Hell’s Kitchen (Part 2) Recap: Nut So Good

As a prize, the blue team gets to spend a day at the races. Gordon even gives them $100 to gamble. He pulls the money from a wad of cash in his pocket. Why does he just have that much cash on him when taping the show? Could they have gotten more if they’d asked for it? You have to go for it, guys! The ladies, on the other hand, have a day of hard work ahead of them. They have to clean the paint off all the sheep, clean the kitchen, and prep for tonight’s dinner service.

The men arrive at Hollywood Park for the horse race. They decided to take their earlier win as an omen and they bet all $100 on the horse in blue…and it comes in dead last. Maybe they should take that as the omen. Clamenza has a wonderful moment of self awareness when he tells us that he would have run faster than that horse had a piece of prosciutto been dangled in front of him. I love it when the people in this show make jokes for me. It makes my job so much easier!

Mean while, the red team gets to have lunch! It’s a lovely plate of lamb testicles. Christina just starts retching right away. Oh, come on! At least wait until you’ve tried it! Kimmie is very excited about the testicles. I have a feeling it’s not the first time she’s had many testicles placed in her mouth. Really, Kimmie, eating the most testicles may not be something you want to brag about on national television.

This brings new meaning to the phrase “sack lunch.” 

The testicles continue to divide the red team as they prep the kitchen. Christina makes an innocent (producer prompted) comment to Kimmie, thanking her for eating a lot of the lamb nuts. Kimmie says that Christina was fine, but she was “worried about the Barbie Dolls” (Danielle and Dana). Conveniently, this starts some more drama in the red team. I guess the producers figured that no one was fighting with Barbie this episode, so some new argument had to be thrown in.

OK, I get it. Not everyone likes everyone else. When you’ve got a group of people, it’s pretty natural for smaller groups to form. However, it seems pretty stupid to be talking about someone when they’re within a few feet of you! Seriously, if you have a problem with someone and want to gossip about them, it’s probably best to wait until they’re out of earshot…ESPECIALLY if you have to work with them. Granted, if everyone was professional and didn’t act like middle schooolers, I wouldn’t have much to recap. Carry on with the drama, ladies.

Danielle shows a shred of maturity by confronting Kimmie directly and asking why she’s so pissed off. That bit of maturity isn’t contagious, however. Kimmie just responds that she feels like giving Danielle an attitude today. Kimmie continues to brag about how many testicles she can eat. Seriously, that isn’t an accomplishment. Put that on your resume, Kimmie. Let’s see what happens. Ha! The announcer says that this testicle lunch has made everyone a little testy. Well played, announcer, well played.

And Hell’s Kitchen opens for dinner. The men hug it out while the women agree that they have to communicate with one another. 

Such a bromantic evening. 

The women get their first order: 3 risotto and one scallops. Danielle, despite standing closest to Gordon when he gave them this order, didn’t hear what he said and starts asking the others to repeat it. However, no one on her team tells her what the order is. Is she the only one who gets to hear things tonight? Surely someone else did and could repeat it for her! Just when I get done defending Danielle for a moment, she screws up by sending under cooked and unseasoned risotto to be served. 

On the blue team, Justin is on appetizers and Brian is on fish. First appetizer is brought to Gordon. The salmon is raw. While Brian recooks the fish, the ladies are still waiting on Danielle’s risotto. Robyn gets into another fight over timing. She asks Danielle how much time is left on the risotto so she can cook the calamari. Danielle doesn’t answer her despite her asking a few times. I hate Robyn. I hate Robyn a lot. However, I think she was in the right here. Now I hate Danielle because she made me side with Robyn. Oh! Danielle redeems herself when Robyn gets chastised for making them all wait for the garnish on the risotto. All is right in my universe again.

Brian finally makes fish correctly and the men are ready to start making entrees. Brian says that he’s letting the cod station know who’s boss. Oh, sweetie. I think the station already knows that isn’t true. In fact, we’re about to see that station make you its bitch. The cod he presents to be served is raw. This is another time that I have to stop and wonder how Brian has made it this far in life as a chef. I can cook just enough to survive (with the exception of being able to make a really AWESOME paella in the slow cooker). I would never call myself a chef or even a good cook. However, I know how to cook a cod fillet until it’s done. I’ve screwed up instant pudding, but I can still cook fish better than Brian.

Well, Brian doesn’t have to worry about raw cod again because he burns it on the second try. Not burning fish is even easier than leaving it raw. If it turns a nice black color, you’re doing it wrong. Don gives us the best analogy of the entire night when it comes to Brian’s fish cooking skills. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

To further illustrate Don’s point, Brian runs out of cod without completing a single order of it. I would be shitting my pants if I had to tell Gordon Ramsay that I had run out of cod because I couldn’t cook it properly. That alone should have been incentive enough for Brian to cook it correctly. Granted, what can you expect from a chef who’s bio lists “cereal with milk” as the first dish he mastered? The cod will be substituted with sea bass. Gordon calls in an order of three bass and two lamb. Brian responds with, “Coming right now, baby.” My eyes go wide when I hear this. Gordon is a man that I would probably address as nothing less than Your Royal Highness Master of All Cooking, Gordon Ramsay. I’m pretty sure it’s not appropriate to call him “baby” when you’re working for him. Gordon agrees with me and Brian is kicked out of the kitchen.

