What happens when you cross the tale of the Pied Piper with Pretty in Pink? Episode 5 of Grimm happens! This episode is all about class warfare between poor rat people and rich assholes. Why are rich people ALWAYS assholes on TV? I know some rich people and they’re really nice. I know rich assholes too, and I know poor assholes. And that’s the most political commentary you’re ever going to get from LadyBaldy! On with the show!
The show opens with a shot of the Portland waterfront at night. We’re treated to the sight of rats and an obviously fake pigeon corpse:
Law and Order SPU: Special Pigeon Unit
Forget dead birds, let’s go to a rave, yo! I’m old, so I didn’t realize the kids were still going to raves. We went to raves in the 90’s when I was in high school so I assumed popular culture would have moved on by now. I guess raves will never die as long as white kids like to trip on ecstasy and wave around glow sticks. Also, I’m pretty sure raves were invented so whitey could have something to do with their hands while they dance.
Glow sticks: keeping white people on the dance floor since 1992!
Like all other raves/clubs on TV and in movies, this one is chock full o’ good looking folks having a good time. The crowd is screaming for DJ Retcheadskfhasofh – I can’t understand what the hell they’re saying, but they sure are excited about it! The lovechild of Steve Buscemi and Marc Anthony gets DJ Incomprehensible Yelling pumped to get onstage;
“Hear that? Get out there, man!”
“Thanks, Stark Buschanthony. Boardwalk Empire is awesome, and I’m sorry it didn’t work out with JLO”
The DJ dons a giant pink light up mask and takes the helm of the DJ equipment as the crowd goes WILD! As the beats drop, I find myself grooving along – I’m digging DJ Rahblahpat’s groove. Some chick texts a friend that DJ Retched Kat is killing it wish you were here, etc – thank you random dancing extra for clearing up the name form me!
What are the anonymous raver’s friends doing instead of drinking cheap keg beer and jumping up and down like possessed monkeys? Late night school orchestra practice. Sucks to be you guys! There’s four teens practicing Camille Saint-Saens’ Danse Macabre. I love this tune! I wish I could say I knew the name and composer before the show, but I would be lying. Until now, I referred to it as “That Song From the Faust Play Scene in Tombstone.” A Renaissance Baldy I am not.
I’ll be your Huckleberry…and your classical music guide!
Two of the teens have some serious 80’s head accessory action going on – the Asian kid has the Johnny Cobra-Kai headband action, so he’s Cobra-Kai from here on out. Blond kid has a Duckie hat, and even though he will reveal himself to be Stef from Pretty in Pink, we’ll call him Duckie-hat for now.
Get your own decade-specific trends!
In true angry band instructor fashion, the teacher comes in and interrupts their practice to tell them they suck and he can keep them there all night to practice if he has to. I don’t think he can, but it’s clearly a private school, so who knows?
“You’re all lucky your parents are loaded because if you had to play music to put food on the table, you’d all be dead in a month.”
Back to the rave. I’m seriously digging the tunes; it makes me want to put on some jnco jeans and a wife beater and party like it’s 1999. Before I can get in my time machine, we’re back to the cranky band teacher, who is walking alone to his car at night and since he was acting like a dick, we know he’s not long for this world.
He gets in the car as eerie music plays and eeeew…a rat darts between his feet! A glance in the rearview mirror reveals that there’s a shit ton more in the back.
“First those untalented hacks and now THIS? COME ON!”
He starts freaking out but doesn’t try very hard to get out of the car. The rave music and action intensifies as he screams. Commercial break! Hulu is torturing me with Acqua di Gioia ads. I don’t wear cologne anyway, but I AM SO TIRED OF THIS AD! How is a sweaty waifish teenager whispering supposed to make me want cologne? Between this ad and the non-stop Bud Light commercials featuring Pitbill, I’m starting to suspect that Hulu thinks I’m Snooki.
