There is some sort of bullshit going on this week in Hell’s Kitchen.
Smells like poo.
We begin where we left off last week. In the dining room, with Ramsay telling the chefs he is shutting down Hell’s Kitchen. Oh, and they’re all leaving the next morning. Robert is not happy.
Psych! They’re all going to visit the Borgata in Atlantic City. LAMEST. FAKEOUT. EVER. Ben’s eye nearly pop out of his head, he is so surprised.
Robert’s reaction is little different. He walks away from everyone else saying, “Fuck this, man. I can’t fucking handle this.” I think these stupid fakeouts are finally getting to him.
Ramsay tells him to get back with everyone else. Andrea has proceeded to start squealing. It hurts my ear drums. Robert tells us he almost fainted, and his eyes “teared up”. It’s called crying, Robert. Ben thinks it keeps getting more and more crazy, but he is ready.
Ready as he’ll ever be.
Ramsay wants them to get inspired and smell success. He also tells them to keep their eyes open because when they’re back, they’re back in Hell for the final push. I wish I could push them right off a cliff.
He tells them to piss off and pack. Everyone heads upstairs to the dorms, and Andrea is still squealing away. Someone please make it stop.
Robert thinks the trip is going to be pimp. Andrea went from feeling like she has no energy to feeling like she is on top of the world. And she’s squealing again. Jesus Christ, woman! Put a fucking sock in it already.
The next morning they load into the Hell’s Kitchen SUV to head out on their adventure. Danny is dressed to the nines in his camo cap and red plaid jacket. HAWT.
Wassa happenin, hot stuff?
The Borgata has sent its private jet for them to travel in style. Nice looking out for the environment Borgata. Ben tells us, “Here you are, on your way to the end of the tunnel, and the end of the tunnel has sent you its personal form of transportation.” This just in……Ben is an idiot.
There is much laughter and happiness aboard the jet. Robert talks about being a blue collar guy in the Hamptons. Can’t imagine that’s much fun. We see the lights of AC, and a sign that welcomes the finalists. They have arrived. This is what is waiting for them as they enter the hotel.
The Rockettes better watch out!
Robert makes his fiancÃ© the proudest women in America by saying, “I’ll have you, you, you and you.” What flair, what elegance. I never knew Robert was so debonair.
The guy greeting them is Michael Facenda, Director of Marketing for the Borgata. And he refers to the ladies as the Borgata Babes. Isn’t that lovely. Robert tells us he feels like a fat kid rolling up on a cake shop. Heh.
Andrea can appreciate the cute girls lined up, but what she really wants to know is where are the half naked men?
They’re hiding from you, Witchie Poo.
They all get their robes, and Michael tells them to go upstairs, order some food, and relax. They have a busy day tomorrow. Robert wants to hang out with the babes some more. Not going to happen.
Oh! C&A came to AC also! Ha! C&A in AC. Hee hee hee. Yes, I know, I’m stupid like that.
C&A: “After a good night’s sleep, the chefs are eager to see the resort that will become home to the winner’s very own restaurant.” Yeah, I’m sure that’ll happen.
So off on their tour they go. We are given exciting facts and tidbits such as the hotel capacity, how much retail space there is, and how many people go in and out of the Borgata each day. Jeopardy! Call me! I’m ready now that I have that information at my fingertips.
I will say this. The hotel is beautiful looking. Just when you think they might be done giving the marketing spiel, we get to the food court. Oh, sorry. Restaurant Row. Michael the Marketer tells us that the Borgata launched the culinary revolution in AC. Forbes (.com) has dubbed them the Foodie Hotel. Wow. What an honor.
Robert says it’s like a fine dining food court at one of the best malls ever. I hate to say it, but it sounds like I would actually like it there. Good food and shopping? Sounds like fun to me! Do they have a Disney Store?
Sadly, no one answers my question. But they do have a Wolfgang Puck restaurant, along with Bobby Flay’s place, and Michael Mina’s Sea Blue. Marketing Michael tells them that the winner’s restaurant will be close by one of these, and that they’re going to have to step it up.
Paula asks if the space has been allotted yet for the new restaurant. Yes it has. Let’s go take a look. Whoa. The space is huge.
I don’t think any of these people will be able to fill a restaurant of this size.
They are awed by the size of the place and their brains go into overload with the thinking and the planning. Ben, Danny and Paula do most of the talking to us, and you can see this becoming a reality for them. Too bad they’ll probably end up washing dishes in the new restaurant.
The editors circle back and forth between them, making it difficult to describe what they are all saying. So I’m going to transcribe parts of it instead.
