Hell’s Kitchen 13: Big Blimpin’

It’s down to four y’all!! Berry and I can’t believe it. It’s almost time to WATCH MASTER CHEF!!! Oh yeah, and this show (Hell’s Kitchen) is still on. For like a few more episodes. So let’s get this over with so we can make sure our DVR is set to record MASTER CHEF!!!!

The contestants are sent up to the dorms. G-Ram hollers a them that they all have a one in four chance. Benjamin looks like a looney tune with his new hair cut. The remaining discuss how they are glad Jason got the boot. Benjadork is being super confident and cocky, or as he calls it, “passionate.” He keeps saying things like, he’s the only one who can keep up with BlueJay. Is Jay really that good? I guess he’s better than Nilka. Oh man, remember Nilka!! LOL.

There he is. The heart throb of Hell’s KItchen Season 7. Basking in all of his sexy glory.

The next morning G-Ram skins a monk fish. Nothing like skinin’ a fish first thing in the morning! Yummy! He shows them exactly how he wants them to prepare it. BlueJay says that monk fish is super hard to cook and it is definitely NOT for beginners. That’s so cute because the challenge is that they have to teach a beginner how to cook it! Enter four douchey metro frat guys. BlueJay acts disappointed. He was hoping for strippers. “They’re good looking guys but not my type.” Sure they aren’t Jay. “They’ve got smooth pecs that I’d like to run my thumb ring across, but not my type.”

Sexi Holli thinks it’s really funny that her stock broker guy doesn’t know how to cook. And for real, these dudes don’t know how to cook at all. They don’t know how to turn on the grill, peel potatoes, hold a knife! I guess they don’t teach that at Phi Beta A-hole. Sexi Holli decides to flirt with her chach to get him learned. It sort of works, even though he keeps trying to grab her boobs with his monk fish hands.

Autumn is a natural teacher because she’s very verbal. At least that’s what she tells us while she goes into the pantry for a while and leaves her stu(pi)dent staring at a sizzling pan. Benjadork is annoyed because his brah asks too many questions. “What is a bean?” “Who invented cooking?” “Do you think G-Ram likes me?” “Can I eat a coriander?” “Can I eat a statue!?” Now they have to present their dishes to his Master Chefness. Autumn’s student has trouble remembering what they’ve just cooked.

“Cooked……………..phish?”

They all did pretty well considering their dudes were lame as rocks. Autumn’s wasn’t the best because the fish was cut weird. Benjadork’s peppers are undercooked. Holli’s dude is a little too cheeky and so Jay and his little notary-public-to-be win!!

“What can I say? I’m an overachiever, except when it comes to the bedroom.”

BlueJay is going on a super special reward trip and he is allowed to pick a partner so he picks……Sexi Holli. Benjadork seems to be moping but then he says that “he would have liked to go but he’s not gonna sleep with Jay.” Oh burn!! Good one Benjadork! That’s the first time we’ve liked you thus far. Keep that up and we won’t be completely and totally rooting against you.

Reveal a blimp. A goodyear blimp to be precise. Sexi Holli and BlueJay are goin’ a blimpin’! That’s why G-Ram had to keep it a surprise. If he’d have said anything about a blimp Jay would have thought he was talking about a Blimpie sandwich and freaked out!

Next question: “Who gets you up in a blimp?”
Answer: Sexi Holli. She’ll get you up anywhere.
Rimshot.

Back at HK, Benjadork and Autumn have to clean everything and fix everything. Ben REALLY likes telling people that they don’t have the level of passion that he has. In fact, that’s probably what he’s most passionate about. His perceived level of passion. And it’s high. Autumn says that Benjadork is starting to crack up and it’s hard to recover after you are going down in a downward spiral. They are both scrubbing the HK sign, JP enters just in time for him to point out the blimp flying overhead. The blimp marquee reads, “enjoy your punishment” and “we’re f***ing in a blimp” and “RAW RAW RAW!!!”

“What’s an OOD YEA?”

.

