Grey’s Anatomy: Who Do You Choose When Everyone Sucks?

This week, Grey’s Anatomy begins with fun peppy music that makes me want to jump on an elliptical, until it is interrupted by Meredith’s whine which makes me want to jump in front of a train. She discusses a moment her mom’s journal describes as the most intense of your life. If she’s is talking about the first time you try easting pop rocks and soda to see if you will actually explode, I completely agree. That is intense…or I’m a loser, hmm no matter. Alas, she is talking about solo surgery.

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I know I look like a loser, but that’s only because I’m a loser…

As she discusses this moment where you are entrusted with another person’s life, despite still being somewhat unprepared or incompetent, Super Sleuth Lexie is roaming back and forth monitoring the Chief’s lips carefully. Are we sure that the late Dr. Grey isn’t her biological mother too? She had a history of monitoring the Chief’s lips. Lexie, having read the lips, runs to her old dice-em-up-and-leave-em-to-die crew of fellow interns and gives them the news.

Another intern carries the chain of information back to a room of waiting residents and interns and shouts, “Karvev!” George and Izzie both call bullshit on Karev and sends the intern back to find out who was really chosen.

Just to clarify, all the doctors are in with the Chief discussing who gets the solo surgery. All the interns and residents are in a break room waiting to find out who gets the solo surgery. This leaves the patients, who I’m guessing are all desperately trying to move up on the Mercy West waiting list.

Lexie continues to do her best Austin Powers impersonation by hiding behind random objects to try and read what the Chief is saying. Well Lexie I can tell you what he’s not saying….

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I don’t think Lexie is annoying at all.

Another intern runs in and declares “Stevens!” And even I call bullshit on this one. Besides, Izzie is swamped today with a ghost solo surgery and she promised a ghost she’d go shopping with her this afternoon. Yang calls them out on being morons for trusting interns, who can’t even take out an appendix without almost killing someone, to see who is getting picked for solo surgery. Izzie, in her most snide-my writing hasn’t been good enough-tone turns to Yang and asks if it’s hard that she has been banned from the solo surgery due to the intern mishap. After she says that Denny, who can’t leave her side, comments on how he likes her mean side. Vomit, their one of those couples now…

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Good one honey! Thanks Dear!

Yang recommends the residents try The Secret to will themselves into solo surgery. Funny, because I recommend for the chosen patient (victim) using The Secret to not die at the hands of these clowns. Another intern runs in and says “Grey!” And all the residents basically realize this exercise in lip reading is pointless, as Bailey walks in.

Bailey laughs at them and tells them they are stressing because none of them deserve the surgery. If one person out of the group hadn’t either, cut an LVAD, almost got blown up, let interns operate on each other or were George, they wouldn’t be stressing. When she was chosen everybody knew she was special. Perhaps Bailey, but were you sleeping with any of the doctors? These residents have been banging the doctors so surely that counts for some extra credit. Lexie bursts in and exclaims the decision is made, and she points ominously into space and says “It’s you.”

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I trust that camera man more than these residents too.

The Chief addresses the residents and announces that the solo surgery will consist of an amputation. And for the first time ever, every Doctor chose the same resident, Dr. Yang. But Yang has been disqualified since it was her fault that the interns were harvesting their own organs. So the decision is Yang’s to make. WOW, this is seriously messed up. First, Yang TOLD the interns to stop. At that time all they were doing was putting IV’s in one another. Second, all the residents had interns cutting up bodies, not just her. Third, rub it in her face much Chief? The Chief also says that since the interns can’t be trusted with plastic silverware these days, the chosen resident will choose another resident to assist them. So it’s actually kind of a duet surgery…not solo.

Yang complains to the Chief that this is torture, but he hasn’t even begun to slowly drip water on her face yet. He informs her that Dr. Dixon has returned and its Yang’s responsibility to impress her and make sure she becomes the next Head of Cardio. Then he rips out all of her toenails.

