Welcome Blutbat and Jagerbar loving Gasmii! It’s time for another recap of NBC’s new Friday night show Grimm! I have to tell y’all, I am LOVING this show – it kept me engaged from start to finish, which is no easy task. I’m the type of person who usually has to be doing something while watching TV. The latest episode of Grimm actually engaged my ADHD-ridden brain for a whole 43 minutes and 30 seconds.
You know what else I’m loving? Kate Burton as Aunt Marie. Some of you may know her from Gray’s Anatomy, but that’s not how I know her. I know her from her performance as the scared but determined journalist Margo in John Carpenter’s “Big Trouble in Little China” which, incidentally, I also loved. I love a lot of things, apparently. I promise I’m not drunk.
Message on Kate Burton’s voicemail: “Hi Kate, it’s LadyBaldy. I know it’s late, and maybe it’s the wine talking but you are so talented and I looooooooove you!”
Like the series premiere, the second episode begins in the woods. Here’s a tip for all the human residents of this town – STAY OUT OF THE WOODS. On the other hand, if idiot teens did not wander into the woods to end up tangling with mythical creatures, we’d have no show. I take it back – residents of fictional Portland, Oregon: FREE BEER IN THE WOODS!
Who has wandered into danger this time? Goldilocks! This Goldilocks is all grown up and has her boyfriend in tow. The two of them happen upon a large, well maintained house in the woods and it would appear that no one is home. Naturally, Goldilocks and boyfriend break into the house and proceed to eat the owner’s food, drink their wine, and fornicate in their beds. The trespassing youths lament being poor before as they pretend to be the wealthy residents. I can understand eating the food and drinking the wine, but I draw the line at wearing their clothes. It is implied but not confirmed that Golilocks is sporting the lingerie of the owner. That is just WRONG:
The first bra was too small, the other one was too big but this one is just right! Also, you can go ahead and keep those panties.
The interior of the house is decorated with what appears to be indigenous art, masks and weaponry. I don’t find this kind of decoration to be particularly threatening, but the tense music is telling me I should feel otherwise. If the decor didn’t tip the kids off, what happened next should have: someone pulls into the driveway in a giant Hummer with a dead deer roped to the hood. Generally when people live in the middle of nowhere, have weapons, drive hummers and hunt deer, they are not the type of person that reacts well to finding trespassers in their home.
Trust me, this guy’s idea of talking it out involves bullets. RUN AWAY!
The kids still think they’re having fun and giggle as they sneak out of the house. Goldilocks makes it out of a window but her boyfriend, Rocky, is not so lucky. Rocky is sucked back into the house and starts screaming bloody murder. Goldie bails and a man/animal leaps out at her. There’s no horror film cliches this early in the episode; Golie makes it to her truck without spraining an ankle and drives away in the nick of time.
Speaking of Nick – har har har. Sorry, I could not help myself. Get SERIOUS, BALDY! Back at the hospital – Nick has woken up from his attack by the woman working with his boss. She poisoned him with a spider toxin! Don’t worry, he’s going to be okay. Marie is in the ICU and she is not stable. The doctor cannot risk letting Marie slip back into a coma, so Nick is not allowed to stay and chat.
Captain Renard shows up; if he wasn’t behind the attack, he would be a really great boss- he’s so concerned and attentive. He even set up a police watch at the hospital for Marie. Captain Renard queries Nick about what happened; he appears to be concerned that they have another murderer on their hands. He’s not too concerned though, seeing how he’s well aware that they have an assassin on their hands, and the assassin is his direct report at Grimm Killers, Inc. They check out the security tapes, but they cannot identify her from behind:
A blonde white woman. That really narrows it down.
You would THINK that since Nick saw her emerge from a building downtown near the jewelry store merely one episode ago, he and his partner would suggest that the police canvas that area, but we only have 40 minutes left in the show and we need to get to the supernatural good stuff, so it doesn’t come up.
There’s no more time to discuss the blonde attacker because Gilda (a.k.a Goldie) is at the police station reporting the attack on her boyfriend. They arrive at the station and Drake-Dre immediately enlists Nick’s babe profiling skills. She an adrenaline junkie from the wrong side of the tracks, possible single mom – Drake-Dre is IN.
