Hawaii Five-O: Prison Break!!

This week on Hawaii Five-O, Danno broke his knee, McG has a sister, Jin relived his days on Lost, and Boomer…well, didn’t do much. Which we’re coming to expect.

This start out this week with a prison break. Much like the TV series, this one didn’t just end when the guy broke out, either…but I’m getting ahead of myself. A con has a prison guard by the throat, and gets into the control room. He proceeds to shoot the old guard, and makes a puppet out of the younger one by taping a gun in his hand and a broken broom handle to his arm. He sends the younger guard out the front door dressed in prison garb, where he’s gunned down by the police who arrived on the scene to thwart the escape. Somehow the con, Dawkins, manages to walk out the door, steal a car, and drive away. Is it just me or does anyone else think it’s crazy that in a prison break scenario a car probably wouldn’t be allowed to just drive away…but yet he does?

This is almost exactly my first car…and believe me, it is not the car you want to choose for a getaway…

Following the intro, we see McG at the airport…waiting around the baggage carrousel – everyone else gets their bags, and poor McG is standing there alone. An airport security guy approaches him, and it turns out that he was waiting for his sister, not a bag. His sister, being the rebel that she apparently is, disabled the smoke detector in the airplane bathroom, which is a federal offense.

What is it with the straight-edge cops on TV always having crazy siblings?

Anyways, he goes in and gets her released somehow…I’m not really sure how this work, but drawing on my fading high school knowledge, if something is a Federal offense, you’d have to be a little better than being on the governor’s task force to get the charges dropped, right? Well, who knows…

Little sis somehow manages to turn the tables on McG, though. One second she’s apologizing for being stupid, the next she’s berating him for not doing the things normal families do…like have a picnic. Wait, what normal families these days have picnics? I mean, baseball games, sure…but picnics?

Danno is in the hospital getting his knee checked out. Turns out all the hustle and bustle of the last few weeks has managed to partially tear his ACL. He’s all like “What do you recommend, Doc?”

“I recommend you stop being such a pussy. It’s ONE knee! You have TWO of them!!!”

McG calls Danno, and they meet up at prison, where everyone is learning that some asshole named Dawkins killed a couple of guards and gtfo’d. Danno and McG have another of their lovely little back-and-forths, and Danno asks McG why his has aneurism face. LOL…this may not be the most quotable show ever, but I swear I’m going to find a way to work that one into conversation…

Exhibit A – Aneurism Face

McG ropes an officer into taking his sister back to the Five-O HQ and basically puts him on babysitting duty. Anyways, our pal Dawkins apparently has quite a rap sheet, but until today has been a model prisoner. Today, however, he’s been anything but exemplary. It seems that today, he managed to poison a fellow prisoner with nutmeg, which I’d think is pretty tough to do considering the doses required and the fact that nutmeg isn’t the easiest thing to hide in someone’s food/drink…

McG notices that the guard who came to assist with the poisoned inmate didn’t have the safety strap fastened on his holster, and Danno points out that he shouldn’t have even had a firearm on the floor…so they confront the guard, who tells them that Dawkins offered him $50k to help him escape. It turns out that he had to be out today or he would miss his payday.

Anyways, after that, McG and Danno head over to the blacktop to question Dawkin’s cell neighbor…some dude named Skeet. Skeet is played by D.L. Hughley. The dude has not aged overly well. It made me feel a little bad, because at first I thought it was him, then I was just like “oh, no, it’s just some black dude that looks like him, and my racist white eyes can’t tell the difference.” But then it IS him, so I’m vindicated!!

Aw, skeet skeet skeet…

DL challenges McG to a game of basketball in exchange for info. McG is getting beat like a 12 year old girl who went over on her cell phone minutes, and Danno pulls him aside and tells him to play rough. Apparently that’s all the motivation he needs, before we know it McG is stroking the twine and D.L. is flopping like a European soccer player. McG wins and they get the info they need. Apparently Dawkins learned he needed to bust out asap after watching a game show…

I guess I’d try to break out if I had to watch this shit every day, too…

So our boys theorize that Dawkins broke out of jail to rob the lady who just won the vacation, and Danno, being relegated to desk duty, starts making phone calls.

Jin and Boomer, who’ve been kinda quite to this point, catch up with the stolen Volvo at a park by the beach. When they find the car to be empty, Jin decides that Dawkins is probably trying to alter his appearance. He goes into the men’s room, but Boomer lags behind…she doesn’t think she should be going into the men’s room, it seems. Jin tells her that’s the beauty of carrying a badge – she gets to go anywhere…

All those hours of training are really paying off right now!!!

Jin finds mayo and lemonade in the trash and somehow knows that it’s a prison trick for dying your hair blonde. I’m not sure I want to know why prisoners would want to dye their hair blonde, nor how long it takes for that blonde hair to turn green. ICK.