One by one all the residents begin to approach Yang arguing why they deserve to be chosen. They all make their case until Izzie-super snide again-says what’s the point since everyone knows she’ll pick Meredith. God Izzie who died and made you Regina George!? Meredith says she won’t be picked because she’s her best friend, she’ll be picked because she’s the best. Plus if Meredith hadn’t thrown her under the bus, then Yang would be doing the surgery herself. Ok, so I might be dumb…but did anyone else know there were other residents besides the core 5?

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Who are you?

The residents disperse and George asks Izzie if she’s joining him at the clinic. Like a drunken sorority chick, she stumbles around Denny and says she’ll be there later. As George leaves, Alex surprises Izzie with a kiss and says he promises to pick her when he gets the solo surgery. He keeps kissing Izzie which makes Denny furious and he threatens Alex as him and Izzie stumble off.

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You would be SO DEAD if I wasn’t!

The interns discuss how the residents aren’t even acknowledging them, which you think would be a welcomed change given the treatment of the past, but it is apparently freaking them out. One intern recommends sex which Lexie apparently takes to heart and tracks down Dr. Sloan.

Lexie tells him she thinks she needs sex, but would accept his teaching instead. First Torres now Lexie….Sloan is either ridiculously good in bed or just a very thorough teacher. I think I had a teacher like that at my high school. However, Lexie tells him she just wants to learn medical stuff. While they are discussing this, an overly eager Bailey approaches Sloan asking if she can work with him today since he is performing a very cutting edge (read experimental) surgery that she would love to learn from. He tells both eager beavers they can work with him today and tries to stop picturing Lexie naked.

We meet their patient, a woman who can’t speak. They are going to rebuild her throat allowing her to speak again. Little Grey, Sloan and Bailey meet with the woman to discuss the surgery. So wait….Lexie organizes the organ crime ring, and gets removed from a resident’s (who hated her) beck and call, and gets to work with 2 surgeons. Not so dumb after all, that Lexie.

As they explain the procedure to the speechless woman and her husband, the woman completely ignores all of them and types furiously. They keep trying to get her attention, but finally they just address the husband because the woman can’t be bothered. I hate people like this, she is totally the person who reads their blackberry the whole time you are talking to them. Although she does take the time to hold up pre-written post it notes every once in awhile.

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Do you care that we all think you’re being a total bitch?

Down in the trauma ward, Sadie is picking Grey’s brain about Karev, who she’s been assigned too. She comments how the only thing she knows about him is that he is dating the obsessive masturbator…which doesn’t reflect well on Karev if his partner is constantly masturbating. Unless Izzie is one of those people who just like to do everything themselves. Grey reminds Sadie that she’s her superior and doesn’t want to associate herself with the girl who let people take out her organs.

We meet the trauma patients who are two teenage girls screaming at each other. The younger sister is threatening to tell the ‘rents that older sis was texting and driving which caused the wreck. That’s a sure fire way to guarantee she’ll never give you her fake ID. Older sister says to not give the doctors their names because she doesn’t want their parents to know. You are covered in cuts and bruises and the your younger sister has a broken leg….I think your parents are going to notice. Me thinks the older sister might not be the brightest crayon in the box. Little sis agrees and speed dials dad and asks to press charges against the older sister. Again. not smart little one, that’s no fake ID and she’s never driving your ass to the mall again.

The sisters keep screaming at each other making every person in the room pray for a cat to come and claw out their ear drums. Torres confirms that little bitch has a broken leg, and LB completely freaks out because now she can’t attend the Future Leader’s of America conference. You didn’t hear? DC rid the entire city of ramps and crutches. This bratty nark will probably be running our country one day, super. LB reminds older bitch how dead she’s going to be when mom and dad get there.

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I told you if you made me listen to the Jonas Brothers one more time I would drive into a wall!

Sadie tries to comfort the older sister because she knows all about being a complete moron and almost killing yourself doing it. While she talks to her, Karev notices that something is wrong with the older sister, other than the obvious, and asks how long her eyes have been dilated. Since Sadie was only braiding her hair and didn’t realize actual medical acts were expected of her, totally missed this. Hey, but great first impression on Karev! I think he really will respect you.