Train wreck at 6 o’clock! Time for Drake-Dre to pull into the station…
Goldie is so worried about Rocky that she cops to the breaking and entering. Nick and Drake-Dre take her back to the scene of the crime to see if they can turn up anything. SURPRISE! The cops are already there! The family has reported the B&E. The sarcastic and witty Asian policeman gives them the run down: the family has reported that someone ate their food, wore their clothes, and slept in their beds. I don’t expect Drake-Dre to make the connection, but Grimm should have recognized what was up right away. Maybe he needs a new partner…
“A blonde woman, B&E, porridge eating, and bed testing? HELLO! There’s definitely three bears involved.”
The woman actually says “somebody was sleeping in our bed.” While Drake-Dre asks about security, Nick sees some evidence in the window on the form of claw marks. They family has a ton of aboriginal and native weaponry, which Drake-Dre recognizes. The Mama Bear says they are actively involved in philanthropy to protect native lands… YOU HAVE TO RESPECT YOUR ANCESTORS, she says in an ominous tone! Your giant, furry, bear ancestors.
Nick and Drake-Dre recognize that there were definitely two people there, but Rocky is missing! Drake-Dre thinks he is home sleeping it off. Unless Rocky lives in a cave and blindfolds himself for kicks, I’m pretty he’s not at home:
I’d offer you a drink but I’m a little tied up right now .
Nick and Drake-Dre interrogate Goldie back at the station. They were just having fun, she says! They didn’t want to hurt anyone. Wait until you see the dry cleaning and window repair bill, missy. That’s going to hurt. Goldie is guilt-ridden over leaving Rocky behind, and she begs the officers to do something! Drake-Dre leaves Goldie and Nick alone, and Nick takes the opportunity to ask Goldie whether she was chased by a man, an animal, or something else. He’s learning! His Grimmy senses tell him this is no normal B&E.
After more investigation, Nick and Drake-Dre learn that Rocky is not home sleeping it off and no one has seen him. They ask the beat cop for what he knows, and it’s not much. Drake-Dre puts forth the theory that Gilda did it, but Nick says that theory doesn’t match her behavior. Nick is the lady-whisperer / profiler, so Dre should trust him.
Back at the hospital – Marie is awake and is demanding to see Nick. Nick is not ready for Marie to die. She’s all he’s got! Don’t let Juliet hear you say that. Marie tells him that he will be all right. He feels crazy, but Marie gets super serious – there’s no time to have a pity party about what is happening to him. He has to hunt the bad ones and stop them. Then we finally learn what is going on with Captain Renard and Co. – He and Blondie are Reapers – a secret organization that hunts down Grimms. They’re GRIMM REAPERS – GET IT? GET IT?!?
Nick not only has to hunt down baddies, he MUST keep the trailer a secret! The reapers can never know! Great, how is he supposed to hide a giant silver trailer?
“You have to keep the trailer secret. I have a lot of journals in there and I wrote some really mean things about the Reapers and, well…it would just be awkward for everybody.”
Bad news, Nick – there are more Reapers out there! There are also more Grimms, but they don’t know each other – Grimms work alone. Nick wants more information but their exchange has exhausted Marie and he has to leave.
Drake-Dre asks Nick how Marie is doing and Nick has a flippant response. Calm down Nick, he was just asking! Nick changes the subject – has Drake Dre found anything out about the Bear family? Nothing except the fact that they have 600 acres of land that Rocky could be wasting away on. They’re going to need backup.
On their way to the house, they almost hit some annoying dirt-bikers. It’s the Baby Bear (or Bears). The sons’ name is BARRY. HAHAHHA. SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE?
“I’m Barry and this is my brother Grizzly.”
They show the photos to the bear boys and of course they play dumb. Mama Bear is out front and she and Papa Bear look at the photos. Barry claims he was not home, but Nick sees that he’s actually a BEAR! Dad sees that Nick sees, but everyone plays it cool because there’s a human present. It’s the polite thing to do.
Mom is pissed that they are being questioned about the people that broke into their home. The bears are the victims here, remember? I have to agree. I always thought Goldilocks was a selfish little shit when I read the story as a kid. Who breaks into a house and then acts like a victim? BOOO. Papa Bear tells them that they can call him at his law firm if they want to talk. He doesn’t really say it as an invitation. As they leave, Nick notes the totem pole. I’m sure this will be important later.
