Grey’s Anatomy: Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, its morning time at the Karev trailer park and Karev is bustling around getting ready for the day. He maneuvers the piles of crap that are cluttering the already teaspoon size trailer, he showers and dries off with dishtowels, he brushes his teeth using a bottle of jack to rinse because the sink doesn’t work and he finally leaves the trailer ready to face the world. When he opens the door he is greeted by the warm embrace of his new wife Izzie.

Kidding, it was a bear, but I’m not sure which is worse. At the hospital he insists to Izzie that the joys of living in a trailer have to come to an end. It’s time to move back into the fraternity house. Izzie tells him to suck it up and deal because at this point, she is not moving backwards. She has to keep moving forward and if that means living like trailer trash and fighting off bears, so be it.

The Chief meets with his staff and recognizes that it has been a tough few days, what with a quarter of the hospital getting fired, but everyone needs to pull it together and be tough. He lets them know that despite the million questions they keep interrupting his speech to ask, he has no answers. So in the mean time, please enjoy this fabulous breakfast spread that our newly available funds have allowed us to afford.

In the ER, Yang is frantically trolling for a surgery she can get in on. After being kicked off two services recently she’s pretty much f-ed if she can’t start logging some hours. Her search is interrupted when Daddy Grey gets led into the ER by Lexie. She doesn’t know what’s wrong with him and Grey suggests testing his BAC. He swears he hasn’t been drinking but wishes he could have made a toast at her post-it note wedding ceremony. The happy family reunion is interrupted when dad throws up blood all over Grey’s shoes. He just ruins everything doesn’t he?

All the residents fight over who gets to work on him except Grey who looks like she couldn’t care less. Karev gets assigned his procedure as Lexie swears to Grey he isn’t still drunk. Grey gives her a look that proves that she cares about this story line about as much as I do.

We find Sloan treating an elderly gentleman removing some excess skin thing. Naked old man back….sexy. The old man is accompanied by his overprotective pompous son and his overbearing wife. They keep talking to the old man like he is senile and they finally leave to go get him coffee. When they leave, the old man lets Sloan in on his BIG secret. The real reason he is here is because he has met a young chippy at his retirement home and he wants new wood in his stick to give to her. Finally, a patient Sloan can relate too.

Yang and Izzie are joined by the Major who invites Izzie to scrub in on a surgery. She is very excited and bounces off to go prep. When she leaves Yang is like WTF? I am dating you! The Major tells her he doesn’t play favorites and he needed someone with a light touch. And since Yang is about as soft as the implant about to go in Pappa’s Johnson, she’s out and Izzie’s in.

Meredith tells Derek the status of her dad. She can tell that he is having liver failure and about to die. I’m sorry what….liver failure is a real thing? How much do you actually have to drink…and for how long do you have to be a heavy drinker to worry about that? Just curious…Anyways, Daddy Grey needs a transplant.

The bad news for Dad is that you have to be sober for at least a year, and he is only pushing 90 days. 90 days sober though! That’s not bad. They ought to celebrate, break out the champagne. Oh, wait, nevermind. So Dad can’t get on a transplant list, but Lexie offers a piece of her liver to dad. I mean, he gave her a Barbie growing up, it’s the least she can do. Grey watches the conversation progress with complete disinterest.

Sloan finds Lexie getting the tests to find out if she’s a donor match. She gives him the quick update of what is going on, that she is about to have extremely serious surgery that will keep her bed-ridden for weeks and tells him to not wait for her for dinner. Sloan is pissed that she made this major decision without talking to him. He reminds her that they are in a relationship, and you discuss these thinks. She’s like….listen, usually you are the old man priority in my life, but today it’s this old man. Sorry gramps, you’ll get the next one.

Izzie meets her patient, who is a super nice young guy who has really bad cancer. She gives him some of the insider tips of being a patient at Seattle Grace. (Like, don’t be afraid to die) She starts to talk to his wife, until the “wife” interrupts letting her know they aren’t married. He hasn’t had to buy the cow, so why start now? She leaves when Izzie tells her she’s about to give a rectal exam to her boyfriend. Yeah, if he didn’t buy the cow don’t stick around for the rectal shot. When she leaves the boyfriend assures Izzie that he has had a ring for a year, he just doesn’t want to propose until he is cancer free. This story line is either ending with an incredibly sweet engagement….or tears.

Sloan is giving Poppa Erection all the gory details of what a penile implant entails while the obnoxious son and daughter in law listen on. They interrupt right as Sloan begins to explain how you squeeze the scrotum to pump up the cock, to argue the absurdity of even considering this. They argue that this is a crazy way to spend his money when he could help their daughter with her college fund. Poppa E tells the kids that there is a better chance of him getting a natural erection then their dumbass daughter heading to college, so let’s just all quit pretending otherwise. Sloan interrupts the fight before it erupts… because they have to take some tests before they know if surgery is even an option. So no point in getting all hard up on this conversation.

