Hawaii Five-0: Ice, Ice, Baby

First I just want to say that I can’t believe that both of my shows had a mole reveal episode THE SAME WEEK. Seriously, it makes it harder to write these when the plot elements are too similar, because I can’t exactly recycle my jokes within a few days…ugh!!

Second, if any of you followed me over here from Masterchef, I have to know if any of you noticed Faruq in the Target commercial?!? I was a little…ok a LOT…drunk when I saw it the first time, and woke up the next day not really sure if I’d dreamt it (I was actually more or less certain that I HAD dreamt it) or not…weird, right?

So, I’m starting to think that the writers for Hawaii Five-0 watch a lot of Bones when they’re not busy writing, because it seems that every couple weeks or so, whichever episodes are the murder investigation episodes, they start out at some totally innocuous  event with a bunch of people just having a good time and then (shockingly) a dead, disfigured body shows up. This week was literally a direct ripoff of a Bones reveal…a roasting pig that’s kept buried for 12 hours is unearthed and instead of a pig, there’s a corpse! The Bones episode was called “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.” Go check out the first few minutes…

Anyways, they unwrap what they think is going to be a perfectly roasted pig only to find a charred human corpse.

Ya know, this show is all about it’s hot male cast, but this may be taking a bit too far…

After we get back from the intro, Danno is helping his daughter Gracie look for her doll. He tells her not to worry, because he’s a great detective and he’ll be able to find her…and not surprisingly he does. He then sends her out the door with the doll to get in the car with her mom and step-Stan, and turns around and notices that Dolphin Trainer Barbie’s dolphin is sitting on the corner, so he grabs it and runs out hoping to catch them before they pull away, but it’s too late.

Instead of catching up with the car, though, he sees someone who he presumably knows come around the corner crying. I guess we know who’s husband was a little too hot for his own good. We learn her name is Amy, but you may recognize her as Sierra if you happened to be one of the 17 of us who watched Dollhouse…

I’d like my treatment now…

Anyways, Sierra tells Danno that her husband was the bit of crispy goodness that was buried in place of the pig, but that they were only able to ID him with dental records, which is hardly surprising. She then tells him that no one at HPD has told her anything about the investigation, and that she needs his help to find out what happened. He tells her he’s on the case, and we get gratuitous Hawaii scenery thrown in before he returns to Five-0 HQ.

Back at Five-O HQ, the gang runs down the info they have so far. The cause of death was actually not broiling to death underground, but rather 2 .45 shots to the chest at close range. McG dispatches Jin and Boomer to head back to the dead guy’s house and talk with his wife and see if there was any work related stuff around, and Jin asks who the lead detective is on this case…turns out it’s a guy from Internal Affairs. Wuh-oh!!! IA snooping around is never good. I smell a coverup!!!

So, while Jin and Boomer go to talk to Seirra again, Danno and McG head out to talk to the IA guy…and where would you find an IA cop?

Yeah…

So, it turns out that IA is involved in this because there’s some talk of some corruption surrounding Meka the dead cop. Apparently, recently quite a few of his cases just kind of fell apart down the stretch. He tells them to back off, that IA will handle this, and basically does a great job of just pissing Danno off. He tells McG that he needs to pull Danno off the case, because he knew the vic.

Boomer and Jin are over at Sierra’s house, and ask if there’s anything still lying around that he would’ve used for work…cell phone, laptop, anything…and she tells them that his laptop is inside. Wait…so IA is investigating this case and hasn’t stopped by to pick up his laptop and see what files he has lying around at home? Fishy…

Jin asks if Meka had any enemies, and she does’t know of any. He tells her that just because IA is on the case and thinks he did something wrong doesn’t mean it’s true. She asks if he’s dealt with them before, and just in case we forgot that Jin was kicked off the force once for being wrongfully accused of being crooked, they use this opportunity to remind us. Clever.

McG and Danno walk into the Honolulu Police Department…

Which is nowhere near as nice as the H50 HQ…

The find Meka’s desk, and it’s already cleared off. That’s a bit more in line with what I’d expect when an IA investigation is underway. Somehow, though, Danno is stunned by this. He asks around to see if anyone can tell him what Meka was working on, and they all start acting weird. No one will tell him anything, and so he singles one guy out, who acts like a total dickball and tells him that down here they follow orders, and taps his desk….

I guess that’s why they still keep these around. Can’t do this with an iPhone, can ya?

