Hell’s Kitchen Minicap

20 Comments

1. 1
   LAC
   Posted June 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

   Looking forward to it, ya donkeys!!!!!

   For some of these “chefs” – really? There’s no room on “swamp people” or “jersey shore”?

2. 2
   crankyguy
   Posted June 5, 2012 at 1:20 pm

   I hate this show and hate myself for watching it anyway. Does that enormous white trash beast from the Memphis “hood” really have ANY chance at being a head chef at one of Ramsay’s restaurants. NO! So WTF is she even doing on this show? If this were really a serious competition, each contestant would be given some fresh scallops and made to shuck ‘em, portion ‘em, and sauté ‘em, and if they fuck it up, be kicked off and replaced BEFORE shooting even begins.

3. 3
   Laura Gill
   Posted June 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

   I wouldn’t even be able to boil water with Ramsay breathing over my shoulder, much less saute a perfect scallop.

4. 4
   featherhead
   Posted June 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

   Does anyone else think that 22 year old “Executive ” Chef works at Mickie Dee ‘s?

5. 5
   snowshoecat
   Posted June 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

   LauraG, I’m with you. I was wondering how they brought the dishes over for inspection. Mine would sound like Act One of “Stomp”.

6. 6
   crankyguy
   Posted June 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

   The problem with the 22-year-old executive chef and a whole lot of other “executive” chefs is that there is no licensing for cooks, so anybody (even me, if I wanted) can open a business and give themselves the title of Executive Chef. The title, in and of itself, means absolutely nothing.

7. 7
   Chicken Lips
   Posted June 5, 2012 at 5:37 pm

   I’m the Executive Chef of Suite 1D. Can I be on the show? I can’t clean or prepare scallops, either. Seems like I’m a shoo-in.

   And whiskey tango foxtrot – what’s with Jumbo Babe cackling about that not slim guy getting ready to die? Is she the one from the hood (or ghetto or whatever she said)? That broad is pure class-with-a-K.

8. 8
   snowshoecat
   Posted June 5, 2012 at 6:53 pm

   Hey Cranky! How about getting our own restaurant? I can even cook. I’ve done it since I was eleven and watched cooking programs on my lunch hour from school (we were very close).

   We could call it The CrankyCat Bistro. It’s all in the name, after all.

9. 9
   michkabibbles
   Posted June 5, 2012 at 6:56 pm

   a friend of mine had the theory that there are only 4 legitimate contestants brought on my ramsay, and the rest are cannon fodder for shit kicking. top chef this is not, but i still (guiltily) find this entertaining.

   what i don’t understand is why, even if you don’t really have a chance at winning, you wouldn’t practice scallops, beef wellington and risotto? its the same menu every season.

10. 10
    crankyguy
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    @snowshoecat, I worked a few years after high school as a line cook. It’s long hours, hot as hell, stressful, messy and greasy, and low pay. And everybody from the chef down loves to scream and yell and cuss at underlings just for sport. I’ve grown much too lazy to ever even think of working in a restaurant again. I occasionally have nightmares where I am back in a commercial kitchen.

11. 11
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    @michkabibbles, THANK YOU.
    I do not understand how these people show up year after year with no clue how to cook a scallop or beef wellington or freaking spaghetti. They cook the same thing every single year. If you know you’re going to be on Hell’s Kitchen, spend the weeks beforehand learning how to cook things like scallops, beef wellington, freaking spaghetti, chicken, and all those other HK faves.
    On top of that, I think your friend is right because I don’t understand how they can never complete a service and take an hour to make some damn Caesar salad. I refuse to believe that these people are real chefs.

    And I definitely do not see the extra large ginger winning this one. Gordo doesn’t even like fat people in general, plus she’s a woman, and I feel like he doesn’t really like those either as chefs. And objectively, I’m not sure how one would work in a restaurant at that size. You have to be on your feet all day, running back and forth, maneuvering around people, it’s hot….even for a normal-sized person, it can be tough, so to be triple the size of a normal person, it must be near impossible. Not to mention how much it’ll cost him to give her health insurance as an employee.

