Grey’s Anatomy: Where Wishes go to Die

Happy New Year! It was a long winter break from out favorite 12th ranked hospital. But it’s a new year and I’m full of fresh hope for Grey’s to regain its stride and start kicking ass again.

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the commercials have promised an explosive, can’t miss episode that will Change. It. All. And that, was the most exciting part of the entire show. (I’ve warned you in advance) The show begins with Meredith talking about wishes. Per, Mer we only get one worthwhile wish a year, which is your birthday wish. But some people throw in extra wishes, like eyelashes, pennies in fountains, etc. just in case life gets too shitty. As the camera pans on a smiley Mer and Der cuddling in bed, Meredith remises that sometimes those wishes come true. When no acme weight drops on their bed, I ascertain that we are not talking about my wish that came true here. Not to fear, I used this year’s Thanksgiving wishbone-wish on this show to get better this season so maybe I’ll be 1-1.

As the alarm goes off Mer and Der struggle to leave the warmth of their bed and self righteousness and decide a quickie is necessary before getting up and going to work. Suddenly I wish I hadn’t eaten before watching this scene. But despite the bliss that Mer and Der’s relationship is supposed to ooze, not all of Mer’s relationships are quite so peachy.

Hey remember when you blamed me for the interns performing surgery on one another in front of the chief, then you got mad because I didn’t choose you for surgery you didn’t deserve but I did, but didn’t get because you blamed me for the interns performing surgery on one another in front of the chief? Yeah, I still hate you.

As the residents get their daily assignments Yang and Grey are assigned to Derek and The Major as George quietly wishes Izzie a Happy Birthday. Random. Derek, Mer, The Major and Yang read up on their patient who the Chief is calling a VIP. At Seattle Grace, VIP stands for a prisoner who was stabbed and beaten in jail. (of course it does). Apparently they don’t have hospitals in Seattle prisons. Either that, or this prisoner is so violent that the prison hospital is too good for him, so they send him to Seattle Grace as punishment.

As Team VIP further reads the prisoners bio they learn that he is a death row inmate. This upsets all of them, but isn’t he technically waiting on death row if he’s being admitted to Seattle Grace? Just let George operate on him, it’ll save the Seattle tax payers millions.

Turns out our prisoner is in a lot of pain and very quickly we learn that there is a divide in the four doctors on how to treat him. As Derek’s disdain for the inmate drips onto the surgical table, the inmate assures him that they are more alike than Derek realizes. According to the inmate, people are alive when they first meet….then all that changes. Make sure to include that in your next appeal inmate. Derek looks like he might stab the inmate in the heart by this statement.

In a less hostile part of the hospital, Lexie approaches Sloan with a shit eating grin on her face. Sloan encourages the smug attitude by reassuring her that the sex was amazing, but it cannot happen again. Lexie coolly says fine and just so slightly brushes up against him as she strides away. Don’t act like such hot shit Lexie. You banged Alex, tried to bang George, would have tried to bang Derek if Meredith hadn’t intervened, and sacrificed all self dignity by stripping for Sloan and saying, “Teach Me.” So don’t act now like you are this irresistible confident girl that Sloan will eventually give into.

We catch up with George’s patient who is screaming in pain, and it’s Mrs. Ari! George informs her that she has broken her hip-that can happen under the age of 80? This infuriates her, as she has spent the last year with multiple bone injuries. Shoulda drank more milk Mrs. Ari. Based on these injuries, George wants to take a better look at her to see if something more is wrong with her. Translation: please have a mystery illness that requires an experimental surgery.

Bailey and Karev find a cute and very frail boy who we learn is a regular patient at Seattle Grace. You can tell that this is one of Bailey’s favorites, and from the past we’ve learned that NOBODY f’s with Bailey’s favorite cases. An older Doctor is performing the check up on the youngin’ while Bailey takes the mom out to discuss his case. We learn that this kid has had tons of surgeries and that his mom is a single mother and at Seattle Grace they do anything they can to make this kid a little more comfortable. While the older Doctor is in with the kid, he collapses on the ground with a stroke and instantly dies. Well that’s reassuring kid! Even the doctors die in this hospital, but good luck with your surgery!

When Bailey informs The Chief about the Doctor’s death, he looks on impassively and doesn’t say a word. What’s left to say? This hospital just can’t get any worse.

In the crazy and annoying wing of the hospital, Izzie tells Denny that she has to tell Alex about their relationship or “us” as she refers to them. She’s happy with Alex, but she’s also happy with Denny and she just wants them both. What’s a girl to do! Technically since Denny is a ghost/figment of your imagination, and doesn’t haunt your family when you hook up with Alex, you really can have them both Iz. The viewers just hate you and Shondra Rhines for it. Denny assures her that Alex will think she’s loco if she tells him. I wouldn’t sweat it Iz, the last time somebody said “I see dead people” it grossed millions of dollars. Go for it!

