Grey’s Anatomy: No Sleep, No food, No Problem

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, we kick off the episode with Meredith explaining how paranoia gets you to do crazy things. The kids of Seattle Grace know that a big staffing cut is coming and they are all trying to pretend they are invaluable. Granted, anyone who has watched this show before knows that is total bull shit, but we can pretend. The interns are working 12 people deep, begging to help on any projects and craziest of all Yang-the people hater…is begging Arizona to be on the pediatric rotation. You know, because she loves kids…

Yang further solidifies her spot in hell by explaining her reasoning for begging to get on pediatric rotation to Meredith. Reason 1: The residents at Mercy West don’t suck, so they aren’t all going to get immediately fired. Reason 2: Meredith is safe because of McD who obviously isn’t going anywhere (unless Can’t Buy Me Love is about to make a sequel which I would fully support), Bailey’s new favorite is Alex and Izzie has cancer and nobody is going to fire someone with cancer. So reason 1 plus reason 2 equalsYang to kissing kiddie doctor ass so that somebody loves her. I hope all doctors are as compassionate as she is.

Not to be left behind by her peers, Izzie has shown up also to fight for her job. She’s decided to return from cancer leave a little early to get back to work and prove to people she won’t die. Bet giving that $8 million away suddenly looks a little silly, huh Iz? But Izzie isn’t alone, she has brought some type of animal to live on her head. She tells Alex that her mom sent it to her, from one trailer home to another. She asks him how real it looks to which he just walks away. Smart man, if you can’t say anything nice…

Sloan and Shepherd discuss the upcoming merger and how the Chief has handled it. McD doesn’t appreciate that after announcing the upcoming firings, the Chief has been locked in his office ever since. McD, who can only be ballsy at work because you know Meredith runs to household, goes to confront the Chief about this. Sloan tries to stop him, saying things will be fine, but is interrupted by Lexie trying to prove herself by running blood to the OR. On her run, she slips and spills blood everywhere. Next time the Red Cross calls and asks me to donate blood I’m going to reference this scene and say, no way….I see yall just spill it on the television screen.

Sloan tries to comfort her by telling her she’s not going to get fired and to start acting like she belongs here. He also tries to get her to go home, as not leaving or sleeping is the second theme of this episode. Meredith and Yang discuss how unnecessary sleep is as well, and decide to take one more trauma before calling it a day. How lucky for this last trauma that they get two selfish residents who haven’t slept in 36 hours. Enjoy the after life buddy.

But Yang and Mer aren’t the only ones who want the next trauma. Izzie and the rug have appeared and Izzie wants the next trauma so she can jump back on the saddle and show off her new wig in the OR. While Yang and Meredith try to not comment on the animal that has taken residence on Izzie’s head, New Bailey arrives letting them know of an incoming trauma. As they argue about who she should pick, new Bailey gets frustrated and just tells Karev to come on. Meanwhile Izzie’s interns appear to pretend that her wig looks real, which Izzie completely agrees with. I wasn’t aware that there were no mirrors in trailers.

Meanwhile, Derek acts out for us “things you shouldn’t do when your boss is trying to decide who to fire.” Derek bursts into the Chief’s door and first tells him to start acting like a Chief, second, start showing a little appreciation to the guy who saved his job, and third to start consulting Derek on decisions. So just to confirm, Derek reminds the Chief that he was about to get his job…and tells him that he needs to do a better job…and that he needs to give McD more power. Smart….Because if I had to fire somebody it totally would not be the person who could potentially get me fired soon, I’d give them more power.

The trauma is rushed in, and it’s a woman who got in a car accident after blacking out. She is accompanied by a fellow with alarmingly large ears who turns out to be her son. Who is a paranoid schizophrenic. What a coincidence? This episode is about paranoia!! Do you think Grey’s Anatomy is telling me to be paranoid? What if that’s why I’m recapping the show? Kidding, I don’t think this show is telling me anything except that I am a sucker for shit TV.

Bailey finds a mass in the mom’s stomach that is moving and the son ominously tells everyone that his mom was impregnated by aliens. Is that who knocked her up with you? That would certainly explain the ears. While he is saying this they show her stomach which is indeed, moving and bulging.

As a side note…if this story line pans out that she was impregnated by an illegal alien-not an alien I’m calling total bullshit because ER and some other medical drama did that story years ago. Who knows why/how I remember that.

Yang has her interns tracking the Chief’s every move to get some insight into what he is doing. Awesome teaching Yang. I’m sure your interns will enjoy using their medical degrees when they start working at the Enterprise “business program.” She dismisses the interns when Arizona approaches, ready to start the pediatric round. Arizona tells Yang she isn’t ready yet, and pins a stuffed teddy bear on Yang and confirms her kid approved.

Back with skitzo and his mommy, everything is freaking him out. He is convinced that there are people out to get him and is terrified of everyone at Seattle Grace killing him. OK, you can’t totally blame him about that one. The mom keeps trying to distract him, so he doesn’t flip out…which I’m sure is not going to happen at all in this episode.