12. 12
    dee
    Posted June 5, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    Is everyone who works for this man very stoned?

    I am of the non-violent persuasion… choosing to use words over rapiers and all…but I would so pop a cap in Gordon Ramsay’s ass the moment he raised his voice in my direction.
    Fuck him and his highlighted hair. pop! pop! pop!

13. 13
    Chef Pants
    Posted June 6, 2012 at 3:31 am

    @crankyguy – I’ve “been there, done that, have a t-shirt to prove it” also. I lucked out and worked at a few good places and actually did learn. Thankfully I have an office job now and I enjoy my family.

    As for this show, everyone has to remember this is for entertainment only, and it has become more preposterous each season. I agree with michkabibbles friend that there is only a few legitimate candidates each season and the rest are cast for entertainment. I remember reading somewhere that a legitimate chef/cook tried out for the show and was told point blank they were overqualified and should try out for another cooking show.

14. 14
    snowshoecat
    Posted June 6, 2012 at 4:40 am

    Cranky, the only thing about working in a restaurant was the name, it is kinda catchy.

    It is amazing how many urban cops come up to the deep woods to run a bar after retirement. Some make it, but most give up after a year or so ’cause it is hard work.

    Nope. Never wanted that, and would never want to slave for the likes of chef cutiepiescreamaloy. Yikes.

15. 15
    snowshoecat
    Posted June 6, 2012 at 4:41 am

    Cutiepiescreamsalot.

16. 16
    S-Natch
    Posted June 6, 2012 at 5:43 am

    @snowshoe – I’ll go in with you guys on the restaurant. After all, EVERYONE knows that all you need for a successful restaurant are owners that love to eat and have helicopters. Duh!

17. 17
    snowshoecat
    Posted June 6, 2012 at 6:35 am

    S-Natch, Yup! Especially if you put it in an idyllic touristy area with a season that lasts about 3 1/2 months. If the winter weather is snowy enough for good snowmobiling, you could add a really lucrative two months– weekends only. The rest of the year depends upon beleaguered locals, mostly working at subsistence –cutting pulp (harvesting poplar trees and Jack pine used in the paper industry) or on welfare.

    Hey, I’m all for it! 12/7/365 sounds great.

18. 18
    vallegirl
    Posted June 6, 2012 at 8:06 am

    @dee – before Gordon Ramsay took over the world and was just a famous chef in the UK he appeared on a program called Faking It where they took a guy named Ed Devlin, who worked in a catering truck, and trained him for a month to “fake” being a chef then staged a cooking contest to see if he could pass.

    One of his tasks was to train with Gordon where Gordon delightedly shittalked the guy because he referred to finely slicing carrots as “julienning” but had such a thick accent it sounded like he was asking for someone named “Julian.” Then sneered at Ed to just call them “matchsticks.” He was pretty demeaning and vaguely hostile to him, even on that first day, despite knowing why Ed was there. In one of his interviews for the program Ed said, and I”m only mildly paraphrasing, that it would be awful to live in Gordon Ramsay’s head. It’s just so mean and cold.

    He’s had media training to lighten/soften up his image (but he’s on record as thinking women are inferior chefs to men) but I still remember Sweet Ed Devlin practically quivering from remembering working in his kitchen. (Although he eventually got into the swing of it and learned to work with Gordon…for a week.)

19. 19
    crankyguy
    Posted June 6, 2012 at 8:56 am

    @snowshoecat, do you mean I was assuming too much when I thought you had quit your job, scouted out a location, and reeled in investors for “our” restaurant? Oh, well. If you want to throw away an opportunity to rake in profits of literally hundreds of dollars a year (if you’re lucky) for a minimum of 80 hours of hard work per week, so be it. I’d go ahead and lock in the url for your name so you can at least sell it to whoever comes on here and steals it from you.

20. 20
    Annie
    Posted June 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    The checklist for Hell’s Kitchen contestants (ranked in order of importance):

    1. Cuss
    2. Smoke
    3. Sweat profusely
    4. Yell
    5. Drink
    6. Bitch and Complain
    7. Knowledge of cooking

    that said….I freakin love this show. One of my summer staples.