The show returns and it’s the next day. Another school employee rolls up and notices meanie band teacher’s car is there, which is clearly unusual. She gets close enough to see what has happened and screams. I don’t blame her:
You should put some neosporin on that so it doesn’t scar.
What’s our main character up to all this time? Middle class tragedy – the refrigerator is broken and they can’t make smoothies! While Juliet deals with this crisis, Nick is saved by the phone – he has to go to the school to check out the crime scene. Hank-Dre and Nick check out the corpse and learn that there are rats involved. Hank-Dre is bummed because he hates rats. He should start a support group with Indiana Jones’ dad.
They open the door and all the rats run out as one ineffective animal control employee tries to catch them with a net.
Dude, you’re not even trying. P.S. all the rats are BEHIND you.
Whoever put the rats in the car ditched the cages in the bushes. The cages are labeled “Geiger Pest Control. Either the perp is connected with Geiger Pest Control and is also an idiot, or someone is being framed. OR – someone from Geiger Pest Control knew that the police would know that they wouldn’t leave labeled cages, so they left labeled cages trying to pin it on someone else! THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS! And boring.
“They don’t know that we know they know!”
According to the woman who found the remains of the band instructor, meanie band man was loved by all! Really? He seemed like a dick to me. In any case, he was at the school rehearsing late. The only potential witnesses? Cobra-Kai, Duckie-Hat and friends!
Nick and Hank-Dre travel to one of the teen’s homes to question them. As they approach the front door, they notice that the home and cars indicate that these kids are spoiled.
The help has to park outside the gate, apparently.
Like most teenagers, these four don’t know anything helpful. Mom is hovering over them while they’re being questioned. The kids finally give our heroes a lead – Roddy Geiger is a former student of the school but he was suspended for fighting. Mom doesn’t want the kids to talk to the cops about it so she shuts it down.
“There was a poor kid at our school that probably did it.”
“Shut your face or I’ll snatch that Duckie-Hat off your head and beat you with it.”
Nick and Hank-Dre head to the other side of the tracks to visit Roddy Geiger. While the four teens are rich, Roddy lives in a trailer by the river.
Roddy lives next door to Matt Foley, motivational speaker, and Lucas from the movie Lucas.
He’s playing violin and boy is he talented! He’s also…wait for it…HE IS DJ Retched Kat! Angsty poor violin prodigy by day, popular rave DJ by night!
“Hi Audience, remember me from ten minutes ago?”
Nick and Hank-Dre make their way to the rat-cage area of the property to talk to Roddy. Before they get very far, Dad busts in – and he’s pissed! Rich kids don’t have the monopoly on overprotective parents even though they have it on everything else. Dad claims they’re being framed for the murder of meanie band director. Roddy didn’t even know that the teacher was dead yet! Dad has a chip on his shoulder about shitty rich people who treat them like garbage. As he rants angrily, BOOM! He’s a rat-man!
“I’m so mad I could eat garbage and spread disease!”
“Seriously?!?! Can I just have ONE case where only humans are involved? I can’t find busy-work for Hank-Dre forever!”
Roddy takes off running but Nick is faster and takes him down. Roddy cuts to the chase – he knows that Nick is a Grimm and he’s going to fight! Nick knocks him down with one punch and tells him that he’s not there to hurt him. He’s a good Grimm!
At the station, Hank-Dre questions Rat Dad. Rat Dad doesn’t have a concrete alibi – he was setting healthy rats free in the mountains. Bring in all the rats for questioning! Hank-Dre pushes the Dad, trying to get a confession: his son was suspended for fighting and they found his cages at the scene of the crime. Rat Dad has an answer for that – the cages were stolen! He didn’t file a report because the police don’t make stolen rat cages a priority. So, would you say that they don’t give a rat’s ass? AHAHAHAHA I kill me.
According to Rat Dad, his son is a prodigy and the other kids are just jealous. They got Roddy kicked out and now they’re framing him for murder! Unfortunately, there’s no proof…yet.
