Grey’s Anatomy: When Your Season goes to Shit

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, we are welcomed by Meredith’s monologue discussing the common childhood fear of the dark. As a child, you are afraid of the dark because of the monsters and secrets it holds. As you get older, those fears change and become regret, loneliness, uncertainty and guilt. Yes, but also in the dark the person lying next to you can’t see that you did have seconds at the Sundae bar, so it’s not all that bad. While she says this, we see Christina and Meredith frantically working over a bloody body, Callie lying on the floor with a bloody nose and Lexie curled up on the floor looking like she shit herself.

This looks hot, but really she is just wrapping her arms around herself….which is still kinda hot

At the frat house, Izzie tells herself and Denny that she’s crazy. Oh good, so Izzie and I are in agreement again. I hate it when we disagree. Izzie is positive that Denny is a creation of her very overactive imagination, which has brought a dead man back for her to make out with. I have a very overactive imagination as well, which is why I’ve never gotten into porn-it’s not as sexy when you start giving them backstories and plot lines. I feel what you’re getting at, Izz. Denny assures her that he is only a dead man in love, who wants to do something they never got to do while he was alive. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

He takes his shirt off and they get hot and heavy fast. This scene would be sexy if Denny hadn’t died 2 SEASONS ago! This foreplay scene is so dramatic that we get a very early “GREYS ANATOMY” introduction.

At the hospital, the Major is waiting outside in the rain as Yang approaches. The Major is visibly agitated and asks Yang if she is there for him. Yes, actually she went to medical school and moved to Seattle just so she could run into you at Seattle Grace. No narcissist, she is answering a page. The Major is impressed she made it there before the ambulance. My guess is that the ambulance tried Mercy West, a hospital in the top 10, first and they were all full. Yang probably had time to grab a number 3 at Mickey D’s and still make it there with time to spare. The post make-out tension between these two is physically painful.

Meredith is at home in the bathroom reading her mom’s journals when she is joined by Sadie. Side note: not sure if your mother’s memoirs are the best bathroom reading material. I prefer something short and sweet, like an US Weekly. It’s less commitment. Meredith shares with Sadie that the journals reveal a side of her mom that is likable. When she wasn’t verbally abusing Meredith or having a 20 year affair with a married man, she was funny, intense and intelligent. Or the opposite of Meredith. Meredith compares her mom to Christina, but Sadie interjects that isn’t the highest of compliments.

The girls discuss how Sadie needs an intern ally, and Sadie votes for Lexie. Probably because she is the only intern who has more than 2 lines an episode. Who wants an intern BFF who doesn’t get any story lines! Meredith is not a fan of this idea because Sadie is the party girl bisexual and Lexie was raised in a normal home with posters on her walls and a YM subscription.

Yang interrupts the girltalk by signaling the sparkly pager (I forgot about that) to let Meredith know about the appendectomy trauma on its way in. Meredith points out Yang’s loyalty for doing this as she heads to the hospital. Sadie joins her hoping to get in some time in the skills lab.

As they head down the hall, they hear some serious moans coming from Izzie’s bedroom. Sadie is about to go in and join her and Alex, when Alex comes out of a different room, which raises the question, who’s making Izzie moan like that? Meredith freaks out trying to figure out who is in the room with Izzie. Seriously, she looks more stressed than Alex does. She yells out “Derrick?” just to make sure. Because obviously if Izzie is having sex, it’s not going to be random, it has to be with one of the 10 regulars. Nice trust issues, Skeletor.

Derrick comes out of his own room, much to Grey’s relief. He asks why everyone is up at 3AM but is distracted by the Jenna Jameson moans pouring from Izzie’s room. Alex tells them to relax, she is probably just thoroughly enjoying her newly manicured lawn south of the border, all by herself. Derrick then hears Sadie from another room and realizes that Meredith has invited another pledge to live in the fraternity house. This is why Derrick has always lived in a trailer: nobody freeloads off of you when your house has wheels.