Captain Reaper meets up with the blonde woman and tells her she cannot go after Marie again; she’s already on tape as being at the scene of the crime. Instead, she needs to get some hit PEOPLE to take care of Marie. Emphasis on people – Captain Reaper doesn’t want to have to explain a mass of hairy beasts and carnage in a hospital. Dammit Jim, he’s a captain-slash-Grimm Reaper, not a magician! There’s no need to worry about the police guarding Marie at the hospital because the Captain can take care of it, obvies. During their conversation, an angry mugger makes threatening advances towards the two Reapers and blonde woman gleefully offers to take care of it. If you have super powers that allow you to tear humans limb from limb, it must get frustrating to keep it under wraps. Our blonde reaper friend will take the action where she can get it! Captain Reaper rolls up the window because, you know, plausible deniability and all. He tunes into NPR while she gets her murder on. Okay, I added that last part, but you never know.
Will you shut him up? I can’t hear Ira Glass over all that screaming.
Later, Nick is at home researching totem poles online. Juliet brought Chinese food and Voodoo Donuts home – Juliet hasn’t had a lot of screen time, but this has endeared her to me forever. Seriously – Voodoo Donuts – LOVE.. If it doesn’t work out with Nick, she is totally invited to be my new roommate. She asks Nick if he is okay. People keep asking him that, and it’s annoying – NO HE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT OKAY! Even without the whole Grimm thing, he Aunt / Guardian is dying of cancer and people are trying to kill her. That’s going to stress anyone out. Nick acknowledges that it’s a struggle but he’s sucking it up. Juliet sees that he’s really hurting so she gives him some love. Seriously, Chinese Food, Donuts and sex? And she doesn’t bitch about the trailer in the yard that is dragging their property value down? She’s a keeper!
While Nick and Juliet eat Chinese Food and donuts and make out, the three bear boys are carrying what appears to be a body in the woods. They toss it into a pit full of sharp sticks. The bear people take their stick pits very seriously out there in the woods so it’s important that they test it with a dummy. Untested pits account for 32% of all failed murder plots hatched by Jagerbar-people.
Barry, those better not be your good coveralls or you are so grounded!
Meanwhile, Nick is in the secret trailer doing research when Aunt Marie shows up in her hospital gown! WTF? Nice security, people! And Marie, you couldn’t find some pants or a jacket? You look pretty conspicuous in that gown, and it’s cold outside! You’re DYING, remember? She’s eerily calm as she tells him to remember what she told him; she also gives him some feedback on his drawing as she makes her way to her cabinet of weapons to grab a knife, which she proceeds to jam into his hand! WTF?
FALSE ALARM! It was just a dream. That’s a pretty shitty dream. No more Chinese food and donuts before bed for you, Nick! Juliet comes to see if he is okay and there’s some brief making out but Juliet has to leave – she is operating on a bulldog this morning. That gives Nick plenty of free time in the trailer. He looks in the weapons cabinet and finds the same creepy bear claw thing that was in the bear house. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? There’s only one person who can help him, which means….T’S TIME FOR MY FAVORITE CHARACTER, MONROE!
Monroe is the reformed werewolf we met during the series premiere. Nick comes over at 6:30 am interrupting Monroe’s pilates because he needs more help. He shows the claw to Monroe, who recognizes it. It’s a disemboweling claw used by Jagerbars. Monroe sees them too! He gets irritated when Nick assumes that Monroe will be able to tell him what Jagerbars are like based on the fact that he is a Blutbad. Apparently Jagerbars are rummagers, among other things.
Nick gives Monroe the details of the case; he saw a kid turn into a Jagerbar, and that he got the claw from his aunt. Ixnay on the Aunt-Hay Arie-May, Nick! Marie has been giving Monroe nightmares because she is so feared. Monroe lets it go and gives up the info because he’s awesome: Jagerbars use the claw for their Roh-Hatz, which is like a Jagerbar bar mitzvah – a BEAR MITZVAH! SEE WHAT I DID THERE? The ritual involves pounding of chests, wailing, connecting with the primitive beast in “all of us”. The Roh-Hatz is all about the chase – let’s get some beers, some barbeque and be stupid! Hm, I think I’ve been to one of those before
Jagerbar Bear Mitzvah, sponsored by Jagermeister. See also: every frat party ever.