As they wheel the older sister out, Torres lets the little sister know they are just performing some tests on her. Little bitch, in her attempt to become Little Mega-bitch and simultaneously begin her attempt at over-actor of the year award, shouts-”Good! I hope you die!” Yikes! If that is foreshadowing….between that, Yang’s punishment and Izzie’s mean girl complex, someone on the writing staff has grown MEAN.

Back in the campaign to convince Yang you aren’t worthless, George opts for some face to face time. He tells her despite taking his internship twice and being a spineless goob for the past 2 years, he has grown and is ready for the major leagues. The only thing interesting about this “How I’ve grown” speech is that George gives it to her in what I can only assume is his best Charlton Heston impersonation. Random.

After his impersonation, he heads to the clinic which is locked and the insurance-impaired-impaired are getting antsy. Izzie arrives with what appears to be a very cold Denny and admits she forgot to open the clinic, and staff it with nurses. If only Yang was around. This display of responsibility would make Izzie a shoe-in for the solo surgery. As she goes to get the clinic key, Denny teases her that she’s kind of giving his clinic a bad name. George notices her talking to herself for the second time that day and looks concerned.

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Listen Nipples, you following me around is kind of giving me a bad name!

After a morning of searching, Yang finally finds crazy Dr. Dixon at the surgery board. Dixon says that she wants the blank surgery on the board because she hasn’t done an amputation since med school. She ends her awkward plea for the surgery with a weird half smile, which you can tell is forced and really hard for her to get out. It’s as if she’s saying…see I’m normal.

Yang explains the full situation of the blank spot and her responsibility to choose who will fill it. Dixon, assessing that Yang has to choose from among her peers, makes a noise that sounds like a cross between a person with an uncomfortable bowel movement and a noise a heavy person makes when a very large dessert has been put in front of them. It’s bizarre…

Torres is reviewing Little Bitch’s x-rays and is joined by Sadie. The scene reflects that there is sexual chemistry between the two, but really it’s a lot of smiling and talking about broken bones. The mischievous music in the background is what gives away that something is a-brewing in the panties between these two. That and Torres walks into a chair on her way out.

Older sister is getting a cat-scan when Grey walks by with LB, and of course none of the doors are closed. Grey looks in and sees Derek and Alex and stops by. (As a side note, I was hoping I would have a fun interesting reason why I was spelling Derek with an “I,” alas I do not. Sorry Renata! Thanks for letting me know!) Meredith forgives Derek for not voting for her to do solo surgery, she understands that would look like he was playing favorites. Because of course he didn’t pick Yang because she was better, that would be madness!

During this super important conversation, something happens to older sister, and they rush in to see the girl’s nose is bleeding and her face has gone super white and her eyes are purple. And of all the timing….all of this happens RIGHT in front of the little sister who submits her second attempt at the over-actor of the year award.

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This is anger meets fear

Grey, who remains super focused on her patients, finds Yang to make her heartfelt campaign for why she deserves to be chosen. Grey humbly tells Yang, “You know I deserve this, you know I’m the best, but…..I don’t want this to be weird or anything since we’re fighting.” Yang responds by saying ok and makes a face that reads: I want to kick you in the ovaries.

The little sister (I feel bad calling her a bitch since her sister is in danger) is being treated by Yang and Torres. She begs them for reassurance that her sister will be ok. She is terrified that the sister will die, having the last thing she heard her little sister say was “I hope you die.” Way to go future leader…maybe telling someone who has just been in the hospital, “I hope you die,” isn’t the most sensitive statement.

During the older sister’s brain surgery, Derek weighs in on how Yang ought to determine who to pick. As the sister’s brain is cut open, McD invites Karev to prove his worth for Yang to watch. Dixon however, jumps in and tells Yang she needs a system, excel sheets, number and rankings, that’s the way Dix rolls. While her head is cut open, the brain begins to change colors….and not in the cool hyper-color way or like someone said something that made her blush. In the, your brain is hemorrhaging way.

