friggin bench every day. I agree with what Izzie is saying, but geez….can you be a little nicer? The girl cries that she doesn’t think she can and Izzie is like, Get Outta Here you loser or I will kick your ass. This scene is how I imagine Heigl is in real life.

Oh, and me and George’s REAL friends were all making fun of you at his funeral, Loser.

Back in therapy, Yang and the Major banter back and forth about if it’s ok to use the term Seviche, and when the therapist calls Yang out on the dark nickname, Yang jokingly says, me dark? I’m not the one who chokes people! Her and the Major start to laugh and they finally begin to discuss the choking incident. Again, hilarious…The therapist is happy they had a break-through and are talking about the choking, but I think it’s safe to say in her notes she marked down to hide all sharp objects before her next meeting with these two.

Outside Seviche’s room, she is working on her physical therapy and takes a step. She and Lexie celebrate and Seviche asks Lexie to call her mom. Yay for perseverance. I now dub Seviche, Caviar-as she is like a fish egg ready to hatch, not chopped up fish food.

The final monologue begins, and it’s a group effort. One by one, each character talks about grief. While they talk, Lexie knocks on Sloan’s door with a toothbrush, black panties and her suitcase. She is an attic dweller, no more.

Alex arrives home to the trailer which Izzie has decorated with lit candles. She seriously and kind of meanly tells him to take off his pants….um I think you were more seductive when you were talking about George. She tells him to stop being so angry and scared and just be her husband. Alex proceeds to yell at her…again. He tells her after she died in his arms he is afraid of everything and he won’t be able to survive without her. Are you sure Karev? Because last season you were mad that she beat cancer. Seriously though, keep yelling at your wife who has cancer. It’s totally endearing.

Whatever though, this seems to work for them and they consummate their relationship.

McD traps Bailey in the elevator to get to the bottom of what is going on with her. Bailey almost breaks down in tears as she tells Derek that she can’t keep treating everyone at the hospital like they are her kids. She can’t care that much, she needs to share that love with her own child. She almost cries but hardens quickly and refocuses on coming to work, doing her job and going home. Is she still doing peeds….or does that go against the new no nonsense/no heart Bailey?

The monologue continues as Yang and the Major try once again to have sex. They finally succeed. Day 39 is a good day for sex with this group. Also, sex is what seems to hit Yang about George’s death, because she says it out loud post coital. Hot…

In the resident’s locker room, Meredith gets ready to leave for the day as a janitor starts to pack up George’s locker. This is what finally breaks through to Meredith, and she begins to sob. She finally realizes that George is gone, and not coming back. You know who would really be able to comfort you Mer….Amanda! Too bad you kept snubbing and mocking her.

Day 40 of Life After George….
With a couple minutes left, ominous music and Meredith finalizing the grief monologue, you know shit’s about to go down.

The Chief gathers everyone in the main room to make an announcement. He addresses the recent rumors and is ready to put them to rest. He recognizes it is a terrible economy and everyone is suffering. Even actresses who have to lie in bed for 17 hours a day. Due to the times, Seattle Grace is merging with Mercy West. According to the Chief, not everyone will keep their job and he tells everyone that he is rooting for them, but he advises them to be at their best possible performance.

On the plus side, since this was my idea, I’m not going to be replaced as Chief of Surgery. So that’s good news. Fingers crossed you all keep your jobs!

And with that, the episode ends. So, what did you think? I thought it was a good overall premiere. I still don’t understand how Heigl could have possibly laid in a bed for 17 hours. She really wasn’t in bed that much in this two hour premiere. It’ll be interesting to get some new blood in the episodes (I reserve the right to change my mind about that though) but it’ll also be interesting to see how they handle both Pompeo and Heigl being gone. Also, do you think Yang and Bailey are going to stay total beotches for the whole season? I was sick of by the end of two hours so I’m hoping no. Anyways, see you next episode!