Yeah, this week’s Grey’s Anatomy was a panty-buncher. Would the bomb go off? Would the writers be able to keep up the tension in the second half of a two-parter? By and large it was a success, though the most interesting parts this week actually came in the realm of character development rather than suspense. Ratings were great once again, and we also learned that, as of yesterday, the show’s entire first season is available on DVD.
Meredith starts off with another voiceover saying that patients get a certain creepy look/stench when they sense that death is imminent. The monologue seems to be repeated almost verbatim from last week: once again she asks how you’d spend your last day on Earth if you knew the end was coming. Next, we’re treated to a brief soft-porn shot of Izzie and Alex, who have yet again formed the beast with two backs in the supply closet. They’re so naughty, in fact, that Izzie shows up at the nurses’ desk still fixing her copulation-chic hairstyle.Dr. Burke steps into Dr. He-Shepherd’s O.R. and asks how Mr. Bailey’s brain surgery is going. Apparently the injury is pretty dicey, and any missteps could cost Mr. Bailey his power of speech, though his mojo will remain intact. Burke says it was stupid of He-Shepherd not to evacuate when he was ordered to; He-Shepherd retorts the same and says the two of them should consider a change of profession. Ooh, spinoff potential! Burke and Shepherd as pastry chefs? dairy farmers? ninja monks? Anyway, He-Shepherd says he doesn’t want to be the guy who kills Dr. Bailey’s husband; Burke says he doesn’t want to be the guy who kills everyone in the hospital.
In the other O.R., Cristina and the guy from the bomb squad tell Meredith that it was pretty stupid of her to take over for Hannah and stick her hand in the guy’s chest. Meredith spits back that she doesn’t really like being made fun of when she has her hand on a bomb and somebody’s velcroing a flak jacket to her boobs. For god’s sake, where did she pick up her sense of humor—TEHRAN? Burke tells Cristina to leave the O.R., saying this isn’t just another “cool surgery” but a truly dangerous situation. She resists, but Burke insists that he can’t perform the surgery with her in the room because he’s too distracted by the sight of her ravishing “treasures of the Orient,” if you know what I mean. Cristina finally leaves.
In the intern locker room, George says the stress of the bomb scare has made colors seem brighter to him; Alex says it’s heightened his sense of smell. Hilariously, Izzie tells them to shut the hell up, since nobody cares whether the blue is bluer or you have super smelling powers if Meredith could die at any moment. Just when I was thinking Izzie might actually have ONE IOTA OF SENSE IN HER, what does she do? SHE STARTS LAUGHING. We’re treated to the much-anticipated debut of her “talking-to-myself-out-loud” voice as she admits that she often has inappropriate reactions when she’s feeling stressed. Wow, I hadn’t noticed. She runs out, presumably to go find her sock puppets or eat some Play-Doh.
Banned from Dr. Burke’s O.R., Cristina goes into Dr. He-Shepherd’s and foists her internly services upon him. He asks her how Hannah is doing with the bomb next door; Cristina lies and says “Hannah” is hanging in there fine. In Dr. Webber’s office, meanwhile, Dr. She-Shepherd tells the chief to calm down. Of course he’s totally unable to, what with the bomb scare, Dr. Bailey in labor, and the news that OMG Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are on the outs. She-Shepherd says Dr. Bailey’s contractions are getting frequent but she’s still refusing to push, so they may need to do an emergency C-section. Dr. Webber protests that there’s no O.R. available; She-Shepherd says he better build an O.R. out of Legos and Q-tips or find her a helicopter to take her to another hospital or they might lose the baby entirely.
Alex finds Izzie in the linen closet, babbling incoherently and wearing her panties on her head. She starts to mention that she has an odd tendency to laugh at funerals, but then interrupts her own story to start sucking face with Alex. Sure, nothing says “healthy response to a crisis” like INSANE CACKLING AND NYMPHOMANIA. Alex backs off, and Izzie starts mumbling about how she got jealous of the fact that Meredith gets to be the one in surgery with the bomb. Now Alex kisses Izzie back, helplessly aroused by the jealousy-bipolarity one-two punch.