Torres catches up with Sloan to share her most recent girl on girl encounter to get his thoughts. She said it felt like a moment, but maybe she completely made it up because she is lonely and desperate for love. Sloan, having some intern lust issues of his own tells Torres to take her sexual longing for the intern and put it into her work. Focus on the medicine and stop thinking about naked interns. Besides girls with no appendix’ (appendici?) are so high maintenance. I don’t understand, I LOVE the chemistry between these two, why do they keep trying to bang interns whom they have no chemistry with??

Sloan, all hot and bothered by talking about naked interns then has to work with Little Grey and Bailey. While showing them how he is rebuilding the patient’s throat, Little Grey leans into him and Sloan yells at her for sharing his air. Nope, still no chemistry despite the background sexy music.

In the clinic, Izzie tells George she has to head out and take care of something. George protests that they are slammed and need her there but she is on her way out. Denny whispers to George that she has to take care of the hot hot sex, but George completely ignores him. A nurse tells George that Izzie hasn’t shown up to the clinic all week. George makes another concerned face. But in Izzie’s defense, she is entertaining the clinic’s sole financial donor.

In the OR, the older sister has crashed but they confirm that it has nothing to do with Alex’ work. Dixon gives a lengthy explanation of what the girl’s status is, but it turns out that she is brain dead. After a moment of silence, Dixon declares that this is good news. Since the girl is only 16 she has very young vital organs and will make an excellent donor.

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Are you a half glass full person….or just a heartless bitch?

After the surgery, Karev approaches Yang to plead his case. He begins by kissing her ass a bit, but then stops, realizing that Yang’s ass is about as kissable as Dustin Diamond’s face is. He proceeds with the textbook explanation of how you perform the surgery, and tells Yang he has done it 4 times.

Finally, Yang is approached by Major House who wants to know if Yang has made her decision. She is still trying to finalize her system of determining who deserves it. May I recommend the BCS? That thing never causes problems. The Major tells her a method is crap and she needs to follow her gut. He chose her based on his gut. Did your gut also tell you to randomly make out with her then not talk to her and park on her front porch? Just curious.

Speaking of awkward sexual encounters, Torres and Sadie run into each other again. Sadie stares lustfully and Torres and says “Beautiful.” Torres begins stumbling over her words and pushing off the compliment when Sadie interjects, “your necklace.” Um yeah, her necklace looks like one of those leftover screws you don’t know what to do with after you’ve put together Ikea furniture. Wouldn’t exactly call it Cartier. Torres leaves awkwardly, as Sadie smiles after her. Please. Sadie just wants to get one of the Doctors talking to her since she is still the new moron intern who lost her appendix.

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This old thing? I actually just found is in the parking lot and tied it on a shoelace.

And we finally find out where Izzie has been hiding this entire episode. Her and “Denny” are cuddling in bed in the on-call room. There is so much wrong with this scene it’s like…where to begin. First, isn’t there a difference between when a Doctor is working and when they are on call? So right now she is literally just screwing, while she is supposed to be working. Second, remember when Izzie was a bad ass and worked her ass off to prove herself? Third…oh yeah, DENNY IS DEAD, SHE KILLED HIM! The two share a little pillow talk and, yea Denny is still dead.

In the OR with the speechless woman, Sloan is performing the surgery while eager beaver Bailey hovers over him with a million questions. Lexie and Sadie watch from the bleachers and discuss how broken their internship program is. Well it is #12, but you probably didn’t help matters by your in house surgery. Sadie reassures Lexie that she’ll be fine because Sloan wants her ass so either he’ll get her back in surgery or they can snag the bottom bunk in the on call room under Izzie and Denny.