Ben: “Right when the door opens, here is just…”
Danny: “A huge, empty room…”
Paula: “It’s a big slab of concrete right now, but um…”
Danny: “Holy Shit. This is where one of our restaurants could be, you know? Hopefully my restaurant.”
Danny asks Marketing Michael how many square feet, and he says it’s a lot. “More than you can use, I bet.” Danny’s planning out where the bar and kitchen could go, Ben is wondering what will the name of his restaurant be, what kind of food will he serve?
Robert is going to have a bar with a pink Cadillac coming out of the wall. Hasn’t someone done that before? Why do I have that in my head? Hmmm. Maybe it was in a movie or something, but I feel very sure that I have heard of that concept before.
Paula: “Seeing that space today was just….”
Ben: “It just, you know, it blew my mind.”
Paula: “That really smacks you in the face and goes ok, this is it…”
Danny: “My dream coming to a reality.”
Andrea seems to be speechless. She tells Marketing Mike it doesn’t happen very often, so he should go with it. I will definitely go with that. A case of laryngitis would help her. Well, it would help me tolerate her.
If you’d keep your mouth shut all the time we might get along better.
Robert tells us the Borgata is so awesome, you forget you’re in Jersey! They go off to taste some wines. Did you know that the Borgata offers over fourteen thousand bottles of wine to choose from? Add that to your Jeopardy! list. Alex is sure to ask about that.
It’s like a giant commercial for the Borgata. We see Paula and Andrea getting massages and manicures and pedicures. They all go in the pool. Robert thinks it’s dope.
Two of the Borgata Babes come over to take their drink order, and Robert tells them he’ll take the two of them in a blender. So…..you want to kill them Robert? What did they ever do to you?
You can tell these girls have to deal with this sort of crap a lot. They give him the laugh that all cocktail waitresses reserve for people like him. It goes something like this: hahahahahaha, you are so funny. (**Turn around…walk away…**) What An ASSHOLE.
And that fucker didn’t even tip me.
C&A: “Now that the chefs have experienced all that Borgata has to offer, Chef Ramsay has arranged for them to meet with some important associates.”
These important associates are none other than Nicholas Kurban (VP Food and Beverage) and Ron Ross (Borgata Executive Chef). I know! Try to remain calm. This may just be too much excitement for me to handle.
Ben is really excited about meeting the chef. He has decided he will be speaking for the whole group. I think I speak for all of us when I say “yippee”.
Ben tells Ron Ross that when they saw the space today, it was the first time that they all took a second to close their eyes and envision the dream. As Andrea asks a question about Human Resources, Robert gets up and leaves the table.
Any fleeting thoughts about rudeness that I may have had vanish immediately as C&A tells us that Robert has sought medical attention. He tells the paramedic, Colleen, that he is having chest pain. Oh no. That is not good. Please let this be agita.
Colleen asks him if he has any history of cardiac conditions. No. But he weighs four hundred pounds, Colleen!
Back in the dining room, Ben is asking if Robert is ok. No one knows what the deal is. But none of them get up to find out either. I mean, I know it’s an important dinner, but wouldn’t you at least get up to check on him?
Meanwhile, Colleen has taken Robert’s blood pressure, and it is elevated (160/100). Her suggestion is that he go down to the hospital. You can tell he really doesn’t want to go, but he makes the smart decision. They load him up onto a stretcher and into an ambulance, and off he goes.
Later Robert calls Ben from the hospital to tell him what’s going on. I can’t believe in all that time not one of them got up to see where he was. It’s not like this would have taken the thirty seconds it took to show on TV.
At this point the doctors can’t rule out anything, and Robert needs to stay in the hospital overnight. Ben tells him he’s doing the right thing. It’s always better to err on the side of caution with these kinds of things. He tells Robert to hang in there and feel better, and they hang up.
To be alone in the hospital and not know what’s going on? That sucks.
The other four fly back to Hell’s Kitchen without Robert. Ben says it sucks coming back without Robert. He makes a good point when he says no competition or prize is worth croaking for it. Danny asks if Ben thinks Robert is coming back. Ben says, “I hope he is, and don’t think he will be.” I hope he is too.
They assemble in the dining room, still not having any word on how Robert is doing. Ramsay says they all look relaxed, and asks if they enjoyed the Borgata. They did. “Sadly, you came back minus one individual.”
He says it’s clear they’re all deeply concerned, but he’s not going to tell them how Robert is doing. He’s going to let Robert tell them himself. They all cheer and clap as Robert comes into the dining room.