In another room, Nick questions Roddy, who acts all Rebel Without a Cause. Nick is tries to relate to Roddy and reason with him but he’s not getting very far.
“I’m not a regular Grimm, I’m a cool Grimm! Come on, brah, let’s RAP!”
“Are you serious?”
The music teacher reported Roddy for fighting, but he claims it was self-defense – Cobra Kai and Duckie-Hat started it! Too bad Mr. Miyagi wasn’t around to take care of biz for him.
Unlike Rat Dad, Roddy DOES have an alibi – he’s DJ Retched Kat! Lucky for him, Steve Buscemi can vouch for him. Sergeant Wu is impressed that Roddy is DJ Retched Kat – the most famous raver in Portland! I would think being a famous raver is on par with being a famous compettitive eater or a famous bouncer (I’m looking at you, Roadhouse) in that the only people who give a shit are people in the corresponding community, but Sergeant Wu is still impressed.
“That kid is LIKE THE MOST FAMOUS RAVER IN PORTLAND!”
“And I’m the most famous guy who doesn’t give a shit.”
The three brainstorm motive and opportunity but don’t come up with much. They decide that Roddy can go but they’re keeping Dad. Roddy is pissed because he knows they can’t verify Dad’s alibi. The Man is totally unfair when it comes to Rat people.
Off to the morgue! The coroner reports that the teacher died of a heart attack. But wait! There’s more: Coroner did some extra credit and performed a rat-autopsy. The rat has evidence in his stomach – in between music teacher bits, there’s some suspicious fibers!
Worst heart attack EVER
Captain Renard presses Nick and Hank-Dre for something to tell the press. They’ve got a dead popular teacher from an expensive private school, and rich parents like to bitch and moan, so they have to have something to tell them. Nick and Hank-Dre need to do more investigating before they have anything to report.
After leaving the police station, Roddy decides to push his luck and heads to the rich neighborhood. He’s hiding in the bushes and who rolls up but the girl from the string quartet. Roddy approaches her and tells her that the cops arrested his Dad. She’s pretty cold to him – it’s obvious she thinks he’s responsible for the death of their teacher. Roddy is pissed – she didn’t speak up when he was jumped because Cobra Kai and Duckie-Hat are her friends, and now she thinks Roddy’s a murderer! Apparently she used to date Roddy but she’s done slumming.
Overprotective judgy mom comes outside just in time to tell Roddy to eff off. As he leaves, Duckie-Hat rolls up in his BMW SUV and taunts him. He’s ready to call 911 so Roddy can’t do anything. Roddy says he’ll pay, and 80’s hat asshole says “some of us can afford to”. What a dick!
“It’s for you! Ratatouille, Pinky and The Brain want to meet up later!”
Renard gives a press conference while Hank-Dre and Nick discuss the lab reports on the fibers – the colored fibers are from blankets, the others are synthetic and…before anyone can discuss what this means for the case, Mommy McJudgy arrives at the station demanding to speak to Nick and Hank-Dre. She is furious that a poor person made it into her neighborhood / daughter’s pants and she wants to file a complaint. Nick and Hank-Dre are not impressed but they humor her anyway.
“If you say your taxes pay my salary, I will end you.”
“I don’t appreciate the attitude when I’m trying to file a report. I am the victim here!”
“Okay, this is what I have so far. You’re a bitch.”
Once the work day is over, Hank goes to the bar with Wu and Nick heads to Monroe’s house for more exposition. The proper name for the rat people is Reinigen and they’re the bottom of the food chain, and they’re typically not violent. Since he can’t get through to him, Nick wants Monroe to talk to Roddy. Monroe is apprehensive; last time he helped Nick with someone, a thug lost an arm. Nick finds an in – Monroe is a music lover, and Roddy is a prodigy. Monroe is also AWESOME and agrees to do it even tho Rhinegan and Blutbad aren’t exactly buddies.
“Alright, I can help you.”
‘Who’s my Blutbad?! You’re the best.”