Izzie comes to the door sweaty and out of breath. Alex offers to come in and help her out with her new extracurricular activity but Izzie insists that she is sick and doesn’t want him to catch it. So, one upside of having sex with a ghost is you won’t get caught cheating on your boyfriend.

Nope, nobody in here, but me and my rabbit…

Bailey arrives at the hospital and is surprised by the new graveyard shift doctors who are there. Yang, Meredith, George and Alex are all in attendance and ready to help. Bailey, well aware that the residents aren’t unselfish people, remembers that the last resident to be awarded a solo surgery had just completed an appendectomy. They all begin to beg, plead and kiss ass to be granted Bailey’s number two for the surgery.

An unrelated trauma comes in with Major House and George is assigned to his service. Yang and Meredith get to work on the appendectomy and Alex gets a recently admitted abdominal pain. Bailey assures him though that it could be something worse so…fingers crossed! If only Major House were around to hear this overwhelming compassion for patients. It’s seriously moving. And I hope the next time I’m getting a pap smear the doctor tells the nurses, don’t worry girls, maybe it’s something worse!! Fingers crossed!

Meanwhile, the interns are down in their personal lab and have one of the no-name interns under anesthesia. They debate over what they should do to him now that he is numb. I vote for drawing a penis on his face. That shit never gets old. Seriously though, if he wakes up in a bathtub filled with ice I’m totally calling bullshit on this writing. The interns, being interns which apparently translates to morons, forgot to put the catheter in, and the numbed no-name pees himself. That’s probably why they prefer you do this kind of stuff in front of REAL DOCTORS. Poor guy. Peeing in front of your classmates is even worse than the dream where you show up naked to school.

Ok, you draw the penis I’ll shave his eyebrows

Sadie tells Lexie that Meredith doesn’t think they can be intern BFF’s because Lexie is too wholesome. Never one to back down from a challenge, Lexie proves she’s not all rainbows and Davy Jones records by suggesting they should remove no-name’s appendix. No-name instantly pisses himself again. When he refuses to participate, Sadie volunteers herself to be the patient under the agreement that she gets to take out Lexie’s afterwards. When did writers from Nip/Tuck join Grey’s Anatomy? What’s next, Denny is going to turn into The Carver?

In another room, McD, Major, Sloan and Torres examine a man who jumped through a window in the middle of the night and plummeted two stories, all while fast asleep. I’m not impressed because I’ve done similar drunk. Torres can relate to someone waking up and not knowing how the hell they got there. She’s been homeless, straight, married, gay and now she’s all alone and doesn’t know how she got there. By the way, does anyone else remember when Callie was loaded? Yeah, me neither.

So they all start examining the sleep walker, and something irks me about this episode. How are all these doctors here all the time? I understand that the show is about them, but do they not sleep? And do they all have to work on every patient together? And, when did McD get there? Wasn’t he at home sleeping? I know this is such a minor logic flaw when elsewhere Izzie is banging ghosts and the interns are taking out appendix’ (appendici?) downstairs. But I digress…

Anyways, while they are examining the sleep walker, he wakes up and freaks out! He thrashes around like a fish out of water as they all try to control him. His poor daughter stands behind, begging him to calm down. He levels Torres in the face and she does down faster than Izzie at a haunted house. Nice, kick her while she’s down Grey’s.

OMG my dad is soooo embarrasing!

We then meet Alex’ patient, who has such a ridiculously disgusting and stupid storyline that I’m going to recap the whole thing here and be done with it. Yanksfan24 commented last week that Alex was getting the total shaft in the storylines. The only way you could have been more dead-on buddy is if you said Alex’ story lines were complete shit. Keep reading to fully enjoy the play on words.

Alex’ patient is a massive hypochondriac in denial about her severe hypochondriac-ness. Her husband keeps telling her how ridiculous she is, that she doesn’t have cancer, or mad cow disease or a receding hairline. Her fear has made her overmedicate herself so severely that she has terrible diarrhea but her body is unable to fight it, because she has killed all the antibodies she’d need. And, as it would happen, the only way to treat this is with a fecal transplant from someone who you have day to day contact with. Yes, you read that correct: FECAL. TRANSPLANT . So her husband has to poop in a bowl, and then it gets transplanted through a tube that has to run through her mouth and into her body. Needless to say, she won’t be getting a kiss anytime soon, but a dirty sanchez might not be out of the question. Too far?