Outside, Bailey tells Karev to check on skitzo’s arm. Karev doesn’t want the skitzo, he wants the alien stomach. As Bailey begins to protest, Lexie jumps in saying that skitzo will totally notice Karev’s negative vibes making him think that Karev is out to get him. Bailey is impressed by her reasoning and assigns her the case. I think Lexie will probably be safe in the cuts-and not just because her name is in the credits.

Yang joins Arizona to meet with their first patient. As they walk into the room a little girl hides under the covers (I’d do that if Yang walked into my room too) and Arizona begins to play the popular game with kids where you pretend you don’t know where they are, even though they are hiding in plain sight. She asks Yang to check the bathroom, and under the bed all the while, the little patient is giggling under her covers. Yang gets increasingly annoyed and when Arizona asks Yang if the kid is in her pocket, she’s like…no, she’s right here and quickly ends the game. Awesome Yang, are you available to baby-sit?

Izzie finds Derek and preps him for his latest patient. Their conversation is interrupted by one of the no-name interns who wants information about the merger. Turns out his wife (remember the intern love triangle that nobody cared about, but the girl got knocked up? yeah me either) is pregnant, I wasn’t aware that they were married. But no-name is afraid that his no-name wife or him might get fired and wants to know if Derek knows anything. He doesn’t, so go find a story line before you get cut no-name.

In another room, Lexie is treating skitzo who is growing increasingly uneasy. He is fixated on a couple of nurses who are laughing outside the room because he thinks they are laughing at his ears. You actually might not be wrong, Perot. When Lexie finishes bandaging him up he is unhappy about the brace and begins to convince himself that Lexie put something on him to make his hand fall off. He then notices Lexie isn’t wearing a name tag, and goes completely ape shit. (Thank God she changed out of the jacket doused in blood. That would really freak him out!) Thinking she is one of “them,” one of the voices he hears in his head, he slams her against the wall and takes off. Losing a schizophrenic patient? Maybe not so safe after all Lex.

Lexie rushes out to the nurse’s station to learn that the patient has completely disappeared from the OR. She yells at a nurse, who I think slept with Karev awhile ago, trying to find out how this happened. The nurse is like, don’t make me your punching bag bitch…I don’t want go down for this either…except if it’s Karev because hooking up with him wouldn’t affect my “numbers.”

Karev interrupts izzie while she is with a patient to ask her if she has taken her medicine. What every patient wants to hear asked to their doctor. He reminds her she has to be diligent about taking her medicine. And it’s sweet…but also a little annoying and overly paternal. She’s a grown up and a doctor, I think she can take care of herself. Except her hair…she has no concept of how to make her hair not look like she stole a wig from the Jessica Rabbit collection.

After giving skitzo’s mom an MRI Bailey finds a massive aneurism in her stomach that is one chili dog away from rupturing. She has to have surgery right away or she will die. At that moment Lexie runs in wondering if Bailey has seen skitzo or if his mom might know where he went. Bailey is like uh…yeah let’s ask the mom who’s stomach is about to explode if she knows where her mentally unstable son is because we lost him. Great call. Lexie quickly takes off to find him.

Sloan finds her frantically searching everywhere for him, except places he would actually be. She checks under a tiny table, and in a trashcan.

Sloan tells her she looks crazy, not because she is frantic, but because she’s looking for a grown man under a table that won’t even hide his ears. Sloan keeps trying to calm her down, but is interrupted when she hears skitzo…not in a recycling bin but in open space fighting with security. Hmmm, maybe Lexie should go to peeds and pretend she can’t find kids in plain sight. She’s really good at it. She joins the argument with skitzo right as he plummets down the stairs and is out cold. I’d lead your cover letter with this story Lex.

They update skitzo’s mom on his status. He is stable but unconscious. They need to run some tests on him, but in the mean time Bailey needs to get his mom to surgery immediately before she dies. She refuses to leave her son because there is nobody else who can handle him. She starts to list out all the idiosyncrasies of her son’s neuroses for Bailey that only she can manage. Her son comes first, she will worry about herself later.

Torres runs into Arizona while lurking around Seattle Grace. She is gathering old case files for a job opening in Portland, since she doesn’t anticipate the Chief keeping her around after the merger. I don’t know why not…I mean you told him you were like God. Who doesn’t want God working for them?

Arizona tells her that Yang is on her service today because of her interest in peeds. Torres laughs, knowing that Yang is only doing it to suck up and make it safely through the merger. She then lists off people who would be better at working with children than Yang.

As they have this conversation Meredith joins Yang in the cafeteria as Yang is eating chocolate pudding. It was supposed to be for her sick child patient, but since it’s the last one, and the Devil was watching hell for the afternoon, Yang decided to take a little break and eat it herself. Lexie joins them to start saying her goodbyes since she will certainly end up fired now that she was kicked off skitzo’s case. She tells them that McD is in some major surgery that will take hours. Alex freaks because he doesn’t think Izzie can handle it. He takes off to go play dad.

Karev interrupts the surgery to scold Izzie and tell her in front of Derek that she can’t handle the procedure. Finally her and Derek tell him to leave to OR, which he does. Very professional Karev. Although maybe it is his strategy to get her fired so that he has a better chance of keeping his job. I know it’s his wife and all…but it is Karev.

