Grimm Recap Catch-Up: Were-Rapunzel and the Hillbillies

Guess where this episode starts? No, really – guess! If you said “in the woods”, then you are a true Grimmite, my friend! “People in the woods” is Grimm’s version of Law and Order’s “random people stumble upon a body” in that it’s where we are introduced to the crime of the day.

These woods need a sign that says “Warning! You’re probably going to die here.”

Instead of discovering a body, our random people hiking in the woods stumble upon a pot growing operation and its grizzly, hillbilly owner, whom I shall call ‘Grizzleweed’ because I don’t think he introduced himself to the hikers before tying them up.

“My name? My name is ‘I’m Gonna Kill You’!”

“Interesting, is that German?”

Ol’ Grizzleweed is not pleased that the hikers have found him, obvies. He doesn’t believe they’re just normal hikers so he ties them up and goes through their things looking for evidence that they are cops. It turns out that they are not cops, they’re dog groomers. Very scared dog groomers who love nature, hardly a threat to Grizzleweed. Grizz-Dubs decides that it doesn’t really matter if they’re cops because they are totally the type of honest citizens who will go running to the police. He’s got to kill them.

Just as he’s about to pull the trigger, Grizz-Dubs hears a noise in the forest! What could it be? He goes to check on the noise and gets his ass beat by a feral female with the longest pony tail ever. The hikers take the opportunity to free themselves and bail.

The next day, Nick and Hank-Dre roll up to the crime scene on quads. I guess Grizzleweed was right, the hikers are snitches! A DEA officer is on the scene as well; they’ve been looking for Grizz-Dubs for years. Never send a human to do a mythical creature’s job, I always say.

The officers on the scene are confused when they discover that the only items missing from Grizz-Dubs’ camp are items for survival – food, sleeping bags, etc. They left all the expensive stuff behind. Strange! It sounds like someone is playing live-action Oregon Trail! Even still, you’d think they would have stolen the weed; you could get a shitload of axles and bullets for a million dollars worth of pot.

Nick talks to the DEA officer to see if he has ever seen a situation like this, and the DEA is like “um, NO.” DEA-man is not too concerned about the murder. As far as he’s concerned, whomever killed Grizzleweed just made his job easier and he can finally make some time for yoga classes or internet porn. Ultra detective Nick snoops around and finds buckshot lodged in a tree and a hair on a bush. HOW THE HECK DID HE SEE THAT HAIR? As he’s examining it, he hears a noise and turns to see the murderer run off! He catches up to her and finds out she’s a blutbad in desperate need of a haircut. Guess there’s not a lot of Great Clips franchises in the woods.

Nick and Hank-Dre meet the dog groomers at their home to question them about the incident. Apparently dog grooming is ultra-lucrative – check out their house:

Why did I go to college when I could be making bank washing dogs?? Oh, that’s right, I don’t live on TV.

They’re still traumatized and don’t have anything helpful to share with the detectives, so we’ll move on.

At the station, Nick and Hank-Dre run through the case with Renard, who has yet to reveal himself to Nick as the Reaper manager (or whatever he is). Renard suggests that the murder was committed by a rival drug dealer, but Nick shuts that theory down as the murdered didn’t steal any drugs. Who would steal camp supplies? Someone hungry and cold, according to Nick. I KNOW WHO DID IT!

CASE CLOSED

Wu alerts Nick and Hank-Dre to two knuckledraggers at the station insisting that they speak with the detectives handling Grizzleweed’s murder case. Knuckledraggers! Way to be judgmental, Wu. Hillbillies are people too! In any case, it looks like Grizzleweed’s family is looking to find out who killed their brother so they can deal out some vigilante justice. This is why you never kill a hillbilly; they inevitably have at least two crazy siblings that will be looking to blow your face off.

The hillbilly brothers want to see the body and determine the cause of death, so they accompany Nick and Hank-Dre to the morgue. Upon seeing the body, the hillbillies demand that Nick and Hank-Dre find the murderer so that they can take some action. Nick suggests that they let him and Hank-Dre do their jobs so that they don’t become their jobs. OOOH, BURN! The levelheaded brother gets the other one to back down and they leave. At least one brother is smart. It’s never a good idea to announce to the police that you’re planning to kill someone.