Nick goes home and finds the refirgerator repairman wrestling with the fridge while Juliet stands by laughing. REpairman is apparently a beaverperson and realizes Nick is a Grimm and freaks the fuck out. Juliet is weirded out, as anyone would be, but Nick brushes it off.
Hank-Dre and Wu are at the lonely guy bar talking about how Nick has an instinct for people. And fairy tale creatures, but they don’t know that. Hank-Dre turns Wu down for dinner and runs into BLONDE LADY WHO WORKS FOR RENARD! Coincidence?? She’s flirty-flirty and invites him to dine with her. You could dismiss it as innocent until we see Renard watching from out front. In addition to speaking French and removing ears, he’s also apparently a Hexenbiest pimp.
Back at the sad rat trailer, Roddy plays the violin to deal with stress and music teachers everywhere swoon at the idea that this is what rebel kids are doing instead of meth. Monroe approaches the trailer and he’s stunned at Roddy’s talent. He knocks on the door and compliments him on his awesome Brahms. He tells Roddy that he’s there for Nick, and Roddy tries to close the door but Monroe stops him and shows off some Blutbat hand to tell him what’s up.
He tells Roddy that Nick is not out to kill him and he’s worried about him. Monroe lays it down – don’t be an idiot. Throwing away talent is lame – real talent is so elusive and magical and the people who have it never appreciate it – SO TRUE. Monroe checks in – is the mentoring going well? Roddy is still confused and silent like all teenagers are when adults get real. Monroe recognizes it’s strange that a blutbad is giving advice to a reinigen but lives collide in mysterious ways! He gives Roddy his card – it will be interesting to see if Roddy pops up in the future.
Before Monroe’s wisdom can kick in, Roddy gets a call from the po-po that dad resisted a cell transfer and got roughed up – no visits for 48 hours! The man is always coming down on poor rat people.
Back at Nick’s house, Juliet is still trying to figure out why the refrigerator repairman is so scared of Nick. He’s not offering much in the way of explanation, so she guesses that he probably arrested ol’ badgerman at some point. Nick agrees with her to end the convo, and lucky for him, the phone rings – it’s Monroe!
“Dude you have great timing, my lady is all up my ass right now!”
Monroe phones to let Nick know that his talk was successful! He thinks it made some inroads. He’s off to start Big-Blutbad Little Reinigen. Unfortunately, Roddy is not pondering, he is tearing apart his house in a fit of anger over the injustice of his father’s situation.
Hank-and Nick run down the lab results – finally! They tell Renard that the fibers indicate that Duckie-Hat drives the BMW the fibers likely came from! Meanwhile, Roddy liberates the rats at his house as cool house music plays. He’s burning down the house! He’s HAD IT. It’s revenge time. He grabs his DJ mask and violin and torches the place. Kid, “bring the house down” is just an expression!
What are the rich kids up to? They’re ending their school day and packing up their luxury cars that they don’t deserve. The nerd who clearly is the cool kid lackey is worried – Roddy told Sara that they are the ones who put the rats in the car! Rich ringleader is not impressed. He has never gotten anything other than his way in 17 years, so why should things change now? Nerd says everyone knows that Roddy is a better violin player and Sara liked him better and that’s why rich kid set up Roddy! No time to worry – DJ Retched Kat is playing tonight!
At Duckie-Hat’s house, Nick and Hank-dre are there to investigate the BMW. Dad is being non-cooperative and threatens to call a lawyer. Nick and Hank-dre are NOT impressed. Rich dad makes the taxpayer comment! It was going to happen sooner or later. RUDE.
Wu is looking in the car – there’s a blanket with holes, carpet fibers that match, and rat poop! Dad is indignant – he won’t give up Duckie Hat’s wherabouts. Hank is like, that’s fine – we’ll just put a warrant out for his arrest. Dad relents – D.H. is at a movie with friends. Likely story. They’re saved more whining from rich dad with a phone call – Nick is constantly being saved by phone calls – Roddy’s house is on FIRE!