Ramsay says, “Ok, big boy, let me just say how pleased I am to see you.” He asks how Robert is feeling, and Robert tells him, “Not good.” Oh crap.
He has pericarditis, which he explains is a swelling of the sac around the heart. It can lead to heart disease. Everyone seems to see where this is heading, because they’re starting to tear up.
Ramsay asks if he’s coming back. He’s not. Ramsay thinks it’s a great shame that he can’t continue. Robert goes over to say his good-byes, and gives everyone hugs.
Ramsay tells him he has been a fantastic competitor, and that he had the potential to win this competition. “Never, ever, ever, forget that.” Robert hands over his jacket and leaves Hell’s Kitchen.
So I was sad about this. I think Ji going because of her injury was sad, but it was very early in the competition. To get this far and then have to leave for medical reasons must be heartbreaking. I honestly don’t think that Robert would have won it, but I’m sure you don’t want to go out that way.
As Robert leaves, we are shown a montage of Robert moments. I made my own:
We’ll miss you Robert! Take care of yourself!
Ok, back to business. Ramsay wants to see what they’re made of. Their next challenge is to create a signature dish. “The stunning dish that could be the highlight of your restaurant.”
Ben is very confident. He tells us that there is no doubt in his mind that his signature dish is going to be far above and beyond what is being done at the Borgata. It must be so hard to overcome that low self confidence he has. He tells us it’s going to be one for the text books.
Textbook case of DELUSION.
The person that wins this challenge will be safe from elimination. They have forty-five minutes.
As they run around prepping their dishes, Ben tells us that out of the four people left, three are real contenders. “Me, Paula and Danny, are three people that don’t fuck around in the kitchen.” And then Ramsay tells him to watch his shallots because they’re burning. Hee. I guess two out of three ain’t bad, Ben.
Ben tells Danny he needs some of his micro basil, and Danny says he needs it all. O. He’s just kidding. Ha. That was cute.
Just messing with you dude.
Andrea is refocused. She wants to create a dish that will make Chef Ramsay say, “Is this the same Andrea?” Danny just wants to win. He keeps coming close, and then juuuust losing. Paula is here to do what she knows how to do, and that’s cook. Well, thank goodness you’re on this show then and not Project Runway or American Idol.
Danny’s dish is up first. He has made pan seared sea scallops with a citrus basil champagne sauce. And a little bit of crystallized ginger on top.
Get your head out of my shot.
Ramsay says it doesn’t look like the most creative dish from a presentation standpoint, but it delivers in flavor. The scallops are cooked perfectly. Well done, Danny.
Next up is Andrea. She tells us that since she’s gotten there everyone thinks she is the next to go. What? I have been wishing that she be the next to go, but I think it wasn’t until all the other dead weight left that she’s been revealed as one of the weaker ones. Anyway, she’s ready to bury all of them. Whatever. Shut up.
Her dish is green tea crusted tuna served with black sesame rice cake and pear kimchee. Ben is unimpressed. “It was sushi rice with a piece of tuna wrapped in tea leaves. Are you serious? Come on, she didn’t even cook anything.”
Ramsay likes it. He wants a little bit of everything, and there is nothing there that is unwanted. Except HER. He also thinks it all goes very well together.
Paula’s up. She made a smoked salmon ceviche. “Unfortunately it cooked a little bit more than I would have liked when I was smoking it.” Ramsay doesn’t think it’s overcooked. It’s just seared. He thinks it’s definitely delicious, and the seasoning is perfect.
I think it looks gross.
Last up is Ben. Ben knows that his dish is one of the better ones in the group. Hopefully he can describe it in under three hours this time.
He has pan roasted tiger prawns, served over mango scented turnips, and basil crushed Yukon Gold potatoes. Ramsay thinks the dish is pretty, which Ben is not. Uh oh. We have a problem.
Ben has decided that for presentation he will include on the plate a tiger prawn tail. What an idiot. He should know that Ramsay hates that shit. Did he learn nothing from Andrea’s mistakes of the last two weeks?
Ramsay confirms with Ben that he cut the prawn, put the tail on the plate, but left the prawn off the plate. Sounds right, Chef. I think we may have a winner.
He tells them he has to be really careful about who wins this challenge as they will be safe. Ben. Definitely not safe. Danny, Andrea and Paula get a “well done.” As usual, Ramsay says it’s very difficult to pick a winner. They all want to win. And the winner is………Andrea!
W H A T
C R O C K
S H I T
! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?
I’m sure you can’t tell, but I am really fucking pissed about this. I know, I know, I need to work on expressing my emotions. This is un-fucking-believable. I think I’m going to puke.