Wu comes back with the lab results from the hair that Nick found at the crime scene and OMG it’s a DNA match to a little girl named Holly Clarke who disappeared years ago! The poor girl was abandoned by her drug-addict birth mother and adopted only to be abducted. If Lifetime hasn’t made that movie already, they really should.

Tonight on Lifetime: “The Abandoned and Abducted Little Blutbad: The Holly Clark Story”

Since Nick and Hank-Dre are the detectives of everything, Hank-Dre worked the missing persons case when Holly disappeared. Looks like she’s been living in the woods for quite some time! But WHY? They’re going to dig up the files; or rather, Hank-Dre will go through the files while Nick goes to find out if there’s a connection between the hillbilly brothers and the girl.

Meanwhile, the hillbillies assume from the news stories about the hikers that they are responsible for the death of their brother. They start following him, which is stupid because you only have to take one look at the male hiker to know that there is no way he overpowered and strangled Grizzleweed. I guess they’re more interested in punishing someone than punishing the guilty party, which is why our legal system is not built on Hillbilly Law…for the most part.

 Do these people really look like murderers to ANYONE??

 

“Mind your business, Baldy! I declare him guilty. Let’s git him!”

Nick is SUPPOSED to be investigating whether there is a connection between the missing girl and the hillbillies, but he was really planning to go talk to Monroe. Oh, Nick. Someday your partner is going to find out about your secret partner and he’s going to be really pissed, especially since you left him at the station to thumb through old files on his own.

Monroe is busy and wants Nick to come back later, but Nick invites himself in anyway and discovers that Monroe is OBSESSED with Christmas! He’s extra excited about his model train set and makes Nick wait for him to play with the train, hahaha adorable! Monroe has a Santa suit, but he’s no…geferengeffer? Can’t find it and can’t spell it, sorry. Apparently Santa Claus is real and he is a geferengeffer! Does this mean that Nick has to kill Santa if Santa steps out of line???

“OMG, what will I tell the children?”

Nick doesn’t have time to celebrate the holdiays; he wants to know if Monroe thinks that the missing girl could be a blutbad based upon her photo. Since Monroe is not a psychic profile so that’s a no, amigo. He tells Nick that if the Holly is a blutbad, she would be able to survive on her own in the woods for a long time. Since she disappeared when she was 7, Monroe explains that she’s probably feral and has not been socialized by blutbad or humans.

Nick wants to know more; he asks Monroe if he knew that he was a blutbad when he was born. Monroe, like human infants, probably didn’t know ANYTHING when he was born except that it was really bright and he wanted back in the uterus. Monroe humors him and tries to explain what it’s like the first time a blutbad transforms; it’s pretty scary. Bottom line: this poor little adopted girl didn’t know what she was, and has no way to understand who or what she is. Nick needs Monroe to tag along on a hike and help him get through to the girl. Monroe resists and Nick plays on the fact that Monroe is a nice guy by shoving Holly’s picture in his face and suggesting that the girl is wounded. LOW BLOW, NICK! Sidenote: Monroe should start charging Nick a consulting fee.

Remember the refrigerator repairman who freaked out when he saw Nick a couple episodes ago? He’s at a bar somewhere in Portland telling his friends (who are presumably also creatures other than human) that he saw a real Grimm! They think he’s full of crap demand that he prove it by taking them to Nick’s house.

The male hiker / groomer locks up his shop and walks to his car only to be assaulted and kidnapped by the hillbillies. He goes down with one hit, and again, do these idiots have zero ability to reason? There is no way that the dog groomer would have been able to take down their brother. Another rule of the Hillbilly; they’re not good at course correction. Once they’re committed to a path, there’s no turning back. This is great when it comes to building a house or learning to tap dance, but it sucks when it comes to murder.