They rush to the scene and find that the rats have all been liberated. They bolt to Sara’s house. Roddy and a couple hundred of his closest friends walk along the waterfront – this rave is not going to end well.
Tonight at the DJ Retched Kat Show – Free hanta virus and plague for the first 50 ravers!
They get to Sarah’s and talk to mom – she’s bitchy until she realizes that Sara left her cell phone at home and the cops are not messing around. They check the phone and see a text about the Rave. They’re on it!
The kids roll to the rave, blissfully unaware what awaits them. At the warehouse- Roddy has been busy lighting a bajillion candles and getting the rats all roided up with murder music.
Did he get there four hours early, or has he taught the rats to light candles?
The rich kids arrive and notice that no one else is there yet. They can hear music but they’re too naive to think that the lack of people is cause for worry. Sara is finally figuring out what is up – she confronts the boys and asks whether they set up Roddy and got him kicked out. Carter maintains that they’re innocent and Roddy jumped them. REALLY? A skinny white kid jumped FOUR of you and kicked your asses? You are either complete pussies or everyone around you is stupid. Or both. Carter taunts her to get the focus of them – does she want to be with rat boy? She pulls a Blaine from Pretty in Pink and denies interest in poor people. WHAT ABOUT PROM SARA?
They head inside ready to party. It’s totally creepy inside and even tho they can hear music, they can’t find the party. Sara figures out that the music is coming from underground – THAT’S SO LITERAL, YO! By the end of the party, you’ll ALL be underground – 6 feet underground, that is!
The teens make their way down the stairs and check their phones – their parents have called them multiple times! They laugh it off. Idiots. If someone in my family calls more than once, someone died.
“All our parents called multiple times? I’m sure that’s nothing to be concerned about!”
Hank and Nick are on the scene to investigate. Because they’re not idiots, they proceed with caution. Sara has started to notice something is off but they keep going. They finally get down to the “rave” and think everything is cool! The “DJ” stops the music and tells them that they lied! Nerd gives it up and Sara figures out that they lied to her and they are behind Roddy getting kicked out of school and the death of the music teacher.
“You lied to me AND you’re still wearing that hat? You’re an asshole.”
Roddy says it’s their turn and starts playing Danse Macabre and the rats attack!! WHY ARE THEY JUST STANDING THERE? RUN? Hank and Nick hear the screams and put some skates on it. The boys start to run and Sara falls – its about to get ugly but Nick shuts it down with some gunshots. The kids talk to the police and they confess everything. Sara wants the police to tell Roddy that she’s sorry, and Hank-dre tells her that’s her job.
“Baby, I’m not the help. Grow up!”
Nick finds Roddy and tells him that Sara had nothing to do with it and she didn’t know about it. He asks ROddy if it was worth it; he says they deserved it. Nick jokes that he never used rats to get a confession then gets serious – Roddy is lucky no one got hurt – they have nothing to charge him with. Roddy points out that the music teacher got hurt. SAD.
Hank-Dre is writing the report and wants to know what they will charge Roddy with, and Nick talks him out of charging Roddy with anything. Nice! Hank asks how someone does something like that – Nick think’s he’s talking about how Roddy was pushed too far, but Hank is thinking more obvious – how did he get the rats to do it?
“Oh, right…that’s what I meant…”
Nick brushes it off and changes the subject with a prank!
Meanwhile, at Nick’s house – the refrigerator guy is back for his tools. Juliet tells him that Nick doesn’t remember him or arresting him. Refrigerator guy is confused but dying to get out – he tells Juliet that Nick has no reason to come after him – make sure Nick knows that! She’s more confused than ever. Seeing as how Juliet is ultra-curious, she’s not going to let this go. Nick is going to have to come clean sooner or later!
“WHO AM I DATING??”
I am so sorry to be so behind on the recaps, but this weekend I’m catching up and we’ll have TWO MORE GRIMM RECAPS! In the meantime, here’s a creature that I am truly afraid of, and I wish Grimms would do something about:
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