Danny tells us he was pissed when Ramsay announced Andrea as the winner. Join the club, Danny! He thinks she was definitely the next to go. I wouldn’t say that (at this point). You never know what’s going to happen in service.
Time for a mid episode bitch/smoke session. Ben needs to vent. He starts off saying he’s upset that Robert had to leave, but there’s something else that’s really bothering him. Any guesses? That’s right. He is also pissed that Andrea got immunity. He thinks she was definitely next to go, and now he thinks he’s being looked at as the underdog. I think he knows that he’s in trouble against Paula and Danny.
At this point it seems apparent that unless Paula or Danny fuck up BIG TIME, Ben is probably going home. I’m okay with Ben going, but I really wish Andrea would get the boot. I’ve been sick of her for WEEKS.
Shit, at this point I’d take PrettyGirl back over her. Oh. Um…..wait. No I wouldn’t. I got a little crazy there for a minute. Sorry about that.
Pre-service pep talk time. Ramsay is excited. The crÃ¨me de la crÃ¨me will be cooking in the kitchen tonight. He wants Andrea to bust her ass to show him why she is in the final three. Uh, she’s there because you wanted to add DRAMA. Durrr.
JP, open Hell’s Kitchen.
First order comes in. They seem to be off to a good start. Danny’s pasta earns a “very nice.” And then……..Andrea happens. Andrea is on the fish station and her scallops get sent back for being raw.
Chef Ramsay notices her stove is on four instead of high. She says she doesn’t like cooking on high. He yells at her for slowing them down, and tells her to turn her fucking stove up. She tells us that cooking on the flattops is like cooking on a fucking volcano. I don’t care.
She brings her second attempt at the scallops up to the pass. They are like rubber. Ramsay is pissed.
She’s not the only one dying. Ramsay calls out an order, and Ben fails to answer with the requisite “Yes, Chef!” He also can’t tell Ramsay what was on the order. Paula’s ready to go with her meat, but Ben is not ready with the hot carrot puree. When he finally brings it up, it’s cold.
I wouldn’t serve cold carrot puree to a baby!
What is it with the garnish station? First Andrea had issues last week, now Ben. Is it cursed? Maybe PrettyGirl put some bad mojo on it before she left. Quick Ben! Burn some sage or something!
Ben heats up the carrot puree and brings it to the pass, telling Ramsay that the pan is hot. Yeah, it’s supposed to be hot. He stands there for a fraction of a second too long, and Ramsay starts yelling at him to leave it. Then he goes on to make fun of Ben. “I’m good, I’m good, I’m brilliant, I’m from Chicaaago.” Hahahaha. Ramsay tells Ben if he sends him one more cold veg, he’s fucking history.
Over to Paula on the meat station. She’s trying to wait a couple of minutes for Andrea. Ramsay doesn’t want to wait for Andrea. He wants her to go when her meat is ready. Paula tells us that a good team leader doesn’t let someone on their team go down so that they can look good.
And that is why I like Paula.
Ramsay yells at Andrea to speed up. He says it helps when your stove is turned up. Her response is to give him the finger. Not to his face of course. She may be a lot of things, but suicidal is not one of them.
Paula’s Wellingtons are beautifully cooked again. “Thank you, Chef.” Now if only Ben can redeem himself. Ramsay asks him what’s going. He doesn’t know. Ramsay repeats the order, and then notices that Ben has some lettuce sautÃ©ing, but in a saucepan.
Ramsay thinks Ben is cutting corners. “You’re slipping big time.” He goes on to tell Ben that he is full of shit. Every time he does something wrong he has an excuse. He is fed up with Ben’s fucking excuses.
You dirty pig!
He loves to call Ben that doesn’t he? With that, he kicks Ben out. Ben retreats to the bathroom, where he commences to bang his head against the wall. I don’t think that’s good for your brain. He is not giving up. He is going to pull it together.
He slaps some water on his face and gets back in there. Ramsay wants to know if he’s going to fuck him up again. Nope. He’s ready to fight. And then Ramsay tells him, “Then wake up, you donut.” Hah.
We’re not out of the woods yet. Out in the dining room, a lady is bitching that her salmon was not edible because it’s raw. JP brings it back to the kitchen, and Ramsay brings it over to Andrea, telling her to refire.
I’m surprised because he’s not yelling. Yet. Andrea is pissed off that her food is coming back.
Well then next time try COOKING it.
Ramsay asks her how long for the salmon, and she tells him she just flipped it. He wants a time. How long? Now he’s yelling at her to hurry. Ramsay says, “Now we can really fucking spot the weak ones.” Yeah, too bad you gave one of them immunity, Chef.
