Hellcats: Take a Dirrty Pictah

Cheesy opening dance numbers seem to be a recurring theme with Hellcats, and this week is no different. This week it’s a 60s theme! Marti is dancing with Lewis and Savy and Dan are dancing together. After a couple spins, Marti and Dan are in the center and start making out and then it changes to Lewis and Marti making out. It’s steamy as per usual and it’s a nightmare, literally. Marti wakes up breathing all heavy like she was being chased by that man who got hit by Jennifer Love Hewitt and her friends in that movie with the guy with the hook.

Where exactly is that guy right now?

In another, less interesting bed, Coach is waking up to Doc leaving. Don’t worry folks, he’s only on his way to work. Coach isn’t thrilled with his new hours because he is never home and she wants to work on their relationship. Funny how Red gave him this job, the job that keeps him away from Coach and is causing them to fight and putting a strain on their relationship. In other news…

What’s up Doc?

Alice is at a coffee stand looking like a hot caramel mocha and there is a line of guys behind her snickering. They keep on looking at her so of course she says the classic, “a picture might last longer” line. Oh Alice, if only you knew. When she gets to the Hellcats gym, Savy tells her that she has their full support. Alice is completely lost until Coach calls her in her office where there’s a naked picture of Miss Alice on her laptop screen. She sent the pictures to Jake and somehow they ended up in a whole bunch of campus emails. Coach tries to help but Alice has her walls up and shuts Coach out and heads off to find Jake.

Marti shows up to school in a rush because Morgan called her and said it was important. Well kids, Teach has found out what you’re up to. It’s a no brainer really and Teach lets them know that. You can’t use his name to scare people and run around town working on a case that his name is associated with and not think things won’t get back to him. Funny how these are law people, they should be all smart and stuff. Long story cut really short because it’s boring, Teach tells them to leave the case alone and kicks them off the project.

Alice and Lewis bum rush Jake’s room to beat the living shit out of him, but he has goons waiting. He claims his phone was stolen while he was showering. Lewis seems to think he knows how took it and they head off once again.

Marti is complaining to Dan, but he’s still lost in thoughts of making out with and almost having sex with Marti in the back of the Buick. Marti wants to move on but admits it’s hard to do but it’s what they have to do. Marti doesn’t want to ruin what Dan has with Savy cause she can see how much he really cares about her.

Coach spills hot coffee on herself and takes it out on the cup. Red shows up and offers to buy her another coffee and talk to her about her bad day. He tries to get some inside information about the fight Coach had with Doc but she’s not talking and makes him leave when they start getting too comfortable.

Jake, Alice and Lewis are like lions on a hunt looking for some guy named Damien who Lewis claims likes to steal people’s things and play tricks. When they find him, I laughed a little at his caveman features. It doesn’t take long for them to find Jake’s phone in his locker. He admits to doing it and is very proud of his actions and isn’t scared about getting in trouble since he’s a star player. He calls Alice a slut and then a bitch and that’s when Jake and Lewis jump on him. Before any punches are thrown, Red comes in and breaks it all up.

For some very odd reason, Savy is teaching Doc how to dance. Another, even odder, thing is that Dan is  taping the whole thing. Doc can’t dance and he keeps messing up. Coach shows up and Dan and Doc hide behind some stacked mats and have a heart to heart about love and relationships. Doc tells Dan to hold on to Savy because she is special. I love how in this show, special basically means virgin with a heart of gold.

Little Miss Law Student Marti has been recruited by Alice to help her take action against Damien for sending the pictures. The bad thing is, she isn’t underage so there’s no child porn or sexting laws and since the pictures came from Jake’s phone they can’t prove Damien sent them out. Alice is super pissed about it and says Marti isn’t doing her job and that the law system is screwed up because the innocent always lose. Didn’t make much sense to me because I’m actually kind of dumb, but it seems to hit Marti right smack on her heart.