Meanwhile, Alex has taken over the little boy’s check-up since he killed his last Doctor. (They made it look like a stroke, but you know it’s those evil children of single mothers who caused it). The little boy asks Alex to sign his wish form. Good thing you came in today little one, because wishes is our theme this week! A Doctor has to sign the form proving that the patient’s case is dire enough which Alex refuses, telling the kid he is not going to die.

Lexie is strolling through the hall and overhears Torres telling Sloan she has a throat tumor to remove today, and asks for his help. Lexie, very well acquainted with large masses lodged in the throat, jumps at the chance to join the surgery. As Sloan babbles like a little girl to Lexie about how she can watch, but no touching, Torres figures out that these two did the nasty.

When Lexie leaves, Sloan argues that he was the victim since Lexie came over, stripped down and said teach me. To his credit, he DOES work at a teaching hospital. He’s really just doing his job. That being said, two chicks have now thrown themselves at Sloan asking him to “teach them” this season. Might be time for some new pick up lines writers. As Torres is listing the reasons why intern sex is a no-no Sadie approaches. Did anybody else completely forget about her?

Torres tries to remain professional, but once Sadie pulls something out of her hair Torres turns into Drew Barrymore’s character in Never Been Kissed. After Sadie leaves, the Doctors decide that these interns are out of control sex stalkers. Either that or you are both lonely perverted doctors taking advantage of your power.

While Torres and Sloan tuck their erections into the waistband of their scrubs, Bailey meets the new replacement for the deceased Doctor, Arizona. Arizona is a perky blond who wants to discuss Jackson’s (the little boy) case. Arizona questions the methods that have been used on him, and wants to take a different direction. Bailey, who always accepts criticism with grace and ease, is very open to the opinions of this new Doctor. Kidding, Bailey is super pissed and looks like she is ready to raise Arizona right on out of Seattle Grace. The newly formed hatred is only elevated when Arizona literally skates off.

Back with Team VIP, the prisoner is in increasing pain. Yang and Derek don’t want to give him morphine and the Major and Meredith think they should. When they review his ex-rays they see that he has an object lodged in his spine. The criminal is thrilled by this, and says that being paralyzed might postpone his execution, which is scheduled for next week. He asks to remain a “gimp” for this reason. Probably should have worked some reverse psychology on this one prisoner….you’ve pretty much assured that in the OR Derek will either kill you or make damn well sure that you can walk out of there (shackled of course).

The four doctors leave and discuss next steps with this case. They argue the course of action for this prisoner revealing the following: Derek thinks he’s a piece of shit andwants him to die at the hand of the state once the doctors have done their job and saved him, Yang thinks he’s a piece of shit but wants to just do her job and move on, Grey thinks they shouldn’t judge because they don’t know what crime he committed and sometimes good people do bad things and the Major counts the minutes before he can go stand on the air vent and get a good blow.

I appreciate Meredith’s non-judgmental attitude….but he’s on death row Grey! It’s not like he’s just a random criminal. I don’t care how good a person is, but if they did something bad enough to be on death row….I’m willing to assume, they aren’t a good person who did something bad. Plus he got stabbed in prison, so even fellow criminals hate this guy.

Izzie finds Alex to have the “I see my ex-fiancée who I killed, all the time, and I sometimes have sex with him” conversation. She asks Alex if he ever “sees” his deceased Grandmother, and it turns out he has. Grannie once showed up in his dream and told him not to play with himself. Izzie says it’s kind of like that not mentioning that the difference is, that she is actually playing with the dead person’s balls in her head(translation: masturbating)….not being told by an elder not to masturbate. Either way, Alex takes the news well, tells Denny what’s up, and leaves.

Yang and Meredith tend to the prisoner and even through his blinding pain he senses the tension between the two. When Yang leaves, Grey tells the prisoner that they had a fight. Grey, keep it to yourself! Are you capable of just doing your job and not unloading your personal crap all over the patients? Their dying, haven’t they suffering enough? The patient understands though, as a fight with a friend is what lead to the sawed- off toothbrush in his spine.

While the horny medical entourage (Sloan, Torres and Sadie) inform Mrs. Gold on the tumor in her neck, Lexie strolls in and gives Sloan some documents and quietly purrs “did you need something else?” If this is supposed to be sexy it isn’t. It just makes Lexie seem more pathetic and desperate than she did with George. Also in this scene, Sloan and Torres’ faces look like they spent the winter break on the sun, which I’m sure is normal for Seattle in the winter-lot’s of tanning.

As Arizona performs surgery on Jackson she discovers that his bowel is almost completely gone. She’s shocked by this and informs Bailey that he is lucky to be alive and should have been on the transplant list a year ago. Who was this kid’s doctor? Oh….awkward. Bailey furiously storms off to find the Chief and complain about the new kid in town. The Chief has locked himself behind a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign for the day, and doesn’t want to hear it. Unfazed, Bailey tells The Chief everything wrong with Arizona, the “infant wearing roller-skates.” An angry Chief reminds Bailey that she has hated every attendant when they arrived, Derek, Hahn and Sloan. In other words, stop being so judgmental and leave me alone. Defeated, Bailey heads out, tail firmly between her legs.