“I want Jesus juice and I want it NOW”
When George tells Dr. Bailey they’re considering an emergency C-section, she refuses and says she needs a ride home because she’s NOT having the baby until tomorrow. George warns that she could lose the baby, but she doesn’t want to hear it and tells him to leave. Outside, the leader of the bomb squad tells Dr. Webber that the bomb is stable and ready to remove. But from the hospital blueprints Webber discovers that Burke’s O.R. is situated immediately on top of the hospital’s main oxygen line (used for general anesthesias), which would be a less than ideal spot for an explosion.
Back in the linen closet, Izzie and Alex have apparently parked the beef bus in tunatown YET AGAIN. Man, she’s worse than Lil’ Kim. Izzie suddenly gets up to leave, saying she absolutely must do something to help during this crisis. She then valiantly offers her vaginal services to the entire bomb squad, “just to take the edge off.”
Back in Dr. Burke’s O.R., Meredith is standing over the patient with her standard dazed, botoxic expression. Noting that Dr. Burke and the bomb squad guy are whispering at the door, Meredith gets annoyed and says they’re treating her like a patient—she’d rather they just tell her the news straight out. Burke says they’ve learned that SGH’s main oxygen line runs directly under the room they’re in. Meredith asks what that means, saying that she has an inkling but doesn’t trust herself because she tends to be “glass half empty these days.” N.O. S.H.I.T. Unfortunately, she’s right—if the bomb were to explode over the oxygen line, the whole hospital could blow up. The bomb squad guy says all they have to do is move the gurney carefully to another O.R., which Meredith doesn’t like the sound of.
The Many Faces of Ellen Pompeo. Clockwise from upper left: happy Meredith, sad Meredith, excited Meredith, frightened Meredith, surprised Meredith, hopeful Meredith, angry Meredith, despondent Meredith, horny Meredith, shitfaced Meredith.
Outside, Dr. Webber starts breathing heavily and collapses against the wall. Great timing! They get him into one of the hospital rooms, and fortunately his EKG turns out normal. Before long, Izzie walks in sporting her sex hair once again. Dr. Webber keeps trying to get up, but Izzie says he needs to stay in bed, plus Mrs. Webber says the chief’s gonna have to body-check her personally if he wants to get out of the room. Now that I would pay to see.
In the hallway, George pesters Dr. She-Shepherd with questions about Dr. Bailey. Can we drug her? Can we force her to have a C-section? Can we declare her temporarily insane? Are they really casting her as the Oracle in The Matrix 4? Dr. She-Shepherd quickly gets sick of this and snaps at George that she’s doing all she can—and then UNLOADS on him, telling him to shut up and stop asking so many stupid questions. George does the sulky puppy-dog eyes and slinks away—whatever George, you were being OBJECTIVELY ANNOYING. He hides in the stairwell and runs into the missing paramedic, Hannah, who’s hiding at the bottom of the stairs, having cut her hand in a nasty fall.
In Dr. He-Shepherd’s O.R., Cristina sees Meredith and the bomb squad pass by the door, so she runs outside to see what’s going on. They’re moving the entire gurney slowly down the hallway to another O.R.—wait, I thought Dr. Webber just said there wasn’t another O.R. available for Bailey’s C-section. Ahh, details. Anyway, Meredith and the bomb squad guy run down their planned procedure once again, after which Meredith kindly tells the man she doesn’t like him very much. Endearing! Meredith continues to whine that she has her hand on a bomb and that she’s freaking out and has to pee to boot. Cristina tries to distract her by mentioning that Burke said “I love you” to her last night while he thought she was sleeping. Great, THAT certainly won’t set off Meredith’s self-pity instinct or anything.
As George treats the cut on Hannah’s hand, Hannah asks whether Meredith still has her hand on the bomb. George says that Dr. Milton was a coward to leave Hannah by herself in the O.R., but Hannah replies that she’s a coward too because she ran away—she’s disappointed in herself because under pressure she didn’t stay and do but rather turned and ran. George immediately loses his boner for Hannah since, as we know from last week, he has a doer fetish.