Meanwhile, Yang looks longingly over the surgical board that her name has yet to appear on in over a week. A surgeon we have never seen before comes over and Yang begins to turn on the charm, hoping to get on his service. She lays it on pretty thick letting him know she’ll be hard core into whatever service he needs, until he sees the Major looking over her soldier and scurries off.

Meredith joins Yang at the board complaining that her dad hasn’t died yet. She’s not about to offer up her perfectly good organs to someone she doesn’t consider her father. I can’t really blame her, but the writing is on the wall Grey. I’d go book your OR.

That being said, Meredith gets a page and hustles to her dad’s room hoping that he has died. The Chief, Bailey and Lexie meet her as Grey happily asks, Is he dead? Lexie tearfully is like…um, no. They tell Grey that Lexie isn’t a match and can’t donate. Grey offers up Holly (who?) and Lexie says, Molly, our sister? Oh God, there’s a third Grey? Guess we know what season 7 is about. But Holly or Molly or whoever is no good either. You can tell they all want to ask Grey to get tested, but she peaces out for her surgery before they have the chance.

At lunch, Grey lets Karev, Yang and Izzie know that they are hiding from Lexie and her “please save my daddy eyes.” They are all a little surprised that Grey isn’t getting tested to be a donor, but only because they are selfish assholes who just want a surgery to work on. This sweet dining conversation is cut short by the discovery of a tick on Alex’ neck. Yang wants to let it be since it’s just having lunch too, but Karev freaks the F out. Ugh, I would too, just watching this scene made me itch.

Since her sad eyes aren’t working on Grey, Lexie tries another avenue and goes to Bailey with her sad eyes. She asks Bailey to lie to the transplant board and say that her alchie dad has been sober for a year. But Lexie forgot that this is new Bailey. New, I’m not caring any more than I have too professionally, Bailey. Bailey calmly tells Lexie that since there are 15 other people on the list waiting for new livers who didn’t get escorted to that list by Jack, Jim and Johnny…that no, she won’t lie.

In Yang’s one and only procedure of the day, she carefully removes the tick from Karev’s neck. As she does, Karev goes off about trailer living. He can’t handle the outdoors lifestyle, the pooping in a bucket, the sharing a house with millions of unknown creepy crawlies. He is ready to put his foot down and make Izzie move back to the fraternity house. Yang tells him he has to deal with it and give Izzie this one. She’s been through hell and she deserves to get what she wants. I don’t really get why she wants to live in a trailer in the woods, but I guess cancer does weird things to you.

In other story lines, Torres has spent the episode trying to get the courage from Arizona to approach the Chief and beg for her job back. At lunch time, the two ladies sit and enjoy a leisurely lunch in the park. Torres interrupts the lunch to review her list of why the Chief should hire her. Arizona finally stops her and reminds her that this merger isn’t all about her. Arizona lost a baby in the OR today because her favorite nurse was fired. If her nurse had been there, she would have known all of Arizona’s moves and they probably could have saved the baby. Torres realizing how selfish she was being apologizes and changes the subject. You can’t blame Torres for becoming so self involved. She does live with Yang. That was bound to rub off eventually.

Grey continues to justify her reasoning behind not getting tested to save a man she doesn’t care about when Lexie finds her. Since the sad eyes were not getting through, Lexie went and pulled Meredith’s medical records and discovered that Meredith is in fact a match to Daddy Grey. Shocker. Lexie then proceeds to beg Meredith to save her dad, because even though he was a cock sucker to Grey, he was wonderful to Lexie. He went to her dance recitals and graduations, and everything. Basically everything that he missed of Meredith’s. Got any more salt to pour in the wound Lexie?

But the guilt trip works, and in the next scene Grey tells Daddy Grey that they are giving him the transplant that night, so you’re welcome asshole. Sorry you missed all my shit growing up, but enjoy the liver. Daddy Grey appreciates the offer but he declines it. I guess he realizes that taking the liver from the kid whose life you ruined is terrible karma.

Back with Izzie and the Major’s patient, they have done everything they can but they won’t be able to save him. They give him and his girlfriend the news, and the girlfriend realizes that they are giving up and sending him home to die. She can’t accept that. Apparently, Izzie can’t either. She brings the Major out into the hall and suggests alternate ways they can save him. The Major is like, he has a 13% chance of living, and there is nothing we can do. Izzie is like, I had 5% and Yang fought for me! Oooh, Izzie you are playing that card way too early, that’s only going to work so many times.