After Alice says her part she storms out but my main gay Darwin follows her out. He tells her he feels bad for her but she threatens him after that so he gets to the point real quick. He lets her know that he has a secret about Damien that she could use to get her revenge. Well, the gay cheerleader has a secret about a douchey football player, not hard to figure out where this is going.

Sooo of course Marti defies Teach and continues to work on Travis’ case. She says she has to be careful though because if she gets caught she could get dropped from his class. Right when she says that, Teach busts in on her and Travis and yells at her. Travis doesn’t like this and ends up firing Teach. He basically tells him he doesn’t care and that now he is shit out of luck because Marti can’t actually help him since she is just a student.

After all that craziness, Marti decides to drop Teach’s class herself and shows up with the drop slip. He’s reluctant to sign because he still thinks Marti is good. She rips him a good one though and he changes his tune and signs the paper. Things get cheesy again and Marti tells him that she took his class because he used to care about his clients and he used his heart. He lets her know that he did that for 15 years and was only able to prove the innocence of two people and that kind of killed his boner. I’m thinking it would killed mine too. God, I would never go into law school.

I think Marti might be regretting it..

Alice tells Jake and Lewis that Damien is gay and that he hooked up with Darwin at a party. She is going to out him to get her revenge but surprisingly, both Lewis and Jake advise against it. She gets pissed again because she is Alice and doesn’t like when people don’t agree with her and decides to do it on her own.

Homegirl straight up sneaks into the locker rooms while the boys are showering and takes some kind of card out of Damien’s locker and runs off. Red sees her though, but she doesn’t know that. She uses the  card to get into Damien’s room and gets on his laptop and starts setting up a really small webcam. Red busts her and makes her leave. The go to Coach and Alice tells them she was going to film Damien with a guy and then send the video to everyone. Wow, that actually happened in real life and the kid killed himself. That’s ironic and depressing since I had to think about that again. Coach shares a story about a guy she knew in high school who was outed and also killed himself. Alice learns her lesson and Red decides there’s a better way to handle Damien.

The solution was actually kind of lame, but whatever. Darwin and Alice showed up while Damien was enjoying a nice dinner alone and told him that they knew secrets about him. Poor Darwin, I love him because this show needs a mo but his acting is horrible when he’s trying to be cool. Anywho, Alice says she’ll keep his secret if he does what she wants and she hands him a schedule for the next semester. It has classes about Women’s Studies on it and an art class where he is going to be the nude model. Haha, Darwin has already signed up for it.

Teach apologizes to Marti and says he also said sorry to Travis. He puts her and Morgan back on the project and wants her to continue with Travis’ case.

Savy takes Coach to some old opera house and then runs off and leaves her there. Doc shows up by a huge flight of stairs and says he’s going to rock Coach’s world. She is confused and I’m embarrassed for Doc. He starts dancing and all the Hellcats soon join him in a really elaborate and completely crazy dance number. It ends with Doc on one knee and two guys who have signs on their backs that read “I love you” and “Will you marry me?” Coach is thrilled though because she can see how much work went into and says yes! Yay! Now, either in this episode or the next she’ll make out with Red and get all confused.

I’d make out with Red after this.

There’s a huge party afterward and everyone is having a good time. Red shows up to congratulate Coach, but it’s obvious that he isn’t actually happy for her. She notices this too but chooses to ignore it.

Dan shows up at Cheertown knocking on Savy and Marti’s door. Marti’s gone but Savy answers the door and Dan looks pretty down. She asks him what’s wrong and he says that he fooled himself into thinking he could have a serious relationship and apologizes for leading her on for so long and says he needs space. Savy slaps his douchey face and yells for him to leave. Poor thing.

Back at the gym, Coach is in her office working and Red shows up looking really hot. He busts in her office and starts to kiss her! Told you! She barely pushes him off, you know, the way you would if the person kissing you is hot and you actually want them to keep kissing you. Things get real hot and heavy as they push everything off her desk and start getting busy. Then…she wakes up. Damn it to Hell. Whatever, this stuff is actually going to happen in real life and you all know it. Mark my words.

And yes, it was hot.