Izzie, now sporting sexy post-sex glasses in addition to the post-sexysex coif, says the test results show that Dr. Webber had an anxiety attack. Alex asks who’s gonna break the news to Dr. Webber—Izzie responds, “I gave you sex in a linen closet, you tell him.” You “gave” him sex? What are you, like the sexual Salvation Army? Regardless, Alex finds the trade fair enough and runs off to tell Dr. Webber.
Meanwhile, Dr. She-Shepherd can’t even get Dr. Bailey to turn over in bed, let alone push the baby out of her ladyparts. She-Shepherd gives up and starts to leave the room in order to get Dr. Webber’s authorization for an O.R. and an emergency C-section. But then George breaks in and tells Dr. Bailey that he expected more from her—after all, she’s Dr. Bailey, she never gives up or hides from a fight. In short, she’s a DOER! George immediately mounts Dr. Bailey and expresses his doer-lust physically. Actually, George delivers one of the best scenes he’s had so far: he says that yes, there are a lot of crazy things going on that nobody can control, but the delivery of the baby—that they can do. This appeal finally gets through to Dr. Bailey and results in a very nice scene. Well done, well done.
George gets Dr. Bailey to sit up and then really DOES mount her—only from behind, since he’s apparently a rear-entry sort of chap. Anyway, while straddling his boss, he says “Let’s have this baby.” George, you such a baby daddy.
“Once more, with FEELING!”
In Dr. Burke’s O.R., they’re ready to operate on bomb guy. The plan is for Meredith to pull out the ammo very slowly and then Dr. Burke to jump in quickly and get to work. Meredith says she “guesses” she’s ready. Glad to hear your heart’s in this, sweetcheeks.
Cristina returns from the hallway into Dr. He-Shepherd’s O.R., where he asks her how Hannah is doing in the other room. Apparently Cristina caught George’s truthtelling disease, because she suddenly blurts out that it’s not Hannah with the bomb but Meredith. GREAT. I can’t tell whether this is totally implausible—after all, Cristina hid her pregnancy for weeks, so why not this—or whether she’s unconsciously forcing He-Shepherd’s hand. Anyway, just at this moment, Mr. Bailey starts flatlining. At roughly the same time, Dr. Bailey pushes mightily and the top of her baby’s head appears.
Next door, Meredith apparently has started reciting her last will and testament: “To Derek, all my love; to Cristina, my luxurious collection of bath salts; to Izzie, my fingerpaints and Nembutal; and to George, my tampons.” Then Meredith starts to freak out just as Hannah did earlier. The bomb squad guy tries to talk her down, saying that even if she dislikes him, she needs to listen to him—if it helps, she should try to pretend he’s someone she actually likes. This advice yields a remarkably dumb, Matrix-y scene in which an imaginary Dr. He-Shepherd appears amid angelic lighting, offering Meredith words of encouragement. This just doesn’t work and doesn’t fit the show.
“Why did we agree to do this scene?” “Your guess is as good as mine, dumbass.”
Just as Meredith pulls out the ammo, the baby pops out of Dr. Bailey’s unmentionables. George gazes at this miracle of motherhood until Dr. Bailey shouts at him to stop staring at her “vajayjay.” I am totally trademarking this expression and selling T-shirts. Meanwhile, Dr. He-Shepherd is unable to resuscitate Mr. Bailey, who’s still flatlining. I really thought Mr. Bailey might not make it, but then He-Shepherd strikes him in the chest out of frustration/desperation, and whaddya know, it works. Vive le rÃƒÂ©alisme.
Meredith carefully hands over the bazooka shell to the bomb squad guy, who walks very slowly out of the room with it. Meredith’s curiosity gets the better of her, so she goes out into the hallway to see what the guy is planning to do with the explosive. The thing promptly blows up in his hands, killing him, destroying the hallway and several adjoining rooms, and knocking Meredith back on her ass and cracking her head on the floor.
“Hmm, that looks like an explosion”
“Yeah, I think I’ll move back a little bit”
“This is Le Tigre—I use it for footwear”
“Did I leave the oven on?”
“Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it”
When we come back from commercial, though, no one makes any mention whatsoever about the fact that, you know, A BOMB JUST WENT OFF AND KILLED A GUY AND DESTROYED LIKE FOUR ROOMS. Am I just an idiot, or was this really odd? I even wondered whether Meredith had maybe just dreamed up the whole explosion, because literally nobody says a word about it. Regardless of what we’re meant to think, it’s handled very awkwardly. Anyway, what does happen is that Drs. Burke and He-Shepherd emerge from the elevator to a crowd of people eagerly awaiting news of the patients. Notably, Burke calls He-Shepherd “Derek” as they exit the elevator. Ooh, He-Shepherd 1, Burke 1.
Burke says the ex-bomb patient has made it through; he also gives credit to Hannah for her gentle touch in plunging her hand into the guy’s chest cavity. After the mini press-conference, Dr. He-Shepherd asks frantically “Where is she?”—although it’s Dr. She-Shepherd who comes running, there’s no question that he meant Meredith. Helpfully, Mrs. Webber says, “Mhmm that is not the she he was asking for.” Wow, “Thanks for Spelling That One Out for Us, Writers!”
Afterward, Cristina and Izzie have Meredith in the shower and are removing her scrubs and washing the blood off her face. True, she has a cut on her forehead, but I still don’t buy that after an explosion and severe whiplash she was able to regain consciousness, let alone stand up. Nonetheless, it’s a clever parallel to the lesbian shower fantasy from last week, capped off when George himself walks past and sees the three women together. Fortunately he doesn’t drop the towel this time.
Home for the evening, Cristina puts her head on the pillow and asks Burke whether he’s awake. Upon hearing him safely snoring she says she loves him as well. I was expecting Burke’s eyes to open, but they don’t. At the hospital, Dr. Bailey presents her baby boy to her husband in a nice moving scene, marred only by the fact that she’s named the baby “William George Bailey Jones.” Why not throw a “Van De Kamp” in there somewhere just for good measure.
And back at the house, Izzie stops by Meredith’s room to say there’s someone at the door to see her. Oh great, JEHOVAH’S WITNESSES. Actually, it’s Dr. He-Shepherd, noting that Meredith “almost died today.” Incisive! He turns to leave when Meredith mentions that she can’t remember the last time they kissed. He-Shepherd leaves through the door but then he comes back in and says he remembers it was a Thursday morning. Meredith was wearing “that ratty little Dartmouth T-shirt”—WOOHOO—and smelled like some kind of flower. Only he says flower like “flahr,” which reminds me of that time the Chenbot tripped over her words and coughed up part of her robot innards.
Despite He-Shepherd’s smarminess, the conversation is touching, as they both clearly leave a lot unsaid. As He-Shepherd tries for a second time to walk out, Meredith interrupts him this time to say, “Lavender. My hair smelled like lavender.”—ooh, romantic. “From my conditioner.” JESUS, this woman can’t go five seconds without a buzzkill. As He-Shepherd leaves, the episode ends with the voiceover asking yet again—I think we’ve wrung all we can out of this one, writers—”If you knew this were your last day on Earth, how would you want to spend it?”
All in all, I really enjoyed this episode, since it kept up the tension from last week and featured some great moments for George, which were long overdue. That being said, I think it’s time to call in the crisis team for Ellen Pompeo. I know she’s supposed to be prickly, but after the last few weeks she’s become one of the whiniest, least likable TV protagonists in recent memory. I still do like her for some reason—god knows why—but they’ve got to make her more fun, and soon. Also, what is with the croaking—she sounds more and more like Marge Simpson every week. Finally, and most important, BITCH PUT DOWN THE BOTOX. We don’t care if you have crow’s feetÃ¢â‚¬”you’re ten years older than Katherine Heigl for god’s sake, we’ll cut you some slack—but I tend to like to see facial expressions, not feel like I need to uncover them with a hammer and chisel.
Thoughts? Good? Bad? Will George get together with Hannah? Will Burke and He-Shepherd get gaymarried? Is lavender the new black?