At lunch, George reminds everyone that it’s Izzie’s birthday. Including me. Alex assures them that he has the birthday festivities under control and wonders if anyone has Denny’s email address. He wants to put him on the birthday evite. When Izzie arrives, Alex checks in to see if Denny is there because there really is no more room at the table. Alas, Denny isn’t there. I still want to know where he goes when he’s not stalking Izzie around.

When Grey joins the lunch crew the conversation turns to the death row inmate. The other residents want to know what he did and the argument of passion crimes comes up. Grey believes that all crimes are crimes of passion, to which Yang rolls her eyes and leaves. Sadie takes Yang’s empty seat and they all inquire on the status of the “huge fight.” Grey informs them that Yang is in the wrong, took the fight too far and that’s that.

Back with the inmate, Grey continues to take pity on him and has given him more morphine, despite Derek denying him of it. Annoyed by this and tired of trying to passive aggressively tell Grey that she is a moron for taking pity on the death row inmate, Yang straight up asks the guy what he did. The prisoner shares a heart-warming tale about how he had the overwhelming urge one day to slit a woman’s throat. The urge continued to grow over time, until he finally gave into the urge. It felt so good, that he did two more the next day, and the next day, and planned three more for the following day until he got caught.

Nice, a serial killer. Well that settles it, he is obviously a good person who just did something a little bad one-er, three days. The look of self satisfaction on Yang’s face when she proves Grey wrong for thinking this guy was a good person who just got caught in a bad situation or made a silly mistake, is priceless. Make sure to let him borrow your scalpel if he asks for it Grey.

Izzie approaches Alex one more time to tell her about the Denny sex dreams. Alex is strangely still unbothered by her admitting that she has sexy time with Denny, and actually turns this conversation into foreplay. As he makes his way south, Izzie politely asks Denny to leave. We all know how much Alex loves crazy girls, but come-on, not only does he not care about the admission, but he rewards her for it. Either that or he forgot to buy her a birthday present and giving this to her in its place. Hey it’s better than I-tunes gift card.

The surgeries all begin and in Mrs. Gold’s surgery Lexie and Sadie are both scrubbed in ready to go. Umm, weren’t all the interns banned from the OR? So much for punishment. Meanwhile the debate over the prisoner’s treatment continues. Derek is pissed to learn that Meredith ignored his instructions and gave the prisoner additional morphine. He doesn’t understand how she is so unbothered by his history of slaughtering women.

As Izzie lies post-coital, Denny reappears. He let’s Izzie know that he is the jealous type, and can’t handle this. I hate when ghosts get possessive, it’s such a turn-off. Izzie begs him to not make her choose because she loves them both. She asks what Denny is giving her for her birthday (um nothing, he’s dead) and his gift is to allow her to keep both men. Aw, sweet.

Per the urging of Arizona, Bailey informs Jackson that he is joining the transplant list. As she explains this to him she begins to break down, because she knows this kid has a long tough journey. Bailey leaves and Jackson silently hands Karev his wish form which Karev signs and helps him decide what to wish for. Nice Grey’s Anatomy, kill off the most endearing person on the show.

As the day ends we find Sloan and Torres jacking off under Joe’s bar while watching the sexy interns. Sloan finally decides, screw it (literally) and takes Lexie home. Torres takes a shot and gazes longingly at Sadie.

Derek comes home and finds Grey sitting sadly on the couch. As if he needed a reason to hate serial killers, he shares why he does. When Derek was little his dad was shot and killed for his watch. Grey, hearing that her boyfriend’s dad was killed when he was a child, changes the subject to talk about her fight with Christina. Um, if the person I was in love with just shared with me, what was probably the largest personal tragedy in their entire life….I might show a bit of compassion. Especially after oozing compassion on a man who killed four women, all day.

Derek seems unfazed by Meredith having no reaction to the death of his father and wants to comfort Meredith by dancing it out. Do any of the men on this show have balls? He cranks on the music and they begin to dance. Meredith monologues that sometimes the wishes we have are too big, but sometimes all the stars align and the wishes come true.

I don’t know where to start on this episode….I had such high hopes. New year, better season….and this might have been the worst one yet. I think this episode was more of a building block to the next “explosive” episode of Grey’s Anatomy….but it was so flat. The only people who didn’t annoy me this week are: Arizona, Jackson, Alex, The Major and Yang. I found everyone else whiny, bratty, annoying or dating Meredith so annoying by default.

What do you guys think? Am I being overly harsh because I have a personal rain cloud following me around or was this episode just straight up boring?

I used to love it, but now it’s kind of putting me to sleep……That’sWhatSheSaid.