Meanwhile, repairman and his friends are staking out Nick’s house when Nick pulls up. They all freak out and try to duck so they aren’t seen as they speed off. If word gets out to the teen mythical creature community about Nick, I have a feeling that this event is going to repeat itself over and over on Friday nights when those teens have nothing else to do.

At home, Juliet and Nick discuss his case, and Juliet explains to Nick that she studied feral child syndrome in college (how convenient). According to Juliet, it usually happens in cases of severe child abuse, but the whole raised by wolves thing has never been proved. Nick still hasn’t contacted the girl’s parents, and Juliet certainly doesn’t envy him over that task. All the talk of missing children, child abuse and trauma makes for lousy pillow talk so they skip making out for once and go to sleep.

“Yeah, child abuse…so does that mean we’re not gonna do it?”

Nick and Hank-Dre know that contacting Holly’s mother will open old wounds, but they feel it’s necessary. They need to be super-certain that their suspect is actually Holly and they’re going to keep investigating. Nick tells Renard he’s going to the woods…alone! We all know that’s bullshit and he’s bringing Monroe, but he can’t exactly tell Hank-Dre and Renard that.

Nick and Monroe roll out to the crime scene on the Portland PD quads and take a look around. Nick keeps referring to Holly as “it” and Monroe gets annoyed. Knuckledraggers, ‘it’…sounds like the Portland PD is overdue for some sensitivity and tolerance training. Monroe gets a whiff of something and gets quiet. Is it the girl? No, it’s burdock root, a pain killer! HAHAHA. Nick is not amused, but I love it.

They gear up and go deeper into the woods to find Holly. Nick wants to know what Monroe can smell, and he’s not yet sure, but it’s not run-of-the-mill woodland creatures. They find Holly’s pile o’ leftover bones and her toilet / area boundary. Sure enough, she sprints by and Nick and Monroe chase after her. She stops for a mo to confront Monroe in her blutbad state, so Monroe transforms and speaks to her in blutbad for a moment before she takes off again. They finally chase her to a hunting blind in the middle of the woods; Monroe offers to climb up, and Nick doesn’t argue. Hahaha, chicken.

While Nick and Monroe cavort in the woods, Hank-Dre pays a visit to Holly’s mom to find out if there is any connection between Holly and the woods. Sure enough, they went camping there a few times with some equipment borrowed from a neighbor, Mr. Addison. Mom wants more details but Hank-Dre doesn’t want to get her hopes up. Before he leaves, Hank-Dre tells her that he worked the case back in the day and he’s never forgotten. Mom is clearly moved by his words. Good thing Hank-Dre took this job, he’s got a very soothing voice and a way with the ladies!

Bad news stings less when it’s delivered by Dr. Dre

Monroe enters the hunting blind and finds the girl passed out. Nick comes up after him since the girl asleep and therefore less likely to tear his guts out; he finds a little girls’ barrette as he looks around. Monroe checks her wounds and she wakes up to find them in her house; she is NOT happy! He looks at her with the least comforting red eyes ever as he gently touches her brow and she calms down. She’s all sweaty from running, and from the fact that she’s got a really high fever.

Back at the police station, Wu gives Hank-Dre the deets on Addison. Apparently he was interviewed the day the Holly disappeared and had an airtight alibi; he was in a hospital getting treated for a dog bite…a hospital 100 miles away from the area he was hiking in when he was bitten, even though there were closer hospitals. Hank-Dre and Wu smell a conspiracy and head out to question the neighbor.

As Nick and Monroe treat her wounds, Nick reaches out to Holly and reminds her of her name, which only pisses her off. It’s likely she’s pissed off because Nick is talking to her in that slow, annoying voice people use when they think you’re an idiot, deaf, or foreign

“I’m sick, not stupid you idiot!”

Monroe takes over and transforms for another blutbad conversation; what does that mean? He transforms for a second and talks to her in the same annoying voice. She takes it better coming from Monroe and calms down. Nick then shows her the pink barrette, which seems to trigger something in her memory. She croaks out her name and passes out.