This information seems to trigger something in Nick and he abruptly leaves and heads over to the hospital to visit Marie. He’s sketching once again when she wakes up; Marie recognizes it right away. Marie explains that the fact that the bear boy is about 18 could be problematic. She clearly is familiar with the Bear Mitzvah concept. Apparently it’s only a problem if the family is traditional Jagerbar. If they’re the type of Jagerbar that only visit the caves on the major holidays and they don’t kill for sport, it’s all good. He asks Marie if she knows what the Roh-Hatz is, she is pleased that he is learning. More exposition – the ritual begins at sunset and it gets gruesome – bear maulings usually are, I would imagine. I saw the stick pit – that’s going to be a lot of blood, folks.
Nick understands that if Goldie’s boyfriend is still alive, he won’t be for long. He goes back to the station to see what his partner has turned up. Apparently Barry the bear boy lied about his wherabouts – his cell phone records place him at the house the night of the crime. Before they can discuss the situation further, Captain Reaper shows up with some bad news – there will be no more police guard for Marie at the hospital. He says that he could not justify the expense without evidence of a second attack on the horizon. Times are tough, but I would be okay with my tax dollars going to protect police families in the hospital!
Nick is panicked, and there is only one person who will understand the danger Marie is in – Monroe. Nick is starting to learn, but he clearly does not realize the gravity of what he is asking Monroe to do – to guard the safety of a woman who has spent her life hunting and killing his kind. AWKWARD!
Guard a GRIMM?? COME ON!
Nick says he will owe him one, and Monroe points out that he already owes him three. Nick says he trusts Monroe, and Monroe is a good guy (no matter his comment about the fact that maybe Nick should not trust him) and in spite of himself, he decides to stay. AWW! LOVE HIM.
Nick gets a phone call from Drake-Dre and the drama intensifies – Goldie has obtained a gun and she is on her way to the bear house to demand that they tell her what they have done with Rocky! Not a good idea, Goldie. Drake-Dre is probably worried about the safety of the bear fam, but Nick knows what is up – she is speeding to her probable death and it’s going to get ugly for the bear family too. They have to head off the impending disaster! Goldie is speeding through the woods with what looks to be a super-old gun she got from a Clue-Reenactment theatre.
If the revolver doesn’t do it, she could always grab a lead pipe or the candlestick.
Goldie threatens mom with the gun, which is a huge mistake because Barry arrives on the scene and takes her down with minimal effort. I know the bear people are the bad guys, but let’s face facts, if someone pointed a gun at my mom, they would be toast. Mom is not only pleased that Barry took her down – he now has two people for the hunt – he will make his ancestors proud. Uh-oh, looks like these are some traditional Jagerbars! Another traditional Jagerbar – Walter from the Big Lebowski:
“I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don’t roll on Shabbos!”
Mom gets a good kick in herself – that little bitch had sex on her 600 count Egyptian cotton sheets and drank the good Merlot, so screw her! Nick is back at the house to warn the family that Goldie is on her way. Drake-Dre is going to block off the road and Nick confronts Papa Bear: he knows what they are and they know who he is – it’s time to get down to some serious fairy tale business.
I know that you know that I know, and you know that we know that we need to do something. Got it?
Dad sees Nick as a danger to his family. Nick, however, is a selfless Grimm. He’s not there to take the family down for the sake of taking them down. He’s worried about the humans AND the bear family. What an enlightened Grimm! He brings up the Roh-Hatz and Dad scoffs. No one does that anymore! Okay, so maybe the entire family is not traditional. This is why discussions about religion and values should be held prior to marriage people. Today you’re engaged to a person who you love so much it makes you giddy and tomorrow that person is teaching your kids to hunt people!
Nick appeals to the lawyer in the bear – if the kids murder Goldie and Rocky, they’re screwed. Dad is shocked because he did not realize that this was taking place. Nick taunts him – will he be the stereotypical upper class white guy who just pours a scotch on the rocks and ignores his kids’ shenanigans, or will he take action? Dad decides to take action and he and Nick head out looking for the boys.