Yang finds the Major and begs him to go to bat for her with the Chief. He is finalizing the: who stays, who goes list, and she needs someone to ask for her to stay. She argues that she can’t be on the “cut” list, and that the list is life. The Major confirms that she is comparing the who gets fired list to Schindler’s List, to which she rebuts…I’m jewish, I’m allowed. Mazel tov Yang, you are also the Devil. The conversation is cut short when she is paged by Arizona into a surgery to reattached a newborn’s arm, that some soon to be fired nurse accidentally cut off during a procedure. Sloan joins them, and they all head to surgery.

Lexie walks by skitzo’s room to see how he is doing. He’s restrained and sedated so he probably won’t run away from her again. He confides in her that he thinks the doctors put a camera in his stomach and is beginning to feel panicked. She walks him through the ex-rays proving that there is no camera, and reminds him that seeing someone’s insides is really not that interesting. Believe us, we see it every week on this show and it’s always the worst part of the episode.

At 2:00, Karev comes banging on the OR window with medicine and food for Izzie. Again, sweet but super annoying. She leaves and goes to take the pills and eat a little so she doesn’t collapse surgery. Aww Karev, always the doting husband.

After looking at skitzo’s ex-rays, Lexie finds Bailey because she thinks that skitzo needs surgery too. And, if they give him surgery, they could give his mom surgery at the same time and she might regain some credibility. Bailey thinks it’s a fabulous idea. Wins all around!

The only person who isn’t onboard is skitzo. He doesn’t want to be cut open because he knows that they’ll put something inside of him. Bailey argues with him that his mom will die if she doesn’t have surgery, and she does her damndest to convince him that she isn’t an alien, even drawing her own blood for him. Maybe stop acting so cold New Bailey, then we’d all believe it.

In the baby’s surgery, Yang argues with Sloan that she doesn’t think anyone is safe from being fired. She tells him to not be so cocky because elective surgery is down this year meaning he might be gone. As the surgery wraps up, and he successfully attaches the infants arm, he tells her that is how he knows he’s safe. He reattaches baby’s arms while Sloan steals pudding from kids. Arizona confronts Yang after the surgery and calls her out on lying and using her. She reminds Yang that it isn’t the best idea to piss of her attendant, and leaves.

The skitzo family has agreed to surgery and they are both wheeled together into the OR. The mom stays with her son until they put him under. And that is basically the only interesting part of that scene.

In McD’s surgery, Izzie has leaked about a bucket of sweat onto the operating table and McD tells her she’s done enough and can go. She refuses to leave until it’s over even though she has sweat through her scrubs. She gets the nurses to take off her wig, and is ready to go again now that she has pulled the pound of polyester off her head.

You know what this scene reminded me of? The scene in Hook when Dustin Hoffman loses his wig. And kind of Annie Lennox.

Then, the moment of truth arrives. The first round of cuts has hit Seattle Grace via email. I love that personal touch. Our four “favorite” residents are all safe. But the same cannot be said for no-name’s wife. Everyone needs a storyline, or you are out of there. I guess worrying about his wife was enough of a storyline to keep him through the cut…but not so much for her. He tells Lexie to check her email because ¾ of their class was cut, but I’m willing to bet $100 that she is safe. And too be fair….their class sucked.

One by one we see droves of no-names packing up their stuff and saying their goodbyes. Even Karev’s former harlot has gotten the heave-HOE. I guess going down on Karev 2 season ago isn’t’ enough. Sorry darling. McD plays “good cop” as he says goodbye to everyone and promises to write references or do anything he can.

Sloan finds Lexie sobbing in the stairwell and he is shocked that somebody as bad ass as her would be cut. Turns out she wasn’t cut, she’s just sad because all those people whose names she’ll never know all are out of work.

Back at the Yang and Torres pad, Arizona comes in and tells Torres she doesn’t want her to go to Portland. Now that they have started dropping the “girlfriend” bomb, Arizona doesn’t want to do long distance. Arizona, feeling ballsy after confronting Yang basically puts her foot down and tells Torres it’s time to go make nice with the Chief. Guess giving him the cheap sutures doesn’t seem like such a good idea right about now.
The episode ends with Alex and Izzie cuddling and comforting one another in the trailer, and Alex is wearing a black wife beater….Nuff said.

The rest of the gang, Mer, Der, Yang, the Major, Sloan and Lexie are all at the park playing baseball. It’s random, but it is their way to blow off steam after a couple of rough days. You know what else works, sleep? But it seems like a fun little group. Even with the Devil in tow.

So overall, I thought the episode was ok…one thing that bothered me…and this bothers me in real life, is the whole working for 48 hours straight thing. If I’m going to the hospital, I don’t want somebody who has been up for 48 hours working on me. How is that safe? I’m barely functional if I only get like 5 hours a sleep at night. Anyways, done with my rant. Sorry this was so late, I spent the better portion of this week in a flu induced coma. Looks like we have some daddy issues to deal with in tonight’s episode. So crank up, “cats in the cradle” and I’ll see ya next episode!