What happened to the hiker / dog groomer? He’s not doing so well; the hillbillies have him tied up in their basement and have clearly been beating him in an effort to get a confession. Hillbillies did not sign the Geneva Convention, so the jury is out as to the legality of this maneuver. The hiker asks the same question I have been asking: is there any way that he could have killed their brother? COME ON! The hillbillies decide to keep him until they find out if he’s guilty or not. Hothead brother wants to kill him right then and there! See? Hillbillies will not deviate from the plan.

Hank-Dre and Wu track down Addison and question him about Holly. The neighbor guy looks like crap. The years since the dog bites have not been kind. Wu and Hank-Dre ask him why he went to a hospital so far from the place he was hiking. He says his doctor worked out of the hospital 100 miles away deflects their additional questions about the incident. Hank-Dre and Wu are not convinced so they ask him to go downtown for more questioning.

Nick and Monroe try to figure out the best way to help Holly when Nick sees some camping equipment with the neighbor’s name on it. He tells Monroe that one of them should go back for help, and obvies it should be Nick. So now he’s keeping Monroe in the dark about his motives? You know he wants to get a cell phone signal to call Hank-Dre about the camping equipment. Nick is quite the two-timer.

Monroe argues that Holly should not go back to civilization because she could hurt someone. Nick is not moved; they can’t leave her like this when she so clearly needs medical attention. Nick bails and Monroe stays behind to take care of Holly. Her fever persists so Monroe tells her he is going to get burdock root. Holly reaches for him! She doesn’t want him to go. AWWWWWWWW. I don’t blame her, I wouldn’t want Monroe to leave either. Poor thing. No companionship for nine years, she finally meets someone like her and now he’s stepping out.

Nick finally gets a cell phone signal so he stops to call Hank-Dre to tell him that he’s found Holly and that she needs medical attention. There’s more; the hillbilly brothers are somewhere in the woods and Nick is going to have to track them on foot! He also tells Hank-Dre about the camping supplies with the neighbor’s name and asks him to check it. Hank-Dre doesn’t have to check it; he’s with the neighbor. Hank-Dre tells neighbor about what was found and the neighbor spills his guys. Holly bit him! He tries to run, but Wu and Hank-Dre stop him.

Night falls and and the hillbillies are in the woods looking for the murderer. They don’t have any evidence or a compelling reason to suspect that anyone they find is the person who killed their brother, but again, hillbilly law does not concern itself with silly details like evidence or motive.

Monroe brings the burdock root to Holly and tells her everything will be fine right as the Hillbilly brothers roll up and announce themselves with shouting and gunshots. Monroe tells Holly to stay put so he can go deal with them. The hillbillies start their interrogation which is pointless since they’ve already decided he’s guilty. In fact, one brother says that he could kill Monroe right then and it could be a mistake, but he wouldn’t lose any sleep over it.

They hear a noise from the hunting blind and Monroe insists that he’s alone. One bro goes up to check but doesn’t see anything…except their brother’s sleeping bag and coat! Well that’s going to be hard to explain. Nick arrives just in time to order the hillbillies to stand down, but they’re not having it. Holly saves the day with her ultramega ponytail! The hillbillies both go down, and Monroe collects Holly as she holds onto him for dear life.

It’s back to Holly’s mom’s house! Hank-Dre is there to deliver the good news; they found Holly! Mom is stunned. Nick, Monroe and Hank-Dre drive up to Monroe’s house to drop him off, and she doesn’t want Monroe to go. He tells her that she’s not alone, and Nick takes her back to her home for a long-overdue reunion with her mother.

So what happened to Holly nine years ago? Renard tells a press conference that they’ve found Holly, and they have a suspect. Holly confirms that it was indeed the neighbor who abducted her when she identifies him in a police lineup. I guess that’s everything! Case closed, it’s all good right. Oh yeah, except…

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE HIKER???

Thanks for bearing with me as I catch up the Grimm recaps. What did you think of this episode? Like the last one, it had a blutbad storyline which equals major Monroe screen time and that’s always a plus in my book! Tune in tomorrow to discuss Episode 8, Game Ogre!

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