Hellcats: Cry Me a River

Sectionals are in two days but Savannah is packing early. Needless to say, people are freaked out. I mean, what kind of person packs two days in advance?! It’s crazy, she’s crazy! Anywho, as you might have guessed, Savy is losing her shit because she got dumped by Dan and doesn’t know how to handle it. She hasn’t told Marti yet, but when she does Marti starts feeling guilty since she made out with him the week before and that’s when shit hit the fan. But naturally she keeps those little details to herself.

Sad face

Marti finds Dan and yells at him for dumping Savy. Dan gets pissed and calls out Marti for being self centered, which she kind of is but you can’t blame her. This is a fucked up situation. Dan begins to confess his love for Marti yet again and she says no once again and just wants to be friends. Dan gives her an ultimatum, be with him or they’re nothing. When he doesn’t get the answer he wants, he storms off. Now who’s being selfish?

Marti goes to Mama for advice. Yeah, I don’t know why either, but what are you gonna do? Mama is totes on Dan’s side and wants to see them together. She uses a lot of “big brain” vs “little brain” analogies that are lost on me but Marti seems to understand.

The Cats are practicing again, getting ready for sectionals but Lewis thinks Marti is distant. And that’s because she is Lewis, very distant. She won’t tell him what’s wrong and then he says she talks a lot in her sleep. Hmm, wonder what secrets slipped in the night? Before he can tell her, Coach and Bill Marsh come in with envelopes and tell the girls to get ready for the booster club meeting where they will give them football tickets. Marti feels degraded and exploited since only the girls have to do it. I say if you do flips in a skirt and sports bra, you should get over yourself.

As it turns out, one of the locations for the booster shit is the furniture store from a couple episodes ago. Marti still thinks the owner took her and Morgan’s laptops and she is going to do some Sherlock Holmes shit when the cheerleaders hit the store. Morgan thinks it’s funny and will fail for some odd reason.

Apparently, Jake is an amazing football player because the NFL ranked him or something for the draft and Jake is obviously excited. Alice on the other hand, doesn’t seem too thrilled about the idea.

“There’s not enough ‘Alice’ in this plan, Jakey Poo.”

The Cats are all at the furniture store giving out the tickets and the old men are falling over themselves. Marti promises Alice and Afro Girl that she’ll wash their clothes for two weeks if they keep the owner busy so she can sneak into his office. They agree, and Marti dips out to get her sleuth on.  With the old men distracted by tits and ass, Marti goes through all of his things until she finally finds Morgan’s laptop. It has his name on it. He is a loser. But once she gets it the owner heads for his office. Alice actually goes to stop him so that Marti can escape and then they all run off with the laptop in tow.

The CW gets in a real cheap shot. For shame.

The only thing that the man looked at on Morgan’s computer is the files on Travis’ case. Um, why doesn’t Morgan have a password? Your name on the top of your laptop isn’t gonna keep people from using your stuff homeboy. Use your head.

Jake goes to see Bill Marsh about the draft. He really wants to entertain the idea about going to the NFL early, but Bill doesn’t want him too. He claims that Lancer needs him and he does too, but Jake still wants to declare for the draft. Mr. Marsh pulls out a DVD and calls it a “souvenir of our adventure together”. Sooo, it’s a homemade sex tape with Bill Marsh and Jake? Ew. Jake is almost in tears at the sight of this video, so I’m just going to assume I’m right. Well, I guess he could’ve killed someone, but that’s the obvious choice.

Savannah is leaving Dan messages, apologizing for slapping him when he dumped her. Marti asks her if she wants to talk. You better work on that karma girl. Marti draws a smiley face on Savy’s arm and insists they go to some barbeque and forget about their troubles. Savy finally agrees to go out. This should be fun.

At this particular BBQ, there’s country music. Lots of country music that starts around 20 minutes into the episodes and pretty much goes on until the episode ends. Someone shoot me, please. The Cats show up looking really cute in their cowgirl getups. Think Jessica Simpson when she butchered covered that boots are made for walking song.

Yee haw!

There’s a kind of cute MC yelling about how all the meats free and Alice wants to dance. Homegirl looks hella hot, as per usual. Savy starts asking question about Dan again and Marti tries to throw her off the scent and tells Savy to have let loose and have fun. She smiles and agrees, then Mama shows up. God, she is really annoying at times like these. Go. Home. Now!

The Cyclones are at the BBQ too and Savy tells her pregnant sister to get the fuck home! Not exactly in those words, but that’s pretty much what she said. Charlotte still hasn’t told her mom about her pregnancy and Savy keeps pushing her to do so. Don’t know how wise that would be. There’s a dance competition and the winner gets $500. Damn, for that kind of money I’d get down like Beyonce.

So the MC decides that the Hellcats and the Cyclones should have a big dance off. Well, in the world of Hellcats, that means a cheer off. Neither team really dances, but they do a whole bunch of cheerleading routines and pyramids. Btw, slutty cowgirl really works for Savannah.

Girl you better work!

Savannah ends up winning the competition. I don’t know what they actually based that win on since everyone was dancing at the same time, but I’ll go with it. The cute MC asks Savy if he can buy her a drink but she declines. Savy ends up giving her money to Marti so that she can get a new laptop. But we all know that the money only serves to make Marti feel even worse about herself. Marti then insists that Savy give the corny MC a chance and she runs off for that drink.

The country music is still in full swing and little Miss Christian is getting extra sloppy. Marti is keeping an eye on her until Lewis shows up and they hit the dance floor. Afro Girl says she’ll watch Savy, but she says in that “I’m not really going to watch her” kind of way.

The Cyclones own version of Alice, Kathy, finds Alice and tells her she has a way to get her to the top of the Hellcats. She gives her a piece of paper with a web address and tells Alice to go to it. Alice throws the paper away and says that she is loyal to Savy and her team. Shocking! When she’s walking off, she pulls the paper out and reads it. So she didn’t throw it away? I love her.

Marti notices that Savy is gone and she freaks the freak out! No one saw her leave but Alice is sure she is having fun and forgetting about Dan. Marti yells for everyone to look for her.

Well she is definitely getting over Dan. In a pickup truck with the cute MC. They are doing some major spit swapping and Savy says it’s nice and then gets ready to leave. The MC doesn’t want her to go though, and wants her to stay with him so they can watch the sun rise together. Aw, that’s really sweat. Too bad when she says no, he tries to date rape her. Marti shows up with pepper spray and lets him have it though and they take off running.

Savy thanks Marti but then gets going about how no guy likes her because she is a prude. She starts crying about how much she liked Dan but he didn’t like her back because of the way she is. Marti tells Savy that it wasn’t her fault and that it wasn’t that Dan didn’t have feelings for her, but that he also had strong feelings for Marti. Savy wants to know what she’s talking about and right then, the whole squad shows up. Marti slowly reveals the truth to Savy, about her and Dan hooking up, and the whole squad is there to hear it. Marti should have just said that Dan told her he had feelings for her and moved on, but she took the moral high ground. I guess that’s admirable. Savy tells her to find a new place to sleep at Cheertown. Uh oh.

Okay, three quick scenes: Bill Marsh meets up with the furniture store guy (Interesting development) and tells him Marti got the laptop and knows he took it. Marti finds out Dan quit his job. Alice goes to the website and it’s the video of Savy taking her sister’s place and cheering with the Cyclones.

When the team piles on to the bus, no one will even look at Marti. She sits in the back and calls Dan, but he ignores her call. She leaves an extremely tragic voicemail but Dan doesn’t seem too interested. Looks like someone’s running out on Marti again. That’s a douche move.