Drake-Dre sets up the unnecessary road block. Poor Drake-Dre. He’s been given busy work while the real adventure is going on behind his back. It’s for the best though – he ends up finding Rocky’s truck in the woods. Nick calls him and tells him that he and Dad are going after the boys. Nick, being a good guy, promises Papa Bear he will not hurt the kids if he doesn’t have to.
The boys are in the cave starting the ritual. Barry cuts himself and rubs his blood on the faces of the soon-to-be victims. Hey kids, if you live through this, I would get some Purell on that STAT. It has begun! Bar-Mitzvah my ass. This is way more exciting, albeit not in a good way, than any Bar Mitzvah I’ve ever attended. I wonder if the bears will have a karaoke party in a hotel after to celebrate.
Let’s get a round of applause for Barry and hunting people!
At the hospital, Monroe is struggling with his predicament. Marie appears to be asleep, and he lets loose some resentment; the Grimms killed his grandfather and burned down his farm! Granted, Grandpa Blutbad deserved it a little, but still! The family would be PISSED if they knew what he was doing. Just as he starts to get angry, someone shows up who is clearly not hospital staff, and Monroe is on it. He follows the suspicious guy to the creepy hospital basement area – why do people always end up in the boiler room / basement? Don’t they know nothing good ever happens down there?? The two guys get in a couple of good hit, but since they are humans, they are no match for a Blutbat! He takes them down with ease – maybe a little too much ease – he rips the arm right off of one of the goons and bails. OOPS.
Dad and Nick find the cave – Dad wants to go first to talk sense into them, but Nick is not having it. He’s going with or he’s going alone. They make their way to the cave and discover that the ritual has already started! Apparently the jeans tell dad that it has started. Rule of the Roh-Hatz: No pants!
It’s time to go break up the party. Goldie and Rocky are running through the woods while the bear boys chase them, probably towards the pit. Dad and Nick get there just in time. Dad mans up and tells Barry and his bros to stop. Mom is not having it; she charges the group in her bear form. Barry screams to stop her but she doesn’t hear him and so she leaps straight into the stick pit.
Barry apologizes profusely to his Mom as they load her into an ambulance. Apparently Mama Bear lived through the stick pit. Mom says that Barry did nothing wrong, and Dad calls bullshit – she started this and now they all have to pay. Her response? You have to respect your ancestors. I get the commitment to heritage, but for the love of god, create a family tree tapestry or steal a pic-a-nic basket! Some traditions are best left in the past.
Drake-Dre and Nick book both the boys and Rocky and Goldie -no one is really innocent here. Attempted murder and breaking and entering – Asian cop cracks “at least they weren’t doing drugs!” HAHAHA I love it. I actually used that line on my parents multiple times when caught screwing up.
Dad appeals to Nick – Mama Bear didn’t understand the full consequences of what she was doing, she just wanted the boys to understand their heritage. It’s isn’t easy to give up your history, after all. Dad remarks that Nick gets to keep his heritage and Nick is like, yeah it’s great.
I inherited a really shitty and dangerous job and a trailer. Let’s not get too excited.
As they’re wrapping up at the Bear house, Monroe calls Nick from the hospital – he did what Nick asked, but he has to bail – the goons have been found in the basement. Meanwhile, another Reaper is on the case at the hospital. This one is dressed as a minister and is going after Marie with a scalpel. Everyone is panicking but no one is helping and poor Marie has to take out the guy herself. Nick gets there in the nick of time (AHAHA) and catches Marie as she is about to collapse. She basically gives him Mama Bear’s advice – remember your history and trust your instincts — and then dies in his arms. Poor Nick!
Nick removes the trailer from their driveway, probably to put it in secret reaper-proof storage, and then he and Juliet visit her grave. Juliet again asks him if he is alright. OBVIOUSLY NOT – bring on the donuts! He says he’s not, but he will be. Meanwhile, a creature watches from the bushes as they leave.
WOW! This episode was so much fun. I can totally get down with a crime show when there is a supernatural element. I would watch CSI Hogwarts if it existed, but the other procedural crime dramas bore more to tears. What did you think, my fellow TV lovers? Do you think Grimm has what it takes to go the distance?