Grey wheels in the little sister to join the older sister and her parents. She learns that her sister is not waking up and the little sister begins to cry and plead with her to get up. She is interrupted by Dr. Dixon who very methodically explains that her brain is completely dead, and she is never waking up and that she is the doctor who will be harvesting her organs. The whole time she says this, she is staring at the ceiling looking everywhere but at the family. The little sister screams at the Doctor but the parents remain relatively calm throughout this whole scene. Grey, the shocking voice of reason tells Dixon it is probably better if she leaves.

Izzie, finally able to rid herself from her shadow Denny tracks down Christina. She gives her a speech about how she is having the best sex in the entire world. How if anybody else was having this good of sex, then they would do nothing but have sex all day long. And Izzie doesn’t care that Yang will end up giving the solo surgery to Grey because she is having the best sex ever. So either Izzie has the world’s greatest vibrator, or magic fingers. Either way…all of this makes a little more sense.

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If this is your speech of why I should pick you, it needs a little work.

We follow up with the speechless patient to find out how her surgery went. They encourage her to try and speak. She instantly reaches for her computer and the husband freaks out. He is tired of the post-its and tired of the blogging and screams at her to speak to him. They ought to stick him with Meredith for a week. That’ll get him to sing a different tune. They all leave her alone to give her some space. Some peace and quiet, so to speak…or not speak.

Downstairs crazy Sadie approaches the Chief. Another good hire, by the way Chief. She takes full blame for the appendectomy surgery and asks the blame to be removed from Christina. Well at least finally someone is speaking some reason. Seriously, Yang had nothing to do with it! The Chief reminds Sadie that she is only there because of who her father is, and she better keep a low profile and stay out of trouble. Ooohhh, who’s her father??

Yang and Dr. Dixon are sitting outside of the brain dead patient’s room and Dr. Dixon begins to comment on how inappropriate it is that the brain dead girl is hoarding all her vital organs while other people are dying. Seriously, give this lady a self help show on Lifetime, she is overflowing sensitive goodness. She reminds Yang that you need to keep emotion out of science, and feelings out of medicine. Um, do you know who you are talking too? I don’t think Yang needs a reminder to be heartless. But as Dixon speaks, Yang glances up at Grey and finalizes her solo surgery decision.

Yang makes the very dramatic walk to the white board to fill in the surgical break. All the residents (except Izzie because she is having mind blowing masterbat….I mean, SEX) stand by anxiously waiting. Yang picks up the marker and writes KAREV, A, much to the shock of everyone. Grey looks like someone knocked the wind out of her. She 100% thought she deserved to be chosen. Why? Just because you were born to a brilliant surgeon who was screwing a brilliant surgeon and you are screwing a brilliant surgeon and best friends with a brilliant surgeon, does not make you a brilliant surgeon. Yang tells the Chief that Alex made the best case. And Grey really looks shocked, well shocked for a person who’s face is incapable of showing emotion.

Karev finds Izzie fast asleep in the on-call room cuddling with Denny who is also asleep. Ghosts sleep? He wakes her up to share his exciting news about the solo surgery. He tells her he got the biggest honor of his career and the first thing he wanted to do was find Izzie to share it with her because he’s in love with her. He begins a speech about how he knows she’s scared because he cheated on her in the past, and Denny died, but he loves her and isn’t going anywhere. He asks her to be with him during the solo surgery, tells her he loves her again, kisses her and leaves. The camera then pans on a shirtless and furry Denny who is none to pleased. I feel kind of bad for Alex, these conversations that Denny keeps hearing almost feel like someone three-way calling you, without you knowing the other person is on the phone.

The little sister and Grey are standing over the brain dead older sister and the little sister is devastated. Grey tells the little girl to ask for her forgiveness and the older sister will forgive her and will always love her. The little girl sobs and says she loves the older sister and says goodbye. I feel bad for calling her an over actor earlier, because the little girl is awesome in this scene.

Grey leaves and finds Derek looking at the white board visibly upset. He’s upset about losing a 16 year old and didn’t think being a doctor would be like this. He tells Meredith he’s sick of the death, but aren’t we all a little sick of the deth? PS. Where was Derek in this episode? I was all excited to spell his name right in this recap and he was barely in the episode!

