Harper’s Island: Sploosh: Splatter-Day Night Fever

Dear Gasmii,

Due to a techno-glitch, the recap for the May 23 episode of Harper’s Island was inadvertently deleted from TVgasm last night. So as a public service, I present this basic mini-recap with all the gory pictures. If you have questions, send them to me and I will do my best.

At the wedding rehearsal, everyone was horrified when a head-spade sprouted from the chandelier and split Beef Wellington‘s skull in half.

OK, “horrified” might be too strong a word.

Grizzled Local Cop and marshmallowy medical examiner Dr Oldfart determine from a very precise wedding-party diagram that the killer specifically targeted BW.

Goth Guy tells Abby he thinks long-dead massacre-r John Wakefield could still be alive and he can show her evidence.

In front of Henry and Trish’s Sister, Trish reveals that her brother-in-law Kinky Ginger and The Widow BW have been carrying on a torrid affair.

Preppy Blonde Snot discovers that his missing engagement ring has been found by a Local Yahoo, who’s just used it to propose to a Local Yahoo-Ette.

Goth Guy brings Abby into the woods and shows her a hanging body high in the trees. When they cut it down, they’re horrified to discover it’s Uncle Harry, chopped in half.

This does not sit well with Henry…

…who immediately begins pummeling Goth Guy.

Pretending to be a pregnant jilted lover, Slutty Blonde Bitch stages a trailer-park talk-show confrontation and gets Local Yahoo-Ette to fling off the ring in disgust. Preppy and Slutty scurry away with it.

Creepy Madison confirms her dad Kinky Ginger’s alibi the morning of the rehearsal, then tells Trish and TS Ginger put her up to it.

Abby shows GG and Henry her dad’s attic shrine to Wakefield and the “copycat murders” that have been happening over the last seven years. When they discover a stack of postcards calling GLC a “liar”, they speculate that Wakefield may actually be alive.

GLC insists Wakefield is dead. Also, In Plain Sight premieres on Wednesday.

GLC forbids the skeptical gang to exhume Wakefield’s grave, then locks mouthy GG in the Candlewick kitchen to teach him a lesson.

The Widow BW shows GLC a stack of newspapers about the Wakefield case she found in Ginger’s briefcase.

CM lets GG out of the kitchen.

Henry & Abby dig up Wakefield’s coffin and find a skeleton.

Which could be anyone, but it seems to satisfy them, so whatever.

GLC arrives and patches things up with Abby about how he behaved seven years ago when he sent her away from the island.

‘

While speaking to his attorney, Ginger gets harpooned through the chest.

And dies.

Meanwhile, GG arrives at an isolated cabin and is let in by Scary-Looking Forest Brute.

The End. AGAIN…