I used to be on a show in primetime….now I’m pooping in a bowl. The economy isn’t the only thing in the shitter.

Seriously? Pooping around other people is like impossible. At work, I call it the poop foot shuffle. You know what I’m talking about. It’s so obvious. You walk into the bathroom, and there is one lone set of feet. And they are sitting there kind of shuffling their feet and clenching. They might throw in a cough, or unroll some toilet paper to kill time and make noise, but really, they are counting down the seconds until you leave so they can finish the job in peace. The worst part about the poop foot shuffle is that it completely freaks me out. If I’m the one doing the shuffle, I pray the other person doesn’t recognize my shoes or clothing, thus outing me as the mysterious shuffler.

Anyways, I assure you that the poop foot shuffle story was 4 times more interesting and relevant than Alex’ entire storyline this episode. So let’s move on.

Sloan is treating Torres for what appears to be a broken nose. I feel really bad for Torres in the scene because she is beyond defeated. And she just breaks down with pain, humiliation and defeat as he tries to treat her. He is very sweet and nurturing towards her though.

Bailey, Meredith and Yang are performing the appendectomy and the residents are showering Bailey with questions. Usually I would comment that they are just kissing ass, but they seem surprisingly and genuinely interested and willing to learn. First, Meredith has been happy and now she is interested in the patients!? Way to go Deth!

Down in the intern’s house of horrors, Sadie is under full-body anesthesia. The interns surround Sadie and have books and diagrams all around so they don’t mess up. Is it just me, or is cutting the LVAD wire suddenly looking totally brills? As Lexie gets closer and closer to making the cut, she panics and begins to back out. Sadie, annoyed by Lexie and her smiley face poster attitude, takes the knife and makes the incision herself. Yeah, party girl Sadie…I might want not party with you.

Sadie lies there as the interns use her body as a guide. She gets antsy and asks to see what is going on inside of her. Something on her insides looks abnormal and different than the books, causing the interns to panic a little. Another no-named intern completely freaks and bails on the black market team. I nominate her as the only intern who gets to transfer to Mercy West.

Hmm that book doesn’t have the answer, try the Operation game.

Back with the sleepwalker, we’ve learned that he has been doing this ever since his wife died. He usually has it under control with pills but he forgot tonight. His little night owl daughter leads us to believe otherwise. Sloan probes a little deeper and finds out that the little night owl hasn’t slept in months because she talks her dad down during his night terrors every night. She seems upset, but don’t all little kids want to stay up late every night?

Realizing their interns are MIA, Grey and Yang begin to look for them. The intern who bailed walks by with enough chocolate to fill Celebrity Fit Club’s craft services cart. Yang interrogates her to find out where the rest of the interns are, but the portly lass proves that she’s not a tattletale. That, and her mouth is full of Snickers. Yang steals her chocolate and sends her on her way while Meredith puts a “kick me” sign on her back. Bullies. Yang begins to wonder if the interns are still running their IV practice club and heads off to look for them.

Don’t come back without your lunch money!

As Grey stands there alone, a very scared looking Lexie approaches her and asks if they can talk.

Yang finds the no-name intern, still under anesthesia, in bed charting. She can’t be too mad at him, he is at work charting at like 5 in the morning. But since its Yang, she tells him to get his ass out of bed and get to work. He stands up to her (metaphorically, of course, since he has a tube in his penis and can’t feel his legs) and says no, he won’t. She begins to laugh at him and approaches slowly like a villain in a Disney movie asking why he won’t help. Unable to hide the truth, he spills the beans that he is literally incapacitated.

Across town, Izzie is doing something that does make her slightly more normal than the rest. At 5Am, she is in bed, the same thing I would want MY doctor doing. However, she is spooning with a ghost, proving that nobody’s perfect. She tells Denny that she can hear his heart beat, which is weird because she saw them remove it during the autopsy. Yes, that is why this is weird.