They walk back out of the bathroom and see a homeless guy talking on a cell phone with a security officer shirt on. They realize it’s very close to where the couple who won the Hawaii vacation is staying, and everyone heads out.

The couple walks into their room and immediately start making out, and this is quickly turning into a Cialis moment, and Craig seems grateful he can be ready at the drop of a skirt. Unfortunately, they didn’t take the time to check the hotel room for monsters or other unsavory types, and Dawkins comes out of the closet with a gun!!

McG, Boomer, and Jin run into the hotel room, and find the lady on the floor with a gunshot wound. Jin calls an ambulance and McG administers CPR. The ambulance delivers her to the hospital, and McG promises her that they’ll find Craig.

This seems a bit excessive…

Back in H50 headquarters, Jin tells the team that he was able to figure out who Dawkins has called thus far. He called his girlfriend and some small time criminal. He sends Boomer off to check on the crook, and Danno reminds him that his sister has just been sitting in his office for like five hours…

Personally this looks more like aneurism face…

McG and sis have a little heart-to-heart about their dad, and then the big Samoan guy that made McG and Danno buy really expensive t-shirts in exchange for info shows up, and it turns out that McG has asked him over to baby-sit his little sister…

Boomer calls and was able to track down the ex-con, who just so happens to run a little fake ID ring, and McG and Danno show up at the restaurant where Dawkins’ girlfriend works.

She’s pretty unhelpful, but tells McG and Danno that Dawkins asked her to check with her friend who conveniently works at the hotel where the couple was staying to find out when they’d be in town, and then took her car. Danno gets Boomer to track the car.

Jin comes riding up on his motorcycle looking as masculine as ever, and pulls out some files. It turns out that Craig used to be Paul, and was involved in a bank robbery with Dawkins, after which he got shot. Suddenly it all makes sense!! Boomer tells them that the car just parked outside a bank, and everyone skidaddles!

Craig and Dawkins sit in the car reminiscing about the good old days, and we learn that Craig moved the money that they stole into a different bank account, figuring that Dawkins would stab him in the back. Close enough, as it turns out Dawkins was the one who shot him. He tells Craig to go into the bank and get him his money!

What I want to know is…why go through the trouble of putting mayonnaise in your hair if you’re just going to cover it up with a hat?!?!

Five-O shows up at the bank, and Dawkins panics and shoots Craig…AGAIN!!!! He clears everyone out of the bank, and gets the manager to show him the back door. She comes running back in and tells them that he took her car!

Dawkins is running towards the airport, when he sees cops blocking the way. He pulls a u-turn and heads back, into a tunnel. Boomer can no longer track him! Things look bad!!  McG makes a booty call to a rather cute friend on board the USS Enterprise. He asks her to use a military recon satellite to track a black Mercedes.

Fun fact: The USS Enterprise is a real ship…and was actually commissioned before the Startrek Starship of the same name.

Somehow, regardless of the vagueness of the description, she manages to find the right black Mercedes and sends him the coordinates. McG promises her he’ll pick up the tab next time she’s around on leave. Jin can’t believe he got her to break the rules and somehow spun it into a date…

Dawkins apparently just arrived at a helicopter tour place, and decides to hijack a chopper. He makes a rookie move, though, as he hijacks a chopper that’s just landing, and then doesn’t let the family of 3 out of the back!! How far does he think he’s going to get?!?

Jin has a buddy with a chopper, too, and thankfully he picked Enterprise, b/c they’ll pick you up. McG takes the wheel, much to Jin’s chagrin, and off they go.

As I pointed out, an extra three passengers plus choosing a chopper that’s not full on fuel to begin with generally ends in tears…

Unless I’m mistaken, he just crashed on the Lostie’s golf course…

McG and Jin land and find the pilot dead, and the family and Dawkins gone. Lucky for the family, though, Jin knows this island like the back of his hand after having spent so much time her. McG and Jin track Dawkins through the luscious Hawaii rainforest.

I mean, seriously, tell me you aren’t just waiting for Smokey…

McG and Jin catch up to the group, but McG can’t get a clear shot. So instead of continuing to stealthily follow from behind until a shot opens up, McG just shouts “Dawkins!!!” As crazy as the move seems, it works, as Dawkins abandons his hostages, who are cowering in fear at the sound of gunshots. McG makes a one-in-a-million shot through the foliage and…

Well, at least he died in his boots…

Back at the hospital, Dana is waking up. McG tells her all about Craig’s past, and she asks to see him. They have a super sweet reunion, despite the fact that he lied the whole time about being a criminal.

Back at H50 headquarters, it appears that Jabba the Hut has lost lil sis, because she confused him with her jedi mind tricks. McG knows where she went, and shows up with lunch. They have the picnic she’s been wanting all these years…in the cemetary! Weird!!!