Sexi Holli and BlueJay return to two cold shoulders. Well duh! The losers always snub the winners! That’s how it always has been and always will be. Especially in prison. Berry knows that first hand. Ben goes off again with the passion comments.

“Did you guys hear those Mel Gibson tapes? Let’s try and beat his record!”

Tonight G-Ram is going to do something that he’s never ever done before in Hell’s Kitchen. They have to……..play to their strengths? They get to choose the station they want to work on. Jay thinks, “we are going to have the sickest service ever.”

G-Ram screams, “where’s the Belgian?” And the doors are open.

First order is in and there’s no energy! No one answers. No “YES CHEF!” Autumn wants her leadership qualities to show through. Just peek through, her top. Autumn takes Holli’s dory out too soon and didn’t admit to it. Not taking blame for a mistake= the 1st step to good leadership.

G-Ram starts screaming at Holli to look at him. He says her scallops are perfect. She says she’s never had a compliment yelled at her before. That’s proof that she hasn’t sealed the deal with BlueJay. He’d be screaming all sorts of compliments at her. Well actually more like “THANK YOU!!”

Things are starting to get nicely cooked. But then one piece of fish is undercooked and all hell breaks loose.

“I remember that raw fish like it was yesterday………..”

Benjadork laughs when G-Ram yells at Holli. It’s those little moments of being an asshole that let his personality shine through, his top. G-Ram continues to scream at Holli, “you might be down but you’re not out so get your head out of your ass.” Holli is confused because now she’s used to that tone being a compliment and that didn’t sound like a compliment!! BlueJay got ahead of himself, he put up potatoes that no one even ordered. Actually those potatoes were for me and Berry. And we do want them. We’re still waiting.

Ben knows he has to prove himself over last weeks travesty so he shuts down and quits talking. Benjamin thinks there’s not enough passion somewhere. Autumn starts to lose it, she isn’t paying attention so she can’t remember the order. She is so getting eliminated…..wait! Benjadork’s wellington fell apart. He used the wrong knife then it was raw! He’s so getting eliminated.

Secretly scarfing a Blimpie sandwich he keeps in his dish towel.

And now we see a weird close up of G-Ram. Seriously, what camera is this? The stubble cam? It looks like a shot from an episode of Planet Earth!

The G-Ram spots his prey.

The team finally starts communicating. FINALLY. It took 13 episodes but it happened. No food is being sent back. That’s never happened ever. Wow. Really? Well done everybody. Autumn is in tears for some reason. Benjadork didn’t know he was supposed to high five G-Ram. It was almost as awkward as when Seacrest tried to 5 the blind dude on Idol.

“When my hand touches your hand the transformation will be complete!”

Good news it was the best dinner service so far. The bad news is someone is going home. BlueJay did done good so he has to nominate two people. Autumn is his first choice. He can’t decide over bro or ho. He throws bro under the bus! Autumn and Benjadork are on the choppin’ block. Benjadork reminds everyone of his passion.

On the 8th day, God created passion.

Autumn is crying because someone told her that she doesn’t have passion. I wonder who said that to her. G-Ram calls Autumn up, the elimination music starts to play, “GET BACK IN LINE!!!” The music goes back to the suspense deciding music. The music totally faked us out!! Now it’s Benjadork’s turn to GET BACK IN LINE!! G-Ram the merciful! He said that none of them deserve to go home tonight. They all did a great job and they get to see their families! Or friend’s in Autumn’s case. We see her friends. Jay’s mom and stepdad Rick. Holli’s son and baby daddy. Benjadork’s wife and baby girl. His wife and kid are surprisingly kinda cute.

BlueJay asks his mom if she’s been watering his plants in his apartment that is in her basement. She has been and his stepdad Rick is not messing with his x-box, so everything is great! They have to say goodbye to their families. It’s bittersweet. The contestants miss their families but they are reminded of WHAT THEY ARE FIGHTING FOR!!

“You’d cry too if you knew who I was hooking up with.”

G-Ram confesses to us in private that next week he’ll be cutting two of them, but they don’t know! Oh I am so bad with secrets! I hope I don’t blurt it out sometime this week! Oh wait. I think I just did.