Lexie leads Grey and Yang down to Sadie, where an intern has a suction straw inside of her and there is blood everywhere. They instantly begin performing on Sadie, and Grey tells Lexie to go get Bailey immediately and stop acting so terrified.

The sleepwalker talks with the McHotties trio and they tell him he might have some type of epilepsy. The sleepwalker argues that nothing is wrong with him and that its not that serious of a problem. Um, dude? You walked through a window. A two-story window. His poor super-sleepy daughter begins to cry as she confesses that he sleepwalks all the time, and thinks she is the cause of his stress. Sloan tells her that it isn’t her, it’s the epilepsy. Ahhh, her first glimpse into the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. We all remember our first.

Moments later, Izzie wakes up in the bed alone. She panics and screams for Denny. He comes and she yells at him that she thought he was gone. He follows up with, “Izzie, I was just…” but she interrupts him. He was just what? What were you doing Denny? You were just in the bathroom? You were just changing your Facebook status to “Denny is not dead”? What do ghosts do when they slip out of bed in the night? Izzie keeps yelling at Denny for coming back. She had a great life and now she is stuck in her bedroom with crazy hallucination sex.

So, is this a bad time to ask about make-up ghost sex?

Bailey, Meredith and Yang begin surgery on Sadie. Bailey proves why she is such a bad ass teacher as she calmly talks Yang and Grey through the surgery. They work together as a great team and fix all the intern f-ups.

After the surgery, the interns are lined up together on the floor waiting for their sentencing. George rounds the corner and asks Lexie what happened. Maybe talk to your OWN interns, doctor! Way to be a super teacher. He tells Lexie he could have helped, and Lexie goes off on him about how this had nothing to do with him, for once she did something for herself and not for George. (actually she did it to impress Sadie, but whatev) I know Lexie is supposed to look like a bad ass who is standing up for herself in this scene, but she just looks annoying and like one of those girls who says she’s making a stand against a dude when you know she is really only doing it to impress the dude.

After Lexie leaves, the non-nark, portly intern tells George that Lexie is like, totally in love with him. How could he not notice all the “I heart George” doodles on her patient charts?

In love with me? Another one? But I’ve barely even been in this season.

Izzie gets a 911 page and tells Denny she has to go. She makes him swear he won’t go anywhere and he agrees, but secretly crosses his fingers behind his back because you know he’s back on FaceBook as soon as the door closes. “Denny is basking in the post-sex afterglow.” Typical male.

The Boys Club is working on the sleepwalker together, and begins discussing his issues, but it’s obvious they are talking about themselves and their own problems. George throws out that maybe it wasn’t the sleepwalkers fault that he didn’t know what was going on in his own house. Major House says that maybe words come difficult and it’s hard to say what you are feeling. McD chimes in that maybe it’s not your fault if you aren’t on the cover of People’s Most Beautiful man every year, maybe if you have a movie opening Thanksgiving Day named after a continent you are a shoe-in. Even when they are talking about their patients, they are talking about themselves.

Sloan finds and relates to sleepwalker’s daughter. He is super kind and helps her fall asleep. This scene is supposed to be sweet but it comes off a little McCreepy. Especially since earlier in the episode McD and Sloan had a bro-servation about Little Grey, and how Sloan wants to do her now that McD has told him not too.

So, how old ya kid?

Due to the almost-Sadie slaying, the Chief has arrived to talk with Grey and Yang. He tells them he is impressed by how they handled it. He is just about to award them both with gold stars when Lexie bursts in and begs for mercy on behalf of Grey and Yang. She says they should have stopped when Yang told them too. Suddenly, the tables turn and everyone has forgotten that the interns almost killed the newbie. But why didn’t Yang do anything earlier??

The next scene gets thoroughly frustrating. Yang and Grey face off in a separate room about like 14 different things. The fight jumps around with serious ADD so I’ve simply transcribed it below since they transitioned with little-to-no rhyme or reason.