Grey thinks she is in the clear with this daddy stuff and tells Alex that she did her best, but he declined it. Alex tells her she has to convince him, otherwise he’s going to die. Don’t listen to him Grey, he just wants the surgery. But Grey’s contemplation begins. Yang and Derek look on as Grey paces back and forth trying to decide. Do it Grey, one look at her face and you can tell, this chick needs some time off. She is looking beyond rough this episode.

Sloan gives Pappa E the results of his testing. Turns out that even though he has the hard-on of a 90 year old, he’s got the heart of a 50 year old and is clear for surgery. The kids are still shocked and tell him that if he goes through with this, they are taking him out of the home. Sneaking into a younger woman’s room at night, and getting a fake erection is not appropriate for a man his age. He is coming to live with them and share a room with his daughter. Awesome, so you’ll have an 80 year old and a 16 year old hating you and rebelling against you, because what kid doesn’t want to share a room with their newly erect grandpa. Sloan finally steps in and is like it’s a hard on! Get over it you prudes. You should be jealous that he is still boning at 85. We should all be so lucky! He also lets them know that there is nothing wrong with a younger lady.

In one of the more uncomfortable conversations of the day, the Chief takes a stab at convincing daddy Grey to take Grey’s liver. They reflect on their shared love of booze and Daddy Grey still doesn’t want to take the liver, since he already took her childhood and that seems like enough.

Finally Grey makes one final attempt to get Daddy Grey to have the surgery. She gives the patented Grey’s Anatomy speech that you know will break through and make him change his mind. She talks about how she doesn’t give a shit about him, but she likes Lexie so let’s do this thing because mama’s gotta go on maternity leave.

The boy’s club is in session as Sloan explains how the penile implant will work to Derek and the Major. As he is talking about the high risk of the procedure Yang walks by and hears them. She gets very excited and begs to be put on the surgery, not knowing what it is. The boys like that his might be HARD for Yang but think she can RISE to the challenge and really BLOW this one out of the water. They happily give her the surgery and she walks away to go prep the patient.

Yang finds Pappa Erection and introduces herself and begins to review his charts quickly learning that he is about to get a penile implant and that it is her job to shave him for surgery. Pappa Erection is so cute in this scene that he is kind of growing on me. I’d like to see a spin off of him and his younger lady friend in the old people’s home.

Yang and Derek are with Grey as they begin to roll her into surgery. Bailey is like uh-uh you two outta here. Yang leaves to go tend to her cock, but Derek is like, Bailey this is my wife. I’m going to hang out but I won’t say a word I swear. He is such a cute husband. When they have Grey under anesthesia we get a small glimpse of old Bailey as she whispers to Grey that she has had 4 out of 5 of her residents on that operating table and one of them died. Even new Bailey has her pain threshold. Then she begins cutting into Grey.

In another operating room, the Major and Izzie begin the hopeful surgery on the cancer patient. Izzie is thrilled that the Major listened to her and that they might be able to create another cancer miracle this season.

All the surgeries begin, Sloan and Yang with Pappa Erection, Bailey with Meredith, The Chief and Karev with Pappa Grey and Izzie and the Major with the nice cancer boyfriend. There is a lot of blood and cuts and guts and blood pressure beeps sky rocketing and frantic doctors and we know something went wrong, we just don’t know what. Please not the old man, Please not the old man.

We quickly learn that the patient on the hot seat tonight was the nice cancer patient, and the Major is beyond pissed. He is furious that he listened to Izzie and her optimism. This patient had a few months left to live, and they stole it from him. The Major tells Izzie that she was lucky and rare, and that she can’t think that everyone will have the same odds as her. Before Izzie leaves, she tells the girlfriend to check the place where he kept his mouth guard. That’s where he had a diamond ring hidden. That will help soften the blow I’m sure.

In happier news, Pappa Erection wakes up to find that everything went perfectly and there is a sassy young visitor to see him..

After a terrible day, Yang confronts the Chief and tells him that if he isn’t going to use her and her brilliant mind and hands that he should cut her. Because she isn’t getting what she needs anymore. Please, nobody thinks Sandra Oh is going anywhere, she hasn’t been in a movie since Sideways.

As the episode wraps up, Izzie runs into a bear outside the trailer giving the okay that it’s now time to move. The Chief offers Torres her old job back. And Meredith and Lexie share a sisterly moment of love. All is well.

I thought this episode was a total snoozer. Did I say episode, I meant season. I’m beginning to wonder if anyone is still watching, or if anyone still cares. One of the comments last week was pretty harsh, but I don’t totally disagree. I just don’t give a shit about any of these people anymore. We are supposed to care what happens to them, but they all kind of suck. I didn’t think last season was the end of Grey’s, but I’m wondering if this one will be.

Next episode is the BIG MERGER with Mercy West. Does it matter? Maybe the new blood will help. How awesome would it be if Dr. Hahn was working there again and she came back? I would support that just to liven this season up. Anywhoo, see you next episode!