In contrast to Andrea, Paula is ready to go, and she is working well with Ben. Ramsay asks Ben what’s going, and this time he knows the answer. Sometimes it just takes a little concussion to get you on the right track again.
My head is throbbing. But I feel so alive!
Andrea needs to refire two pieces of Dory. Ramsay says if she can’t cook two Dory, she shouldn’t be here. I KNOW! Send her home. Please.
Chef Ramsay sends Danny over to help Andrea. “She is absolutely sinking. Where is your team spirit?” Danny is irritated that he has to babysit the person that has the get out of jail free card. No shit. I’d be irritated too.
She finally brings up the two Dory (and a salmon), and they’re raw. Fabulous. So glad she’s safe. He asks her if she’s playing a game. “You’re safe, so you sabotage everyone else.”
Ramsay now sends Paula over there. Now Andrea has burnt the tuna. Wow. I almost feel sorry for her. I’m lying.
F A I L
Last order is up and out. Stoves off. Ramsay says, “Best dinner service, my ass.” He is going to cut the bullshit and get straight to the point. It was an embarrassing service. “No teamwork, no motivation, no fight.”
He tells them to go upstairs and decide as a team which two people should be nominated for elimination. “Now, piss off.”
Upstairs, Ben says if Andrea didn’t have the safety card, she would definitely be going up. She has the nerve to ask why. Really, Andrea? You sucked. Ben tells her she didn’t have a good service, she went down. Danny agrees.
So their choices are limited to the remaining three. Obviously each of them are not going to put themselves up, even though Ben should. It seems that they are tied all around, with Andrea in the position to be the tiebreaker.
Down in the dining room, Ramsay asks Andrea for the first nominee, and why. It is Ben. He had the weakest performance. Ramsay asks Ben if he thinks his was the weakest performance. “Yes. Based on the possible nominations, Chef, I believe I was the weakest, although I felt Andrea struggled the most.”
Andrea, second nominee and why. Second nomination is Paula. Ramsay says, “Paula?”
“Yes, Chef.” “Why?” She has a lack of communication. WHAT? That doesn’t even make sense. She should have said, “I’m hoping you will boot her out so I have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning this thing.” Not that that will happen.
Paula and Ben. Step forward. Ramsay mutters, “This should be quick. Ben. Why should you stay in Hell’s Kitchen?”
I have never given up. I have always moved forward. I have constantly tried to better myself, every time I come into a challenge, every time I come into the kitchen, I, I….”
Paula, why should you stay in Hell’s Kitchen?
She starts to say she’s been a solid performer, and Ramsay cuts her off. He’s not even going to pretend there’s any chance he’s going to send her home, and he sends her back in line.
He calls Andrea forward. YES! Please revoke the safety you gave her and send her ass packing!!! Oh please oh please oh please.
He tells Andrea she cooked worse than Ben tonight. She couldn’t handle her station. He also tells her that the reason Ben was so bad is because she was even worse. She sunk him.
I just made a poopy.
“Andrea, right now, I need to tell you that you are…… (oooooo, yes…..please……)still safe.” FUCK! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
He says the reason she is still safe is that
the producers told him he can’t kick anyone else off this week he is a man of his word. Pleh.
Ben, do you have anything to say?
I think I’m going to cry.
He asks Ramsay to please not give up on him. Ramsay wants to wake up tomorrow morning with a clear conscience, and Ben’s performance tonight was not as bad as Andrea’s. Had she not been safe tonight, she would have gone.
I’d really like for you to stop saying that.
So Ben gets a last chance. No one is going home. Ramsay tells them that they are supposed to be the best of the best and tonight, it wasn’t even mediocre. He wants them to all think about being worthy.
Ben tells us that Andrea is flying on borrowed wings. Who’d she borrow them from? Tinkerbell? “Coming next service, Ramsay’s going to have an eyeball straight up her ass.” That is just nasty.
Andrea thinks her performance was embarrassing and shameful. She is frustrated because she has given so much of herself during this competition, and she wants to justify it in the end, by winning. She had better not fucking win. I will hurt someone.
Next week….Andrea is not going to run down her credentials. Probably because she doesn’t have any. Ramsay yells at both Paula and Danny, Andrea abuses a saucepan, and if you think you know who’s going home, “think again.” It had better be fucking Andrea.
My recap will be late next week because I am going on a little vacation. I’ll try not to make it too late. Hopefully we will be celebrating a certain booting. Fingers crossed!