Jin calls and lets them know that he found out that Meka had booked a trip to Singapore the night before he was killed, for some time the following week. Danno tells him to ask Sierra if they were going there on vacation…because Singapore is probably a great place to bring your wife and 10 year old kid, right? Geez. Anyways, turns out it was only Meka going on the trip, and his wife had no idea…which is to be expected. Danno tells Jin to see what he can do to recover the guy’s emails…

McG suggests that the fact that Meka booked a ticket the night before he was killed maybe indicates that he knew this was coming…of course, was that the case, it would have made more sense for him to book the flight, oh, Idunno…immediately?!?! Not next week, that’s for damn sure.

So McG and Danno follow up on the post-it note supersecret meeting, and learn a little hearsay. Well, first the guy just says “people talk,” and indicates that some people thought Meka was on the take, but that others thought he may have gotten too close to something. Apparently a pretty major coke cartel was moving into town, and the guy seems to think that maybe this is what Meka was getting to close to.

This is a very discrete meeting place…right out in the open, with no crowd around to blend into. Brilliant work, fellas…

So McG and Danno are driving back and Danno realizes that McG “has a face.” Very astute, Mr. Detective. I guess what he’s trying to say, however, is that McG is making a face that’s indicating he wants to say something, and so he coaxes it out of him. McG doesn’t want to say anything because he’s sure his question will piss Danno off, and Danno gets all mad about it and makes McG spill the beans. Basically McG wonders if perhaps the mole that the human trafficker in episode 1 contacted to find out that Boomer was a cop could possibly have been Meka. At that, Danno flies off the handle, and says he wants to focus on capturing the drug lord…

Back in H50 HQ, the gang is having a chat. Turns out the laptop’s hard drive was wiped clean, so Boomer is seeing if she can recover anything at all. The rest of the crew decides that they need a way to get to the Ochoa coke family, and Jin tells them to go get some shave ice.

The big Goomba motherfucker is a bit hesitant to help out with pointing out the new coke distributor on the Island, so Danno offers to overpay for a couple shave ices and oversized t-shirts, but even that’s no good. Danno explains that he was friends with the cop that got roasted, and Goomba asks them how they feel about modern art.

This, right here, is what I hate about “art.” It’s taking all my willpower not to go off on a rant for the rest of the recap about art. We’ll see if that works.

They see some people coming and going from a back room and decide that they should probably get back there, and need to find a way to do such without arousing suspicion. Thus, they have Boomer steal some card from an unsuspecting hippy

Exhibit A

and she passes it off to McG. McG and Danno present it to some blonde chick, who takes them into a back room with some guy taking photos of very scantily clad ladies, and when he sees the two of them he shoos the women away so he can talk business. This guy is pale and sweaty and if sniffling a lot. Classic. He’s all like…

I didn’t hurt my arm…I hurt my nose…hey, you wanna step into my office and do some blow?

Ok, so he doesn’t actually say any of that, but since I can’t think of cocaine without thinking of Eastbound and Down, I had to throw that in there. He asks if this is the first piece of art they’re purchasing from him…classic cover…and Danno says yes, if by “piece” he means “key.” As in Kilo. I’m not sure how you spell that out…

It’s funny, and reminding me of the scene in Half-Baked where Dave Chappelle and Jim Brewer are trying to get Samson to actually say the name of the drugs out loud so they can get it on tape…except these guys aren’t actually getting anything on tape, so it’s a bit on the pointless side. McG then tells Captain Sweaty that he’d rather pay Ochoa directly, at which point the guy gets all scared and tells them to leave, and runs over to his desk and pushes the panic button. A couple thugs come in and McG and Danno take care of them, and Jin and Boomer come in behind with a couple more at gunpoint. Capt Sweaty doesn’t wanna talk, so Danno takes him for a drive…

Amazing what some bungee cords and a few feet of rope can do, isn’t it?

The whole time they’re flying through the streets, McG is telling Danno that this is way worse than anything he’s done for information, and that next time he wants to employ a creative method to get info out of a suspect he gets a free pass…

Despite the little argument, though, McG seems to be enjoying this…

They finally come to a halt at the top of a parking garage, and the guy suddenly likes spilling the beans. He tells them that Ochoa has a shipment coming in the next night, and that he’s able to get past the cops because he has a guy on the inside that keeps him one step ahead. Well, that’s a no-brainer. And since there’s a delivery scheduled soon, I guess it’s pretty unlikely that the mole is Meka.