M. You knew and didn’t stop it?
Y: I shut it down!
M. Obviously you didn’t! Sadie almost died and Lexie almost lost her job (ALMOST?? You can’t do anything to get fired here!)
Y: Sadie did it to herself and don’t act like you care about Lexie.
M: I care about my job (read myself and only myself and how everything around me affects…myself)
Y: Just because you are sleeping with an attendee doesn’t mean you are one, Get off your high horse Skeletor.
M: Here we go again, ALWAYS about Derrick. (read:Which is really ok, I love talking about him)
Y: You didn’t have my back in there!
M: What did you want me to say?
Y: You have the chief’s ear and you let me take full blame even though we all had interns in there and I listen to every miserable and boring aspect of your life every day!

Post argument and a GLORIOUS LOST commercial, the residents are anxiously waiting for Bailey to handle the interns. She refuses and tells them that disciplining the interns is their job now, so nut up and get it done.

The residents lead all the interns into Sadie’s room and make them give a full update on her case. The residents then lay down the law and put them all on full-blown probation. Ohhhh, probation! They cannot go into the OR and nobody has any respect for them now. And no TV after 8pm and they must wait 30 minutes after eating before they go swimming. They might as well go work in the cafeteria because that is as close as they’ll be getting to the patients for a long time

As they are receiving their sentencing, one of the interns whispers how Izzie still gets respect. Well, that’s brilliant intern. While your boss is telling you not to sneeze for the next 6 months, you mention how their girlfriend killed her ex-fiancée? And as if things couldn’t get worse…

She’s right behind me isn’t she?

Callie is mending elsewhere in the hospital as Bailey approaches her. They begin to reflect on their lives and both realize they are desperately looking for something. For a change, for new hope. They just don’t know where to find it. They are both lost souls.

Lost soul Sadie is approached by Grey in her hospital room. As her boss, Grey thinks Sadie doesn’t have what it takes to be a good doctor because she is obviously a moron. As her friend, she wants to know what the hell is going on with her life. Couldn’t you just be a cutter?

Another lost soul, Little Grey, sits alone in the hospital. Sloan sees her and tells McD that if he doesn’t take Lexie home, Sloan will. I’m sure that would give her life some clarity.

And the final lost soul sits on Yang’s front step as she leaves for the day…er, night. Yang approaches to find the Major camped out on her doorstep. This scene might be more meaningful if he had said more than 4 lines this episode. He doesn’t really know why he came to Yang’s, but he doesn’t want to leave, but he doesn’t think it’s appropriate to go inside. With those choices out, they opt to just sit on the stairs together. At a loss for words, Major says 4 words that are a guaranteed get out of conversation free card for a man. “I think you’re beautiful” He just earned at least 2 more episodes of silence.

I’m only angry because I have no teeth.

Grey comes home to see that Derrick has brought in another stray, Lexie. At least somebody will keep Sadie’s bed warm while she’s in the hospital. Alex and Izzie get home (didn’t Izzie JUST get to the hospital?) and Izzie admits that she is a total basket case. Alex doesn’t care that she’s batshit crazy, he is used to that and he isn’t breaking up with her and isn’t going anywhere.

Alex invites Izzie to come to bed with him and walks into his room. Izzie turns and apologizes to Denny, follows Alex in, and Denny forgives her. This ghost sex thing might not be so bad. You can’t get caught cheating, you can act crazy and possessive over the guy, but then the ghost has no claims over you and you can have sex with other people! I’m totally buying a Ouija board.

Not only am I seeing dead people, but I put my shirt on backwards today.

So there you have it. I read an interview in Entertainment Weekly with Shondra Rhimes saying that Izzie’s hallucinations are not a brain tumor. She also says that this love story will play out on screen and Denny is around until at least February. Super…One good note about this episode is that at least it strayed from the usual formulaic Grey’s Anatomy. So, it had that one thing going for it….

And Izzie proved that, just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean you won’t feel it…That’sWhatSheSaid