Little Grey approaches the speechless woman and encourages her to talk, despite being scared. The speechless woman finally tries and she can talk, much to Little Grey and the husband’s pleasure. Your happy now buddy, but just wait until she is spouting out the honey-do list. It’s a lot easier to pretend you didn’t see a post-it note or pretend you can’t see her writing you a note but when she’s yelling in your ear you have no excuses.

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Can you give me a moment? I’m trying to poke someone.

The Chief approaches Dr. Dixon to see if she feels like Seattle Grace could be her new home. (please say no, please say no) Dr. Dixon, asks if the Chief intentionally tortured Yang today by making her choose. When the Chief says yes, Dixon makes another weird half smile and tells Chief that for a little more money, she’ll become a regular.

In the bleachers over the OR, the residents gather to watch the solo surgery. Meredith approaches Yang and lets her know that she understands why Yang made it personal. It’s because they are fighting that Yang didn’t pick Meredith for solo surgery, even though she was the best.

Grey makes me want to punch her. Yang seems to mirror my thoughts and reminds Grey that she is the one who can’t keep her work and personal life separate and that Alex was chosen because he was the most prepared. Yang then stands up and reminds all of the residents that she was the chosen one, and that none of them deserve the solo surgery more than hert. You can tell this outburst has been brewing the entire episode.

After Yang storms out, George approaches Meredith hoping for an ally in the “Something’s wrong with Izzie,” campaign. Since it has nothing to do with Meredith, she ignores him. The conversation is interrupted when Meredith receives a page from Alex. A little post surgery nookie from the resident whore perhaps?

It turns out he is just freaking out because he’s about to do solo surgery and can’t find Izzie. He asks Grey to scrub-in, in her place. Grey begins to calm Karev down and says that if he kills this patient Grey is going to be pissed because then she’ll know she deserved the solo surgery. Honestly Grey is anything not about you? Izzie then shows up and says that Karev is read. We can all be at ease because a resident who has been sleeping all day and hallucinating ghosts is going to be cutting someone’s leg off without the supervision of an experienced surgeon.

The Major follows Yang out, and stops her right before she breaks down. He tells her there is a better place for a break down and leads her to a weird boiler room. He gets her to stand above a vent that begins to emit air forcefully and Yang squeals like a child on Christmas. The Major is thrilled by her response and tells her that anything can happen on the vent. Whoa major….More air pumps out, and it’s like a Doctor’s version of Marilyn Monroe in the white dress. Yang squeals with delight again, and the two begin to make out.

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Who knew air could be so GLORIOUS!

Across town, Sloan gets a knock on his door. He opens it to find Little Grey. She comes in and assures him that she respects him as a Doctor, a teacher and a man. Now she wants a little one on one student-teacher action, some extra credit. She starts to take off her clothes and repeats “teach me,” as each layer comes off. Sloan looks at her like…you’ve got to be kidding me!? He tells her he can’t, but by the time she gets to the bra he throws his promise to Derek out the window. I mean…if Derek can forgive him for sleeping with his wife, I’m sure he’ll get over this. Besides, Little Grey is just following in Big Grey’s footsteps! BTW, Anyone else notice that Sloan looks especially hot this episode?

The episode ends with Lexie in bed with Sloan, Major House and Yang making out hard core in the boiler room, Dixon removing the organs she so desperately wanted and Alex conducting the solo surgery with Izzie (duet surgery) while everyone else watches from the cheap seats, including Denny.

So, interesting episode this week. I hated Izzie this week though, which is rare because I usually like her. In the real world, there are talks that T.R. Knightly wants to leave Greys. Which is weird, because usually people leave shows when they are pursuing other roles they are being offered (cough…Katherine Heigl) so I’m not really sure where T.R. is heading. I think Grey’s needs to introduce another form of drama to their hospital. Right now, all of their drama is around sex. They need an eating disorder, or drug addiction, or Emily Valentine to burn down the float.

But overall it wasn’t too hard to swallow….That’sWhatSheSaid.