Roshni serves up the red team’s first entree of Beef Wellington. Is anyone surprised that it’s raw? I know that Beef Wellington takes a long time to prepare. However, I would imagine that once you’re at the point where you are actually cooking it, it doesn’t take much to figure out if the meat is raw or fully cooked.

On the blue team, “Justin has jumped on fish.” Because my brain is the part-time home of a 16-year-old boy, I giggle very hard at that comment. What makes it funnier is knowing that it probably wasn’t intentional. Hooray! Justin actually knows how to cook a piece of fish. I guess this puts him above shit on Don’s scale. Speaking of Don, he’s on the meat station. There is a conversation between he and Royce about the Wellington being cooked in the “fancy pan.” Can someone who knows more about cooking than I do please enlighten me a bit. Is a “fancy pan” an actual thing? Is this just a name that the two are using for the pan they need?

Guy proves that he is the king of confusing analogies. He tells the camera that Don is driving the entree car. If Guy were in the back seat, he’d wear 17 seat belts. I feel so much smarter after just hearing Guy speak. Gordon asks Royce who cooked the Wellington and Royce immediately points to Don and tries to get out of the line of fire. Fortunately, the Wellington is perfectly cooked.

Warning: Beef Wellington may cause whiplash.  

On the red team, Roshni tries again with the Wellington. She’s all over the place. She takes them out of the oven, she gives them to someone to take them up to be served, she asks for them back, and then puts them back in the oven again. Like Royce, I’m completely ignoring Robyn’s cocky interview about Roshni. I don’t think she has any room to talk about Roshni’s under cooked Wellington considering the morning’s challenge. Despite all the time spent in the oven, Roshni’s Wellington is still raw. She gets kicked out of the kitchen. Like in the first episode, she argues to be allowed to stay. Stop doing that, Roshni. There is no way that arguing with Gordon is a good idea.

Don’s headbanging was a bit premature as he cuts a raw New York strip steak. How is it possible to make perfect Beef Wellington and then screw up steak? I can’t wrap my mind around that one. Royce tries to warn Don that the steak needs to cook longer. Now I hate Don because he’s making me side with Royce. These chefs need to get it together for my sake! Don tries again with the steak. For the next five minutes, he tells everyone that the steak will be ready in one minute. Then he changes it to a minute and a half. Yesterday Don couldn’t spell, today he can’t count. Soon we’ll have to tell him when to breathe. Despite the time to perfect his steak, he’s overcooked it. This gets Don kicked out of the kitchen.

Don interviews that he’s pissed off to be kicked out of the kitchen. “I was trying my best, but no! That wasn’t good enough for him.” If your best includes raw steak followed by over cooked steak, then no, it’s not good enough. I wonder if the menu at Don’s restaurant says, “We’re sorry if the food you ordered isn’t what you wanted. Our chef is doing his best.” This is one of those situations where “trying” just doesn’t cut it.

Do you think this is a man that accepts “I tried my best”? 

Next, Robyn gets kicked out for having too much garlic on her garnish and Danielle is kicked out for serving cold sauce with the Wellington. Gordon orders two bass, and both Royce and Justin start cooking. They’re kicked out for not listening to each other and wasting food by cooking the same dish for the same table. Oddly enough, less than half the chefs left in the kitchen leads to more food leaving. Thankfully, dinner service is over. Both teams have to come up with two individuals they want to send home.

The men nominate Brian and Don. The women nominate Roshni and Danielle. This is the third time for Roshni to be up for elimination. She defends herself by saying the same thing she’s said twice before – she’s a fighter and she has passion. However, passion doesn’t cook Beef Wellington. Danielle says her only probably has been communication. That’s kind of important, Danielle. Don thinks his team wants him to step up. Gordon hits the nail on the head when he says, “They want you to step out.” Brian defends himself by saying he’s a machine. I have no idea how being robotic is a desirable quality in a chef. 

Ultimately, Don is the one leaving. Personally, I think that’s bullshit. First of all, Brian cooked one order of fish correctly and destroyed  every piece of cod in his team’s kitchen. Second, Roshni has been up for elimination three times. I can’t remember a time that she actually cooked something well by herself. All Don did was screw up one piece of steak. 

Gone too soon. 

Oh no! Gordon isn’t done yet! Danielle gets back in line. Brian is back in line. Roshni has to give Gordon her jacket…because it’s been exchanged for a blue one. With a supportive “fuck off,” Gordon sends the teams away.

So what do you think? Do you think Don should have been sent home? Also, I want to ask those of you who have worked in restaurants something. Is it common for chefs to screw up an entree so badly that the entire supply of something has to be thrown away? These guys really seem to be screwing up a lot. Do they just particularly suck?