Back at H50 HQ, though, McG seems to feel differently about that. Meka’s internet history revealed that he was monitoring wire transfers to an account in Singapore, and McG seems to think that it was Meka’s own money he was watching, and that he was going to Singapore to take the money and run. Danno doesn’t like this, and storms out.

Jin catches up with Danno, who’s having a beer to calm down. They have a little heart-to-heart about how shitty this all is, and how crappy IA is and how they can ruin perfectly good cops, and it’s all touching and sweet and in the end Danno realizes that McG was right about something, and it’s time he paid that human trafficker punk a visit…

Another successful “Brews for Bros” therapy session.

So Danno goes to the jail to talk to the trafficker, who gets all “you can’t do shit to me, because I’m already in here.” Eventually Danno wears him down with appeals to his minuscule heart, and they come to a deal, which is not revealed yet. Nor is it revealed what the guy told him, but Danno comes out to find McG waiting for him and gets mad about it again. But it’s ok, because they hug it out and everyone’s happy yet again. Yay!

Back in H50 HQ, the cop that met up with them at the shrimp bus earlier in the episode is back, and has offered his assistance. I wonder if this guy may be the real mole? I won’t lie, I’ve been leaning towards the IA officer the entire time, and I still am, but I find it weird that this guy who none of them knows got brought in to help out on the investigation of a dirty cop.

They plan to stand back and let the exchange happen, and go in and actually do some by-the-books police work to arrest Ochoa and his gang, but just before they leave the IA officer comes busting in demanding to be involved. Ha! So I may be right yet!!

Out in the coffee fields, where apparently the coke purchase is being made, Capt Sweaty is still sweating. Ochoa calls him out on it, and comments on his new bodyguards. Ochoa doesn’t like meeting new people, it seems. I guess he won’t be joining any kickball leagues anytime soon…too bad.

Anyways, Capt Sweaty finally breaks under the pressure and just turns and runs, and our IA friend jumps out from behind a dumpster shouting “HPD FREEZE!!!”

That doesn’t work so well…

There’s a nice little firefight and we’re all wondering whether or not IA dude started this just so every one of the bad guys will die and there won’t be anyone to rat him out. Amidst the chaos, Ochoa takes off running through the fields and Shrimp-bus takes off after him, and the gang takes care of the rest of his henchmen. Just then there are a couple of gunshots!!!

Guess he knows what “double-tap” means.

Danno gets pretty pissed about the fact that Ochoa is dead, because now who’s going to clear Meka’s name? Shrimp-bus tells them that Ochoa pulled his gun and he had no choice but to shoot him.

Back at H50 HQ, McG comes in to tell Danno that the case isn’t closed yet, and they’ve got his back, and then busts out the ME’s report. It turns out that Ochoa was killed at practically point-blank range…execution style…close enough to leave muzzle burns on his chest. Welp, guess I was wrong about the IA guy.

Shrimp-bus is sitting at his desk recapping the fantastic story of how Ochoa had him dead-to-rights, but he got lucky and got the shot off first, and just then Danno and McG walk up and pull a total Scooby-Doo style “this is how we figured out that you’re the bad guy.” Boomer and Jin escort the human trafficker in, and the guy Shrimp-bus as the mole! And Danno goes nuts and punches the guy’s face in!!

Now your face is busted just like you, bitch!!!

Danno takes this human trafficker guy by the park to watch his kid swinging on the swing. He offers him time to chat with his family if he wants, but he says no…that he’s caused them enough pain. Aw…

It turns out that in light of the recent discoveries, Meka gets the memorial service that he was due, and all the cops have apparently forgotten that they mistakenly thought he was a mole. Danno chats up Sierra a little bit, then gives her kid an HPD badge – presumably his dad’s. The rest of the crew shows up for a little heartfelt moment, and we fade to black.

So, apparently while this is a very episodic show, they’re going to be bringing things back in from previous episodes every now and again, or so it seems. Here’s hoping that the return of the human trafficker means that there’s a very real chance that Spike comes back at some point in the future. Don’t spoil it for me if you know the answer, I want to keep on hoping…

Also, reports are that Alex O’Loughlin was feeling fat this week, and exercised a clause in his contract that keeps him from having to take his shirt off if he doesn’t want to. Sorry…